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Discus: What Are My Chances?: December 2002 Archive: ***COLLEGE ESSAY***
By gumby on Tuesday, December 03, 2002 - 11:35 pm: Edit

Prompt: If you could choose one person to play “you” in a movie about your life, who would it be and why?

Choosing someone to accurately represent another is a difficult task due to factors such as personality and distinctiveness. After taking these aspects of the decision into account, I find it isn’t necessary to find someone who can relate to my 5’5” height and 110 lb weight, but rather my other characteristics. Through much deliberation, all paths lead to the choice of the relatively new actor Vin Diesel. Though Vin Diesel is slightly larger than myself, his performances in “The Fast and the Furious” and “ XXX ” make it clear that he would be the only person qualified to portray myself.

Life to me is a long midnight stumble to the bathroom, trying not to kick my shins too badly on the way back to bed. My symbolic stumble through life so far is best mirrored by Vin Diesel’s acting style in that his lack of acting talent reflects my lack of worldly knowledge and experience. Though it may seem trite—given that I have a few accomplishments to my credit, every new day still shows me how much I have yet to achieve. In a one step removed perspective, these achievements have been partially due to circumstance and luck of the state of affairs, a situation that is similar to Vin Diesel’s acting career. With box office hits like the aforementioned films, one might think that the financial success was due to his acting talent, but further critical scrutiny would reveal that determining factors such as the state of the economy at the time or the appeal of the movie’s storyline are also to blame.

Equally though, for one to believe that Vin Diesel’s and my accomplishments have been handed to us on a plate would be false as well. It is because we both know that he cannot learn to act and I cannot learn to accomplish everything in life that we work on what we can. He lifts weights regularly because he knows that his physique is what lands him starring roles in action movies, and also aids in maintaining his macho persona. I, on the other hand, study hard academically and donate my most abundant resource, time, to the community. In this way, we both work hard to excel in our interests. Not every role that comes by demands solely a muscleman, and as my academic studies aren’t always adequate, we aren’t always successful.

It is because of these attributes that make up Vin Diesel that we are eerily similar, which would make him the perfect person to play me in a movie. Just the act of him “acting” would be an ironic symbol that showed my true nature, and the financial success or failure of the film would also illustrate the various outcomes within my life so far.

Any comments welcome; please try not to take "cheapshots" without actually reading it first (even if u find it may suck)... and if so, don't just say "you suck" but please offer suggestions for improvement. Thx!

By gracias on Tuesday, December 03, 2002 - 11:50 pm: Edit

hi, im just gonna borrow this essay for one of the college apps im doing. thanks. hope you dont mind.

By gumby on Tuesday, December 03, 2002 - 11:52 pm: Edit

lol. gracias, which college???

By gracias on Tuesday, December 03, 2002 - 11:56 pm: Edit

whichever one you are applying to

By gumby on Wednesday, December 04, 2002 - 12:04 am: Edit

um, ok. i posted it to get *feedback*, not to receive unnecessary rude, obnoxious and completely irrelevant comments. if people feel the need to steal this essay, i suppose there's no way i can stop them from doing so, but it's still in the crude drafting processes which is why it's here. if, and only IF an admissions officer were to read essays similar to this one, i can guarantee my fully edited *completed* version will easily stick out as the original. With that in mind, I invite the desperate folk who probably have an even lesser chance of making it into the schools i'm applying, to take what they can... admissions officers will see right through it, and your application will get tossed. everyone else, i welcome any feedback/suggestions. thanks.

By gracias on Wednesday, December 04, 2002 - 12:07 am: Edit

i was just kidding dude...just wondering how people can post their essays knowing that people can easily copy it. Plus, i thought the essay was supposed to be your own work, your own voice type thing. just make it show who you are and its all good.

By gumby on Wednesday, December 04, 2002 - 12:12 am: Edit

all right, thank you

By Wow on Wednesday, December 04, 2002 - 12:25 am: Edit

Gumby, major mistake picking a guy like Vin Diesel to represent you. Not exactly the most intelligent person you could chose. Do you really want to come across as a weightlifting, bodybuilding action movie star? Oh, and I wouldn't really mention "Life to me is a long midnight stumble to the bathroom, trying not to kick my shins too badly on the way back to bed. My symbolic stumble through life so far is best mirrored by Vin Diesel’s acting style in that his lack of acting talent reflects my lack of worldly knowledge and experience." Are you seriously going to tell the admissions office that your life is one big stumble and you have now worldly experience? Are you trying to get rejected? Also, it isn't exaclty the best writing to use sentences like "it is because of these attributes that....." or "in this way, we both....." it sounds too structured. Spice it up and use some words with more than two syllables.

