Yet Another Essay

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Discus: What Are My Chances?: January 2004 Archive: Yet Another Essay
By Argilospsychi (Argilospsychi) on Friday, January 16, 2004 - 04:47 am: Edit

Is it good? Enough for top schools? Give me a scale of 1-10 if possible.

Any help you could give me would be greatly appreciated.


Will it Float?

Will it float? You tell me.

I teach science to elementary schoolers at a day camp at Oregon State University. We play a game called "Will it Float?" adapted from a segment on ďThe Late Show with David Letterman." The game involves simply a tub of water and random objects, like super balls, duct tape, or plastic pink flamingos. In a lesson about density, we put the objects in the water with the question, ďwill it float?Ē At first I thought that this was a stupid idea. What person, no matter how young and hopped up on candy they were, would find this remotely interesting? But to my surprise, I entered the classroom filled with two dozen first and second graders and saw that they were absolutely enthralled with the game. They were standing on their chairs, cheering, and chanting, all just to see if a banana can float.

Teaching at this camp is always a great experience. Most kids are eager from the moment they walk in the door. My fellow teachers and I teach week-long units about basic principles in many disciplines of science, such as biology week, chemistry week, and matter week. We guide the children in simple experiments with baking soda and vinegar, Alka Seltzer, oil and water, or other things we know too well to be impressed by. But time and time again, throughout all the experiments, I am amazed by the sheer joy and appreciation that these young minds get from the knowledge and activities which we consider commonplace. And it makes you realize that the older we get the more we lose that sense of awe at the world around us.

We often grow resistant to new experiences and new knowledge. I remember how easily impressed I was when I was younger. I could stare at ball mazes in museums for hours, each minute as fascinating as the next. I could watch ants on the playground endlessly. Just about anything could capture my attention. But as we grow, itís easy to cloud our minds with the responsibilities and obligations of life and not truly appreciate what we learn and what we see. It takes a little more to impress us, a little more to be pleased, and we sometimes lose sight of that innate sense of wonder. But these kidsí minds are blank slates, and they havenít yet allowed themselves to become jaded. Every step, every word, every morsel of information, is new and exhilarating.

Iím currently taking a year off before I start the next phase of my education. But even though Iím not in school, Iím still learning, still growing. It is amazing how much you can learn being on the other end of the classroom. Teaching for this camp and seeing the childrenís ability to find awe in every new experience, no matter how mundane it appears, reminds me to recognize the grandeur in all that I see or learn. With the right approach, everything in this world is beautiful and exciting. You simply have to pay attention.

By Argilospsychi (Argilospsychi) on Sunday, January 18, 2004 - 03:59 am: Edit

bump please!

By Suzannegrenvill (Suzannegrenvill) on Sunday, January 18, 2004 - 09:55 am: Edit

10/ seem to be an expert, and I guess this essay is written for some top-notch schools like.....HYP?

By Soozievt (Soozievt) on Sunday, January 18, 2004 - 10:01 am: Edit

Overall, I liked this essay, good job. I might have changed the final two lines.


By Argilospsychi (Argilospsychi) on Sunday, January 18, 2004 - 03:28 pm: Edit



By Argilospsychi (Argilospsychi) on Sunday, January 18, 2004 - 04:05 pm: Edit

no HYP, Brown Wash U and Pomona.

I looked into yale and really liked it but it didn't have enough of what i needed curriculum-wise. The number of schools with neuroscience, women's rugby, and ceramics (my 3 main interests) is annoyingly small. I wasn't too into Harvard or Princeton. Regardless, I probably couldn't get into any of the three so this is kind of silly. Anyways.

Could you guys please look at my other chances posts, 'chances at pomona' and 'chances at brown' i don't have a 'chances at wash' post but you guys could comment on that too...

thanks for all your help

By Shahab (Shahab) on Sunday, January 18, 2004 - 04:11 pm: Edit

Im jealous :D
Good essay!
Change the last two lines to pack more of a circular punch. For instance you could mention how sometimes you would lose interest and not pay attention

here... after this line
We often grow resistant to new experiences and new knowledge.

add something alone the lines of..

We then stop paying attention.

just an example im sure you can make it nicer but thats the general idea.

This way when you say "You just have to pay attention" at the end, the reader is like hey he tied that in nicely.

Now that ive done your essay, might you glance at mine?

its the one with the subject line as "please rate this essay!"

By Argilospsychi (Argilospsychi) on Sunday, January 18, 2004 - 04:12 pm: Edit

that's a very good idea

By Argilospsychi (Argilospsychi) on Thursday, January 22, 2004 - 06:32 pm: Edit

Can this essay get me into Brown ?

(I already sent it I unfortuneatly can't change the last two lines, but I would have if I had had more time. anyways, those were good ideas so thanks!)

I feel like the essay is way too wordy. What do you guys think?

Shahab: I will rate yours! thanks

By Suzannegrenvill (Suzannegrenvill) on Monday, January 26, 2004 - 06:58 am: Edit's not wordy. By the way, I'm applying to Brown too.

Also check out "Compare these two......" in College Admissions or College Search and Selection

By Jaeoo (Jaeoo) on Monday, January 26, 2004 - 09:25 am: Edit

i love this essay!! probably the best essay ive ever read!! its not too wordy at all. In my opinion, if you have decent test scores and Brown considers you a candidate too strong to be rejected, this essay will get you into Brown! Nice job!!

By Jaeoo (Jaeoo) on Monday, January 26, 2004 - 09:39 am: Edit

i am applying to Brown as well,,can u please read my message and rate my chance? I would like to keep in touch with you,,so that we can help each other on this grueling college application matter. What do u think?

By Argilospsychi (Argilospsychi) on Tuesday, January 27, 2004 - 01:41 am: Edit

thanks guys
I'd love to stay in touch, that's a good idea. we should form a support group!! Have you guys already applied or are you going to apply next year?

My test scores aren't great:
SAT: 650m720v (took it four friggin times)
SATII: 650 Math IIC, 700 writing, 690 bio
5 on AP bio, 4 on ap english lit, 3 on chem and 3 on Calc AB

I've got good EC and grades though.
My full out stats are on a post "chances at brown" You guys should take a look!

What are your guys' stats?

I gtg..I'm getting my wisdom teeth out tomorrow! oy vey

By Suzannegrenvill (Suzannegrenvill) on Tuesday, January 27, 2004 - 07:53 am: Edit

I have already applied to Brown, and I had my interview and my Net ID, BUT I'm not telling anyone my stats cos my stats are my secret.

By Jaeoo (Jaeoo) on Tuesday, January 27, 2004 - 08:57 am: Edit

i dont mean to sound rude or to disparage your accomplishments,, but your test scores might be a little weak, u know,,,compared to other Brown applicants. However, i am glad to hear you got good ECs grades!!! I hope u make it,,but im kind of nervous that i have found another strong applicant who will be competing against me,,,,would u please read my message "Once ESL Korean Twin Brothers with now appealing scores"? please

By Suzannegrenvill (Suzannegrenvill) on Tuesday, January 27, 2004 - 09:23 am: Edit

Nah........those stats are not weak at all.

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