Menopausal moms--is anger normal?

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Discus: Parents Forum: 2004 Archive - Part 2: Menopausal moms--is anger normal?
By Traci87 (Traci87) on Sunday, August 15, 2004 - 07:33 am: Edit

I'm a little scared. My mom used to be very rationale and sweet. She now becomes very angry very easily at the entire family. I was wondering if this is just a phase. Also, I could never confront her to be less nasty.

By Dg5052 (Dg5052) on Sunday, August 15, 2004 - 07:44 am: Edit

Traci, it's very possible. Can you talk to your dad about it? If not, is there another adult--maybe a good friend of your mom's--that you could talk to about this? Also, maybe you could tell your mom as gently and as lovingly as possible that you're a little worried about her, and wonder if you did anything to upset her.

Good luck with this.

By Jenniferpa (Jenniferpa) on Sunday, August 15, 2004 - 08:16 am: Edit

You should also consider the possibility that she is depressed. Inappropriate anger can be a signal, although just because she's angry, it doesn't HAVE to be depression. I suggest this only because, if I'm not medicated, this is how depression affects me. This doesn't mean I don't get angry when I'm medicated, just not inappropriately.

By Backhandgrip (Backhandgrip) on Sunday, August 15, 2004 - 08:52 am: Edit

Maybe it has something to do with summer vacation. I am getting mighty annoyed with one child who is home all the time and not motivated to do much.Child did many activities but the past 2 weeks sleeping late, computer time, going out with buddies at 8 PM, then phone calls at 9- "Can I go to the movies now?" I am really trying to give kid plently of relaxation as the school year will be intense but my patience is waning.

By Alongfortheride (Alongfortheride) on Sunday, August 15, 2004 - 12:51 pm: Edit

She could be overwhelmed. Maybe she feels as if she's being taken for granted and not getting enough help from the family. It can make you feel abused and stressed out when everyone else scatters to the four winds and leaves you with cooking, cleaning and laundry while they pursue their interests. It also doesn't help when you're being tuned out when you ask a question and have to try multiple times to get someone's attention - and then ask the question again - only to here "Idunno."

If your mom is approachable right now, get together with the family and give her a day off. Clean the house and do the laundry while she enjoys lunch with a friend and a movie.

In our society, moms are not supposed to be needy. They're supposed to nuture. Men hit the golf course in the name of business, go to the lake in the name of business, go fishing and hunting in the name of business. Society allows them that. For women, it's changing, but still has a ways to go. There are still a lot of attitudes that dictate that women are SUPPOSED to want to be with their kids every waking minute that they can. It may be, if she works away from the home, that she really does want to. However, if being home just means more work, it's not giving her the family time she had hoped for. Hence, the sharing of the chores.

Good luck Traci~. I hope things improve for you - and for your mom.

By Achat (Achat) on Sunday, August 15, 2004 - 12:58 pm: Edit

Traci, I remember year before last when I had this problem that is related (can't get into it), that I was extremely depressed. I don't think I took it out on anyone, I went around feeling out of control and that no one understood me. It passed too with hormone therapy. But these are serious issues for women. You should help her out with housework if you can as someone suggested.

By Mom101 (Mom101) on Sunday, August 15, 2004 - 01:03 pm: Edit

A lot of theories, but to answer the question, yes. I've seen amazing personality swings related to menopause. This is a very real phenomena. It is the result of a harmone inbalance. Friends have described feeling like they're coming out of their skin. Hot flashes and night sweats can make you sleep deprived. There are ways to deal with this, both holistic and pharmaceutical. Your mom should be encouraged to see an MD, a naturopath and even an acupuncturist--depending on what she believes in. Personally I'd go to the naturopath first.

By Believersmom (Believersmom) on Sunday, August 15, 2004 - 02:24 pm: Edit

Traci-Alongfortheride, Achat and Mom101 said it the best. All I would add is for your own sanity, and even though kids IMHO shouldn't be required to nurture their parents; try to consider times when you maybe behaved irrationally in your attitude [beginning adolescence perhaps?] and how much patience[benefit of the doubt, slack cutting] and love she either gave you or you would have liked her to give you. Another coping method, I have never seen fail is when someone you care about gets extremely angry, rather than get defensive[the natural reaction], go VERY humble and super calm, approach her, take her hands or put an arm around her[whatever you would do if you were saying something loving] and say something like "oh mom, I am so sorry for making you angry. Please tell me what I can do to fix this or make it better."

Not easy to do, but works every time I have tried it[or had it tried on me :o)]. I believe her reaction will give you some idea if this is medical/chemical[not within her control] or something else is going on[something that is temp making her act out of character].

Best wishes.

By Cheers (Cheers) on Sunday, August 15, 2004 - 03:38 pm: Edit

Irritibility can be a symptom of mental illness. Can you talk to your mom? Or, if you can't talk to her, can you write a loving letter explaining your feelings? (Make sure it is written with love).

There is a chance she has a burden you do not know about, a chance she is worrying about something she will not share with you. Nevermind. A letter from you is bound to make her feel much much better. It will probably open up a conversation about behaviors that are upsetting you and then you'll feel better too.

Good luck!

By Backhandgrip (Backhandgrip) on Sunday, August 15, 2004 - 03:50 pm: Edit

Well if you are really SCARED, then please do talk to her and or others others about it.Very important.

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