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There are things in life that we as a people consider normal and abnormal. Coincidentally, I still question those distinctions. Why is it completely normal to be afraid of spiders, snowboarding, deep sea diving or even bungee jumping? But, the moment you yell out in the middle of class that you don’t do port-a- potties, you don’t do outhouses and, most importantly, you don’t to automatic flush toilets, you’re suddenly abnormal.
It was spring of 1995, and I was 8 years old. For some reason, the sound or even smell (yes I said smell) of running water always made me have to go. It was pouring down with rain and I was on my way to Philadelphia for a family function so I strolled into the bathroom completely unequipped for the war that awaited me. With confidence I kicked open the door, third stall from the sink. I was loaded, holding about a quarter of a pint of liquid in me. When I was about half way through, it flushed scaring the world out of me. I took off running; I wasn’t about to lose my life to a toilet. Full speed, I went shooting down the train station yelling as if I had been attacked, urine ruining my flowered undies.
Inside I’ve always been different. Up until two years ago everyone looked at me as the quiet little girl who was predictable when it came to writing essays or public speaking. I took the easy approach when the teacher asked us to make connections between our writing and life. I was afraid to step outside the box and take a compositional risk. One day after Easter vacation changed all that. I decided to go with my friend to a debate meeting. When I arrived, the debate coach asked me to go to the front of the room and read as fast as I could. I was terrified. There had to be at least 50 people in the room, and I hated public speaking.
I tried to get out of it, but there was no turning back. I got up, and I began to read. At first I was low and soft, and then the debate director started yelling, “Faster, Louder, Faster, Faster, Faster,” until I was red in the face. When I was done, I quietly sat down and everyone applauded. I thought to myself, “I took a risk and I was victorious.”
That day I found my passion for public speaking and communication. For the last 2 years I have been a dedicated and successful high school debater for the Jersey Urban Debate League. It took me a long time to find the confidence I was looking for. Now I look at myself just like that toilet- I seem harmless, but when I get ready and willing I will be loud, and anyone in my path had better be scared.

By Totallytaffy (Totallytaffy) on Wednesday, February 18, 2004 - 12:05 pm: Edit

bump

By Totallytaffy (Totallytaffy) on Wednesday, February 18, 2004 - 12:07 pm: Edit

anyone interested

By Luxaeterna4 (Luxaeterna4) on Wednesday, February 18, 2004 - 12:53 pm: Edit

zero coherence. yet exceptionally entertaining.

By Nyapplicant (Nyapplicant) on Wednesday, February 18, 2004 - 01:06 pm: Edit

agreed.

By Vsage3 (Vsage3) on Wednesday, February 18, 2004 - 02:14 pm: Edit

There are other ways of writing that would perhaps make the admissions people more appreciating of what you say. Consider the british method of delivering the (what seems to be) humor, that is, gross understatement in well-organized prose. Colloquialisms? I'd get rid of them unless made explicit in the prose (like in quotes). Don't do just one thing I said though or it wont turn out beautifully, or completely disregard me: that's fine too ^_^

By Angstridden (Angstridden) on Wednesday, February 18, 2004 - 02:37 pm: Edit

If you are serious I can only say that I think you should have spent more time on topic selection.

By F3arxn03vil (F3arxn03vil) on Wednesday, February 18, 2004 - 05:22 pm: Edit

I'm not really seeing the connection between the toilet and the public speaking, but the essay is unique without a doubt.

By Totallytaffy (Totallytaffy) on Friday, February 20, 2004 - 09:41 am: Edit

THe essay has already been sent my all of my english teachers were adored by the essay... the toliet seemed harmless...(I was the quiet girl who excepted what I was give I lacked the ablity to voice my opionion unless I was guided) like the toliet...then when that got automatic they flush on there own without help from others(hence post joining the debate team no one had to guide me any more it became automatic) is that better explained now? would anyone else like to read?

By Totallytaffy (Totallytaffy) on Friday, February 20, 2004 - 09:48 am: Edit

There are no Colloquialisms in my essay I'm not speaking to anyone I'm expressing a memory in a sense.... However the idea that my writing is a piece of prose while it holds some truth...its not enough for me to reconsider what I would call a unique writing sample.. my essay wasn't written to explain who I am but rather why I became who I am and in 250 words or less you have to pick and chose whats most important I chose to have my essay stand out in the pile.. Colleges read probably thousands of essays and my intent was to have them remember mine....good suggestions though but he essay has already been sent..

