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Last night we didn't go home after work. We ate dinner downtown at the ESPNzone and then went to see "Mama Mia" (stage equivalent of a chick flick). No child to sheppard through dinner and homework,

You get to be an adult again.

How about you all? Besides the obvious, how have you taken advantage (intend to take advantage) of having the undivided attention of your spouse?

By Marite (Marite) on Thursday, January 29, 2004 - 08:01 am: Edit

Yesterday, S was at an acadeca meeting that began at 6. Since pizza was going to be served, we did not need to worry about his dinner. So we headed out to a restaurant ourselves. It was a nice break from routine. But in summer, when both kids are away for weeks at a time, life at home is awfully quiet. Frankly, I am not particularly looking forward to a totally empty nest. But I have another year and a half to go until that happens.

By Soozievt (Soozievt) on Thursday, January 29, 2004 - 09:04 am: Edit

I haven't thought too much of what it will be like when they are gone cause I still have a ways to go, as I also have a fifteen year old. I surely realize it is gonna be WAY different than our lives now. So much of our lives revolve around our kids. I am not complaining, just saying so.

I have an inkling of what it could be like though. Every summer my kids go away to programs for six weeks and we have been without them for years now in summer. It is so different. I find it a nice break. I love being with them, but I love the change of pace too. We can come and go and there is much less arranging and driving and all that. Time is our own. The evenings are different. We have always taken a one week vacation without kids once per year since the first baby was born. That is time as a couple but of course away on a vacation. The time in summer has been home without the kids, which is different (though we do go away one week while they are gone).

I know I am going to be sad when they are away. There will be benefits for sure that I will enjoy but of course will miss them. Today with cell phones and IM and email, I suppose it will be easy to stay in touch. The free time for ourselves will be fun though (I hope).

Tsdad...how did you like Mamma Mia? We saw that with the kids in Philadelphia last year. It was entertaining but one of their least favorite musicals (they have seen numerous productions over the years, including on Broadway). Did you see the tour or Bdway? A girl my younger D spent many summers with at theater camp was cast on the tour this year as the understudy to the lead (Sophie) and supposedly is soon to take over the lead. She is just 18 and had to defer her enrollment into NYU Steinhardt to take the job. Pretty neat for her. If you saw the tour and she has yet to take over for the lead, then she was in ensemble. Her name is Sara K. I wonder if you saw her!

Susan

By Garland (Garland) on Thursday, January 29, 2004 - 09:13 am: Edit

We've never been away together sans kids for more than a couple days, and my kids never did summer programs except for band camp. The most time we've had in the house alone is four days when son's band camp overlapped D's orientation.

So...actually looking forward to reconnecting as a couple next fall. D will be graduating college, no plans yet. She is, of course, welcome to live at home while figuring out her plans, but neither she nor us think that's a really good idea.

We had kids very young, never really had a chance to be non-parent adults together...I'm looking forward to it. (Not that you ever stop being parents!)

By Tsdad (Tsdad) on Thursday, January 29, 2004 - 09:20 am: Edit

Touring company here in DC. They aren't selling out the mid-week shows so we were able to get half price tickets the day of the show. They were available, no child or dog anymore to worry about so we went.

I never did read the reviews of the show when it opened. I'm not sure for a show of this type reviews are important.

My wife and I are constantly amazed about how many talented singers, dancers, musicians, and actors there are, and that most of them will never be stars, never even get out of the chorus or get solos or lead roles. It's a tough life without much chance for being a huge success.

Let me look at the program when I get home and see if I can find Sara K.

By Strick (Strick) on Thursday, January 29, 2004 - 10:25 am: Edit

I still have kids at home and we make time for things like this (OK, touring companies at Saturday afternoon matinees). I was dreading "Mama Mia" since I'm not fond of ABBA, but it turned out to be one of if not the best performances of the season out here. The musical was so-so but the cast was great. Of course we're a little weird. Our favorite single performance was the actor portraying Horton in "Seusical the Musical", another one that surprised us. More fun than great.

We're hoping something "Wicked" this way comes soon. Have the cast CD and have fallen in love with "What Is This Feeling" and a couple of other songs.

By Strick (Strick) on Thursday, January 29, 2004 - 10:31 am: Edit

Double post. Sorry.

By Bahamamama (Bahamamama) on Thursday, January 29, 2004 - 10:34 am: Edit

We had a 4 yr. old between us when we were dating ...after 20 yrs of marriage we are finally going to have some alone time! I am scared, thrilled, apprehensive, excited...it's like being a teenager again!

By Emeraldkity4 (Emeraldkity4) on Thursday, January 29, 2004 - 10:42 am: Edit

I haven't see a musical( professional) since the touring show of Fiddler on the roof with Herschel Bernardi, a long time ago
I am not really into musicals although I am kicking myself for not seeing Hedwig & angry inch or Hairspray when it opened here.

My 13 yr old daughter is going to Nyc/DC right after school gets out with her middle school class and I hear that they may have an opportunity to see Fiddler on Broadway?

I thought about going, as I am looking for ways we can spend time together, she is so gritchy, but she is also growing up so fast. I may just go to the NYC portion, and skip DC, how much time do I want to spend with hot sweaty 14 yr olds?
I am going to a week long outdoor camp just for 8th graders this spring, I am really looking forward to that.
Since her school is K-12, I have known many of the kids since she arrived in 3rd grade and since most of them are probably going to different high schools next fall, we probalby wont see many of them. I actually like this age, it is much easier to talk to them if you aren't their mom.

As far as my college student goes, we are actually seriously considering adding an upper floor to our house for more room in case she wants to live at home and go to grad school. The UW has the programs she is interested in, and it would be nice to have her as a support for her sister who will be entering high school.
( actually it already looks like we have an upper floor, we just need to add dormers and access)

My husband also is still working 2nd shift so we only get to see him on weekends if he isn't working over time. That really bites, cause he already put in years to get on 1st shift but then when his company started laying off thousands, he got bumped back again

By Soozievt (Soozievt) on Thursday, January 29, 2004 - 10:49 am: Edit

Making couple time each week is so important to me. Same with the week long vacation sans kids each year. Still, when they truly leave, it is going to be sooooooo different. I did have nine years of married life prior to having kids so I have done it but it seems like a distant memory right now!! I thought about this question more and am half joking but when the kids go to college, there will be no money to do much of anything! But time alone is free of course!

Yep, there are tons of talented people out there. It is very hard to make it in musical theater!! I thought Mamma Mia was entertaining and fun. It is just that my kids were not enamored with it. They own countless CDs of so many Broadway cast recordings (this is like their prized possessions, particularly my younger one) and they never bought Mamma Mia even after seeing the production.

