Another senseless death of a teenager





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Discus: Parents Forum: 2004 Archive - Part 2: Another senseless death of a teenager
By Xiggi (Xiggi) on Wednesday, August 04, 2004 - 07:39 pm: Edit

My sister just heard that a former soccer teammate took her life at 15. She died from a massive overdose of over-the-counter cold tablets, after getting into an argument with her parents over drinking.

This is unbelievably sad but the eulogy given by her father at the funeral is truly inspirational.

In Loving Memory of Kebbie

By Marite (Marite) on Wednesday, August 04, 2004 - 07:52 pm: Edit

Xiggi:

Thank you. I cannot write more because I am crying.

By Emeraldkity4 (Emeraldkity4) on Wednesday, August 04, 2004 - 07:58 pm: Edit

Thank you for posting this Xiggi.
I will come back and post more later, but it is very upsetting to me cause I am very worried about my own daughter who is just about that age.
Its so hard to be a parent but it is even harder to be a teen.

By Elizabeth22 (Elizabeth22) on Wednesday, August 04, 2004 - 08:30 pm: Edit

Wow, Xiggi. What a terribly sad thing to have happen. My school has had its share of tragedy (murders, car accidents), but we've never had to cope with a suicide. Hopefully some good will come from her death, and other kids will be reminded that help is always available, and that suicide is never the only way out. My heart goes out to her family and friends.

By Achat (Achat) on Wednesday, August 04, 2004 - 08:31 pm: Edit

This is so heartbreaking! I can't even imagine how the father had the courage to think about an apt eulogy and actually deliver it.

By Aparent4 (Aparent4) on Wednesday, August 04, 2004 - 10:18 pm: Edit

Xiggi, so, so sad. What a brave father. Heartbreaking.

By Soozievt (Soozievt) on Wednesday, August 04, 2004 - 11:05 pm: Edit

I'm crying too. Such a terrible loss. Words cannot do it justice. Her dad's tribute is amazing.

Susan

By Ariesathena (Ariesathena) on Wednesday, August 04, 2004 - 11:30 pm: Edit

I also cried - her dad is brave for saying everything which he did. Hopefully, it will prevent another tragedy. The teenage years are so difficult, and worse, it does seem as if things will never change for the better. If only kids could realize how much their lives will change, things like that would not happen.

Xiggi, give your sister a hug from me. She probably needs it.

By Mudbutt (Mudbutt) on Thursday, August 05, 2004 - 12:16 am: Edit

How could an incredibly beautiful girl do something like that to herself, her family, and her friends?

Frankly, it is a damn shame. I feel for her family and friends.

By Mtmomtok (Mtmomtok) on Thursday, August 05, 2004 - 12:18 am: Edit

I'm at a loss for words. So young, so beautiful, so sad.

By Patient (Patient) on Thursday, August 05, 2004 - 12:52 am: Edit

Xiggi, I hope that these parents can somehow feel the intense grief that we all feel, and our wish to comfort them, in their loss of their extraordinarily lovely daughter.

And perhaps, by reminding us all that teenagers experience seemingly fleeting sadnesses with an intensity that we don't easily remember, these parents have given us an incredible gift of awareness that may help us to reach out to another troubled teen someday.

By Originaloog (Originaloog) on Thursday, August 05, 2004 - 12:56 am: Edit

A middle school friend of my son recently died of a herion overdose. She lost her way during HS, didn't graduate by one credit but came to observe the ceremony from the stands anyway. A sweet girl whose memory will fade into oblivion I suspect. So sad!

Say a prayer for Vicki's family.

Thanks

PS Tis strange because a few days before Vcki's death I was talking to a friend about how much drug use there was at our children's HS. Neither seemed to have observed much first hand. Oh well.

By April_Mom04 (April_Mom04) on Thursday, August 05, 2004 - 05:27 am: Edit

I know so many parents who could care less about their children's drug and alcohol problems. They turn a blind eye, and actually in some cases, provide the alcohol, because the "kids are going to experiment anyway". My daughter went on a ski trip with her friend's family and the girls "happened" to find a case of beer that was "accidentally" left outside on the balcony of their room - which kept them occupied every evening while the parents went out for dinner.

What makes this particular story so sad is that the father actually cared enough about his daughter to confront her and try to discourage the behavior. To have it backfire like this illustrates the helplessness we as parents all feel. How much pushing and prying is too much, and when is it not enough? My heart really goes out to her parents.

By Optimizerdad (Optimizerdad) on Thursday, August 05, 2004 - 07:05 am: Edit

What gets me - and scares the heck out of me - is how *happy* that poor child looked in the photo attached to her eulogy. If you ran into her in the street, you'd never think she could sink into despair deep enough to take her own life.

I need to hug my younger D especially tight today. (Older one is out of the country, hugs will have to wait till she returns).

By Marite (Marite) on Thursday, August 05, 2004 - 07:41 am: Edit

Optimizerdad:

I have a hunch that she did not sink into despair, but that alcohol diminished her capacity to think rationally. As well, there are cases of people, and not just teenagers, who turn their angers at others toward themselves. They hurt themselves "to show 'em." We will never know whether she regretted her action when it became too late to reverse it. I feel for her, I feel for her family who must live with endless regret. Her father spoke of her never picking out her car, of never living out the wonderful life that seemed to stretch ahead of her. For others, she is indeed fixed in that carefree picture. I suspect that her dad and the rest of her family will remain stuck for a long time in the time frame just before her death, and ask themselves, endlessly, if they could have done things differently. You want to roll the reel back to that picture and provide and alternative scenario. And you cannot.

