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I really didn't want to write about this for my college essay, but my guidance counselor told me that it's most wise. This happened my freshman year and my grades were terrible because of it. I got it together during my sophomore year and a sharp increase in grades is seen. I dont know, any suggestions would be appreciated.


I found myself sprawled on the floor of my living room semi-conscious. I believed myself to be doomed. My mother, who has been suffering from Chronic Hepatitis C, was diagnosed with Cirrhosis. Soon she was hospitalized. For days, I was able to do little else but re-analyze my significantly altered situation; I couldn't think the same way I did beforehand. “How could I possibly go on without her”? I tried not to show it, I knew I had to remain strong for my dad and for her.
I’d wake up at 5:00 every morning to make the dinner that my dad and I would eat later that night, to clean up the house, and to get ready for school. At seven, I’d leave my house and go to school. After school, I would walk to Atlantic Avenue and take the bus to the hospital. I would make jokes and laugh with my mom, pretending not to notice her pallid face, tear filled eyes, and aged hands. My dad would come after work, usually around five, and we’d stay with her till seven. At home, I’d heat the food that I prepared that morning and we’d eat in silence, neither of us willing to talk. My dad would then depart to the solace of his room. This was supposed to be the first of the four best years of my life; it didn’t turn out that way. Sleep was sporadic at best, schoolwork was deemed unimportant; my grades quickly became sub par. At the time, nothing mattered.
Though I wish I could say that I gathered the pieces of my heart together and rebuilt it into a newer and stronger one, that I was able to spring back to my feet and that I was able to move on, I couldn’t. I was young and innocent, not at all prepared to be facing real adult situations. Losing my mother, my hero, terrified me.
Slowly my mother began to look and feel better. My dad brought her home, and although she was still sick, her surgery left her feeling better. It took a long time, a little over a year in fact, to come to terms with the situation. I vowed to a quick recovery and another, admittedly slower, push forward. I learned to accept the disease. However, with the permission of my mother, I began to search for help, for a cure. I found an internship with Dr. Slavin, many of whose patients are victims of Hepatitis C. With the patient’s approval, I was able to document the progression of their disease. I hope to expand on the preliminary research that I have done at Dr. Slavin’s in college and help my mother (and others) in her fight.
During the past two years, I feel that I have grown as a person. I’ve made a diligent effort in returning to my prior “blueprint”. While things didn’t work out the way I planned, I look at myself as a person who has taken a profound change from a lost and terrified innocent to an intellectually and academically motivated adult. Although my first year of school is looked upon as a terrible time—given my growth, ability and desire since—I look to college with ready enthuse, and am certain of my potential for continued success. Throughout these past years, I feel I have gained the momentum I need to be on the right track.

By Achat (Achat) on Monday, October 11, 2004 - 04:12 pm: Edit

I liked it. You need to polish this. "Re-analyze" can be changed to 'analyze'. You could also expand on the work you did with the doctor. It is just a one or two line description right now.

You could remove some of the sentences in the beginning about how hard it was (it is apparent to everyone it was hard) in order to not increase word count. You should also remove sentences that make you look like you are pitying yourself. For example:
"This was supposed to be the first of the four best years of my life; it didn’t turn out that way."