As far as Wicked....funny you bring the show up. My fifteen year old is obssessed with Wicked right now. The CD is on in my car daily. She is dying to see it (it will not be on tour for a long time as it is so new on Bdway and sold out). She wanted to see it the other night when we were unexpectedly in NYC but there was no way to get tickets. We did see Little Shop of Horrors though which was very good. My daughter loves the stars of Wicked...Kristen Chenowith and Idina Menzel. Recently, my daughter performed a song that Idina sang in Wild Party. My D is dying for the unpublished sheet music to Wicked and in fact, someone I know has it and is sending her some of it and she is chomping at the bit to perform the songs. I heard the show was great. Funny, but my daughter was just cast as Dorothy in Wizard of Oz so have that whole story on the brain right now.

We never got to see The Seussical but have the score (daughter has sung from it) and the CD. I know I have strayed from the college topic here!! Ok, to bring it back on a very very tangent... the guy who played Horton in Seussical (on Broadway), is from the town where Blair Hornstine lives (the town next to the one where I grew up). LOL. Oh, and the boy who played the kid role (cannot think of that character name right now) has the same agent as my D and this agent who we saw the other day in NYC was just remarking to my D how much he now loves the musical theater program at UMich which she was extoling to my daughter. Lastly, you know that character, Gertrude McFuzz? My D has played her in another production.
Susan

By Driver (Driver) on Thursday, January 29, 2004 - 11:24 am: Edit

It was a big change for us all when we dropped our daughter off at college last September, though I didn't notice it so much at first. We were euphoric for about three weeks, feeling she was in the perfect place for her, that everything had finally worked out. Our son immediately began behaving more maturely at home, having dropped the role of little brother. The house was much less messy, and it was much easier to socialize, etc.

Then I got massively depressed for about a week (which had never happened to me, and was scary), and I really couldn't figure out why, and it wasn't that I was pining away for my daughter, either--thinking about how happy she was at school was the only thing that cheered me up. We have a fine relationship, but like most teenagers, she brought her fair share of stress into our family, and we were both ready and excited for her to move on to the next stage of her life.

It finally dawned on me that it wasn't about her at all, it was entirely about me. I was at some subconscious level mourning the loss of what had been, for 19 years, the single most important aspect of my own personal identity--being a hands-on parent to my daughter. And it wasn't as if I didn't have plenty of other things to do and think about, either. It was recognizing the *permanence* of this change that was somehow frightening, and sad, like death. The door had closed behind me, it was locked, the key thrown away. I could never go back into that room again. My little family was changed forever. I felt like I was almost 50.

Fortunately that passed (although I find that I am still almost 50), and there are new, unlocked doors that have new rooms to be explored; some of them even have my daughter in them. But some, as has been noted above, will just contain me and/or my husband, doing things that were impossible when we were "hands-on parents." I'm finding this to be a bitter-sweet time--more sweet than bitter, though--and it's nice to hear others' thoughts, to help keep things in proper perspective.

By Soozievt (Soozievt) on Thursday, January 29, 2004 - 11:27 am: Edit

Wow, Driver, I really enjoyed reading your reflections. I have not gone through it yet but can imagine that I may very well feel the same when it happens.
Susan

By Marite (Marite) on Thursday, January 29, 2004 - 11:41 am: Edit

Driver:

Your experience is exactly what I think will happen to me when our second S leaves for college--missing such a huge part of my identity and daily structure.

By Tsdad (Tsdad) on Thursday, January 29, 2004 - 11:45 am: Edit

When my son left, he asked me: "Dad what are you going to do for a project when I leave?"

Ha! Lttle did he know that he's still my project. California is not as far away as it used to be. Calls and e-mails reminding him to register for next year's dorm space, Parents Weekend, searching Amazon for books rather than paying school book store prices, arranging his flights home, identifying summer intern opportunities, conselling him when he gets sad.

It's a lot of the same as when he was here but I have sole access to my bathroom, tv, computer and spouse.

By Garland (Garland) on Thursday, January 29, 2004 - 11:53 am: Edit

LOL, TsDAd--Yeah, my D was a project in all those ways when she went to school, 'spect S will be too, though probably less intensely than her (he's much more laid back, and much less likely to identify a problem that needs my "expertise").

By Elleneast (Elleneast) on Thursday, January 29, 2004 - 11:55 am: Edit

"It finally dawned on me that it wasn't about her at all, it was entirely about me. I was at some subconscious level mourning the loss of what had been, for 19 years, the single most important aspect of my own personal identity--being a hands-on parent to my daughter. And it wasn't as if I didn't have plenty of other things to do and think about, either. It was recognizing the *permanence* of this change that was somehow frightening, and sad, like death. The door had closed behind me, it was locked, the key thrown away. I could never go back into that room again. My little family was changed forever. I felt like I was almost 50.

Fortunately that passed (although I find that I am still almost 50), and there are new, unlocked doors that have new rooms to be explored; some of them even have my daughter in them. But some, as has been noted above, will just contain me and/or my husband, doing things that were impossible when we were "hands-on parents."

Well said. I feel the same way.

By Strick (Strick) on Thursday, January 29, 2004 - 11:56 am: Edit

That's cruel, Soozievt. My wife is dying for the sheet music to "Wicked", too, but we'll have to wait for it. She's got her name on a list at Schwartz's website so she'll find out the minute it's available. Oh, well, at least "Stepping Out" is coming our way. I like Billy Joel much better than ABBA, but we'll have to see about the musical.

I confess that with two still at home, this emptynest thing hasn't hit us hard. Couple of tearful drop our S off at school scenes, but, frankly, he's so close we see him nearly every week and he's almost always available via AIM.

By Tsdad (Tsdad) on Thursday, January 29, 2004 - 11:57 am: Edit

D---. I can't even remember 50. You folks are young.

By Soozievt (Soozievt) on Thursday, January 29, 2004 - 12:23 pm: Edit

Strick....actually the musical is Movin Out (Billy Joel / Twyla Tharp). There is another musical called Stepping Out, however. I saw Movin Out on Broadway last April with my younger daughter. I took her there for a few days cause her school trip to Greece was cancelled due to the war and my other Ds school trip to France still went. Our plan had been to let them each go on their respective school trips instead of a family vacation. Anyway, my D LOVED Movin Out. For one thing, she has danced her entire life and of course it is all dance. It truly was excellent. She ended up getting very into Billy Joel after that and has bought a lot of his sheet music and CDs. In fact, he has even written classical music and one of these "Inventions" she is learning for a piano festival. The recent contemporary Broadway cabaret revue she created and directed at her school included a number from Movin Out: It's Still Rock and Roll. It was a big dance number that she soloed in. I thought the guy who played piano and sang the Billy Joel "role" was excellent on Broadway. My older D is so jealous to not have seen it. We have given her a gift is to see it in Boston this March. We have gotten tickets for her to see it there. Actually as excited as she is to see it, it now came up that she learned that All Easterns for ski racing is on that weekend and she has a shot at making it. If she did, she would have to miss one day of the event (a goal she has had throughout her high school racing career). The tickets cannot be exchanged for another date (I asked!).

