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Just now, my parents yelled at me so bad that I feel like seriously ending myself right now. What happened was that I had to go to school to do a research project, so I asked my mom when she got home from work to take me to school, and after much pleading I finally got her to let me go. Now here's the thing, I wanted to go to this football game after, but my mom said no for no reason at all, because I could take the bus and she wouldn't even have to drive me, but she still refused, so after finishing my research project I went anyway. I haven't gone out of the house or from my research lab at my school in the past 1 month-no movies, friends or anything. By now, I hardly have any friends cuz I've been working so much, and so I wanted to take this one Friday night to have some fun and hopefully have friends again eventually, so I went to the game. When I got home just now, my parents yelled at me for about half an hour saying that I'm a lying snake (my mom used the word snake 21 times, I counted) and how they are embarrassed to call me their son because there is no difference between me and a alcoholic drug addict.
I feel so alone too, since my two best friends have now recently been distanced from me since I work on hw and research over 10 hours a day plus school which is around 7 hours and a night class twice a week for 2 hours leaves me with little time for a social life, so I have basically no friends, no support from relatives or anything, so I'm basically alone and I don't know what to do.

My parents are viscious too. One time my mom ran over my shoes with her car on purpose, and so I wore my big sister's shoes (they were quite girly too) for about 2 weeks until my only remaining friend from USC came home and brought me these shoes. So anyway, my parents told me repeatedly that they hate me and when they said that they won't take me to school or anything anymore and I responded I can get a ride from a friend, they said they wanted me to so that I can get hit by the city bus that always passes by our house. They made me feel so miserable, like on the way to school today, when my mom tortured me the whole way saying how I'm a "worthless peice of trash" and any words that come out of my "lying ugly mouth" only contaminate the air around me.

I think maybe part of it stems from the fact that my parents don't feel sad when I feel sad, which is the basis of all human interaction: feeling for each other. So, when they see me working my butt off 18 hours on some days and giving up all my friends and everything I had once, they don't help at all and just do things like this to make me depressed and waste time. Plus, another thing recently that really pissed me off was that my mom told my orthodontist to take off my braces 1 year early because they're going to be changing retainers from being free to costing 100 dollars the first time, so to save money, I will now have crooked teeth for the rest of my life, and they really are very bad-they remind me of a dinosaur or something.

What can I do? I basically have nothing. My parents hate me, I have maybe one friend that I see once a month, and I'm about to crumble in school.

By Tigeruppercut (Tigeruppercut) on Saturday, October 02, 2004 - 02:10 am: Edit

hey,

it seems like you're case isn't just the overprotective parents like many kids here would probably have. sometimes some people get it harder in life. we don't know why. by doing all that work for yourself and being a member here (caring a lot of school and stuff) and meanwhile withstanding that crap your parents giev you, i have a lot of respect for you. for now, i think you should post this on the parents forum. you'd probably get some good advice there. but truely, the best advice i can give youis to keep your hopes up. this sounds like the most common helpless advice given by people but if you do it, it's the most worthwhile. if you can keep yourself happy in these situations, you're unbeatable. happiness is what you make of it sometimes, like in your head. what about the babies that don't even get a chance and barely survive in destitute nations? you're conditions aren't as worse man.

good luck

By Ndbisme5 (Ndbisme5) on Saturday, October 02, 2004 - 11:05 am: Edit

Buddy, ride it out and don't give up. A lot of people had to go through the same garbage you've gone through. If you are a senior just ride it out and go to college in the opposite side of the country. Your parents seem like macademia nut jobs to me and terrible parents. My advice, if fin aid isn't truly a problem, if you live in NYC, the answer is UCLA. If they are so abusive, it wouldn't be too uncalled for to tell you that you should cut them off. Seriously, you should only keep people around you that care about you and make your life positive.

By Special_Foreign (Special_Foreign) on Saturday, October 02, 2004 - 11:53 am: Edit

i really dont know what to say, but it seems that you are a senior right? it looks like you are pretty brainy and do you know if you have a great chance to get an full ride for college, cause it looks like you do? if you are able to get a full ride for college if i was you i would start doing more of what i felt like doing, and not asking permission of my parents. you wanna go to a football game just go and dont even ask or just say i'm going to a football game and leave. if they start yelling at you just tell them , not calmly cause it seems yu have tried to talk to them but it doesnt work, "what is your damn problem. you have a kid who works his butt off, i go to school, i do hours upon hours a day of research, i go to night classes. i dont do drugs(hopefully you dont), and you sit here calling me a snake and degrade me like i'm so inferior to you. i dont ask much from you just what a kid deserves from his parents but apparently you are too freaking lazy to provide me with such things. Dont worry i'll be gone come college and you wont have to deal with this 'monster' of a child. it wont be you whose getting rid of a bad kid cause there's no f-u-c-k-i-n-g thing wrong with me. it's you that has problems and it will be me getting rid of garbage instead of you getting rid of a good child."

well since i have never experienced such a thing i dont know if i would take my advice. the whole telling them off seems it would just spark more yelling from them. i would tell them off before going to college and end it with "i love you and all but it seems like you dont so call me when you come around. but just remember that it might be to late."

in the meantime just do what you wanna without asking them and if they start yelling at you just sit quietly without saying anything and then just go to your room. the more you'll say the more they'll yell.

again i'm not experience in this but just hang in there you have endured it this long just a bit longer. you seem like such a cool being. who knows your research might lead to something big.

one ther thing. you stated that you have a sister. do they behave like this to her? are you and her close?

By Paulus (Paulus) on Saturday, October 02, 2004 - 12:02 pm: Edit

get emancipated...

By Ml41588 (Ml41588) on Saturday, October 02, 2004 - 12:13 pm: Edit

dont worry, in the end things have a way of evening out. it will all be ok

By Hoo_29 (Hoo_29) on Saturday, October 02, 2004 - 12:16 pm: Edit

Only one more year!!!Ok, it sounds to me like ANY college for you would be fine as long as you are away from your parents. So, apply to 4 or 5 safeties(that you could be happy at) that you have a good shot at getting a full ride to. You are so close! Just hang in there! Maybe you should consider going to summer school or something away from your parents. My advice to you is to get the hell away from there. Your parents are degrading you for no reason, and are neglecting you. Please go to the opposite coast that your parents are on! Just get away from that because you are too good for them.

