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I just wanted to know if any of you guys are having the same issue of being very reluctant to leave home for college. I graduated in 2000 and have been going to a Community College for my basics while I decided on a major. Now, however, it's time for me to choose a university and get on with the process. I can either go to the local University of Alabama in Huntsville, or Eckerd College in Florida. Although I prefer Eckerd, I'm trying to convince myself to attend UAH to avoid moving costs ... and ... well, leaving my family. I'm having a hard time leaving home ... I know that may be kind of pathetic to hear from a 21-year-old, but it's true. Are any of you having the same issues?

By Magoo (Magoo) on Tuesday, May 04, 2004 - 02:00 am: Edit

nope it is time for you to move on, if you feel comfortable at the school close to you, and financially it makes more sense to you fine then go. However I would not be to concerned about going to a school a few states away. My sister goes to a school in Hawaii, and I am considering going to school in Washington DC, these places are a lot different from the suburban area that I grew up in Northern California however if you take a chance it could pay off. My sister met her boyfriend like a couple of months after she moved out there, they have been together for about a year or two (yes, I know I’m a very involved brother), and a couple of friends moved out there and live with her. If you take a chance in a new area you might find your self seeing a new life that you wouldn’t get at home.
Note this doesn’t work out all the time, if you find yourself frustrated, relax it’s a short period in your life and you can always transfer.

I hope that you make the right decision for you (P.S. don’t feel weird asking a 17 year old for advice I can learn a thing or two from some younger than me too )

GOOD LUCK

By Valene (Valene) on Tuesday, May 04, 2004 - 11:36 am: Edit

I guess you're right ... there are a lot of things to see and do out there, and staying at home forever won't really give me as full of a life. I know I can always move back if I end up hating it, but, I guess, I'm kind of afraid that I will like it! If I do like it, then I won't get to spend time with my parents anymore, whom I am very, very close with. My mom and dad are my best-friends. I am married, however, so it's not like I'll be going it alone. I know I would be fine once I got adjusted, but I'm afraid of missing out on time I could spend with my family. When I think about driving away from my childhood home for good, my stomach ties in knots. When I think about not being able to go over and spend time with my mom if my husband is at work, it leaves an empty feeling in my heart. I dunno, it's just so difficult ...I do want to go out and live in a new place, I just wish I could pack everyone up and carry them with me!

By Magoo (Magoo) on Tuesday, May 04, 2004 - 12:41 pm: Edit

aawwww i am crying. knowing that you are married, this situation is a little different. i think that you know what your decision is, yet you are nervous this is okay, sometimes being nervous is a sign of something good (only you fear the bad)...talk to your husband, if he wants to move too, then congradulations...

i think that you will do fine, florida and alabama are pretty close so you can always drive home on breaks to visit. im sure your family will understand.

GOOD LUCK

By Northstarmom (Northstarmom) on Tuesday, May 04, 2004 - 12:48 pm: Edit

Valene,
It sounds like you are very close to your family and value your relationship with them highly. If it's a priority for you to have them close by, then go to college near them. A big part of picking a college is picking a place where you'll be happy.

In saying this, I am assuming that you are the type of person who has friends in addition to your husband and parents. I hope you are because everyone needs additional friends. Husbands can't fulfill all of our needs. Parents don't live forever.

If you have basically been spending your time only with your husband and parents, college will give you an opportunity to meet more people. If you get involved in a campus extracurricular that interests you, you'll meet some people who share your interests. That will help expand your social circle -- whether you go to Eckard or stay in Alabama.

Nice as it may be to spend time with your mom when your husband is at work, I hope you also use his work time to spend time in extracurriculars and doing some socializing with female friends. I am not suggesting that you bar hop or anything like that with them. Having them over for dinner or going to the movies with them are fun things that you could do.

By Gianscolere (Gianscolere) on Tuesday, May 04, 2004 - 12:52 pm: Edit

going away (to a school 900 miles away) as a sophomore in HS proved to be a tremendous challenge for me. like you, i was very close to my family so i was homesick for half of the year but now i've realized that it's not just homesickness anymore...just that i'm not really compatible with this place. at least i learned from this experience that i can live on my own and my only regret has been risking my grades...though i know that i will leave this school with a more worldly perspective and with more desire to learn

By Valene (Valene) on Tuesday, May 04, 2004 - 01:06 pm: Edit

My husband is very excited at the prospect of moving. He isn't very happy with the job options in this area (north Alabama). We both love Florida and being near the beach, in fact, it's been my goal since I was little to move there. When it actually comes time to live out those dreams, though, it's easier said than done. I feel that, in my mind, I've already decided I am going no matter how hard it is to leave. Like you said, Magoo, I'm feeling nervous, and mainly guilty.
Northstarmom, I value my relationship with my parents so much that I cannot describe it in words. I am very fortunate to have the parents that I do, because no one in this world could ever compare! It is a priority for me to be near them, but it's also a priority to go out and experience something new. Which should I put first? As far as friends go, I still talk to two friends from high school. I don't see them very often, and we might send one another an e-mail or two every few months. So, I really don't have any close friends at the moment outside of my husband and parents.
I guess I am pretty sheltered right now, since my social circle consists of only three people. I feel that I am kind of suffering from this, because I seem to be developing some sort of social anxiety problem. I can't even go to the grocery store without feeling like people are staring me down, talking about me, etc. I even suffered from this issue at my own job, because I had major difficulties making small talk with my co-workers. That's all a completely different issue, though. I didn't mean to bring up personal problems. Ah ... what to do?