I do not know how this other young woman got the sheet music to Wicked. Actually I thought she said from Steven Schwartz himself. It is not unheard of. My D's voice teacher had the music for Millie before it came out and so my daughter got that ahead of time. She is dying for this sheet music. Does your wife play an instrument or sing? There are some great songs in Wicked!
Susan

By Aparent4 (Aparent4) on Thursday, January 29, 2004 - 12:39 pm: Edit

Driver, I really connect with what you are saying, and I am also almost 50. Although it is quite obvious to anyone who reads biographies or tombstones that life has a beginning and an end, it had not struck me like such a ton of bricks that the whole process is headed in one direction until my kids started heading out of the house.

The other day I had a ridiculous experience. I saw a copy of Family Circle at the checkout counter in the supermarket. The cover was full of stuff about "fun family projects" and "easy family meals," and so on. And it struck me that I am headed out of that whole family phase, that time of intense childrearing. I have really enjoyed that period. I felt some real sadness, looking at this dumb magazine cover!

Tsdad, since you asked about the plus side of having kids away in college...Well, let me tell you that since s has gone off to college, I am very aware that he is in the place he needs to be, I am happy to see how he has grown, and I very much enjoy our developing relationship. D and I are very close and certainly plan to continue to be so. Parenting is far from over! H looks forward to more traveling, I look forward to focusing on work and some of my side interests in a way that seems absolutely luxurious compared to the way it's been for the past twenty years, and most of all I'm very grateful to be alive. Also, given the way the country and world are these days, I know that there are plenty of opportunities to use that "family energy" to help make the world a better place.

By Lizschup (Lizschup) on Thursday, January 29, 2004 - 12:44 pm: Edit

Driver, I too enjoyed your post and felt very much the way you felt about mourning the loss of your identity.

I also have to confess I thought you were a Dad up until this post. I don't know why exactly-maybe your name.

By Tsdad (Tsdad) on Thursday, January 29, 2004 - 12:51 pm: Edit

Aparent:

Nicely said. Parenting is never over indeed. Grandparenting, G-d I'm not rushing the kid, let him get few dates first, will be very interesting. I am not looking forward to the role reversal when we hit our 80s and 90s.

By Driver (Driver) on Thursday, January 29, 2004 - 12:57 pm: Edit

Tsdad,
I really identify with the cyber-parenting, having just learned to use instant messaging last fall--for all the purposes you mention! I can now understand why the kids like it so much, it is really like they're "there" and you're talking with them, real-time.

Susan and Marite,
My husband likes self-help books, and began reading a book called "Letting Go" in anticipation of this life passage and told me that I should really be getting ready as well. I scoffed (it was a good-natured scoff, but scoffing--particularly at self-help books--is simply one of those reflexive things we curmudgeons do.) "You read it," I said, "I'll be fine."

Six months later I was reading it (well...selected chapters, anyway), and I did find some things that helped me. I particularly identified with the (in my case gender-reversed) anecdote of a couple driving home after dropping their child off at college with the mother saying something like "isn't this great?" and looking over to see her stalwart unflappable husband driving with tears streaming down his face.

For me, it really was all about accepting this alteration to my own self-identity. It occurred to me that, if I tried to use my mind's eye to produce a self image, there was only one period in my life when that self-image is just me, alone--when I was my daughter's age. A brief, 7-year span during which I didn't live with a family. My childhood self-image is of me with my parents and siblings. My adult self-image is of me and my husband and our children, like a Christmas card picture. I guess that's why this transition was so jarring for me. Anyway, I'm looking forward to the the self-image of having grandchildren and maybe playing more tennis instead of working.

By Strick (Strick) on Thursday, January 29, 2004 - 01:05 pm: Edit

My wife is a voice teacher (reformed consultant with an MBA) who plays several instruments. She focuses each of her student recitals on different themes and the students get a chance to sing from musicals a couple of times a year. In this case she wants to do "What Is This Feeling" with a friend (in wig and green makeup) for a talent show in a couple of months.

By Tsdad (Tsdad) on Thursday, January 29, 2004 - 01:12 pm: Edit

Driver:

Just regular e-mails. He has forbidden IM.

By Driver (Driver) on Thursday, January 29, 2004 - 01:30 pm: Edit

Tsdad:
Ha! I can understand that, I am a little surprised that D keeps us on her buddy list, allowing us access to her sometimes disturbing away messages!

By Marite (Marite) on Thursday, January 29, 2004 - 01:35 pm: Edit

TSdad:
Re S1: I wish the emails were regular!
S2: He uses IM to discuss anime with his chums. Talking with parents is on a need-to-know basis. He has learned to "report to headquarters" upon coming home, but the gist is "nothing interesting happened today." But I'll miss it when he leaves.

Driver:

I saw the book. I may look at it, when the time comes. Thanks

By Tsdad (Tsdad) on Thursday, January 29, 2004 - 01:41 pm: Edit

I love the away messages. I saw them when he was home for his, seemingly endless, holiday vacation. Distubing but very amusing.

By Digmedia (Digmedia) on Thursday, January 29, 2004 - 02:15 pm: Edit

S's mom and I feel like I'm in training now for the day when he goes away to school. Our schedules used to be intertwined; now that's he's in so many activities on his own and can drive himself, my constant question for my wife is "Where's S tonight?"

My wife and I had a "date" last weekend and went to a downtown club to meet some friends. And who did we run into at the club? S and his date!

We never did vacations or other activities without S. Except once when he was 18 months old. We were participating on an expedition to a rather remote part of the world and he stayed with grandparents. We both missed him so much that we never left him behind again - no matter what we did or where we went. He's been to all 50 states and to many, many countries, doing and seeing things that a lot of kids only read about. With us, he's climbed down cliffs on remote Hebridean Islands in Scotland to see puffins up close; he's ice-climbed on frozen waterfalls in Colorado; he's been more than a mile underground exploring a cave in Slovenia; he has good friends his age that he's camped with and played with in the mountains of Transylvania; he's been scuba diving into dark Florida springs; and on and on and on...

I just don't know how it will feel Fall of 2005 when he's off to school. Life will certainly change for me and his mom.

By Clipper (Clipper) on Thursday, January 29, 2004 - 02:52 pm: Edit

I can't wait for my last one to leave. I was just telling my H that I am tired - my oldest is 25 - then 24, 20, and my last 18. We had our family right after I graduated from college and I was a stay at home mom. My oldest is away in the AF, my second served 4 years in the Navy (in Japan) and is now back home, my 3rd is a junior in college and the last is the senior. The navy guy is leaving next month for a job in DC and the D will be leaving for **wherever** in the fall. That means the house for the first time in almost 26 years will be quiet. We don't take family vacations bc of the financial concerns and there has always been someone at home.
Most people think I am weird to want my kids off on their own lives. But not alot of people have done 26 years of straight child-rearing. Some people get married then have kids later, have them 2 years apart and then they are done. They have had their time before the kids. I never have and I am REALLY LOOKING FORWARD TO IT!!
Not to HAVE to make dinner, go shopping etc etc will be such a load off my mind.
Well, I could go on and on with this soul cleansing but.... I am counting the months!!

