June 8, 2021
"Graduating is very shocking. It seems so unreal, because I honestly never thought that I was gonna make it there."
"Well, I was born at five months, and my mom, she's...a druggie, you know. And she gave birth to me, she didn't even know that she was pregnant with me actually until they took her to the hospital, and I popped out. And then right then and there, CPS got involved cuz I was full of drugs, like, I was forming with methamphetamine and something else, it was really bad.
My mom and dad are my aunt and uncle, the people that took me in five days out of the hospital, they're the ones that raised me.They're the ones that put clothes on my back, that fed me, when I got a scrape, they're the ones that took care of me, they were the ones healing me.
Okay, so I'm graduating high school today. I got through it, I did it finally, to be graduating is very shocking. It seems so unreal, cuz I honestly never thought that I was gonna make it there. But now today's the day and today I'm gonna walk across that stage, and it's nerve wracking, my stomach's knotting, but I'll get through it, I always do."
"The environment that I was raised in was basically one home, three rooms. And it was about ten kids, So, it was just kids everywhere. So it was chaos. All my brothers and sisters were together, but they were always bullying me, I was always the one getting picked on so, even by my aunts and uncles. They would pick on me only me..."
"Because I was a crack child. And they even told me on my face that's the reason why, and then my brothers, and sisters, are mad at me because, they said, because I was born they had to go through the system.
So the reason that I came to this earth, was that's when the CPS stepped in, and that's when their whole life went down the drain. So technically they hate me for that. Just getting everything, that everybody told me, that I wasn't worth it and that I should have just died, and all that stuff. It really messed my head.
I actually thought that I was, can't say thought cuz I still kind of do, but it's more of being unwanted sucks, feeling like you're not in a place that you should be, more of like you're not supposed to be breathing.
It hurts, and then getting told that it's better if you just leave, so it was just more of, like, cry myself to sleep every night. I was always being nice to everybody and helping, and so when I'd help somebody it'd make me feel like I was wanted somewhere, so it was more of, it sucked.
I remember, I was in kindergarten or first grade, I was already planning on how I was going to kill myself because it was so. I never got any attention and it was like, and if I did, it was because I did something bad, or it was for me to do something. My mom would give me hugs here and there, but she can only do so much.
It was like, being in a room with everybody stabbing you, and one person trying to rip a knife out of you and trying to cut it and clean it, trying to sew you back up, once you hit it again it reopens, she can only do so much for me."
"The way I am, I know how it feels to be unwanted, put down. Just everything in general, so when I see someone that's upset, and I see that they're somehow feeling down, my hurt cures with just helping them. Just being able to help them and put a smile on their face somehow makes me feel better, about who I am and what I'm supposed to do. And I don't know, I just feel happy when I do it. I love helping people, I love making them smile, I love being able to not get their happiness, but get the joy of making them happy.
And I'm actually glad that I went through what I went through because now. I've helped a lot of people. I've actually helped a lot of people getting from suicide, because I knew exactly what to tell them. So, I don't care what anybody says, but I think I'm meant to be here now. I wanna be a crisis abuse counsellor. What does it take to become a counselor, what steps you have to, to be a counselor. I know you have to take counseling yourself. So they know you're okay to be helping people. So I'm working on that right now."
Up Next: Ester, Brookfield, WI
After living with drug-addicted parents, Ester finally found a safe home and a chance to heal.
"I say, Ester, look at all the stuff that you've one through and look at where you are now."