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Well, I saw similar threads devoted to pleas for essay help, so why not? This is an essay I wrote, oh, half an hour ago, and since it's almost 2am right now, perhaps it's not 100% coherent. Maybe not even 25%...anyway, I'm already starting to babble. I thought I'd post my essay to Amherst (note#1: app deadline: Dec 31). Yay for procrastination stimulation.
I had to respond to one of multiple prompts, and I chose this:

Memory: Is there a more fragile human faculty? Without it, what are we? It is the only record we have of who we were and what we want to become. Take it away and only a spiritless machine is left, free of conviction, free of purpose.

Here we go:

Memory: Is there a more irksome human quality? Without it, only the present is of concern. No danger of the past lurking in locked grudges, oozing from the infected sores of history, or mucking up the traveler’s road to the future with unearthly doubts and fears. Because of memory, we humans are but donkeys, trudging along with the past riding upon us, a burden so great it numbs the mind. And meanwhile Past gleefully dangles the carrot of the Future between our tired eyes, tantalizing and teasing us into the fairytale land of Hope. Ah, to possess memory – I wonder at this double-edged sword of potential.

The simple phrase “I remember” unlocks a whole new dimension in an already cluttered sphere; the donkey has bitten the carrot, it has seized control of the past. Victory – yes? Or what? Because now we are left to ponder, subsequently: what is the past? What have we taken into our clutches? We don’t find one isolated image in our private photo album; no neatly arranged documentary awaits our embrace. Too late, the donkey sinks its teeth into the carrot, only to discover that it is not a carrot at all, but an onion! Each layer torn away reveals tears, bittersweet, and a progressive inner spiral, and yet we persist, hoping to find, beyond our tearstained eyes, the sweet inner core. To understand the past, and consequently memory’s role, is no clean study.

Alright, I understand, as I’m sure you will, that this is only related by one concrete concept. This memory, I mean. I remember distinctly my RA, Lindsey Stephenson, cutting onions at our dining table: the only time she ever cried during those four monsoon-filled weeks. It was hamburger night at the Biosphere 2, and everyone had an assigned food group.

But of what consequence is it? It’s gone already, a fleeting strip of movie with title and producer eroded away. I find myself pulled apart, because I want beyond wanting to go back, to revisit the memory, only to open my eyes and find that I am trapped in the shroud of the present. What do I remember? The joy of friendship, the love of bonding, the pain of parting. Nothing left but to move forward. The onion lays shredded on the grass, and another carrot appears to wave us on. And the donkey? Her name was Pandora.

What do you think? Too overdone? unrealistic? unpersonal? just plain weird? (note#2: I am not mentally unstable - I don't think).
Critiques, general comments, overall impressions, dire threats, insults - all will be accepted and appreciated equally! Thanks in advance ;D

By Roseateshock (Roseateshock) on Sunday, December 28, 2003 - 01:55 am: Edit

haha...not mentally unstable. Creative.

By Sumnemomd (Sumnemomd) on Sunday, December 28, 2003 - 02:05 am: Edit

i thought first paragraph was great. but don't take my word for it, since it's 2 in the morning and i'm starting to get headaches from the computer screen.
btw, were u at the biosphere this past summer? a friend of mine was there. sarah? (i'm not mentioning her last name) red hair, loud?

when u are at the 3rd paragraph - it seemed a little ....weird's not the word, but different, like the reader was in a trance, then the reader's snapped somewhere else, it's a sudden, "whoa! where are we now?"
not sure if that's good or bad. sorry.
i liked the layers of the onion thing, and the spiral. (ok, now my mind is officially spirally. wew. lol)
hope i've been helpful.

By Jada (Jada) on Sunday, December 28, 2003 - 12:38 pm: Edit

Sumnemomd, thanks for your comments. I agree, the third sticks out as....maybe too sudden. I'll have to smooth out the edges of this essay. Heh.

By Jada (Jada) on Monday, December 29, 2003 - 08:53 pm: Edit

bump

By Whzup44412 (Whzup44412) on Monday, December 29, 2003 - 11:22 pm: Edit

Its interesting, but a little overdone. Judging from the question, i kinda get the feeling that maybe the college wanted it to be overdone. I like the essay, but I also think it tells nothing about you. Depends on whether the college wants to use this essay to see how your write, or to learn more about you.