By Elleneast (Elleneast) on Thursday, January 29, 2004 - 02:53 pm: Edit

A huge (HUGE!) benefit is that I no longer feel like a short order cook with my daughter inhaling food and heading off to wherever.

The nicest part of having the D off at college is that the time that my husband and I have with her when she comes home is of a much higher quality. There is very little "parenting" to do.

Life is good.

By Clipper (Clipper) on Thursday, January 29, 2004 - 03:18 pm: Edit

DIGMEDIA
Even though I am a parent - Could you please adopt me?

By Driver (Driver) on Thursday, January 29, 2004 - 03:38 pm: Edit

Elleneast, totally agree about the short order cook thing, and I think she's eating better at college now than she was at home. Also that our time together is of better quality. Adult to adult, pretty much.

By Garland (Garland) on Thursday, January 29, 2004 - 04:01 pm: Edit

Digmedia--that's amazing...what a cool life. College is gonna seem kind of humdrum to him! I concur with Clipper...maybe you could start a summer camp for parents who never got to do all those cool things.

By Digmedia (Digmedia) on Thursday, January 29, 2004 - 04:41 pm: Edit

It's his mom that has the travel/adventure gene... I just go along with HER plans. But seriously, S has had some great adventures.

When he was eleven, we were exploring a cave in Switzerland. Our party reached a point where we had to cross a passage of deep, clingy mud. It was a chore to try to get through it. About half-way across, S got stuck.... really stuck. One of the adults went to him and tried to pull him out - to no avail. Finally there were two adults pulling (stretching?) him with what seemed like all their strength. He remained stuck. Finally, just when I was beginning to worry that we'd never get him out, he popped loose. Or I should say his body popped loose. His boots and pants remained stuck in the mud!!! I still laugh to think about it.

I honestly can't think about adventures without him, but I hope he continues these things in his life. I've already advised him that one of the first things he's got to do when he arrives in college is to find a club that does these kinds of things.

By Farawayplaces (Farawayplaces) on Thursday, January 29, 2004 - 04:51 pm: Edit

Like so much of life, the kids leaving home is such a mixed bag! I think for me, it has been as much of an emotional roller coaster as when they were born!

On the one hand: It's been great! My spouse and I had one vacation away from the kids in 23 years. Sometimes we just dance through the house and have fun--we can't believe the freedom! Eat when/where/what we want; take day trips at the drop of a hat.

Then: I pass by the empty rooms and just can't believe it's over. Where is my earnest daughter? Where is my cuddly little guy? My heart goes to the floor.

Yet, parenting is still here, a new and interesting kind: the parent of an adult child--bringing its own challenges and rewards.

I think the bottom line is that despite some scary grief when the house first emptied out, and regular bouts of loneliness for them still--this feels right!

Good luck to everyone next year: the roller coaster eventually evens out!

By Thedad (Thedad) on Thursday, January 29, 2004 - 06:37 pm: Edit

Driver, what a great post (January 29, 11:24am).
The permanence of the change is exactly what I'm dreading *for me*; for my D, I'm excited. I, too, am a scoffer at self-help books; the only two exceptions have been PLEASE UNDERSTAND ME (Myers-Briggs), which taught me so much about others, and ADULT CHILDREN OF ALCOHOLICS, which revealed W-A-A-Y too much information about myself...I would have stopped them from publishing it if I had but known.

D was on one of the computers while I was on the phone the other night, telling someone that I thought that the "volunteering" stage of my life was drawing to a close and that the orchestra trip was a good valedictory...D looked up from her homework and said, "Dad, don't count on it...you'll find something else to get involved in." Funny how she talks with ellipses, too.

By Tsdad (Tsdad) on Thursday, January 29, 2004 - 07:28 pm: Edit

Susan:

No Sara K in the road company of Mama Mia here in DC.

By Medprof (Medprof) on Thursday, January 29, 2004 - 08:26 pm: Edit

Susan,

My S is at "Wicked" tonight with his high school Tri-M group. I will ask him how he likes it. I wish I can go with him. They get to do a theather workshop, dinner and then the show. Our HS performed "Children of Eden" two years ago, and Steven Schwartz came to one of the rehearsals. We have graduates going to NYU for theater related majors every year. However, a lot of the really talented performers attend Northwestern too. Your younger D sounds amazing. I hope she keeps an open mind about her options. I agree with you that college campus life could be too good an experience to miss.

By Marite (Marite) on Thursday, January 29, 2004 - 08:52 pm: Edit

Thedad:

How is your D's ankle? As one whose ankle was in a cast for six months, I have every sympathy (that was when older S was looking at colleges, by the way, so I got to sit in the car or in the admission office lounge while S and dad traipsed around campuses).

By Jyber209 (Jyber209) on Thursday, January 29, 2004 - 09:33 pm: Edit

This is my elder child's second year away at college. Life is more peaceful, although quieter, in my household - she and I had our share of friction when she was here all the time. Now she appreciates me much more!
I now can spend more time devoted to my younger child - although he says the increased parental attention is a mixed blessing!
Most of all, it is a pleasure to experience my older one doing well at her school and taking advantage of the wonderful opportunities there. Her college suits her better than any of the previous schools she attended. She is happy, responsible and productive - what more could I ask? AND I now have a guest room available - as well as no longer having the New York Times Sunday magazine section disappearing into the abyss of her room. The state of her room at home -and the trail of things she would leave throughout the house - was often a bone of contention between us and amazingly she keeps her room at college immaculate - she says the secret is that as a tour guide she needs to show it each week. Should have thought of having her give tours of our home!

I am sure that I will feel it much more keenly when my younger child leaves for college and I do then have an empty nest.

By Momoffour (Momoffour) on Thursday, January 29, 2004 - 09:55 pm: Edit

First one is gone, three to go with the youngest only 11 so I have a ways to go.... but I see the light and have been actively looking into going back to work after quitting 19 years ago. I just finished the training to be a hospice volunteer and am exploring other medically related fields. I see that it is time to start shifting into another gear now that the kids are getting more self-sufficient and I am excited by the prospect of doing something else. In the hospice training they asked each of us "What would you do differently if you could?" My answer was that I would not completely quit my career with the first born.
The house is more peaceful with the first one gone, but I do feel a bit sad looking into her now very neat room (which was a disaster at all times when she was at home) and knowing that things will never be the same. I do think though that we will get to a better point than we were in during her last couple of years at home. She has had three home breaks the first semester and each time before she had to return to school 6 hours away we spent the night before leaving arguing. The third time it dawned on me that maybe we needed to do this to make it easier to say goodbye and go back to our "new" places.

