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As I have navigated through the admissions process, I have basically had to learn everything by myself. I have a younger sister, and because of my advice and general knowledge about the admissions process, she is well on her way to a selective college, much better prepared than I was at the same age (she is a sophomore). I was just thinking, if I had had an older sibling (or parents who knew more about the process), I would stand a much higher chance of acceptance to ultra-selective universities. So my question for the parents is: have your younger children reaped the rewards of being the second (or third or fourth or whatever) child to go through the process?

On an unrelated note, the parents that I find on this board are invaluable. Parents seem to compliment and encourage students often, but us students rarely pause to pay homage to those who help us with their informative posts. Some of us (like myself) have parents who are very busy and don't have much time to help them through the process, and the advice of various parents on this board has been irreplaceable. Though I don't post on this website very often, I do read the posts frequently and am appreciative for the wisdom provided here. In addition, some of the discussions (particularly on the parents forum) make for some interesting leisure reading. So after a winded and misdirected post, I'll just summarize by saying thanks to all the parents who help everyone on the site.

By Jamesj242003 (Jamesj242003) on Sunday, January 11, 2004 - 10:10 pm: Edit

S17

Yes, our younger child has benefitted, although marginally, by having a older sibling. Our oldest attends Yale and our youngest goes to Penn. We, as parents, learned quite a bit from the first round of the college admissions process. We were able to apply those lessons to our youngest since our S really wanted to attend Penn.

Thnaks to you, your younger sister will probably benefit from the knowledge you've acquired. Good luck to you and your younger sister.

By Northstarmom (Northstarmom) on Sunday, January 11, 2004 - 11:26 pm: Edit

S17,
Thank you for the kind of words of appreciation that you expressed to parents.

Our younger son definitely benefited from our experience with his older brother. This is because our older son used to hide report cards and give hilarious dinner table reports about school, reports that were quite long on humor while being short on facts. These experience have helped us be much better at tracking the academic progress of our younger son than we were with his older brother.

Problems that took us two years to recognize in our older son, we can now spot in a matter of months with our younger one.

Despite all of this, though, our older son did fine in college admissions. Unfortunately, our sons differ greatly in their academic interests, so when it comes to colleges, in many respects, we're starting all over when it comes to helping our younger son find a suitable school.

By Jamimom (Jamimom) on Monday, January 12, 2004 - 09:51 am: Edit

Thanks for the heads up in our parenting efforts. Yes, each time I go through this process I find some things easier because my knowledge base is broader and stronger, but as NSM says, children differ greatly. Next year my son will going the drama/MT route, something I had not encountered. I have had to swing from high test scores/low GPA to low test scores/high GPA, an athletic recruit, premeds, financial aid, merit scholarships, and each time there was much to learn. The biggest swing factor has been the personality of the students involved. Also I am older, more tired, and do not look forward to the process much at all, while with the first one there was a bit of an adrenaline push due to the newness of the expererience.
However, more than 30 years ago when I applied to colleges, my parents involvement was minimal. I would have probably done better in targeting schools that were better fits for me had I had someone who knew me, knew the system and helped me navigate it, but going through it myself was a godsend once I got to college and had to deal with the bureacracy there. I have found kids these days who are so unused to the problems and tedium of paperwork because they have been insulated form it that when they join the rest of the world when they go away from school go into shock of sorts. Mom and Dad who handled all of that stuff get a rude awakening as well when they are told by the colleges that all the paperwork, deadlines, choices are the students responsibility and they are not supportive of parents who want to get involved in it. In fact they are downright unsupportive. I was a regular visitor to financial aid, for instance, and managed to avail myself of the juciest awards by being johney on the spot when they came rolling in. I got the best work study jobs, and was always first in line for any programs. I found that the kids whose parents had done most of the work for them and had scheduled things out for them missed out on quite a lot.
My kids are a hybrid of the "aware" group and the "young princes/sses". Because of our family size and limited financial and time resources, they had to do a lot themselves that their peers did not do. But at the same time they were fortunate to have parents knowledgeable about the world in which they lived and the preparation for the future. I believe I should have, could have been better about making them more responsible for their schedules, duties, awareness, etc, but at the same time I found it difficult to sit there and watch them compromise their futures because of their sloth, ignorance, lack of motivation, though in most cases, it would have served them right. I would spend and am spending hours each day trying to pattern some of them into productive behavior, with mixed results. I have found with the older ones that though they may vehemently disagree and fight the parent at the time things need to be done, years later, the same kids are grateful and the words echo in their brains.
Most of the time I feel like Cassandra as I give out my prophecies, totally disregarded.
There is no question that helpful, supportive, informed parents are a valuable resource for students at all stages of their lives, not just the college process. But there are many kids with parents at either end of the spectrum, disruptive due to ignorance and disinterest, or disruptive due to strong personal opinions that will not change regardless of the child's preferences and the situation at hand. Then there is a benign neglect that many parents find is the least harmful route, if they truly do not know the process. My mother had very little to say about my college choices.
For those kids who are going this road alone or with parents who are more obstacles than help, by perservering through this process and learning the ins and out of the procedure and the system, you will have learned ever so much to impart to future experiences and to the experiences of others--your own children, siblings, etc. It may mean that you over look opportunites and make choices that you would not have had you had an adult overseeing you. For this I am sorry. I wish there were a way to make the process equitable for all, regardless of family knowledge, status. I know I make every effort to help out those kids I know who need guidance and are not getting it even as I go through my life which is very busy with the number and type of children I have.

By S17 (S17) on Monday, January 12, 2004 - 01:12 pm: Edit

Thanks all for the words of encouragement and advice, and good luck to you and your children.

By Sac (Sac) on Monday, January 12, 2004 - 01:25 pm: Edit

Your sister is, indeed, lucky to be the beneficiary of your advice and, by the time she's ready to apply, your college experience as well. As with others here, I freely admit I'm much more savvy the second time around. As with many parenting issues, the first child does sometimes feels like "practice". However, as others have also noted here, every child is different. My oldest, a daughter, only wanted a large public university and would not look at any others. She put the minimum into the application process, but everything turned out just fine. My second, a son, is looking at selective private universities for the most part, and spent much of Christmas break churning out essays. Perhaps, if I had a third child, we'd be looking at LACs, or community college, or one of a dozen other variations. Your sister might turn out to have the very different goals, talents, interests, and college expectations than you do. Your experience will still be very valuable to her,especially since it sounds as if you've handled so much of it on your own, but one of the things parents learn -- sometimes at the cost of some pain on both sides -- is that we must allow each person in the family to be just that, his or her own person.

By S17 (S17) on Monday, January 12, 2004 - 07:21 pm: Edit

Thanks Sac for your input. I do appreciate it everybody.