The college process is going to be a pain in the butt, but I could tell go some schools that would be happy to have you with rolling admissions if you want to apply today.

good luck, and just stay strong, because CC is rooting for you

By Smartgirl (Smartgirl) on Saturday, October 02, 2004 - 01:05 pm: Edit

My cousin experiences this situation like you, but it started when she was born. My cousin's parents keep telling her to work hard because they want her to go to a good college and make a good living. So this may relate to your situation; your parents may be VERY concerned about you and your future. So, talk to your parents and share your feelings with them. If this doesn't work, keep your hopes up and go to an out-of-state college.

By Tigeruppercut (Tigeruppercut) on Saturday, October 02, 2004 - 01:22 pm: Edit

uh smartgirl, it doesn't seem like that from his explanation...

By Rickyricardo (Rickyricardo) on Saturday, October 02, 2004 - 03:04 pm: Edit

I'm not a senior, I'm only a junior, and if I tell them off like that or anyhing they won't take me anywhere or anything I and live so far away from anywhere (including the nearest bus stop which is a mile and a half, which is the only bus that goes anywhere since there's a bus stop near my house that just goes to the mall and to the opposite side of town from where I need to usually be) that it isn't feasible to ride the bus everywhere. Plus, they would say everything that is mine is really theirs because they paid for it so they would make me do what they say. I don't know what to do.

I applied to the local university at the end of my sophomore year so I could do 2 or 3 college courses in addition to 5 at school, but they would't pay for classes so I just turned to research. And they won't let me get full ride to any college because they won't sign the papers. They want me to stay dependent even if it costs them $140,000.

By Hoo_29 (Hoo_29) on Saturday, October 02, 2004 - 03:19 pm: Edit

Ok, some colleges give the option of going a year early:advanced enrollment. If anything, forge the signatures or explain it to your GC. What state are you in? With a part-time job, you can afford to pay to go to your state U. And are you saying that your parents are actually willing to pay 140K?

By Curiouskatie (Curiouskatie) on Saturday, October 02, 2004 - 03:50 pm: Edit

try writing your parents a letter. choose the more sympathetic one and just write them a handwritten note explaining your situation and what they are doing to you. i know that when my mom is being completely unreasonable, she can usually calm down and think rationally when reading a note.

if you cannot get through to your parents by yourself, you need to get outside help. go to see your school counselors and tell them about your parents' abusive behavior. even if they are not physically hitting you, what they're doing seems to be just as hurtful. maybe hearing from someone else that they are doing a bad job as parents will help make them realize what they are doing to you.

i feel for you.

By Ndbisme5 (Ndbisme5) on Saturday, October 02, 2004 - 04:29 pm: Edit

Wow, your parents are really nut jobs. Everyone's parents are a bit too strict or too leniant, but yours are off the charts evil. I don't know where you go to school, but you gotta get this crap resolved now. If your HS guidance conselor doesn't consider his/her job a paycheck, I suggest seeking his/her help.

I don't want to one day abruptly stop reading rickyricardo messages on the CC boards. Seriously, I don't know how strong you are (I can withstand just about anything), but its better to solve this now and not be begging your parents for their signatures on December of your senior year. I don't know you personally, so I can't really tell if you "deserve" this, i.e. you're a worse kid than your parents are, but since you are pretty smart and on CC, chances are this is not the case. Even though it might seem hard to seek help, you should really consider doing so.

Also, during these years, start distancing yourself from your parents. From what you've said, you shouldn't be near them for prolonged periods of time. If you can get a job, maybe a bike (don't laugh /clipart{cheesy}), you wouldn't need to be so dependant on them or near them.

By Bluealien01 (Bluealien01) on Saturday, October 02, 2004 - 05:17 pm: Edit

Have you talked to your guidance counselor or a teacher about this? Do they treat your sister the same way? This is abuse and needs to be reported. Personally, I would not hesitate to call Social Services myself if I was in your situation or if I were a teacher/counselor/etc.

By Special_Foreign (Special_Foreign) on Saturday, October 02, 2004 - 06:18 pm: Edit

bluealien calling social security is not a great idea. why are they going to do to make the situation better? transfer him to a foster care which means he will probably get moved out of his school district which and then the next year or so move around which is going to screw up things schoolwise and emotional wise. things are not that easy to fix.

By Rickyricardo (Rickyricardo) on Saturday, October 02, 2004 - 10:49 pm: Edit

I know. My mom always basically taunts me with how there's nothing I can do since I have no money and if I go to the government to help no one will ever want to take care of me and I'll end up failing in life because that's what I'm destined to do. There's my friend from USC's 16th birthday party tonight, and my mom said I can't go since I didn't get above a 236 on my practice PSAT. What s***. The real reason is cuz my mom doesn't like her because she gave me shoes and still talks to me.

By Curiouskatie (Curiouskatie) on Sunday, October 03, 2004 - 12:10 am: Edit

so what are you going to do? did we help you? will you take our advice?

By Welshie (Welshie) on Sunday, October 03, 2004 - 03:43 am: Edit

Don't backlash. You really won't accomplish anything. I know this might not be what you are expecting to hear but do you think the reasearch might contribute to the problem? I mean, I know for me personally the times I become so academio-centric were the times I felt the worst. If anything, the seclusion you have put yourself in with the immense amounts of research has made the situation worse. I don't see you resolving issues with your parents. You might be thick-skinned but they are stubborn. Distance yourself from them and their abuse but don't provoke them any more by backlashing. When your life at home can not be described as enjoyable, you must find joy elsewhere. You (like most all of the folks here) are going through a period where your body is trying to mature and develop so hormonal imbalances provide an unsteady emotional ground. Find joy in our life-- if that be research, then research; if that be friends, then socialize at school. Seclusion doesn't solve too many problems. It didn't work for me, I can tell you that much. Find joy in your life, be the best son you can be (even if they don't deserve it) and improve your condition. You are no one's victim. You are the creator and the creation, so create.

By Rickyricardo (Rickyricardo) on Sunday, October 03, 2004 - 04:25 am: Edit

I actually did backlash sorta just now. I went to the party without my parents' permission. They knew I went--I didn't sneak out or anything--but they were mad and said if I went they would never do anything for me again and I said "Sure, like you do now," and left and when I got to the party I had a blast but now I'm back home and I tried coming in quietly but still woke up my parents so I just received about a truckload of crap. Oh well, what a fun night.