By Kissy (Kissy) on Thursday, August 05, 2004 - 08:20 am: Edit

My thoughts and prayers are with her family and all those whose lives she touched. Special hugs to your sister, Xiggi.

By Soozievt (Soozievt) on Thursday, August 05, 2004 - 09:20 am: Edit

Marite, I got the same impressions as you and the same reactions/thoughts. She did not sound like a kid in despair leading up to that night. It does sound like she was impaired by the alcohol and it may have been that impaired thinking of "I'll show them" after the dispute and who knows if she really meant to committ suicide or just take more "drugs". The what ifs and the whole scenario must be aching in their hearts on top of the HUGE loss. The father's warnings to other young people about the effects of alcohol said a lot. I have no idea how he wrote that eulogy or delivered it but it was incredible. The whole situation is extremely tragic.

Susan

By Backhandgrip (Backhandgrip) on Thursday, August 05, 2004 - 10:02 am: Edit

I really don't have much time for c.c. but having checked in am motivated to respond as this is such a sad story. I think it is most important for parents to not over react to situation teens get themselves into.Heated arguments are never good.If this pattern exsists in their relationships, parents need to stop it.Parents need to push back and really look at the situation.It's not what you say, it's how you say it.
In our neighborhood a number of years ago, a student was distraught about a grade and found his way into the school computer and changed it. He was suspended from school and the child, 14, was so upset by the grief given him by his parents he committed suicide.Six weeks ago my 14 yr old son did the exact same thing, he changed his grade on a school computer, and was completely unaware of the previous event years ago. It was an incredibly stupid thing for him to do, change his grade from a B+ to an A because he disgreed with a teacher's citizenship grade.So he also was suspended and we very quietly talked to him about the ethics, consequences, and legal aspects of cheating.It wasn't the end of the world but he was given two weeks hard labour at the school and through multiple talks we hope he has learned his lesson.Growing up takes a long time and there may be many painful steps. A quiet concerned and caring approach is ALWAYS the way to go when parenting.

By Arcadia (Arcadia) on Thursday, August 05, 2004 - 10:10 am: Edit

wow. i haven't cried in a long time, but the tears are flowing now. that eulogy was heart wrenching. what a terrible tragedy.

By Alongfortheride (Alongfortheride) on Thursday, August 05, 2004 - 10:28 am: Edit

All to often, kids make the decision Kebbie did. Whether is was alchohol impaired (as I suspect it was) or carefully planned, it is life altering like no other event. I attended the funeral of some friends son, a neighborhood kid, who committed suicide a few years back. I felt myself age 10 years in the course of a few hours. When I returned home I tearfully begged my kids to never do that to their father and me - and more importantly, themselves. Then I hugged them. The friends who lost their son were loving parents who tried to do everything the right way and went the extra mile with him. They did all of the things the rest of us do. PTA, sports, school performances, weekends with the family. And in the end, they were unsuccessful. My heart goes out to Kebbie's family. We all do the best we can and I hope that as her dad searches for his faith, that he will find comfort.

By Cheers (Cheers) on Thursday, August 05, 2004 - 04:53 pm: Edit

Ahhhh....this post is almost a piece of art with the letter and the photos of her life combined. Did anyone else take a look through the photos? The photos suggest a beautiful girl who suffered some displacements, ie adoption (?), divorce, blended family, and a competitive social scene (every girl in every picture is stunning).

It is tragic to lose such a beautiful girl--a girl whose beauty and talent didn't spare her terrible pain. As the aunt of a just-diagnosed bipolar kid, I know that life can be both crushing and tenuous for some teenagers. My heart goes out to her friends and family.

By Missegg (Missegg) on Tuesday, August 10, 2004 - 02:48 am: Edit

There was a girl, MacKenzie, at my school, well she graduated the year before this year. Anyway, she was home from college on winter break and her friends called her about 10pm and wanted to go out. Her older sister and her father begged her to stay home and play a game or watch a movie with them. She decided to go out with her friends instead. They went out and of course got drunk (very few of the students at my school don't drink). Her friend, who will be a senior this year, was drunk and driving fast on a gravel road, hit some railroad tracks and lost control of the car. The car rolled and caught on fire and she was pinned inside. They tried to get her out but they couldn't. Her father is a DJ on the local station and he handles the death annoucements, birth annoucements, funeral service announcements, etc.. He had to go on the radio and read the death annoucement for his little girl. Kenzie was nice to everyone. She was one of the top of the social ladder girls, but she never acted like it. I was a year younger and not really in her social group at all, but we sat by each other in band and in social her senior year. She never acted better than anyone. She truely was a good person. And now she's gone. Why? Because some kids went out and did the same things they had done many times before, because 'oh, no one gets hurt drinking and driving'. The driver, Al, has to live with the fact that he took his friend's life away from her at a young age. He doesn't drink anymore, but it hasn't stopped a lot of people out here. So parents, if you know that your child drinks, please, I beg you, don't let them drive at all.

By Vegangirl (Vegangirl) on Tuesday, August 10, 2004 - 03:44 am: Edit

this is so heartbreaking.

By Carolyn (Carolyn) on Tuesday, August 10, 2004 - 01:38 pm: Edit

Dear Xiggi - Thank you so much for sharing this - the eulogy was so special. What a beautiful tribute to Kebra that her father reached out to her friends in his own time of sadness. I know from my daughter's experience this past year that losing a friend this way can be devastating to the friends left behind - especially when they feel there was no warning. My daughter remembers singing and laughing with her friend at school just hours before she committed suicide. I will keep Kebra's family and friends in my prayers.


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