|By Wheeleroppie5 (Wheeleroppie5) on Sunday, November 16, 2003 - 06:35 pm: Edit|
Based on my stats and essays, please rate my chances of admission.
GPA: 3.9 (only one B+ in a college course)
(I could be 4.0 and 1/350 if I get my college courses taken off of my transcript)
ACT: 31 (35 eng, 34 math, 28 read, 28 sci)
APs: 5, 4, 3, 3 (Taking two more this year)
Plenty of community service
Copy Editor, Spy Yearbook
President and Founder, Science Team
District Webmaster, Key Club
Parliamentarian, National Honor Society
AP Scholar with Honor
Cross Country JV / Baseball JV
more EC stuff, essays are more important to me right now....so read them.....
As I close my eyes, I can picture my daily life as a biomedical engineering student at Penn.
I decide immediately after the first week of Professor Ducheyne’s Introduction to Bioengineering course that I will be doing independent undergraduate research next semester at the Injury Biomechanics Lab under Dr. Margulies. Professor Ducheyne suggests, after our post-class discussion, that I enroll in the Clinical Preceptorship in Bioengineering through the Institute for Medicine and Engineering, as it will help me to become familiar and comfortable with the hospital environment—a place I will be spending much time working and doing research. Both courses will allow me to explore in more depth all of the areas of biomedical engineering, including the most fascinating area of clinical medicine, epilepsy neurology. There is no doubt that I will stay in close contact with my professors, perhaps discussing the latest breakthrough in neuroengineering over lunch. After introducing myself to a group of fellow students in my introductory course, we all agree that nightly study sessions will be essential to our success at Penn. The second-year biomedical engineering students I meet on the way to check out the Kelly Writers House agree that they will sometime show me to the best places to do research and introduce me to the most experienced professors at Penn. I know this sense of companionship at Penn will allow me to establish close relationships right away that will in turn create a positive working atmosphere for my next three years. This camaraderie at Penn makes for a more valuable and worthwhile engineering experience than any other university can offer.
After a week or so of classes, the SEAS Leaders Program catches my attention. What an invaluable opportunity. Without delay, I fill out the online application. I know this program will provide me with important leadership skills for a career in biomedical engineering. Since the university’s twelve schools and hospital are within walking distance of each other, transportation to and from co-curricular activities, work, and research and homework sessions will be easy.
I soon join the Biomedical Engineering Society and Society of Bioengineering. I suggest that we arrange for a newsletter that will inform the campus of upcoming activities as I did during my junior and senior years in high school. Since we plan to include an article every month on new work being done, I ask Professor Boahen to give us some insight concerning his latest brain research. In addition, I maintain the BMES and SoBE web sites. Because of the rigorous coursework, my ability to juggle these activities and my coursework effectively will be essential to my success.
Later that afternoon, I start my homework involving tissue anatomy, which is due in two weeks, and logon to the Internet to update southeastern Wisconsin’s weather forecast. Leaving my dorm room, I ask the students sitting in a study group if they would be interested in starting a new committee within the SoBE and BMES that would help students at local primary and secondary schools with their studies. They agree happily.
I end this long journey by going for an evening run in the crisp but mild weather to prepare myself for playing baseball in the spring. I then meet a few fellow students at the local diner for a steak and potatoes. The calm, quiet atmosphere of the restaurant inspires a great idea for an article for The Daily Pennsylvanian. I drive back to my dorm on campus where the latest issue of Discover magazine awaits me. The article on gravity reminds me of my terrestrial permanence. But it is fact that no written law of the universe can govern the ability of a Penn grad to take wing.
Page 217 from 300 page autobiography
I hear the garage door opening. It must be Saturday morning. Bright, golden beams of sunlight shine through the blinds of my bedroom window and extend down to the wooden floor, warming my feet as I get up from my bed. After a moment of stretching, I hear my dad calling my name from across the house. It is seven o’clock on this brilliant fall morning—the type that provokes memories of earlier such mornings. After enjoying a tall glass of orange juice, I find my jacket and head to the garage, where my dad has already begun working on the car.
Every Saturday I look forward to watching my dad continue his car-building project. Each week he picks up where he left off the week before. Occasionally even I am able to lend him a hand, but only on the less difficult procedures. (I have already signed up for an automotive technology class at my middle school for next year.) Most of all I admire his commitment; although he works long, twelve hour days during the week, he finds time to set aside for his weekend project. Often he finds himself turning down offers to go golfing and out to breakfast. Work comes first; cars are is passion.
My dad’s commitment to his work has taught me commitment in mine. As copy editor of my school’s yearbook, I have many important responsibilities. Last year, after all of the sections of the yearbook were written, it was my duty to edit and revise each one carefully, which sometimes took away more of my free time than I liked. However, I always thought of my dad: steadily focusing, he works until his task is complete. Not only do the yearbook students and advisors depend on me, but also the rest of the students in the school, who expect to get their yearbooks on time.
Imaginably, a hobby that involves building a car from countless pieces over a period of months requires a tremendous amount of patience. Instead of throwing his wrench to the ground when something does not make sense, my dad consults the online car instruction manual. After a few minutes, he has finds the solution and quickly returns to work.