And me going into research just sorta happened. I didn't plan for it saying "ok I don't wanna go home so lets go do math and science," and I'm not doing it for college or anything, I'm just doing it cuz I like it. And plus, your experiments don't care if you have bad teeth or you're depressed, or if you have nasty parents. Anyway, my project is about to end, or rather, already has ended, so I don't know what I'm going to do after school nowadays. I'm thinking I might get a job as a sign holder for T-Mobile for four hours a day. $8 /hours sounds good. Plus, then I can pay maybe for counselling or something with all that money. I feel optimistic

By Kiwee (Kiwee) on Sunday, October 03, 2004 - 11:44 am: Edit

Hang in there, hun. I'm not going to say I understand because there's no way that I could, but I do know that that is awful and you sound like a really good person who doesn't deserve that. Just try to stay out of their way as much as possible. Are there any teachers you really like or get along with really well at school? You just need to find someone to talk to, a teacher or neighbor or other adult that you can use as a positive adult influence because your parents don't seem to be providing that. Wish I could help more. Just keep up the optimism, that's always a good thing .

By Rickyricardo (Rickyricardo) on Monday, October 04, 2004 - 08:55 am: Edit

Last night, I was finishing some homework up till 12 or so, and my parents, at like 10 or so, came down and yelled the crap out of me AGAIN about how I'm so stupid and a waste of skin and how the only thing they're sad about is that if I have to stay up until 1 and wake up at 5 every day, that I have a small chance of waking my sister up, who they actually love, and causing her a minor inconvenience. Then, my mom, who is pretty religious, prayed to god that I fail in everything from now on so that I would "learn." Learn what I don't know. They say that I'm a horrible person because I go to too many clubs (??!) so they're going to go to my HS counsellor today and see if there's any way she can kick me out of any. I don't know what I can do here.

By Elizabeth22 (Elizabeth22) on Monday, October 04, 2004 - 01:25 pm: Edit

I wouldn't normally suggest this, but remember that it's always an option to join the armed forces. Your parents can't prevent you from doing that when you're 18, and in your case it might give you a chance to earn some money and then go back to school later. The main thing seems to be just to get you away from your parents.

By 1212 (1212) on Monday, October 04, 2004 - 03:14 pm: Edit

damn that is f*cked up, i seriously hope that this is a joke, if not i suggest that u open a bank account if possible and start saving money, do under the table jobs if neccesary.

By Justice (Justice) on Monday, October 04, 2004 - 04:42 pm: Edit

start recording conversations

threaten to go to SS and social workers

extort to gain freedoms

rinse and repeat whenever they start forgetting

By Ndbisme5 (Ndbisme5) on Monday, October 04, 2004 - 04:46 pm: Edit

ooohhh, Justice in on the money. You should really record the BS and garbage they throw at you. Save a lot of recordings and then play them back to your GC (if she or he is a good person). Seriously, man, your parents are straight up whack. Did your family recently immigrate? I'm wondering why they are the way the are.

By Justice (Justice) on Monday, October 04, 2004 - 04:54 pm: Edit

Being nice is great and all (like Welshie said), but there are times when you gotta step it up if it's not going to work. There is evil in the world; you need to find ways to harness it to your advantage. If you wanna know some more aggressive tactics (these are extremely dangerous but will turn around their world)--this is assuming that you are not exaggerating or being overly sensitive--this is serious:

1) take all of your parents clothes and hide them somewhere. pretend like you don't have any idea where they are. hiding their stuff is always very good because it gets them pissed at themselves for forgetting stuff and not at you--make sure you are a good actor if you try this

2) if your parents have any friends, chances are the friends don't like them very much either. go see them and make a video tape of them saying crap about your parents (such as, mom is a bitter and useless person who is def. going to hell). threaten to distribute it to neighbors and anyone who might care.

3) tell every adult who knows you at school about this--you gotta be more social. that way they can help. it seems like your research is messing up your social skills a bit

4) tell your mom's church pastor about this and him gave some kind of a vague allusion to it (be like, those who are nasty to their children will surely find themselves in the pits of hell)

5) i'd definitely go army if I were you, but I don't know what you look like physically and if its a match for you

By Rickyricardo (Rickyricardo) on Monday, October 04, 2004 - 06:12 pm: Edit

There's no way I can join the army. I am the weakest little kid and yeah. And telling other people about it would, as another person already mentioned, have me put into foster care or at least taken away from my school district and it would really mess up all the stuff I've worked for like valedictorian and all these things. I barely have enough time as it is, how can I deal with all this social workers business also.

And my mom doesn't usually go to church, but she's really religious anyway. So the pastor doesn't really know her. And she's really two sided. Outside she's nice to everybody, including me as long as others are around, but at home she's horrible, so I don't know if i can tell her friends. I once tried hiding my parents' camera, but my mom somehow knew that I hid it so she yelled at me till I cracked.

By Aim78 (Aim78) on Monday, October 04, 2004 - 07:06 pm: Edit

From the subject line, I thought this was about your parents tripping your shoelaces.

By Justice (Justice) on Monday, October 04, 2004 - 09:23 pm: Edit

you don't ACTUALLY tell someone, you just threaten to do it

dude now i change my mind...it seems like she's nice to everyone BUT you. there's gotta be some reason for that...are you sure there isn't something you did or do to make it like this? you gotta be real with yourself--if you can find the root of the problem, maybe you can change things

By Thunder77 (Thunder77) on Monday, October 04, 2004 - 10:41 pm: Edit

Yeah, see if you can find the root for your parent's hatred.

Unless you were adopted, I really don't see why your mom would abuse you like this because she did give birth to you after all and cares for you as something she created.

By Rickyricardo (Rickyricardo) on Monday, October 04, 2004 - 11:42 pm: Edit

She's not really nice to everybody. She says bad things about everybody to everybody else, she just gossips all the time, including about me. She, I am thinking, is completely incapable of saying a good thing about another person. But for some reason all her friends still talk to her.

By Pyroman (Pyroman) on Tuesday, October 05, 2004 - 12:02 am: Edit

How is your dad to you? Is he as mean? What does your sister think about all of this, or is she to small to understand?

