|By Meganc123 (Meganc123) on Wednesday, October 06, 2004 - 09:55 am: Edit|
It won't let me post in any other section, so I'll post it here.
I'm not sure if it's working or where exactly I'm headed. So let me know what you think!
The dark purple, nearly black droplet slowly trickled its way down the paper cone, continuing until it threatened to drip onto the warm sand. Graveyard sno-kones are lucky. Itís not cherry, itís not grape. You expect orange to taste orangey, but graveyard has no expectations. A fusion of leftover flavors, it just is. Jagged pieces of ice, scooped into a flimsy paper cone, a sticky mess. Icy, yet syrupy sweet in an undefinable way. Itís crazy and delicious and everything at once. This sno-kone, me. Rough around the edges, not labeled by any category. Nerdy, crazy, rapidly shifting characters, as a familiar yet still mystifying flavor.
The bead of sugary water gathered force, quivering at the tip of the cone before dropping onto my big toe in a freezing splash, shocking me back into reality. This reality- the summer that the annual family beach trip became something more. For me, this prized vacation began with my first birthday, celebrated there with a cake my mom baked in the tiny camper they hauled behind my dadís beat-up pickup truck. Then, to preschool years of filling our galoshes with water and stomping down trails, savoring the squishy sensation. Later, my younger cousin received a makeover as I entered the makeup-obsessed years. Each stage of my life is evoked in an unforgettable moment at Birch Bay.
This summerís trip started differently than in other years. It was not the halfway point of summer like it used to be- nobody got around to planning it, so it was hastily thrown together at the end of August, as the summer before senior year was deserting us. For the first time, bicycle rides- a staple of the Birch Bay experience- were replaced by driving along the beach in a friendís lifted truck, engine roaring. Thinking myself lucky, I invited both of my best friends this year. As the rain cascaded in sheets, trickling in rivulets down the insides of our tent to become a puddle soaking our pillows, the war began. Each friend upset with the time I spent with the other, the few days we spent at the beach were squandered by trying to make both satisfied and then striving in vain to keep it that way. I could not pacify both at once. The fighting ceased only when we reached home, glad to return to our separate lives of normalcy.
So much about the Birch Bay that I remembered had changed. I realized that I would have no more carefree summers, enjoying sand in my hair and seaweed getting caught around my ankles. My last real summer had evaporated, leaving behind two hurt friends and a stressful senior year to look forward to. Summer- especially in high school- the best time of our lives? I donít think so.
I may feel like I donít quite belong in one category of life, but here, eating a sno-kone as the salty air whips my hair into ringlets, I was just me. Crazy, fun times- not a jock, or a geek, or whatever, just me. There, I belonged. And now, itís all gone- summer, as I know it, is over. My life could reflect more than one flavor, interchangeably. But now I must choose just one and stick with it. I must pick a persona, just one career for the rest of my life. Itís one more stepping stone in the pond that is my life- filled not with water, but melted, murky sno-kones. The me of my high school years has melted away, leaving something, but what?
|By Meganc123 (Meganc123) on Wednesday, October 06, 2004 - 07:26 pm: Edit|
|By Interesteddad (Interesteddad) on Wednesday, October 06, 2004 - 07:55 pm: Edit|
The essay is nice, but it doesn't serve the purpose of a college application essay. Too "Dawson's Creek", if you know what I mean -- teen angst, the trauma of growing up, and all that.
IMO, a college essay needs to accomplish only one thing: show the admissions office the very best thing about you that will help them visuallze you making a positive contribution to campus life.
I actually think your essay has some nice insight. It just doesn't suit the purpose. You paint yourself as being sad about growing up and confused about the future. While these are perfectly normal feelings (and you've expressed them effectively!), is that really the picture you want to paint for the college adcoms? How 'bout bristling with excitement about discovering the next wonderful phase of your life?
|By John123 (John123) on Wednesday, October 06, 2004 - 09:18 pm: Edit|
from the first few sentences, in response to your question, i would judge them to be descriptive in an illusionary manner.
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