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This is coming from a 10th grader, asking for the advice of parents:

My mom and dad are always on my back about how i slack off and don't work all the time, like my brother did. Turns out my brother's going to stanford, so they say i should model him. But i've gotten a 1560, three 800s on SAT IIs, written my own book, and done a bunch of ECs, on top of being in 5 music groups. I finish homework between passing periods and stuff. and the nights i do have homework and have to stay up late, like 1:30 or something, they get mad. What can i tell them to make them...ease up, w/out setting off a reaction (i must admit, it is partly my fault, cuz i am a slacker, but not that bad. Also, my teenage *attitude* doesn't help matters.

By Thedad (Thedad) on Tuesday, April 08, 2003 - 01:27 am: Edit

bump


Sorry, hahaha, I've got to crash early and this isn't a quick-answer question. Manana.

By Hahaha (Hahaha) on Tuesday, April 08, 2003 - 01:38 am: Edit

Gracias para esto.

By Rosarosaef (Rosarosaef) on Tuesday, April 08, 2003 - 01:46 am: Edit

tell them that if they don't straighten up and fly right, that they can get the hell out of your house and go live somewhere else.

By Emeraldkity4 (Emeraldkity4) on Tuesday, April 08, 2003 - 02:03 am: Edit

Go to Reed

By Mzinn (Mzinn) on Tuesday, April 08, 2003 - 02:16 am: Edit

lol Rosa.

the habit you're in isn't too easy to get out of man. a big part of high school is getting the study skills that you'll need in college.

By Thedad (Thedad) on Tuesday, April 08, 2003 - 12:00 pm: Edit

Okay, Hahaha. Man, I was wiped last night...I hate the transition to daylight savings.

Anyway, it appears to me as if there's a couple of issues here. First, by any reasonable definition, self or otherwise, you're not a slacker. I would flinch at your staying up until 1:30 to do your homework but it's a case of you doing what you need to do. The bottom line, acid test, is that your grades and test scores just fine and certainly not slacker-like.

(Though, I agree with Mzinn, you'll need to have much better study habits when at college. I, ah, had a humbling life tutorial on that myself.)

I can't make your parents accept your accomplishments on your own terms but I think they should.

The second issue is attitude. I can accept a short fall in performance far more easily than I can accept a crappy attitude, whether from my own kid or others. There's an old Quaker proverb that I rather like: "Thou may not attain perfection but neither are Thee excused from making the attempt." From this it follows that you may not get straight A's, perfect test scores, etc., and as a parent, one needs to deal with it when it happens. I happen to think that your generation of high school students, at the high achieving end, has to deal with an absurd amount of pressure and as a parent I think there's a difference between having high expectations and making the pressure even more intense.

The flip side, though, is that you don't have the right to make your parents miserable by tone of voice, choice of words, or otherwise being rude or disrespectful. Actually, now that I think about, I think mutual respect is called for.

You could probably condense the advice to both parents and student to "Don't sweat the small stuff."