By Rickyricardo (Rickyricardo) on Tuesday, October 05, 2004 - 12:25 am: Edit

She's older, but she mostly stays out of everything. She sleeps really early and is usually upstairs while my parents are making me cry downstairs. My dad isn't nearly as mean. A lot of times he even helps me with my math homework, but I usually don't even need the help, I just like him helping me because it makes me feel as if sometimes someone is there for me. But a lot of times he just ignores me too and is indifferent to it all. Today my mom brought my whole family starbucks except me, when she knows I'm the only one that really even drinks it. My whole family took like one sip of each and threw it away while I ate carrots and peanut butter.

By Mjcps (Mjcps) on Tuesday, October 05, 2004 - 08:51 am: Edit

What th' hey, is this all for real? Ricky, this is seriously messed up. And you will be too if you don't take action.

You have got to take the initiative and get SOMEONE to talk to NOW. Two more years of this living hell? How old are you? You should seriously consider graduating early and getting out. This abuse should not be allowed to continue. Please talk to your GC and or the priest as mentioned above. Even if you don't go to church regularly he should still be someone you could talk to. Do not wait any longer. Even if you think you can stick it out and don't want to be taken from your house, you still need someone to talk to.

Is your sister going to graduate this year? Can she be of any help at all? Can you talk to her?

Perhaps clubs after school could help give you some sort of outlet. I doubt your parents will try to take you out of clubs at school because their irrational reasoning may prompt an investigation if they go to anyone with any sense at your school.
I feel so bad for you. Please at least maintain your ties here with CC in order for you to have some sort of outlet. Obviously your mental state will not be healthy if you allow things to continue at home in the same way.

By Pyroman (Pyroman) on Tuesday, October 05, 2004 - 09:39 am: Edit

Ricky, are you making this all up? If your not you have really f*cked up parents. Also your sister must be pretty f*ucked, for not helping. You should seriosly get some help.

By Stephable (Stephable) on Tuesday, October 05, 2004 - 01:06 pm: Edit

Ricky, I can't' believe that your argument for not getting state help is that it might mess up your chances to be valedictorian! There are bigger things at stake here - like your emotional and physical well-being, which are already being destroyed as we speak. Being valedictorian should NOT be high on your list of concerns right now. Your mother is an abusive, manipulative woman and you should be out of that house now. You need to tell someone - preferably an authority figure like a teacher/school counsellor/principal, even a police officer - what's going on. Your mother needs help, and until she gets that, it's much safer for you to be as far away from her as possible.

By Aim78 (Aim78) on Tuesday, October 05, 2004 - 06:44 pm: Edit

It's child abuse. Simple as that.

How does it feel living your life as a victim? Not good, right? You are a HUMAN BEING, not some rodent to be stepped on. Fix things NOW instead of hoping that they will fix themselves. The first step is saying, "Alright, there's going to be a change." Once you decide that, we can help you seek real help. The main thing is not college, or grades, or reputation, it is saving yourself.

By Ndbisme5 (Ndbisme5) on Tuesday, October 05, 2004 - 06:55 pm: Edit

Yo Rick, I would have taken action by now. Here's what you gotta start doing or else you'll off yourself one day out of your miserable world.

1) Start recording their garbage. Subtly instigate stuff and get your mommy on tape being totally ridiculous and abusive.

2) Be a fox (as opposed to a lion) and talk to your sister. Also get this •••• on tape. You gotta sound desperate as hell and beg her for help. Do the following:
a) Buy her something nice out of the blue. I don't give a damn if you have to steal it (this is for effect, not actually advocating crime). Warm blooded females usually prefer chocolate...make sure its wrapped super nice.
a) Ask her what you can do to get along better with your parents.
b) Get her to confirm some of their abusive words and attitudes towards you.
c) Ask her how she would suggest you change.
If she doesn't go for it start crying and pretend you're about to lose it real bad. Just don't go too overboard. If that doesn't work, move on to 3.

3) Repeat step 2 on your papa. From what you've described he seems like a good father (though he doesn't stand up against the mother dictator). Does he make less money that your mom? Has he ever been a bich to you like your mom?
So repeat a, b, c, and d. I'd recommend something other than chocolate. But most importantly get it on tape.

4) After you've gotten something good on tape and lots of it go to your priest. Since your mommy is religious, he might have some pull and power over her.

5) Wait a month for results. If it changes at first and then gets progressively worse as time goes by, step it up to your guidance counselor. Make sure that the tapes are hidden somewhere very safe.

Make sure that you don't do anything that will sink you. Don't fight back (with words). If you want to go to a party or whatever, be back before 11 and do whatever you want, within reason.

I would seriously recommend getting a job too, there's a good reason why lots of students want one... and its not just the paycheck.

All this advice is rendered free of charge by ndbisme5, attorney at law haha. Sorry if this is too ruthless for some of you.

By Sagar_Indurkhya (Sagar_Indurkhya) on Tuesday, October 05, 2004 - 09:52 pm: Edit

I am assuming that you will be applying to MSHYP. If so, don't you think they would rather have you show responsibility, and go to authorities? If you are really cunning, you can work this onto your app.

By Aim78 (Aim78) on Tuesday, October 05, 2004 - 09:55 pm: Edit

Forget apps and all of that trash. Focus on yourself. I've read some John Grisham, and there are child lawyers that will help you for free. What was it called...with the kid...and Susan Sarandon...something...

By Ndbisme5 (Ndbisme5) on Wednesday, October 06, 2004 - 12:00 am: Edit

Lets be somewhat reaslistic. If he does go through the government and legal channels, chances are he'd be lucky to go to community college. Writing a sob story might help out a little, but from what little I know, if this gets out of hand, it could turn out real bad. Aim78 is right in forgetting about the apps and other stuff (to a certain extent) and focusing on this problem. Ricky, you might also want to post this thread in the Parent's forum. I don't know if you've already done so.

By 1212 (1212) on Wednesday, October 06, 2004 - 12:09 am: Edit

this has to be made up, if its not im sorry for being insensitive, but damn...

By Ndbisme5 (Ndbisme5) on Wednesday, October 06, 2004 - 12:40 am: Edit

haha, don't he wish. He's been posting on this stuff and being depressed for a couple of weeks now.