By Sluggbugg (Sluggbugg) on Thursday, January 29, 2004 - 09:58 pm: Edit

Good post, Jyber, & ditto to everything you said. God help the dorm when my dd is on a PMS rampage! We don't miss that, either.

By Driver (Driver) on Thursday, January 29, 2004 - 10:26 pm: Edit

The beautiful clean bedroom comments cracked me up. Have you ever been to Mount Vernon, and seen old George and Martha's bedroom, where you can just walk barely in, before you're stopped by one of those velvet barrier things? Everything is supposed to look just as it did back in the 18th century, totally immaculate. I jokingly tell my daughter that's what we did with her room. It just looks so good.

By Soozievt (Soozievt) on Thursday, January 29, 2004 - 10:45 pm: Edit

Tsdad, thanks for checking the Mamma Mia program. Hmmm, have no idea though. Not sure if there are two road tours out for Mamma Mia. Or, if this girl is still on tour. I know she was cast and went out and had to defer enrollment. As it went on, she said in Feb. she would be taking over the lead (had been understudy), so not sure on that.

Medprof, wow, your son's school group went to Wicked tonight? My D would die! She has a VT friend who went away to a boarding performing arts school this year and they went too! Our music dept. goes to see a musical in Boston each June, not Broadway. Let me know what your son thought. That is really something that Stephen Schwartz attended a rehearsal of Children of Eden at your school! Wow!!! Is it a performing arts school? This past summer, my daughter played the lead in one of his musicals, Pippin...she was The Leading Player, the role played by Ben Vereen on Broadway. His music is very good. Her theater camp has put on Children of Eden but I have not seen it (they put on 36 full scale productions each summer).

You are right that my daughter will have to look into colleges like anyone would or like her sister did, even though she is starting off with one particular school in mind that she has wanted to go to for years which is influenced by having had older friends for years at her theater camp. Thus, she has been so exposed to it all. I keep mentioning that she will have to research all the programs. She agrees, she said, but that a major draw to her beside the program itself is her strong desire to be in NYC which she loves. I tell her she would love campus life and that it is a little like theater camp, but the thought of being in NYC on her own is enticing. In this conversation last night home from ballet, I was talking about this and saying how well people think of the UMich program for example and she was like, MICHIGAN???? And so I said, well, supposed to be real fun college town. I mean you would think any place bigger than here would be fun for her! But she has always been enamored with NYC, has been countless times and always wishes she lived there. It is very interesting cause it is the most opposite place from where we live!

By Nitebirdmom (Nitebirdmom) on Thursday, January 29, 2004 - 11:35 pm: Edit

My 2nd and last S is a freshman in college, so we are several months into the empty nest. I'm an information junkie, so read "Letting Go" before older S even left, and was pretty well prepared. I thought I would be ok with the younger one going, but all last summer I found myself often on the verge of tears, occasionally depressed. Any old thing would set it off - a song on the radio, TV commercial, etc. When we dropped him off, I was ok - some tears in my eyes, but that was in the car after we said our goodbyes. It was sort of strange - just the 2 of us after over 21 years as a family.

Prior to S2 leaving, H and I often talked about how we would be able to meet after work and go to dinner, etc. And in fact we do that, and it is nice and relaxing not to have to think about where the kid is (although the last year at home he was busy with friends and couldn't care less about where we were anyway).

When the boys were younger, we took a few short vacations without them, but as they got older we took just about all vacations with them, since they get along pretty well and were a pleasure (well, mostly) to travel with. In October we had our first long vacation as a couple, just the two of us. It was relaxing and fun - it was nice to just be "us" again, although there were many times where we thought, "the boys would love this...", etc.

I must say, before younger S left, there were times I was a little worried about it just being the 2 of us again, not having the boys as a "buffer". There were some arguements that just didn't happen because one or both of the boys were around, and it did occur to me that it might be a different atmosphere after they left. My concerns, happily, were not justified, and we are getting along just fine.

It's sort of strang; you know, when you have the first kid and you're waiting for your life to get back to normal, and of course it never does, you just get a new normal. Well, with both kids away, it was sort of a mirror image of that situation. 20 some-odd years later, life is back to that old "normal", but of course it didn't seem normal at first - having kids around had become normal. Interestingly, as the weeks went by, we adjusted, and there are certainly lots of advantages - leaving bedroom doors open at night, having the food actually last longer than 1 day after we go to the supermarket, stuff like that.

The best part is that both kids adjusted well to their schools and are happy and doing well academically. Older son is now a senior, has a GPA hovering around 3.8 (he never did that well in HS), and right now has his heart set on joing the Peace Corps before probably going to grad school for international relations. As a parent, this makes me both proud and worried, but it's his life. He spent the fall doing a term in Bulgaria, so I was used to him being far away for a time, and difficult to reach (phones and internet service there can be erratic). They were both home in December for the first time since the summer, and it was fun, but sort of a relief when they both went back. My major lament with them away was that the house is too quiet and clean, but I got used to it and having them home was like having a hurricane in the house - stuff everywhere. Now we're pretty used to the calm, so when they left it was "back to normal", sort of.

As far as how I feel now, it's hard to be depressed when they're both thriving and happy. That makes everything worthwhile. It's a great feeling to have your children become the kind of people you'd like them to be. Of course, it's also as if our generation has been bumped up a notch - I met my husband in college, and although it's over 30 years ago, I don't feel as old as our parents were at our age (if that makes sense). Listening to them describe some of their classes makes me envious (in a good way). It's so true that youth is wasted on the young. Do they appreciate how wonderful life is for them? Did we?

Sorry for the length, but this ruminating has me in a nostalgic and pensive mood. But overall, it's a positive experience - feeling that we have done something right, raising these great young men.

By Sac (Sac) on Thursday, January 29, 2004 - 11:38 pm: Edit

Has anyone else found themselves going to more movies in theaters in the last six months than in the last 20 years? I think that's how we've begun preparing ourselves, on the nights our son is out, for the empty nest to come. (By the way -- do go see Calendar Girls). Anyone else find themselves staring at babies in restaurants and remembering those dinners at which all we talked about was the color of poop or brand of diaper?

When the first one left, we were relieved of so much tension in the house. Her high school experience was a hard one for us, so many sleepless nights. Second one, so much easier, it will be hard to let him go. On the other hand, first one is a college graduate and living back in town, and self supporting, and likes to drop in for a meal, or to do her taxes with her Dad, or to pick something up from her old closet, or to check something online, or to go frame a picture with her mom as long as her mom doesn't inquire too closely into her social life. She chats about the value of the dollar or what she's done at work and asks for books for Christmas and then brings them back for us to read too... It's lovely. When the kids were younger, I used to wish we'd had them closer together. Now the spacing has turned out just right. What good planning!