By gumby on Wednesday, December 04, 2002 - 12:27 am: Edit

The purpose of this essay was to express my desire to improve myself and most importantly, learn, which is why I stressed my current state of ignorance ("worldly knowledge and experience)" And I will definetely work to improve that aspect of it as well as writing more creatively structured sentences. Thank you!

By ds on Wednesday, December 04, 2002 - 12:38 am: Edit

I appreciate that, but I don't think that colleges will be impressed (especially good colleges) with the fact that you haven't taken your high school years to improve yourselves

By gumby on Wednesday, December 04, 2002 - 12:46 am: Edit

i'm ranked 4/452, i have a 1580 SAT score and my resume looks pretty "fake" (cluttered) and I thought this essay might show that I'm not the completely arrogant person who feels that the world has been handed to him that the more non-personal aspects of my application may imply. i wanted to show that i strongly value improvement of one's self, regardless of who you may be. the vin diesel "comparison" was meant to serve as an irony; however, i will work on maybe getting that point across more strongly.

By bump on Wednesday, December 04, 2002 - 12:45 pm: Edit


By me on Wednesday, December 04, 2002 - 05:12 pm: Edit

I personally don't like the writing style.

"My symbolic stumble through life so far is best mirrored by Vin Diesel’s acting style in that his lack of acting talent reflects my lack of worldly knowledge and experience."

Bad sentence for obvious reasons

By Emilyg9930 (Emilyg9930) on Wednesday, December 04, 2002 - 05:22 pm: Edit

I liked the essay :o)...its definately original and thats a lot of what colleges look at. You're expressing your true self and I think thats good. Have you given copies of your essay to english teachers or students at school? A different variety of corrections and suggestions will help you a lot. I think you'll do awesome and go where you wanna go. Nice job and good luck!!

By Kason (Kason) on Wednesday, December 04, 2002 - 05:56 pm: Edit

Original.... Original???? yea right. Gumby, you may have excellent credentials, but clearly you are no author. Other than a few sentence structure problems your paper was fine, yet it lacked real substance. After I read the essay the only thing I learned about you is that you like cheezy movies that well developed plots, and are filled with fast cars, and beautiful women. In short- you are writing so much yet saying so little.

By lala on Wednesday, December 04, 2002 - 06:03 pm: Edit

why does everyone keep spelling "DEFINITELY" like "DEFINATELY"????? I've seeen it so many times in these discussions—none of you should go to college for such stupid spelling!

By Emilyg9930 (Emilyg9930) on Wednesday, December 04, 2002 - 06:12 pm: Edit

People need to calm down, I don't understand why everyone is so negative...when someone asks for HELP, its not so cool to criticize.

By Liz (Liz) on Wednesday, December 04, 2002 - 06:48 pm: Edit

1. I don't understand why people post their essays online.
2. I don't understand why people ask for criticism and then behave in the following way:
Negative Criticism: If it isn't harsh, he/she will say "I'll definitely work on that. Thanks!" If it is remotely blunt or frank, he/she will say "Whatever, my essay's *supposed* to be like that. It means blah, blah blah" and/or "You're just being mean to be mean, you don't really have anything constructive to say"
Positive Criticism: "Thank you"
Someone please fill me in on why this is happening.
Also, everyone needs to stop correcting grammar. No offense to you, but it's a losing battle that gains nothing in victory.
EDIT: Gumby, after I read this thread more thoroughly you're not really very guilty of this. A little bit, but by and large you're fine. But this thread really does apply to 99% of these essays.

By hiop on Wednesday, December 04, 2002 - 07:53 pm: Edit

i think your essay sucks.

