Be Brutal if You Wish

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Discus: What Are My Chances?: September 2003 Archive: Be Brutal if You Wish
By Sadeyedlady (Sadeyedlady) on Tuesday, September 23, 2003 - 03:44 am: Edit

This is my essay for National Achievement and for a few scholarships I'm applying to. This is not a college essay...I have to pack a lot of information in only 500 words...

Great minds do not think alike; they challenge and contradict each other. Having a unique perspective is one of the most important aspects of humanity. This perspective can be shaped by several things – in my case, it is the varying environments I have called home. I was born in Nigeria, but I lived in England for most of my childhood, and I have lived in three regions of the US: the South, New England, and the Mid-Atlantic. Having lived in three vastly different areas, I have grown to love every minute of being exposed to people very different from me. I used to be very shy and lacking in self confidence. I shied away from leadership positions, didn’t express my opinion strongly, and I was reluctant to ask teachers for extra help, thinking I was a waste of their time. Over the years, especially since I began high school, I have gained more and more self confidence. After many accomplishments, I’ve realized that others have a lot to learn from my experiences. I am often a leader or facilitator of discussion because I enjoy defending my position and expressing my opinions. Leadership now comes easily to me; people often look to me as a leader because they know I hold no prejudices.
Writing is one of the most important aspects of my life. Once, upon reading a poem of mine, a woman told me that I have what it takes to become a well-known and well respected writer. It’s not often that I hear such strong words of encouragement and ever since, I have not been one to waste my talents. Since then, I have become very eager to be part of an intellectual and artistic community. I have founded a peer tutoring service to help struggling students and I also set up a venue for young poets to share their work. Most of my pursuits are those that require intense passion and commitment; I go to poetry slams, I have volunteered for the political campaign of a gubernatorial candidate, I direct plays in Drama Club, I do research testing pollutants in local streams…And always, I write.
Recently, I have become interested in AIDS research, since the disease took the life of my uncle in Nigeria. He went to the Dentist and left the office HIV positive. I never thought I was a “science” person, but medicine is something I am strongly interested in because of the personal factor of the profession. I am interested in improving medical practices in Nigeria, as they are not sufficient to keep up with the many diseases that ravage the continent. Although I have changed so much since I left my first home, I still remain very much connected to the challenge of rebuilding and healing Africa.

By Alimshk (Alimshk) on Tuesday, September 23, 2003 - 04:09 pm: Edit

The essay is repetetive. You write about something for three sentences when you can make it one concise sentence.

By Sadeyedlady (Sadeyedlady) on Wednesday, September 24, 2003 - 12:56 am: Edit


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