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My Daughter and her boyfriend are attending the same college, and living in the same dorm. I trust her and all, but is it a good idea for them do be doing that. She said she swears all they do at night is snuggle in bed, and nothing else. I believe that and everything. She says all they do during the day is kiss and stuff. Should i allow this ?

By Collegeguy (Collegeguy) on Sunday, April 13, 2003 - 02:58 pm: Edit

I'm a teen myself, and I have to tell you. Snuggling in bed leads to sex. Period. Unless your daughter AND her boyfriend have an inhuman amount of self control...

I could be wrong, and I certainly hope I am.

By Brd (Brd) on Sunday, April 13, 2003 - 03:19 pm: Edit

Well, to be perfectly blunt, if they are both attending the same school, then whether or not they happen to live in the same dorm will probably be of little consequence. If they intend to have sex, a walk across campus is certainly not going to stop them. As for allowing it, well, all I can say is that at some point your daughter will have to become completely responsible for all of her own decisions, and college is probably getting to be about that time. I mean, it may be that you have some financial or other means that would allow you to continue to exert strong control over her actions even into legal adulthood, but you might want to consider whether doing so is worth the ill will it could sow.

By Kasegirl633 (Kasegirl633) on Monday, April 14, 2003 - 12:28 pm: Edit

Hello,

I'm a former RA (resident assistant) and I'm currently an academic guidance counselor at a high school. I saw your message and wanted to let you know about my experience as an RA of a freshman hall of girls in a coed dorm.

"T"'s boyfriend lived on the first floor and T lived on the third floor, T basically slept in her boyfriend's room every night for an entire semester. T's boyfriend's roommate simply moved his bed into another room to sleep.

I absolutley agree with the student who wrote in, if they are snuggling in bed together, they will have sex. Peroid.

Being an RA for freshman I can tell you that when students arrive at college they make their own decisions regardless of what their parents ask of them or expect of them, it is impossible to force obediance from a distance.

By Thedad (Thedad) on Tuesday, April 15, 2003 - 07:46 am: Edit

All of which is why I believe in making students to make good decisions, not having decisions imposed upon them.

By Sluggbugg (Sluggbugg) on Tuesday, April 15, 2003 - 11:51 am: Edit

What are you going to do about it? Short of pitching a tent on the lawn in front of their dorm, there's not a heckuva lot you can do about it!

Besides, it's HER life. Trusting her also means that you have to trust her to make her own decisions and stay out of her personal business.

She's entitled to her personal privacy as an adult. Tell her to be careful and be smart about protecting herself against an unwanted pregnancy and/or STD's. The rest is up to her.

By Boysmom (Boysmom) on Tuesday, April 15, 2003 - 07:15 pm: Edit

I'm going to have to agree with the majority here: a parent's job is to raise them and then let them go. Your chance to discuss your feelings on the subject was before she left home. Now it's up to her to lead her life as she sees fit. Hpefully, you will have left enough room for discussion so she can confide in you, but it's pretty much all up to her now.

By the way, there's more to discuss before they leave than just unwanted pregnancy and STD's. There's morality, date rape, effects of alcohol on their decisions, and the fact that this is a decision she should MAKE, not just have happen to her.