As an empty nester: I look forward to not having to make dinner every night. (As a kind of final reward, my son mentioned this week that his friends are all amazed at how well he eats, judging by the leftovers he brings to school for lunch.) I look forward to not having to lock the bedroom door.I look forward to a clean living room. I look forward to having the first real guestroom in our lives and to decorating it and to having guests in it. I look forward to meeting friends on the spur of the moment for dinner or a movie or a concert. I look forward to being able to go away for a weekend and having more wine than is good for me without worrying about the example I am setting. I look forward to going to bed without an ear cocked.

I dread not hearing about a kid's day, not having a college or summer program or afterschool program to look into, not sharing a long-standing joke, not gauging a kid's psychological status on a daily (or hourly) basis, not being an on the spot advisor, not having those calendar dates filled with school performances and events, not being able to count on making friends with parents of my kids' friends, all that is involved not really having a "kid" anymore.

Crisis or opportunity or a little bit of both? My husband and I thought of throwing ourselves a 30th anniversary party. Instead, we're replacing our defunct hot tub. Well, the travel budget will be mighty thin given some the schools our son is considering.

By Garland (Garland) on Friday, January 30, 2004 - 08:35 am: Edit

Sac, I identified with almost everything you said (the one exception is the "real" guestroom. College senior D still grumbles that we use the floor of her room for storage while she's away; God forbid we really change anything in there. S's room is six by six, not much room for guests.)

Overall, the things you miss and look forward to all ring true for me. We also won't be doing much traveling with S's college bills coming up, and H considering a career downsize or change.

By Medprof (Medprof) on Friday, January 30, 2004 - 08:54 am: Edit

Susan,

My S had a great time at "Wicked". The boy would not tell me the ending, said I should go and see it for myself. It is great that the plot should be an intriguing part of the musical, unlike the other ones that everyone knows what's going to happen. He said that the good witch Glinda was funny, but he thought Elphaba was really wonderfully played by Idina Menzel, who is a NYU Tisch graduate according to his Play Bill. His HS is just a regular public NY suburban HS. The music teachers organized these trips to Broadway and Lincoln Center for opera or symphony. They always picked something the kids would like to see. They took 37 kids last night. It was first come, first served for the members of the Tri-M musical honor society. The HS musical teacher used to perform in NYC, so she may have connections there to get Stephen Schwartz to come to the HS. The "Children of Eden" production did win multiple awards, including best musical overall, at the regional HS musical competition.

I hope your D realizes her dream. For some people, there is really no other place to be but NYC.

By Patient (Patient) on Friday, January 30, 2004 - 11:11 am: Edit

sac, as usual, a beautifully written post. On the one hand, I start getting teary when I think of our oldest leaving home. On the other hand, we really have let our lives revolve around our children, perhaps too much so, and I am looking forward to reclaiming simple pleasures of neatness, relaxed excursions, etc. It's good to hear from others going through the same mixed emotions.

By Soozievt (Soozievt) on Friday, January 30, 2004 - 11:21 am: Edit

Medprof, thanks for sharing. My daughter is in awe of Idina Menzel's voice. My daughter is that kind of voice type (not comparing the talent here at all of course!). I knew she went to NYU Tisch, yeah. Luckily our music department does do a day trip to see a tour in Boston but they are at mercy of whatever is appearing there at that time, less selection than if in NYC. But my kids have a great time anyway going with local music friends to see a show. My kids are fortunate to have seen so many shows on Broadway considering how far from there we live. They have seen shows elsewhere too.

That competition sounds really cool. We have nothing like that here in Vermont. I know of which you speak cause my D's friends who live in areas like yours, outside of NYC have had their schools entered in such competitions. For all I know your son's school may even be one of her friends' schools. Also her FL theater friends' schools have these too, as well as thesbian competitions. She sometimes is jealous what kids in those areas have. Some of her theater camp friends in other states have a thing called Show Choir, which is not just a choral group but one that performs production numbers in a musical theater style and they enter competitions against other schools. There is no such thing in VT either. Then she knows kids in other states who have dance teams and dance competitions, and none of that exists here either. Our dance studio does not believe in that and also it is not like there are any competitions in the region anyway. Instead, they have a repertory jazz dance troupe and a repertory tap dance troupe (both by audition, younger D is in both, older one is in one of these) who perform around the region, not competitively. We also do not have any musical honor society like you have either. Kids do audition for regional and all states in choral and instrumental music. Thankfully our school musical productions are top rate. The director is not on staff but is hired to do the musical. While my D does not think he comes close to directors she works with at theater camp (the pace is so much slower!), he certainly is of a quality that they are lucky to have (has been on Broadway and TV). For a little town, thankfully my kids have some really good performing arts opportunities. The music department at school won a Grammy award actually. I never knew my kids would ever be so into music, dance, and theater, but since it ended up turning out that way, I am grateful that those programs at our school are one of the better things going at our little school. But still, my younger one gets jealous when she hears of stuff like your son has or her other out of state friends have going at their high schools! Some even have acting classes or other theater classes in the curriculum and we do not. They added a dance class to our curriculum a few years ago by bringing in staff from my daughters' dance studio to teach it. However, it is aimed at kids with no dance experience so not appropriate for them to take (nor could they fit into their schedule). I am glad other kids will be exposed to dance who normally would not be traveling to our dance studio.

Hopefully, yes, my D will realize her dream. She sure is driven to pursue it. NYC is one facet of it. Certainly being on Broadway is the star she is reaching for.....not easy! My other D enjoys NYC as well but did not want to go to school in Manhatten! Does your son do theater or music?

Oh, as far as Wicked, I have heard that the ending is suprising and that those who know the show do not want to reveal it. My D told me the other day that she could not help herself and researched the synopsis online where you can elect to get the ending. I told her nobody wants anyone to know the ending before seeing it! But she said it was killing her to read the story cause she has listened to the CD over and over and over again and needed to know the story behind it! Yes, the actress playing Glinda, Kristen Chenowith, is comedic. She won a Tony for playing Sally in the revival a few years ago of You're a Good Man Charlie Brown.
Susan

By Momstheword (Momstheword) on Friday, January 30, 2004 - 12:03 pm: Edit

Digmedia--sounds like you and S took many memorable trips together. In your opinion, what are some of the best (say, top 6-10) you took--the ones you felt your S took the most away from and why?

By Digmedia (Digmedia) on Friday, January 30, 2004 - 03:33 pm: Edit

Momstheword -- a couple of the top ones might have been some of the less adventerous ones, actually:

#1: For his grandparents' 50th wedding anniversary, we took them to France. We only spent 2 days in Paris, then rented a car and took them to some of our favorite places plus some new ones for us. We stayed a few days at an incredible farmhouse in Provence among fields of lilacs and grapes. We did some great things, like a hot air balloon ride over the Cher River and over Chateau Chenonceau (sp), but the main thing was that it allowed my son some great time with his grandparents that he couldn't have had otherwise.