By Northstarmom (Northstarmom) on Tuesday, May 04, 2004 - 07:06 pm: Edit

Valene,
If the job prospects in your area aren't good, and Florida has been a dream of yours, then I suggest that you go for it. Florida really isn't that far from Alabama.

Also, presumably, your parents are still young enough to be in good health, so it's not like you're abandoning feeble, ill parents whom you'll never see again.

From what you have posted, it really would be a good idea for you to learn to be more independent, and to be in a position in which you have to make more friends.Leaving the nest will help you a great deal.

College counseling offices can help with social anxiety. Shyness is one of the most treatable emotional problems. It is something in which practice makes perfect. I used to be horribly shy when I was young. I was scared even to go into a strange grocery store. I had no idea how to make small talk.

I got out of my shyness by taking baby steps, reading everything I could about how to make friends (There even are books about small talk!), and by going away to school.

I was shy and awkward at first, and it wasn't easy, but step by step I learned how to come out of my shell. Now, people don't believe I ever was shy.

When you go away to college, make a point of joining an extracurricular that interests you. That really is where to make friends. Do it fall semester, because that's the easiest time to join an organization. That's when they're prepared and eager to have newbies.

It also is OK to tell people that you are shy. Most people like shy people. And if people know that you're shy, they'll tend to help you more. If you don't tell them you're shy, they may think that you don't like them (Most people, even confident looking people are insecure!) or they may think you are stuck up.

There's a web page at shyness.com that's run by a Stanford prof, Dr. Zimbardo, who's one of the world's experts on shyness. Take a look at it because there's helpful info there.

By Valene (Valene) on Tuesday, May 04, 2004 - 07:25 pm: Edit

Thanks, Northstarmom. I am hoping to join some sort of club no matter where I end up going to school. I really do want to make friends, it's just extremely hard for me. It's going to take a lot of work for me to come out of my shell, but I have done it once before, in high school. I had a group of friends then, so I was a lot more outgoing. Now, after high school, it's easy to be lost.

I've discussed going to school in FL. with my mom and dad, and they never really seem to thrilled about it ; they either say I won't like it, tell me it will be a huge hassle to move, or just won't give me much feedback at all. I know they want me to do what makes me happy, but sometimes I feel like they just want to push the idea away. My mom will give me the line, "It's your decision. I can't get involved." I guess that's good, but I also want her input, which she doesn't seem willing to give. I guess it's possible that I'm looking for their blessing, for some reason.My husband said they don't want to talk about because they don't want me to go, and there is probably some truth to that. Anyway, I'm going to take a look at that website you mentioned. Thanks.

By Northstarmom (Northstarmom) on Wednesday, May 05, 2004 - 10:32 am: Edit

Valene,
If your mom is your best friend, more than likely, she would prefer that you stay home, but at the same time, loves you enough to want you to follow your dreams. She, too, will have lots of adjusting to do if you go to Fla., but as is the case with you, that is a good thing. She, too, probably needs to expand her friendships and interests, and your moving would be good incentive for her to do this.

You are lucky that you are close to your parents and that they love you so much. It also looks like they love you enough to let you get wings, too, instead of forever clinging to the familiar and living so close to them.

It really will be possible for you to make friends at Eckard. Expect the first couple of months to be hard. That's true for virtually anyone, even people who are very outgoing. Transferring to a new place means one will have to figure out a new system, adjust to classes, find out about ECs, etc.

Make sure, though, that you get involved in an EC that you're interested in fall semester. It's a lot harder doing this spring semester as by then, the people in the ECs have established new friendships, and the ECs aren't as set up to welcome newcomers and to help them adjust.

Make sure when you move that you do some things separately from your husband. Don't let your life completely revolve around him with the exception of your course schedule. You may be tempted, for instance, to not get involved in ECs so you can be with your husband every night.

Not only will that get suffocating because it is very difficult for any person to be one's only friend in a city, but you will be missing out on a big part of the college experience -- ECs.

Your husband, too, should have some activity that he does without you. He also needs the opportunity to make friends and have an interest beside you and work.

Doing these things also will help keep your marriage fresh because both of you will have new, interesting things to share with each other.