By Rickyricardo (Rickyricardo) on Wednesday, October 06, 2004 - 01:44 am: Edit

Today I had to walk home in blistering California heat for almost 4 miles cuz my mom told my dad to pick only my sister up from school (neither of us can drive) and leave me while I was bringing a wagon thing of papers from my research project (cleaning out the lab). Then, I got really super pissed off, so I called my mom's work about 15 times, and she works in an office as a runner or something --which is just a job for fun as she has a masters in biochem but just wants something to do and my dad is a nuclear turned software engineer who makes more money-- and so I called her at the office like 15 times and someone always has to get up from the desk where the common phone is and find her, so while they go find her I hang up. So I did that like 15 times so everyone got mad at my mom and annoyed at her a little, and it felt pretty good to get back at my mom a little and make her feel as bad as I've felt for like 2 months straight now.

Anyway, when I get home, I do homework and everything until she gets home and she starts yelling at me right away. At first I do the One flew over the cuckoo's nest thing when McMurphy just laughs when the Big Nurse tries to do all these things and so I just laughed and played it cool, but then my mom started saying some really mean things and I couldn't hold it in and then I got really mad and locked myself in my room and started reading background material for my next project, and she got mad since she know's the only thing that is like my escape so she broke down my door (which was only wooden) and now I have to pay for it with grant money from my next project which basically means I have to steal since you're technically not supposed to use it for personal things, except for if you need to take a taxi or something to pick up materials and things like that. She also said she's going to call every kid she knows at school and tell them about how "I am," and so I was like oh man cuz now not only will I not have friends, I'll have enemies or something like that.

I feel pretty stoic right now though. So I guess it's all good.

And I can't copy and paste all this stuff because there's a clipboard tracker on this computer that ironically enough I installed like 4 years ago or something so that I wouldn't lose all the stuff on the ram if the comp froze up and died, but I don't know how to clear it; i even wrote a c++ program to kill the memory but it didn't work, all the stuff just accumulates and takes up space in my comp. So if someone can post this for me that would be great on the parents forum, or I can do it from school or something.

By Rickyricardo (Rickyricardo) on Wednesday, October 06, 2004 - 01:49 am: Edit

I don't blame my sister for not helping me. If she helped, my mom would probably blow up on her too, since right now both my parents like super adore my sister. I've been telling recently my parents that I'm getting bad grades in school since in my opinion there are three things: your smartness, your friendsness, and your family. And you have to have at least 1 of those things, just like the uncertainty principle (i.e. if you know the velocity 100% accuracy you CAN'T know the position well at all), so I figure if my parents THINK that I'm failing in school and they KNOW I have no more friends, it will magically automatically force my parents to love me. It's worth a try. But then my mom found out that I don't have bad grades because she asked my GC for my online password (we have grades online) and so she found out and now hates me more. It was worth a shot. I'm thinking I may purposefully do bad on these tests that come up right before fall break so that I have b's and c's. It is really worth it. Besides, I heard from a past rickoid that rsi = mit and from the same rickoid that i'm a shoe-in to RSI. Even if I don't get in, maybe this can save me.

By Rickyricardo (Rickyricardo) on Wednesday, October 06, 2004 - 01:55 am: Edit

Do you guys think this idea is worth it?

I probably can't do all the secret detective stuff mentioned above since they'd probably find out and then that would be the end of it. I don't think thta's worth the risk.

By Bluealien01 (Bluealien01) on Wednesday, October 06, 2004 - 07:51 am: Edit

How about just going to the police? Or telling someone at school? That's what most people would do. Purposefully failing doesn't seem like it will make things better. Then you definitely will lower your chances of getting into a good school.

By Curiouskatie (Curiouskatie) on Wednesday, October 06, 2004 - 09:49 am: Edit

ricky, i think you should go to either the police or a lawyer. its true that many lawyers do pro bono work, and will help you for for free. lowering your grades isn't the answer; if your parents were good parents they would be proud of your scholar accomplishments. don't make yourself less of a person-- that is only giving in to the image your mother portrays. be strong ricky, and please get help from someone real, not just us CCers.

By Pattykk (Pattykk) on Wednesday, October 06, 2004 - 10:56 am: Edit

Ricky: Parent here. It very much sounds like your mother has a serious mental illness. You will not be able to handle this situation alone. I would start by having a discussion with your father. Tell him that you are being abused by your mother and that you want him to defend you by insisting that she receive medical care and by removing you from the situation until she has her condition under control. Realistically, your father might have his own issues and be unable to confront your mother and do the things to help you. GO IMMEDIATELY TO YOUR GUIDANCE COUNSELOR and lay out the situation in detail. Ask him to get you in touch with social services. I tell you frankly that you would be much better off staying with other relatives or even in a foster home. You are in a very dysfunctional home, and you will not get better until you receive psychological help. You are also in physical danger from your mother (knocking down a door is heavy stuff). You are in danger of becoming suicidal. I have personal experience with this. My brother was married to a woman with borderline personality disorder. She horribly abused her son. The situation did not improve until my brother divorced his wife and obtained custody of their son. Please follow this advice. I am very worried about you.

By Soozievt (Soozievt) on Wednesday, October 06, 2004 - 11:08 am: Edit

Do not purposely get bad grades as that is not the solution. You need to consult with a counselor at school and inquire how you might be able to find a counselor at school or elsewhere to deal with severe problems right now at home between your mom and yourself. There are folks out there who can help you. Start at school with the services they have and go from there.
Susan

By Stephable (Stephable) on Wednesday, October 06, 2004 - 11:59 am: Edit

Ricky, do you realize that now you are trying to manipulate your parents the same way your mother manipulates you? Go to an authority figure - any authority figure - outside of your family now!! Nothing you do yourself is going to make a difference when it is your mom who is ill. Get help and get it now.

By Midwesterner (Midwesterner) on Wednesday, October 06, 2004 - 12:03 pm: Edit

Ricky, when you're depressed it is so hard to do things for yourself - everything seems futile, and getting through the day becomes more important than making plans or building yourself up. But you MUST find the resources to keep yourself going. Talking to your counselor might be the first step. Asking your sister to get involved is another. Finding a job seems like an excellent plan, if you have the time and can get there on public transportation. It will give you money and freedom, and teach you that others value your hard work and intelligence.