#2: A drive up the Alaska Highway. We drove 2,500 miles just to get to the START of the highway. And just a few miles later encountered a sign that said "Road Construction Next 927 km." We put a total of over 7500 miles on the car. It's hard to describe just how long a trip it was, but the scenery, wildlife, and family time together was unforgettable. It will always rank as one of the best family times together. Twice we hired a small plane to take us to remote areas, and took a ferry back from Alaska to Washington. The ferry ride alone was a vacation in itself. I don't know what it is about the Yukon and Alaska, but somehow it's different in a tangible way (and in a good way).

#3 We have been to Romania 8 times, working with a group of scientists and cavers there exploring caves. One became a very well-known; it had been sealed off from the outside for millions of year, and 33 new speciaes of insects were discovered by our friends. Since the life in the cave was based on hydrogen sulfide (rather than photosynthesis), it also hosted NASA scientists when we were there one summer. Our son has accompanied us on most of our trips and has gotten to know the kids of our friends there very well. Last year we did a trip back again just to get the kids together one last time before they all scatterred to the four winds. S takes all of this in stride (we used to joke that he thought he had a "normal" life), but growing up knowing those kids from a totally different environment was valuable, I think. But these days teenagers around the world are so similar.. Computers, email, the internet, American movies and culture, and ease of travel and who knows what else are having an unbelievable impact.

So the interesting thing that I've noticed by responding to your question is that the "important" things did NOT revolve around "adventure" or even the location, to some extent. The important things were people-related: grandparents, immediate family, and remote friends. Hmmm... I hadn't really thought of it that way before. Thank you for asking the question. I just learned something about us....

-Digi

By Medprof (Medprof) on Friday, January 30, 2004 - 09:05 pm: Edit

Susan,

I guess I will have to be patient about finding out what happens in "Wicked".

My S plays cello in the HS orchestra and chamber group. He also plays in the County Youth Orchestra. It has been a joy to hear him practice at home, making the beautiful sound.

The HS theater involvement requires a lot of time committment from both the students and parents around production time. Neither of my children has wanted to participate but we always went to see the show. Pleasantville HS has one of the best musical theater tradition around here. I heard from parents in our HS that they have 200 parents volunteering for the production.

Sac,

A lot of the nice things you mention will not apply to me. We live with my H's parents. I could go to a lot of scientific conferences when my children are in college.

By Soozievt (Soozievt) on Friday, January 30, 2004 - 09:09 pm: Edit

Digi, what incredible experiences your son has had. I would imagine he had more than enough topics for college essays!


It is great that you have been able to do all these things. My older brother who lives in Alaska took a year off with his wife and kids and basically traveled the eastern hemisphere with them. Oh, and we took our kids to Alaska in '95 to visit them and went far and wide as well. Sounds like you drove even way more than we did, though!

Susan

By Sac (Sac) on Saturday, January 31, 2004 - 12:13 am: Edit

Medprof,
Well, we are the sandwich generation. I have told people I have two seniors to tend to this year -- my son and my (soon-to-be) 93-year-old mother. She doesn't live with us, however.

Digi,
I agree there is something very special about Alaska. Even flying over it, looking down at those peaks and realizing there are probably still spots where no human being has set foot. We had a wonderful trip there one summer with our son (daughter was off on her junior year abroad). One of my favorite spots was a tiny town called Hope on the Kenai Peninsula. The stream was so full of spawning salmon you could have walked across on their backs. At that point, we were in an RV, but at other times on the trip we went by car, small boat, kayack, plane, train, or bus. I still remember getting off the bus in Denali park, just the three of us, with the intention of just hiking out over the tundra. We walked for about 10 minutes and came across a tuft of what we thought was grizzly fur on a bush. We talked it over for about two minutes and headed back to the ranger station. The ranger was very reassuring. She said it might not have been grizzly, it could have been wolf. I may not have the courage to really venture out into it alone -- yet I can't tell you what it means to me that such wildness still exists. We haven't ruined everything on the planet yet, in spite of ourselves.

By Soozievt (Soozievt) on Saturday, January 31, 2004 - 12:22 am: Edit

Tsdad, I decided out of curiousity to look up the national tour of Mamma Mia and that explains it...there are two national tours out. The cast you saw was not with my D's friend from camp. She (Sara K.) is on the other tour cast in ensemble and I believe due to take over the lead role of Sophie. Not bad for right out of high school. I was baffled when she was not in your playbill but now figured it out.
Susan

By Digmedia (Digmedia) on Saturday, January 31, 2004 - 09:03 am: Edit

sac - lol about the tuft of fur. I know EXACTLY the feeling you had. Every hike we took, we were constantly calling "Hey Bear, Hey Bear" so that we wouldn't surprise any grizzlies. We only saw them from a distance, which was FINE with me. Your mention of the spawning salmon also made me remember a similar stream near Juneau.

As we left Banff and Jasper National Parks on our drive to Alaska, I asked my son, "Do you think we'll see any wildlife on this trip?" Good grief - I didn't imagine that we so many different kinds of animals.

I DON'T want to start a political discussion, but one of my disappointments with our current President is his "misguidance" wrt wilderness and environmental issues. It breaks my heart when some people see these kinds of areas and only see the timber or the underlying oil and gas reserves. There was an article in USA Today two or three days ago that a coalition of gun clubs and hunters and fishers were sharing that disappointment about the administration's policies. Maybe President Bush should do a fishing trip via "bush plane" in Alaska. He might have a change of heart on that particular issue.

Soozie: great idea about the essays. When it comes time next Fall, I'll pass that along.

By Strick (Strick) on Saturday, January 31, 2004 - 09:28 am: Edit

Soozievt, Tsdad, there's a Sara K listed in the ensemble of the "Momma Mia" touring company we saw. As I mentioned their performance was the best of the season here.

By Starbucksfreak (Starbucksfreak) on Saturday, January 31, 2004 - 09:36 am: Edit

Wow, I can't imagine what I will do with myself. I have no spouse; my daughter is the very center of my universe. Because she has had tremendous medical problems, she has required much hands-on mothering, and because we are close emotionally, there has been a lot put there too. But when she leaves, I really will be alone!! I travel a lot for my job; maybe I'll just ramp it up a notch, or take a second one.

Or maybe I'll actually have the TIME to date and find a new husband now!! LOL.

By Momstheword (Momstheword) on Saturday, January 31, 2004 - 10:49 am: Edit

Digmedia--Thanks for sharing. The trips sound fantastic. Your S is lucky. And it's nice that in the end, the people were the best part. We haven't traveled nearly as extensively as you, but the best part for me was seeing places through the fresh eyes of my D and Ss.

By Tsdad (Tsdad) on Sunday, February 01, 2004 - 09:57 am: Edit

From the parenting never ends page: Saturday morning my son calls us at 8:00am, 5am his time, to tell us that he just gotten back to his dorm room. He had been at an all-night Kevin Smith film festival where Smith had talked for two hours.