As a result of my dad’s patience, I have learned to have more patience in achieving my goals. While playing left field in a city league baseball game in the summer before my freshman year, I watched as our pitcher struck out batter after batter. As I imagined what a great feeling it must be to be the one in control of the entire game, I decided that I too want to become a pitcher. Having pitched before only once or twice when I was younger, I needed more practice if I wanted to pitch in a real high school game. Everyday from June until November, I practiced pitching in my backyard with my dad, lifted weights and jogged. I signed up for a winter pitching clinic, where I learned invaluable techniques for throwing faster and more accurately. After all of the hard work, I was exhausted, but by that spring I was ready to pitch for the city team.
I remember specifically watching my father put the finishing touches on his great achievement, as I wondered what it was that sparked his interest in cars. Today I wonder about the life that this car seems to have, and how closely it is related to mine. This car works efficiently. Soon it will be using its bright, eye-like beams of light to navigate the darkest parts of the long, meandering and convoluted paths of its journeys. It must never exceed the speed limit, for it will miss the scenery if it decides to move too quickly. Although it is loud, it is not noisy.
With the permission of my dad, I hop into the driver’s seat. Peering through the windshield, I now have a clearer view of what lies ahead of me. Putting the car into drive, I set it into high gear. With a full tank of gas, I could travel virtually anywhere.
Thanks! I appreciate it!
|By Wheeleroppie5 (Wheeleroppie5) on Sunday, November 16, 2003 - 07:05 pm: Edit|
|By L0serchild99 (L0serchild99) on Sunday, November 16, 2003 - 07:12 pm: Edit|
For the pg 217 of 300...i think i'd be more realistic if you ended in middle of a sentence, or/and started in middle of a sentence too.
|By Maxkosman (Maxkosman) on Sunday, November 16, 2003 - 07:13 pm: Edit|
I'm also applying early to Penn, are you doing engineering, or CAS??
I think you have a decent shot, but the essays are kind of... weak, they're very well written no question, but the first one is kind of transparent, and both are really self-praising
|By Wheeleroppie5 (Wheeleroppie5) on Sunday, November 16, 2003 - 10:31 pm: Edit|
33 ACT - BTW - those 28s are from my first test - I have 32 read and 32 sci
|By Wheeleroppie5 (Wheeleroppie5) on Sunday, November 16, 2003 - 10:39 pm: Edit|
"Transparent" ?? You will have to be more specific...I don't understand what you mean.
Yes, they are supposed to communicate my personal qualities; they are bound to be self-praising.
Any more comments/criticisms?
I marked Biomedical Engineering.
|By Wheeleroppie5 (Wheeleroppie5) on Tuesday, November 18, 2003 - 05:20 pm: Edit|
|By Whzup44412 (Whzup44412) on Wednesday, November 19, 2003 - 04:32 pm: Edit|
Good first essay. Second essay- I'm not sure if you read the question correctly. I have a number of friends applying ED to Penn, and I was under the impression that "pg. 217" of your autobiography meant where you'd be in the future. One person, I believe, wrote her's on becoming a doctor. I think (although not positive, maybe you could post the question?) that Penn is trying to see where you want to go with your education. Also, an essay isn't always a good place to list achievements in certain activities (which you do in the second essay- editor, baseball). The activities section of the application is where you should list those activities (include an additional sheet for explanation of your responsibilities in each club/group/activity). I'd suggest re-reading the question, or posting it here.
|By Wheeleroppie5 (Wheeleroppie5) on Sunday, November 23, 2003 - 04:02 pm: Edit|
|By Frappucinogrl (Frappucinogrl) on Monday, November 24, 2003 - 02:26 am: Edit|
I really liked both of your essays. Your Upenn one was strong, you've done your research. But I agree that pg. 217 needs to be in the future...towards the middle of your life.
|By Wharton1986 (Wharton1986) on Monday, November 24, 2003 - 02:33 am: Edit|
for some reason i can not post on a seperate discussion.
Please could someone evaluate my stats for wharton ed as well.
Sat1-1450(690 v 760 m)
750 Math 2c
Top 5% of class.
Rank 7 out of 200
no gpa system
No aps available in my country.
Student body leader(nominated by staff and principal and then elected)
Director of Eco Fin council at model un
Founder and president of earthquake relief fund
Captain of school table tennis team and participated at district level competetions.
Academic Excellence for high marks in Std X National Exam
High Distinction in english and distinction in maths at ETC international exam.
High commendation for best speaker at all city model un meet.
Strong essays which i am proud of.
how would you rate my chances for wharton.
i applied ed there and i am a little worried abiut my chances considering that lots of people from my school with better stats are applying .
please could u help me out
|By Almalena2003 (Almalena2003) on Monday, November 24, 2003 - 05:28 pm: Edit|
You did a great job with your "why penn" essay! You've done lots of research and I'm sure - they're gonna love it. I agree with you that essays are bound to be somewhat self-praising, and I like the way you wrote your second essay, it's beautiful, but I still think it looks more like your EC list than anything else. Did you apply ED? If you did not, then you should probably think about re-writing it (the 2nd one). Great essays alone will not guarantee you an acceptance letter, awful ones can push you out if you are an "in between" candidate.
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