Try to separate from your mother and don't play her games. You are never going to get unqualified love and support from your mom. It is not an option for you. The best you can do is to minimize her negativity. She is the master of emotional abuse, so don't go there - refuse to get emotional with her. If she yells and screams, try detaching by saying nothing, or repeating a neutral phrase over and over. Go somewhere else in your mind until she exhausts herself.

Please don't give her extra fuel by retaliating in childish ways. Someone has to be the grownup here. If you can talk to your dad about your Mom's problem, you might find an ally. Be aware that the other family members are being controlled by her anger, too, and might be fearful that she'll take things out on them. You can't expect more than baby steps from them, but if you all can agree that the situation is desperate, you may be able to start family couseling.

You are not alone in your situation. Other people do want to help. Take pride in your accomplishments and keep going with your projects. This is a very tough stage for you, but it will end and you'll move on to better things.

By Mstee (Mstee) on Wednesday, October 06, 2004 - 12:37 pm: Edit

Ricky--another parent here. Find a way to get counseling or join a support group. I don't know if your mom has a mental illness or is just "stressed out", but don't follow some of the advice given here about getting back at her. Do not get into that kind of destructive game playing. It will not make her empathize with how you feel, it will just stress her out more and make her resent you more. It sounds like there are several things going on here--a feeling of disconnectedness from friends, heavy work load at school, and bad situation at home. Please find someone you can talk to about all this, it will definitely help!

By Pattykk (Pattykk) on Wednesday, October 06, 2004 - 12:56 pm: Edit

Mystee: I have to think that some of the things described by Ricky go beyond being "stressed out." The verbal abuse, knocking down the door, running over his shoes, making him walk four miles arbitrarily, etc. are loud warning signals.

By Mstee (Mstee) on Wednesday, October 06, 2004 - 01:27 pm: Edit

Pattykk--you may be right, not knowing the full story, I am not going to automatically conclude that the mom is mentally ill, though she may well be. . . My own mother is mentally ill, and yes some of the behaviours match up, though my mom's symptoms go beyond the behaviour of Ricky's mom, unfortunately. . .Ricky's behaviour, while understandable, is not exactly "normal" either. . . (calling the workplace 15 times, deliberately hiding things, etc.). Anyway, whether you label the mom's behaviour as a diagnosable mental illness, an "anger management" problem, or something else, it is a bad situation (I think we can agree on that), and Ricky still needs to get outside help ASAP.

By Demingy (Demingy) on Wednesday, October 06, 2004 - 01:48 pm: Edit

Ricky,

I have to agree with those who say that you need to get some outside help. I also grew up with a manipulative and emotionally abusive mother (and detached father) so I understand some of what you are going through. I also tried to hang on because I wanted to graduate, go to college, and make more of my life than they had. Things didn't turn out that way. Nothing changed and it just became too much to deal with so I moved out. Since I had to support myself, I wasn't able to finish high school and I've spent several years now going to college and working toward my degree.

What is sad is that if I would have asked for help instead of trying to go it alone, I would have had many resources available. I didn't find that out until after I'd already struggled to make it where I am now. Please, please, please find out what your resources are. Talk with your guidance counselor or call a local hotline (these can be found in your phone book) and try to get some help. You are already starting to follow your mother's manipulative pattern and I'm sure you don't want to end up like her.

Don't worry about what will happen with school. For one thing, your safety and wellbeing is much more important and for another thing it won't be as bad as you think. There are many agencies that are set up to help people in your situation and you will find that there are many resources available to you that you aren't aware of.

By Reject (Reject) on Wednesday, October 06, 2004 - 04:12 pm: Edit

honestly, if it were my mom, i would physically scare her. I am assuming that you are bigger than your mom so just get in her face and threatened her. I am not saying knock her out with a punch, but i would grab both of her hands and look her straight in the eyes and tell her all the •••• she is doing to you is wrong and to back off.

By Demingy (Demingy) on Wednesday, October 06, 2004 - 04:23 pm: Edit

Reject, you need help as well.....

By Blithe (Blithe) on Wednesday, October 06, 2004 - 05:58 pm: Edit

it's verbal abuse to say the least, my parents sometimes make me feel bad for spouting a new idea

you should get help from someone you know well

By Aim78 (Aim78) on Wednesday, October 06, 2004 - 07:51 pm: Edit

Ricky, you have things to complain about, but walking 4 miles ain't one of them (how do you know that your Mom purposely did not pick you up?) Neither is not getting any Starbucks. What is a big deal is the constant yelling and the door breaking. That's some scary stuff. And if I were you, I'd do something about it. I wouldn't do what Reject said, because that brings the physical aspect into it. How could you ever sleep at night knowing that there's a nut in the house who has it in for you? But do SOMETHING. Even if it's just calling a hotline.

By Mahras (Mahras) on Wednesday, October 06, 2004 - 08:45 pm: Edit

Ricky,

I have yet to see anything like this ever in my 16 years of existence in this world or some other. My advise:

You mom thinks you are defensive and weak eh? The BEST BEST STRATEGY is to shout AT HER and NOT TO let her speak. When she is coming to yell at you before she even says anything GO SUPER GUNGHO. JUST SHOUT! It isnt that hard. This is senario:

(Mom starts coming in and starts shouting)

Ricky: WILL YOU PLZ KEEP QUIET! I AM THE VALEDICTORIAN OFR MY SCHOOL WHAT WERE YOU?!?!! WHO ARE YOU TO TELL ME THAT I AM A FALIURE WHEN YOU ARE ALREADY A FAILURE AS A MOTHER. I HATE YOU AND IF YOU HAD ANY SELF DIGNITY THEN YOU WILL TRY NOT SHOWING YOUR FACE TO ME.

(Mom starts to yell)

Ricky: HAVENT YOU BEEN LISTENING! I JUST SAID I HATE YOUR VOICE. DO YOURSELF A FAVOR AND LEARN SOME MANNERS AS YOU ARE A -100 ON THE 10 POINT ELOQUENCE SCALE. I AM DOING TOP NOTCH RESEARCH ON SUBJECTS THAT YOU COULDNT EVEN START TO UNDERSTAND. OH YOU THINK YOU CAN THEN READ THIS!