By Totallytaffy (Totallytaffy) on Friday, February 20, 2004 - 10:03 am: Edit

bump

By Vsage3 (Vsage3) on Friday, February 20, 2004 - 02:30 pm: Edit

That didn't really defend against what I said. Ahem what do you call undies?

By Virgo007 (Virgo007) on Friday, February 20, 2004 - 06:46 pm: Edit

It is a a very unique essay. No doubt the adcoms will remember this one.

By Totallytaffy (Totallytaffy) on Monday, March 01, 2004 - 11:41 am: Edit

I wasnt trying to defend against what you said just explain what I meant. Undies are underwear, but I didn't want to be blunt.

By Noodleman (Noodleman) on Monday, March 01, 2004 - 12:30 pm: Edit

Urine isn't blunt?

By Mjl86 (Mjl86) on Monday, March 01, 2004 - 12:45 pm: Edit

yeah, i wouldn't have written an essay about this. it is like writing about your love for bubble gum sculpting. The topic seems frivolous... a joke really...

By Vsage3 (Vsage3) on Monday, March 01, 2004 - 02:09 pm: Edit

Noodleman, taffy does have a point: he/she could have said the P word; urine is the accepted word for that particular form of excrement.

By I1lmatics (I1lmatics) on Monday, March 01, 2004 - 02:17 pm: Edit

They will remember it, but that does not mean in a good way. Aside from the questionable topic(your whole bathroom experience)... I think it is a terribly written essay. Quite simply, it has no flow to it whatsovevr

no matter how you slice it, the toilet does not connect well to your debate experience, which creats a totally incoherent essay when you switch topic from the bathroom experience to the debate thign

at the end of the essay you draw this connection between the two "Now I look at myself just like that toilet- I seem harmless, but when I get ready and willing I will be loud, and anyone in my path had better be scared" ... your writing does not reflect that at all .. we as readers take from the toilet experience that you have an unusual fear of them, nothing deeper than that is established from your writing.

From the debate expereince you establish that you are a quiet predicatable girl on the outside but can be different if the ocassaion arises.

My question to you is where do you see how the first part of your essay (toilets) connects to the other (debate) ? That connecting sentence you drew at the end of your essay applies to your debate experience, you seeming harmless and all but it really has nothing to do with your fear of toilets

By I1lmatics (I1lmatics) on Monday, March 01, 2004 - 02:27 pm: Edit

the whole toilet idea creates a catchy topic that admission officers will definatly remember, however that can either be negative or postive.
It is postive if you submitted an extremely well written essay and they remember you as the well written toilet girl

however it is can be very negative which makes it risky... if it is a catchy topic but poorly written, you don't want college adcoms to remember you as the girl who wrote about toilets and made completely no sense

unfortunalty i think the latter is the case

My personal theory is sometimes it's better not to write about a catchy topic that adcoms will remember unless you can express yourself very well...if you can't write about it well ultimately it creates a negative effect that they will keep of you... where as if you played it safe and wrote an essay about a callous subject as the majority of applicants do, chances are you wont create any lasting effect in the adcom's mind's.. passing yourself off as average... better than negative

By Gianscolere (Gianscolere) on Monday, March 01, 2004 - 04:06 pm: Edit

your essay is unique, but needs clarification and coherence. please don't take offense at what i am about to say...i know how it feels when i feel strongly about an essay i wrote then someone else critiques it. at first, it's hard to accept the changes that need to be made but constructive criticism is what can make one a better writer. best of luck of course you don't have to agree with my opinions.


these phrases sound awkward
"unequipped for the war that awaited me"
the use of "war" as a metaphor for your encounter with the automatic-flush toilet is unclear. i know what you mean but when expressing thoughts in writing, they have to be explicitly clear.

"scaring the world out of me"
please avoid exaggerations to make your story more credible.

"holding about a quarter of a pint of liquid in me" it's an attempt at making your essay sound more narrative, but it's not as effective as one would wish.

these phrases are vague
"Up until two years ago everyone looked at me as the quiet little girl who was predictable when it came to writing essays or public speaking"
predictable in what sense? the audience could predict what you had to say before you even said the words? are you trying to show adcoms how you overcame being a dependent thinker?

"I took the easy approach when the teacher asked us to make connections between our writing and life."
what was the easy approach? writing from personal experience? being predictable in how you presented your thoughts?

i understand that public speaking is a component of debating but you presented the story as if you were simply giving a speech, not arguing for something (isn't this a debate meeting?). your being able to successfully give a speech also does not show the reader how you improved in terms of overcoming your "predictability." what, all of a sudden, made you unpredictable? did this single speech suddenly change you from being a "quiet little girl" to become extroverted? please prove this by saying what it is in your speech that made people think of you as an extrovert instead of an introvert.