By humpty dumpty on Wednesday, December 04, 2002 - 08:16 pm: Edit

Your writing is stilted. Do you really speak like this? ("Equally though, ....) I agree that you need to take a more positive approach. It's just my impression, but your approach strikes me as perhaps a bit condescending with a presumption that people are going to be in awe of your accomplishments and you want to prove that you are just like us normal inferior people. The problem is that unless you've won an olympic medal or the van cliburn competition, or authored a best selling novel, the admissions officers have seen it all before.

On the other hand, my opinion means next to nothing; take it with a grain of salt. I'm not an admissions officer.

Nice SAT scores though.

By gumby on Wednesday, December 04, 2002 - 08:19 pm: Edit

ahhhhh many of you are COMPLETELY missing the point! i picked Vin Diesel because he seems to symbolize everything my beliefs/resume appears to defy--just wanted to show how similarities can be found between any 2 given people/places/situations, etc. didn't have to be a "literal" comparison... otherwise, the "actor" would more closely resemble Lucy Liu (yes, an Asian woman who doesn't exercise... clearly not a Vin Diesel for all of u out there who think I enjoy "cheezy movies and beautiful women") but with a little more brains, maybe. And probably not as fit.

By k on Wednesday, December 04, 2002 - 09:40 pm: Edit

gumby.....I see that its supposed to be funny and I sort of got a laugh out of it when I read it for the first time but I can see how others can mistake it for being serious... you should definetly lighten the tone.....Regardless I'm sure the admissions officers will be much brighter than your critics on this board (including myself) but it still can use some work...If I am mistaken and it is supposed to be serious than maybe you should consider a much lighter essay because you'll be better off that way if you are picking vin diesal. Also I definetly agree with most people that it can be interperted as negative (although I don't see condescending) considering the overwhelming number of candidates with stats like yourself at some of the top schools.

like humpty I'm no admissions officer...

By gumby on Wednesday, December 04, 2002 - 10:00 pm: Edit

k, i definetely do need to change my writing style 'cuz it does seem serious when it isn't supposed to be. i guess i do sound like i have coals up my ass ready to turn into diamonds any time now, humpty dumpty, you're right i don't speak like that at all. i should also add more personal stuff like cite specific examples from my life instead of just making broad generalizations... after all i still have 150+ words left until i've reached the word limit.
thx for taking your time to read this everyone, and the quick feedback is really nice

By TheRealDeal on Wednesday, December 04, 2002 - 10:01 pm: Edit

the problem with ur essay is basically this. Your not exactly comparing urself to a particular actor. I guarantee that you could easily put the name of any random actor into your essay, leave everything the same and it would make no difference what's so ever. All your basically saying is that Vin Diseal did wat his interest was, which was acting and pursued it well and that your interest is academic. Your not getting to the core and merely brushing the surface. Get deeper into yourself and find someone that truly relates to you.

By georgia on Wednesday, December 04, 2002 - 10:07 pm: Edit

Gumby, I have two poems published and read often. I think your essay is detailed and unique--not "showy" or sounding "fake" if you will. Don't listen to most of the negative criticism offered on this site. Most of those who give it don't seem to know what they are talking about or aren't qualified to judge. I wish you good luck with your college applications:) Press on and you'll be fantastic!

By Ignorance on Wednesday, December 04, 2002 - 10:30 pm: Edit

Georgia...just b/c you rote a couple of poems and published them makes our comments inferior to yours? I can say for myself that i read plenty so that has nothing to do with critism. I am giving my opinion, regardless if negative or positive. His essay is not that great to not to hear negative comments

By gumby on Thursday, December 05, 2002 - 12:03 am: Edit

nonono... when did I EVER say that Vin Diesel was a good actor? i can see that i obviously need to clarify a lot of things in my essay, esp. the fact that i'm using Vin Diesel's "success (as an actor) due to luck and pure circumstance" as my comparison, NOT his "acting skills"... on the contrary, his acting sucks and i'm just trying to say success doesn't always come with being who you are, but also due to external factors. i should really include myself more in this essay rather than Vin Diesel, though. sorry for all the confusion!

By humpty dumpty on Thursday, December 05, 2002 - 12:52 pm: Edit

I agree that you should really probably ignore any criticism from me. I reread what I wrote, and I think that the comment about being condascending was way too harsh. Mostly I think that I am an idiot because I wasn't reading very closely.

Oh! You're a girl. Never mind.....

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