(Throw in a paper full of advanced physics equations at her)

WELL CAN YOU! YOU CANT CAN YOU NOW PLZ LEAVE ME ALONE!

(Mother tries to attack your social life)

Ricky: OH SO YOU HAVE A SOCIAL LIFE HUH! YOU THINK I ACTUALLY ENVY YOUR LIFE HUH! WELL YOU NEED A WAKE UP CALL MS. ______________. I WILL DIE BEFOREE HAVING THE BLACKHOLE YOU HAVE FOR A LIFE. I AM HAPPY WITH MY LIFE ARE YOU? YOU ARE A DEAD WEIGHT TO THIS PLANET AND WHEN YOU DIE YOU WILL BE NONEXISTENT. ME YOU ASK?!?!?!? I WILL BE REMEMBERED THROUGH MY WORK THAT I HAVE A PASSION FOR. WHAT DO YOU HAVE A PASSION FOR?!?!?! LYING, SHOUTING AT YOUR OWN SON? YOU ARE A DISGRACE, A PARASITE, A LICE, A FILTHY SCOUNDREL OF A MONGREL TO THE FACE OF THIS PLANET.

Well you get my point. Now, this takes some extreme precautions and preparations. You MUST REALLY be in the MOOD. Be in that zone where you use all the pent up anger from your life on this. All this energy you use to post this message, all the rage and pain you have felt just LET GO!! LET IT ALL OUT. LET EVEYTHING MINISCULE THING YOU HAVE IN YOUR MIND OUT. DO NOT NOT HOLD BACK. Cry if you need to but KEEP SHOUTING. GET THEM OUT OF YOU. Before she ven opens your mouth scream.

if she threatend you to go out, go out. Go out because she isnt GOOD for you not vice versa. If I were in your place I would have blown up EONS before. I have no idea how you repressed that anger and rage. Trust me if that doesnt work then call 911 and get your mom to the most secured mental facility in the world.

You think you will escape when you go to college? NO YOU WONT. This is a proven fact that if children are grown up being abused then they become submissive in life almost to the point of not being able to make up their mind on the implest of things. YOU STILL HAVE THAT EMOTION. Release it. Take my advice and PLZ do this. PLZ.

Your mom is HIGHLY insecure. SHe probably has mental issues and abuses you so that all her anger and despise is directed at you BECAUSE YOU DONT SHOW ANGER. I am not talking of the anger you show by being like your MOM. I am talking about the genuine anger you have INSIDE of you.

Unless you release it, you will NEVER be able to rise in life and sadly, you may end up like your mother. Thats how the world works and its time you faced it.

Sincerely,

Mahras

P.S. Anyone who thinks i am not serious is wrong. I am dead serious.

By Mahras (Mahras) on Wednesday, October 06, 2004 - 08:51 pm: Edit

I will repeat. LET IT GO.

By Editrix (Editrix) on Wednesday, October 06, 2004 - 10:13 pm: Edit

Ricky--I'm another parent who's really concerned about you. This sounds like a very difficult situation, and I strongly urge you to get help from someone outside the family that you can trust.

I don't recommend either calling the police--I'm not sure there are any literal crimes involved--or trying to confront your mother. (I understand Mahras' indignation on your behalf, but I'm afraid his scenario would make things worse.) But before you spend another day in this misery you should talk to your guidance counselor or your pastor or a favorite teacher, or call a hotline. There have to be ways that you can improve your situation, but you need the advice of a smart and experienced adult who gets to know you and/or your family to help you through it.

In the meanwhile...a lot of people are rooting for you. And on a practical note, I think a paying job is an excellent idea: It would not only get you out of the house and give you a start toward financial independence, but it could help demonstrate that there are adults in the real world who will value and reward your hard work. (Someone's suggestion to get a bicycle sounds like a good idea too.)

By Justice (Justice) on Wednesday, October 06, 2004 - 11:12 pm: Edit

im with mahras, but if you decide to finally fight for yourself, make sure you don't back off--it's all or nothing

By Cheers (Cheers) on Wednesday, October 06, 2004 - 11:55 pm: Edit

Ricky; First of all, give yourself a big pat on the back for venting on this board. That was a commendable first step. Your instinct is spot on.

Second, your parents sound quite scary. In the first order, you need a strategy to survive the next year and a half. You probably need some adult in your life to help you craft this strategy. Here are some possiblities:

Do you have a friend or aunt or uncle who might take you in? With all that research and school work, you actually sound like a pretty low maintenance kid. And even though your parents would freak out at the suggestion--if the other adults can help you navigate a transfer--once you are out the drama level will go down immeasurably. Even if you can't go somewhere fulltime, maybe you could find a dinner and sleepover spot for three nights a week. Anything to give you a break, a sense what decent family life might entail.

(How to approach adults? Just ask them if they can help you devise a strategy for the next two years. If it's one thing I know about adults--they LOVE to give advice!)

Third, the advice from posters to confront your parents with shouting or hitting or video is....dubious, IMHO. Your parents are already unpredicatable. Don't give them a reason to escalate their abuse.

The fact is, adults are WAY more powerful than teenagers. That's one of the reasons many of the CC parents don't post on kids boards. We overwhelm teenagers even when we don't mean to.

I remind my Ss of this fact when they think they can 'take on' an adult. It just isn't gonna happen. I don't care how stupid or crazy the adult (teacher) is--they will dominate the teenager in most circumstances.

So, I hope you ignore the advice to confront and take some of the other suggestions to find support--among teachers, guidance counselors, aunts or uncles--neighbors even. You need an adult mentor or two--and a place of refuge from the nonsense going on at your house.

You also need your friends--and friendships need time. Do you need to reconsider the research? Think out of the box. How can you do both? Can you do the research intermittently?

Finally, the departure for college represents a great moment for you to establish some independence from your parents. I don't think they can prevent you from applying to the state college. Again, you need to ask a few adults for some advice on gaining your independence. Aunts and uncles and grandparents might be of some influence?

Good luck and keep in touch. You've got friends out here who are rooting for you!

By Aim78 (Aim78) on Thursday, October 07, 2004 - 01:25 am: Edit

Yes, adults have had much more time to develop their egos.

Stay young while you can, dammit! I promise that unlike other adults, I will be open and free with my hatred for kids.

