Countdown 3 days to takeoff , & son is getting sick





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Discus: Parents Forum: 2004 Archive - Part 2: Countdown 3 days to takeoff , & son is getting sick
By Aurora1219 (Aurora1219) on Wednesday, August 25, 2004 - 10:26 am: Edit

My hubby and I think it's stress. He is really nervous about going we think. He has been coming into our bedroom and talking at late hours, not eating well (stomach feels "weird") and feels achy and feverish (but no fever). This will be his first official time away from home (which will be 3+ hours away), no summer camp, sports camp or anything.
Anyone else encounter this?

By Mini (Mini) on Wednesday, August 25, 2004 - 10:42 am: Edit

We haven't, but the totally new and different thing is that d. is coming into the family room to join us in watching the Olympics at night. Now this is a d. who (unlike her sister) is wholly unathletic, non-competitive, and never watches ANY tv. But she has been busy -- writing an application to go to a conference in England next summer and soliciting references, finishing drivers' ed, practicing audition music for school (scheduled a lesson with her vocal coach the day before she leaves), visitng friends. We are packed!

We are not saying anything about it - just enjoying the moment.

By Marite (Marite) on Wednesday, August 25, 2004 - 10:46 am: Edit

Aurora:

When I was about to go off to college at 17, thousands of miles away from home to a strange country with a different academic culture than the one I'd been used to, I came down with a severe case of cold feet and began acting pretty much the same way as your S. I remember as well, coming down with a cold every time school was about to start again. Sometimes, it was so bad, I lost my voice for a day or two.
I had a round trip ticket which I was supposed to redeem within a year if I did not make use of it. I hung on to the return ticket for nearly the whole of the first semester. By the end of January, even though the weather was foul, I had gotten used to my new circumstances. I sent in my return portion of the ticket.
Reassure him that what he is going through is normal. Be supportive but don't let him wallow in nostalgia. Try to focus his attention away from what he will be leaving behind and on to the things he will want to experience: clubs, sports, etc... Perhaps he may want to get in touch with his future roommate. Do not make a big deal of the transition to college as the next stage in his life with no turning back. My return ticket was my reassurance that I could always come home if I wanted to. Since your S will be only 3 hours away, tell him that he can come home on weekends if he feels the need to do so occasionally, and of course, keep in touch via phone and email.

Hope this helps.

By Backhandgrip (Backhandgrip) on Wednesday, August 25, 2004 - 10:53 am: Edit

Aurora; Maybe your son won't like the away from home experience and may transfer out. Could happen.Everyone is different.I would be encouraging , communicative, and leave that option open. Like say, " Well, some kids don't like going away and tranfer to a college close to home and commute.It's not the end of the world if you don't like it."

By Achat (Achat) on Wednesday, August 25, 2004 - 10:55 am: Edit

My son took to watching Saturday morning cartoon for the last few weeks of summer. And buying a water gun and play in the garden with his friends some of whom he has known since Kindergarten. I'd call it regression. But he seems to be fine in college. We left him there yesterday. He was already walking around like he is an old hand at this.

By Backhandgrip (Backhandgrip) on Wednesday, August 25, 2004 - 10:55 am: Edit

Interesting Marite.

By Alongfortheride (Alongfortheride) on Wednesday, August 25, 2004 - 11:45 am: Edit

Aurora, we took my son last weekend. He is at a school that draws kids from all over the country, and there is only one other student from our town, but he did not go to the same high school. I think it has accelerated the process of meeting other new students. If he has friends from high school that he likes, so much the better, but he will be fine without them.

My son had a definitely "snippy" attitude the last couple of weeks. His close friend sat on her bed and cried several times during those same weeks. My mom swore that the feelings were the same, just a male/female way to handle it.

We bought son an inexpensive webcam that can be used when he wants contact with home. He was on it last night. I don't know about him, but I sure enjoyed it. I do hope for your son that the stress induced physical symptoms subside. I think they will as soon as he gets settled in at school and decides his newly found independence feels pretty darn good!

Now, if you can figure out a way to reduce that stress for parents, would you bottle it and send it my way?

By Momsdream (Momsdream) on Wednesday, August 25, 2004 - 11:15 pm: Edit

I think all of you parents with kids who really don't want to leave should pat yourselves on the back. After all, many kids can't wait to get away from mom and dad. For those with kids who just want to stay home, you've obviously made "home" a very inviting place and one they'll remember fondly.

By Kjofkw (Kjofkw) on Thursday, August 26, 2004 - 12:56 pm: Edit

My son kept complaining about stomach problems on orientation day. We assured him it was probably just nerves. Of course he insisted that it was not ;-)

By Idiias (Idiias) on Thursday, August 26, 2004 - 01:38 pm: Edit

I'm leaving on saturday across the country and I can barely sleep this week. Today I woke up and started throwing up. I've never thrown up because of how I feel mentally...it's horrible. I didn't tell my rents. I'll be okay. I really don't think it's nervousness, but anxiety. I dont know. I've been wating for this for so long, maybe that's it. I dont know...48 hours...

By Rhonda63 (Rhonda63) on Thursday, August 26, 2004 - 01:47 pm: Edit

I don't think it's necessarily a sign that the kids don't want to leave. As Idiias notes, it could just be stress from the fact that you are finally about to embark on something that you've been working hard for for so long. And with all the stress involved in the application process these days, that probably just compounds the normal stress you'd expect to be associated with leaving home.

Idiias -- good luck to you. It's perfectly normal to be nervous -- as I've told my D (and others), if you never do anything in your life that makes you a little nervous, your life will be very boring!

By Alongfortheride (Alongfortheride) on Thursday, August 26, 2004 - 04:30 pm: Edit

Amen Rhonda and they'll miss so much!

Idiias, good luck to you. Don't think it's only students. I woke up at 3 a.m. three mornings in a row filled with anxiety and panic because I was afraid that I hadn't done my job well and that he wouldn't know what he needed to know. Guess what! He does. It turns out I did my job after all, and I know that you have done yours. You'll love it when you get there.


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