"'Faster, Louder, Faster, Faster, Faster,' until I was red in the face." so reading louder and faster made you victorious in overcoming your "predictability"? that your face grew red means that you are no longer a "little quiet girl" and that you are now confident as a public speaker? maybe this was just a superfluous detail.

"Now I look at myself just like that toilet- I seem harmless, but when I get ready and willing I will be loud, and anyone in my path had better be scared." you compared yourself from being scared of the toilet to turning around the situation and becoming the toilet and scaring other people? the use of the word "scared" or even intimidated is probably gonna send the wrong message to adcoms. you want to present yourself as confident but not intimidating or scary. there's a distinction. you did mention confidence in the sentence "It took me a long time to find the confidence I was looking for." what was this newfound confidence? how have you changed? are you implying that reciting your speech faster shows that you are more confident? when one thinks about the qualities of a good public speaker, talking fast is really not a positive trait.

also how can a toilet *get ready* to be loud? so the theme is "becoming loud" as means of overcoming your being predictable and a "quiet little girl?" but i thought it was more about being "faster" in your speech, because “Faster, Louder, Faster, Faster, Faster" was what your debate teacher was yelling out. again a debate teacher in a debate meeting, yet you found passion in public speaking? possible, but please be clearer in your explanation.


you might want to describe what about the flushing of the toilet scared you most to make it sound more of a narrative.

your theme went from discussing how people perceived normal vs. abnormal to discussing how you overcame your fear of public speaking.

By Totallytaffy (Totallytaffy) on Tuesday, March 02, 2004 - 10:35 am: Edit

I appreciate everyones insight into my essay especially yours Gianscolere. However the essay has already been sent. I dont think that it will have a negative effect considering that I only had 250 words. I just wanted to be remembered by the adcoms. Maybe it will be in a bad way maybe it wont that is something that I probably can't control. However so far I'm on a streek with the essay. accepted to 5 colleges, with two letters personally writen on my admissions letter that said. My essay was hilarious and it expressed my ablility to take a risk with my writing. They also said that some applicants wouldn't be able to take that risk which could sometimes I said sometimes make their writing boring. The adcoms read all those letters and out of 1000 letters or more at least I will give them a laugh. To my big schools like Yale, Harvard, Wake Foest and NYU. I have more room to express my abliity to express my writen thoughts more clearly. I'm not affraid of rejection. Infact, I'm more pleased with the idea that on my rejection letter they might write you essay was hilarious but it had no coherence. I agree that my essay was a risk, but it was risk that I was willing to take. All of my teachers are Ivy league school alums and they loved my essay and apparently UPenn loved it too because I was accepted and on my letter they wrote your essay was spectacular.
THANKS FOR THE SUGGESTIONS
EVERYONE

By I1lmatics (I1lmatics) on Tuesday, March 02, 2004 - 02:22 pm: Edit

im gonna go out out a limb here and call your bluff... i get a strong feeling that half that stuff you just said was bs for various reasons.. but watever

By Gianscolere (Gianscolere) on Tuesday, March 02, 2004 - 02:59 pm: Edit

congrats on your acceptance to Upenn and best of luck with the other schools. you should give yourself a pat on the back.

By Noodleman (Noodleman) on Tuesday, March 02, 2004 - 04:10 pm: Edit

Would anyone like to read my epic poem,"Ode to Doody?" It got me into Yale.

By Candi1657 (Candi1657) on Tuesday, March 02, 2004 - 04:27 pm: Edit

TotallyTaffy

What's puzzling to me is that you asked for honest opinions on your essay and then completely tried to swat down everyone that made a constructively negative comment. You shouldn't do that.

By Thecritic22 (Thecritic22) on Wednesday, March 03, 2004 - 12:59 am: Edit

"All of my teachers are Ivy league school alums and they loved my essay "

...

Well, can't argue with that. Although I would raise the fact that it is a very poorly written essay. Congrats on U Penn, but if I were an adcom I would not have listed your essay as your strong point.

By Kshroff1 (Kshroff1) on Wednesday, March 03, 2004 - 05:02 am: Edit

Well...I also wrote an essay about Public speaking (albeit a far longer and more cliched one)
so here goes..:

Arguing about the usage of a modal with an English teacher might seem like an unnecessary and futile, pastime. Nevertheless, I found myself doing exactly that one-day. But however much I argued, my English teacher refused to budge. I went home that day and found research on the Internet that supported my view. The next day I won my strangest argument yet.