By Pattykk (Pattykk) on Thursday, October 07, 2004 - 01:20 pm: Edit

Rickyricardo: You have some 'splainin to do--how are things going? Have you made any decisions?

By Pinkheart (Pinkheart) on Thursday, October 07, 2004 - 02:27 pm: Edit

Wow.. I hope you are doing well Ricky. everyone has already given you good advise so I wont. i suck at that anyway.. I know people who have had similar situations.. and i dont think its made up because of that. there are parents like this.. but nobody likes to talk cuz people udge and belittle their problems and dont believe them.. so the people stop talking about it. you have gut to post all this hehe. I believe your situation, and I hope one day you get out of this..

By Rickyricardo (Rickyricardo) on Thursday, October 07, 2004 - 05:58 pm: Edit

Hey guys, sorry I've been a little busy because I had to catch up about 2 weeks of AP Chem in 2 days. Things are ok I guess. Nothing too bad happened lately. I haven't seen my mom in 2 days. Maybe that's why things are better. She's still in the house and all but I leave before she wakes up and get home after she sleeps, so all is well.

My whole family is going on vacation for this weekend up until monday or tuesday, but I'm staying here on account of (a) I really don't wanna go, (b) I don't wanna be w/ my mom, and (c) I get to be home alone w/o my mom. Hopefully I'll get some insight. But other than that, nothing too much is going on. It feels good to have all you here with so much support. Thanks more than any that I can verbally say.

I doubt I'm going to do what mahras said, although I liked reading it. Mostly, I can't because I'm too soft spoken to do so, and also my mom has already used most of that on me, so she would think I'm copying her because I can't think of anything else.

I also doubt that I will go to the authorities. There is too much of a chance that things will get completely turned upside down and I will screw up the 2 crucial years of my life by involving myself in all this. If I win the intel this year, then they will pay for me to go to college next year, and I can use my other scholarship money starting in fall 2006. I think I can hopefully survive antoher 3 quarters of thisd since I've already done 1 quarter + abotu 2 weeks.

By Pattykk (Pattykk) on Friday, October 08, 2004 - 07:36 am: Edit

I think you should at least have a talk with your father. You might feel better now because you vented here and got things off your chest and because you have managed to avoid your mother. Ask your father if he could make you an appointment with a counselor. You might not be able to change the others, but a counselor can help you understand the situation and deal with it in a healthy manner. There is no disgrace in getting help, and confronting these issues now will make your future relationships healthier. Your focus seems to be entirely on your research and scholarships. I think you are missing the points people have been making.

By Yujin (Yujin) on Friday, October 08, 2004 - 01:04 pm: Edit

I have one quick question...


..are you asian?

By Collegewannabe (Collegewannabe) on Friday, October 08, 2004 - 03:25 pm: Edit

You should try getting early enrollment at a college

By Rickyricardo (Rickyricardo) on Friday, October 08, 2004 - 11:25 pm: Edit

-_-

I would if i could pay for it.

By Bluealien01 (Bluealien01) on Saturday, October 09, 2004 - 11:01 pm: Edit

So does that mean you aren't going to take any of the advice that was given to you?

By Curiouskatie (Curiouskatie) on Sunday, October 10, 2004 - 10:24 am: Edit

yeah, ricky, what are you going to do? we are worried about you!

By Starman (Starman) on Sunday, October 10, 2004 - 04:05 pm: Edit

Wow, your life sounds horrifically depressing. Don't worry, don't contact the authorities, yell at your mom, etc. Just ignore her and quietly agree with whatever she says about you, while venting on this board, or a diary, or by punching your pillow. Stick it out through the rest of high school, and then apply to a college/uni far far away. Then, after you get your degree, never contact your parents again. You can still talk to your sister on AIM, if you'd like.

If you don't think you can hold out, be mentally strong. You'd made it this far, why not hold out for the next two years? Hey, at least your parents don't physically abuse you half to death.

By Rickyricardo (Rickyricardo) on Sunday, October 10, 2004 - 04:47 pm: Edit

I'm thinking I'll do what Starman said. Thanks for everything though everybody!

By Aim78 (Aim78) on Sunday, October 10, 2004 - 09:29 pm: Edit

I almost don't believe you. Does your mom feed you? Cook dinner for you? The way you describe her, I can't imagine HOW she possibly takes care of you.

By Moonshot2004 (Moonshot2004) on Monday, October 11, 2004 - 12:12 am: Edit

Ricky,
If you are telling the truth about all of this, all I can say is get through it. Don't worry about your teeth; plenty of successful people have less than stellar teeth (look at John Cusack, he still gets the ladies).

Nobody's life is perfect. Those "perfect" people in school, the SAT or field jocks, have their own problems -- worse parents, drug problems, family tragedies, god only knows.

You'll get through it soon enough. It will all make a great story one night when you're with your college buddies, who knows it might even make a good book. Best of luck to you, I bet you'll win at life.

By Starman (Starman) on Monday, October 11, 2004 - 05:08 am: Edit

Ricky, you've won the game. You've beaten your mom. Indeed, my advice is good once again.

WOW!

By Yz16 (Yz16) on Monday, October 11, 2004 - 05:25 am: Edit

this is abuse, this is abuse, this is absue. everything I could say has been said.

as to mahras and justice's comments, I know where they're coming from. If I met your mom now I'd grab her by the collar and start beating some sense into her. But. IT sounds like she's abusing you in all ways except physically. You're a smart guy. Don't bring it to that point, please, please, please, please, please.

First: Get through it. Don't give up - if you do you'll lose everything. You'll get somewhere and you'll show them up. Use CC and get someone to go through your essays and get lots of advice - this sort of thing could be built in effectively without being overemphasized.

Secondly: Is there anything I can do? I'm in Hong Kong but I have done volunteer work in California and may be able to dig up a list of contacts for you. My email is roseskies@hotmail.com. Please email me if you in the least feel like it, even if just to chat.

I've never meant it more than now : best of luck

By Glas989 (Glas989) on Monday, October 11, 2004 - 06:35 am: Edit

Hire a gang to bust her up.

By Gvtennis55 (Gvtennis55) on Monday, October 11, 2004 - 03:44 pm: Edit

your mom is pissing me off. Go with glas989