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How many parents dread turning down admission offers? I do. Especially to places where you have built a personal relationship. (In our case, this was Grinnell and Kalamazoo.) They wrote back very nice e-mails.

By Dadster on Wednesday, May 01, 2002 - 09:56 pm: Edit

Sending in the "no thanks" cards certainly adds a sense of finality to things. Kind of like signing your mortgage papers... Hard to do without a little trepidation.

On the plus side, it definitely brings closure to the process and puts an end to all the uncertainty!

By collegemom aka Anon Mom on Thursday, May 02, 2002 - 10:05 am: Edit

I definitely remember feeling a major pang two years ago when my son sent in the "no" response to a school where he'd spent a lot of time visiting and that had given him a nice merit offer, and where we really liked the people.

By amd on Thursday, May 02, 2002 - 06:51 pm: Edit

Florida, Grinnell,and Kalamazoo all sent back nice supportive replies, in response to e-mails turning them down. I felt something like a cad

By California Mom (Calmom) on Thursday, May 02, 2002 - 10:57 pm: Edit

AMD, they KNOW that only a certain percentage of the students they admit will accept, and they are also well aware that the students at the top of their admissions pools are the ones most likely to have attractive offers elsewhere. It's part of the game.

Remember how frustrated you were when you were still waiting to hear from the colleges? The cards were in their hands then, and it didn't feel like much fun.

The month of April is when the tables are turned, and the colleges have to wait on a decision that they have little control or influence over. Sound familiar?

The only difference is that the college admission people really aren't feeling emotionally overwrought. They are looking it by the numbers: X acceptances, Y declines, and Z still unknown. If you've ever planned a large party you know that it is the "Z" factor (the people who don't tell you one way or the other whether they are coming) that cause the most anxiety.

You can help the colleges by taking the time to answer the surveys they send out about your decision, and letting them know what they did right, and what they did wrong. Life will go on. Some of the colleges may still end up overenrolled if their yield is unexpectedly high; others will go to their waiting lists.

By Theparents (Theparents) on Friday, May 03, 2002 - 12:24 am: Edit

hi to all, I am amy2440, but can't change my current username. I followed your suggestion and sent an email to one college, because we had actually lost their mailing! I wanted to give more feedback to some colleges about various things, but ended up not doing so. Do they really send out surveys?

By Dadster on Friday, May 03, 2002 - 11:48 am: Edit

Some colleges include a brief survey with their "no thanks" form. Some send out a more detailed questionnaire by mail after they get their notification that the student won't attend.

By Theparents (Theparents) on Monday, May 06, 2002 - 11:41 pm: Edit

Thanks, we just received a "survey" from Chicago. It is certainly very detailed and one would think that they have most of this information already when it comes to scores, grades, etc. What they don't have is knowledge of your reaction to various financial aid offers, including their own and the authentic version of how you rated them in relation to other colleges.

By Cath on Monday, September 30, 2002 - 02:00 am: Edit

My children wrote very nice letters of declinement to several colleges and all had
given hefty financial packages. Still, all
the universities replied in very respectful
tones which made my children feel relieved
and relaxed. I wonder though... do any
of the schools keep track of the declinements
years later- say when and IF the kids decide
to retry for admission? I always wondered
if there was this "snobbery" thing?!

By Sally R. on Thursday, October 17, 2002 - 09:28 pm: Edit

Many colleges will save applicant folders for several years--including those created for candidates who did not matriculate. All materials received by or about a prospective student are filed in such folders, so the "thanks but no thanks" letters should land there, too.

When a student applies to transfer to a college, and that college admitted him or her initially, it's usually a plus for the would-be transfer (assuming, of course, that this student hasn't done miserably at the school he or she did attend). If there's a thoughtful thank-you note in the back of the folder left over from the first go-round (and most kids don't write 'em) that's going to be a bit of a plus, too.