My general knowledge about current affairs along with my interest in reading has really helped me with arguments. I seldom lose a point. This always led me to assume that I ‘d make a great natural debater. But when I got on to the stage for my first debate—a rude shock awaited me—and a valuable lesson, too.

My inexperience along with stage fright made me learn up my entire argument by heart. I walked onto the stage. Images of hundreds of students in blue uniforms and judges in saris and suits began to swarm around inside my head. I caught the eye of one of the students in front. He seemed to be laughing. ‘Do I sound that weird’, I thought to myself. I became a nervous wreck, with my legs wobbling and knocking against each other. I mumbled through all my arguments. Realizing how badly I’d done I burst into tears immediately after leaving the stage.

My disappointing entry kept me away from debating for some time. However, I was determined to conquer my fear and master the art of debating. I jumped at the opportunity to get a second chance and represent my school at a prestigious interschool debate. But this time I did things differently. I worked assiduously at perfecting my arguments. I solved my problem of stage fright by practicing repeatedly in front of several different audiences. My hard work really paid off and though our school didn’t win the debate, my performance was highly praised by my peers and teachers.

But the real culmination of my efforts came in Grade 12 at a national debate. I had just about half a day to prepare. The topic dealt with the impact of globalization on Indian culture. Normally, debates in India are argued from fully prepared scripts. However the lack of preparation time forced me to simply write out my main points in brief and make up most of my argument, along with all my counterarguments, on the spot. It really helped. Immediately after I started speaking, I got the same feeling of comfort that I have while having a friendly face-to-face argument. No expression from anyone in the audience could intimidate me. I strongly believed everything I was saying. Even my hands and eyes expressed my views. The debate ended. I sat down with a novel feeling of absolute contentedness. The results were announced. I was selected best speaker. It gave me a thrill I had never felt before, not even while winning computer competitions.

Debating taught me how with practice and determination, it’s possible to overcome any fear. Arguing in front of an audience also made me more confident. This helped in every sphere, including tests, as it prevented me from ever being overcome with a sense of panic.

So the next time anyone tries to convince me about how useless argument is, I’ll pass him this essay. And I doubt he’ll argue any further.

By Jolt21 (Jolt21) on Wednesday, March 03, 2004 - 08:41 am: Edit

i think unique essays are the best..this one is very unique..if you can write about something creaive, its better than writing something serious...i mean i wrote about wanting to be spider-man and video games..and i was accpeted to Dartmouth...unique essays rule..congrats on UPenn

By Gianscolere (Gianscolere) on Wednesday, March 03, 2004 - 12:40 pm: Edit

totallytaffy:
i'm just curious
isn't upenn's ED program binding, meaning if you got accepted early, you are required to enroll? why are you still waiting on yale, harvard, wake forest, and nyu?

By Soozievt (Soozievt) on Wednesday, March 03, 2004 - 01:00 pm: Edit

Good question.

By Gianscolere (Gianscolere) on Wednesday, March 03, 2004 - 01:01 pm: Edit

kshroff1
i have no major problem with your essay but i just need to clarify something.

"So the next time anyone tries to convince me about how useless argument is, I’ll pass him this essay. And I doubt he’ll argue any further."

are you saying that people have tried to convince you that debating is useless? although you mentioned this theme in the beginning by saying that the "usage of modal" was "an unnecessary and futile pastime," the overall theme of your essay is how you overcame your fear of public speaking, not how you convinced other people that debating was worthwhile. there's a difference.

solid essay

By I1lmatics (I1lmatics) on Wednesday, March 03, 2004 - 02:02 pm: Edit

refer back to my initial post " im gonna go out out a limb here and call your bluff... i get a strong feeling that half that stuff you just said was bs for various reasons.. but watever "

It's quiet obvious the Op is lying about being accepted to these colleges. If she was accepted to UPenn it would have to be ED thus she can't be waiting on other acceptances to come. And not only that she also says
"However so far I'm on a streek with the essay. accepted to 5 colleges, with two letters personally writen on my admissions letter that said. My essay was hilarious and it expressed my ablility to take a risk with my writing" .. haha yea right

Also why in the hell would she be so desperate in seeking in opinion on her essay if she was already into college?
annndd upenn supposenly changed their whole standard acceptance letter for the op just so they can comment on how great her essay was? haha yea right.

not only is she lying about the acceptances and compliments on her essay from those schools she listed.. i also have a strong suspicion she lied about the colleges she applied to... she said the essay had to be 250 words and then she says she applied to nyu.... no where on the nyu application do they require a 250 word eassy.. they require only 1 essay and it is 500 words.