I reminded him that he had a Saturday class, an important one that only meets once a week, on using the AVID editing system. He obviously had forgotten. About 1/2 hour before the class I called him. Good thing too, he was still sleeping.

When he wins an Oscar and I do expect a thank you.

On another topic especially since someone above mentioned going to the movies: my wife and I finally saw "Lost in Translation." It's still a hard ticket to get on a Saturday night in the DC area. Maybe it was because we were stuck in the second row, but it didn't seem like that great a film. What did you all think?

I'm still stunned by the LOTR, Return of the King. I saw it twice, something I never do. It's movie making on a grand scale filled with eternal values of love, loss, scarifice, friendship, and bravery. I can't wait till the DVD comes out. My son and I will probably watch all three films at one time next Decemeber.

By Emeraldkity4 (Emeraldkity4) on Sunday, February 01, 2004 - 10:15 am: Edit

You only saw ROTK twice? My 13 yr old daughter has seen it 5 times Of course when Orlando Bloom came on the screen you probably didnt turn to your friend and smile.
IF you haven't seen the Two Towers do, that is the best IMO. THe first is good but a little slow to get going and I thought ROTK was too long.

I like Bill Murray in film generally, and I like Scarlett Johannsen , but I thought Lost in translation had way too many money shots of Tokyo, it made it look like a travelogue. The little bit of romance at the end also made me gag. Not only is Murray old enough to be her father , but it didn't move the storyline.
I know lotsof people liked it though, and that is why I finally went and saw it. I tend to be really hard on movies, especially dramas cause they have to get me to buy into them, Mystic River I hated, for example and the ending of the Sixth Sense I saw coming when the lead character was at dinner with his wife, made for a very long movie.
Now comedies I am not so hard on, and I went to see Irreconcilable differences and liked it. Pirates I absolutely loved and went to see more than once, a fun movie, especially considering the studio.

By Tsdad (Tsdad) on Sunday, February 01, 2004 - 10:50 am: Edit

I agree with you on TT. Considering it was a middle movie it was great. ROTK was too long with too many false endings.

I do not maintain the same interest in Orlanda Bloom that your daughter does.

My wife was suprised about the kiss at the end.

By Lizschup (Lizschup) on Sunday, February 29, 2004 - 03:22 pm: Edit

I know this is kind of an old thread but I remembered Tsdad's comment about Lost in Translation and I had to comment. My husband and I watched it last night and I agree with both criticisms of it. I am astounded that this movie was nominated for a best picture. Pirates of the Caribbean was better than this movie-a totally different kind of movie but a far better movie. I thought Lost in Translation had funny parts- I laughed so hard when Bill Murray was on the treadmill. I fell asleep half way through and woke up for the stupid romantic part that just grossed me out. I must be getting old-it must be the cool hollywood thing to have NO script or story. And I like eclectic offbeat movies --not this one though.

By Sluggbugg (Sluggbugg) on Sunday, February 29, 2004 - 05:46 pm: Edit

ROTK trivia...the actor who plays Aragorn, Viggo Mortensen, is 45 years old. I guessed him at 30! He was also in Walk On The Moon, with Diane Lane and Liev Schreiber. And, he plays a blond, American cowboy who rides his trusty mustang, Hidalgo (released next week), in a race against the world's greatest Arabian horses & Bedouin riders. Yep, now that dd is in college, we're going to more movies.

Off to do a couple of quick chores before the Academy Award preview shows start! ROTK will get Best Movie; Peter Jackson will probably win for Directing ROTK; Charlize Theron totally deserves Leading Actress; and Johnny Depp may squeek by for Lead Actor in Pirates. Fwiw, I can't think of anything I liked about Lost in Translation. The acting was mediocre, and the story was a big So-What? Scene after scene of a burned-out, middle-aged celebrity acting like a jerk with some, young, confused college student during a business trip in Japan. I thought the scene with the Japanese escort in his hotel room was the most entertaining scene of the whole movie. The Coppola machine has been hyping Sofia since the movie came out, and I sure hope the voting members were able to see through it. But, you know Hollywood!

By Sluggbugg (Sluggbugg) on Monday, March 01, 2004 - 11:29 am: Edit

OT, but can't help myself! Glad to see Sean Penn got it for Lead Actor. I thought Jude Law had a good shot at it, too. Penn, Law, & Depp are such talented actors, and what a treat for moviegoers to have all three in theaters this year. Jude Law is always interesting. I liked him in one of my favorite movies, Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil. If you haven't seen Chocolat, Johnny Depp is wonderful as the sensuous gypsy. And, Sean Penn as Jeff Spicoli in Fast Times at Ridgemont High is still my favorite of his all of his movies.

By Thedad (Thedad) on Monday, March 01, 2004 - 12:10 pm: Edit

I was pulling for Depp. Damn.

"Master and Commander" and "Pirates of the Caribbean" might have gotten some of the more technical awards (make-up, costume, etc.) if it weren't for the LOTR landslide.

One of my D's friends at ballet wants to have Johnny Depp's baby. I suspect there is a rather long line....

By Sluggbugg (Sluggbugg) on Monday, March 01, 2004 - 03:31 pm: Edit

Still OT...Yeah, me too, Thedad. It's been a pleasure to watch him develop his craft over the years, and I look forward to what he can do with future roles. He will get an Oscar someday.

Despite his dark & idiosyncratic style, he manages to make his characters likable, no matter how repugnant they are. Edward Scissorhands, Ed Wood, & George Jung from Blow are three good examples. Not all of his movies have been great hits, but I like that he's not afraid to take risks and bring something of himself to each role. Nice to see another 40 y/o performer expanding an already interesting body of work.

His background is as eclectic as his taste in movies...dropped out of h/s at age 17 to play in a rock band. He's a pretty good slide guitarist and also a singer. Credits Tim Burton with saving him from the Hollywood expendable-actor meatgrinder. Had "Winona Forever" tattoed on his arm while engaged to Winona Ryder. After they broke up, he had the "na" removed, so the tattoo now reads, "Wino Forever." Adopted his animal actor friend, Goldeneye, Ichabod Crane's horse in Sleepy Hollow, to save him from the glue factory. Ah, that's nice!

By Sluggbugg (Sluggbugg) on Monday, March 01, 2004 - 03:39 pm: Edit

Still OT...Yeah, me too, Thedad. It's been a pleasure to watch him develop his craft over the years, and I look forward to what he can do with future roles. He will get an Oscar someday.

Despite his dark & idiosyncratic style, he manages to make his characters likable, no matter how repugnant they are. Edward Scissorhands, Ed Wood, & George Jung from Blow are three good examples. Not all of his movies have been great hits, but I like that he's not afraid to take risks and bring something of himself to each role. Nice to see another 40 y/o performer expanding an already interesting body of work.

By Sluggbugg (Sluggbugg) on Monday, March 01, 2004 - 03:42 pm: Edit

::Rats:::I was afraid of that!