I think it is pretty obvious what happened here, the op applied to colleges (however which ones we may never know) and was feeling a little anxious about how her essay would go over so she came on here to ask our opinions. We pretty muched bashed the essay for what it is; crap. The op felt totally embarrassed and thus went on a rampage of poorly thought out lies.

thats all.

By Candi1657 (Candi1657) on Wednesday, March 03, 2004 - 03:46 pm: Edit

While I hate to call someone a liar, I'm afraid I have to concur with I1lmatics.

By Mikepatterson (Mikepatterson) on Wednesday, March 03, 2004 - 04:37 pm: Edit

"For some reason, the sound or even smell (yes I said smell) of running water always made me have to go."

Yes, you SAID smell. Essays can talk!

MIKE PATTERSON

By Mikepatterson (Mikepatterson) on Wednesday, March 03, 2004 - 04:39 pm: Edit

“Faster, Louder, Faster, Faster, Faster,” until I was red in the face."

Essay or Japanese bondage - you decide

MIKE PATTERSON

By Mikepatterson (Mikepatterson) on Wednesday, March 03, 2004 - 04:49 pm: Edit

“That day I found my passion for… writing essays or public speaking… with at least 50 people in…the bathroom…and the debate coach…running water… Louder, Faster, Faster… ruining my flowered undies… and I was 8 years old (normal and abnormal)…”

This may only be what Admissions will remember…

MIKE PATTERSON

By Slayer (Slayer) on Wednesday, March 03, 2004 - 05:51 pm: Edit

It seems a little odd that UPenn would personally take the time to say they loved your essay. Sure, it gets your attention because it's writing about such an unusual college essay topic...but you go from toilets to public speaking and there is really no connection between the two. You have this whole big thing leading up to the toilet then it's like I flushed and ooh it was scary so I ran and I LOVE TO TALK IN FRONT OF PEOPLE. It just needs some connection/flow there. I'm not saying I doubt that UPenn really commented on your essay, it just seems highly unlikely for a school, particularly such a large one, to do so.

By I1lmatics (I1lmatics) on Wednesday, March 03, 2004 - 08:45 pm: Edit

slayer its impossible for upenn to have commended her essay because they coulndt of accepted her... she claimed to be accepted to upenn which had to be ED as well as 5 other schools aready.. that's an impossibility becuase she would have to withdraw all applications if upenn accepted her

By Espionnechica (Espionnechica) on Sunday, March 07, 2004 - 09:50 pm: Edit

Congratulations if you got into 5 colleges (and I agree with I1lmatics: that seems to be an impossibility at this point), because if I was on an adcom I might have used this essay for toilet paper...
It's unclear why you would want to be remembered as the shy girl who runs from an object that flushes. It's great that you like debating--you and thousands of other people applying to college. This will make you stand out alright, if you want to be known for an essay that sports a myriad of grammatical and spelling mistakes, general incoherence and an inappropriate essay topic.

By Noodleman (Noodleman) on Tuesday, March 09, 2004 - 03:14 pm: Edit

Proper syntax would be

"If I were an ADCOM"

"myriad grammatical" not "myriad of grammatical."

Call not the kettle black, o pot.

By Gianscolere (Gianscolere) on Tuesday, March 09, 2004 - 07:59 pm: Edit

making grammar and/or spelling mistakes in a casual forum like this one is really okay

noodleman-
"myriad" in the context "myriad of grammatical and spelling mistakes" is correctly used. saying "myriad mistakes" is also acceptable, but i prefer the former. nevertheless, using "myriad" in this context is an exaggeration.

By Noodleman (Noodleman) on Tuesday, March 09, 2004 - 08:33 pm: Edit

Did you somehow miss that Espionnechica was criticising grammar? That's why I made fun, silly. You are technically correct regarding myriad/myriad of in the sense that throughout most of its history in English, myriad was used as a noun, as in "a myriad of mistakes." In the early 19th century it began to be used in poetry as an adjective, as in "myriad mistakes." Both uses in English are acceptable. The poetic, adjectival use became so well entrenched generally that many people came to consider it as the only correct use. In fact, both uses in English are parallel with those of the original ancient Greek. The Greek word murias, from which myriad derives, could be used as either a noun or as an adjective, but the noun murias was used in general prose and in mathematics while the adjective murias was used only in poetry.

By Riesenmy (Riesenmy) on Tuesday, March 09, 2004 - 11:14 pm: Edit

the subtle arrogance on this site kills me (figuratively speaking)...