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How have you helped your teenager cope with the sting of rejection, especially if it came from their number one choice school? I'm dreading my daughter's arrival home tonight. Her much anticipated letter from the University of Michigan arrived today. I held it up to a light to read whether or not she'd been accepted. (Yes, I know that was childish and sneaky of me.) The news was bad. She auditioned for their musical theatre program in November and has been on pins and needles for the last couple of weeks waiting for her letter to arrive. The program is extremely competitive - they will only accept 10 girls this year. My D knows this, but she was still very hopeful. Her audition went very well and she had excellent stats and letters of recommendation. I expect a lot of crying tonight. (I've already done some.) The mom in me wants to blunt the sting. Any suggestions?

By Blossom (Blossom) on Monday, January 05, 2004 - 05:45 pm: Edit

Anger, Acknowledgement, Acceptance. The worst thing you can do is minimize her feelings, which will be anger,disappointment, jealousy of the few who did get in but who are so undeserving, etc. You need to acknowledge that this is painful news, very disappointing, not a referendum on her self-worth but disappointing nonetheless. Then-- let her find a way to let go of this dream and latch on to the next one.

I find that when I try to overcompensate for disappointments that my kids experience, the agony lasts a lot longer than when I provide love and support and then fade into the background. Keep reminding her that no single letter, school, adcom, etc. can in any way represent her worth, talent, potential as a performer or human being, etc. and then back off.

Eating also helps; my kids know that when they get bad news it's usually accompanied by ice cream or whatever.... it no longer works the way it did when they were 5 years old, but symbolically you're reminding them that just as they got over not getting invited to someone's party in first grade, they'll get over this too-- albeit w/lots more tears.

My other trick is to keep reminding myself that I'm disappointed that my kid is hurt, but not because I'm invested in the outcome, or see this as an indictment of my parenting, or have any ego on the line.... not always true, but it helps to be reminded that our pain is because we love our kids, and not because we feel diminished in any way....

By Northstarmom (Northstarmom) on Monday, January 05, 2004 - 06:05 pm: Edit

Let her know that you are sorry that she was rejected because you hate to see her hurt and disappointed. Let her know, too, that what happened is really Michigan's loss. Something good awaits her.

Let her vent. Let her know that whether or not she gets into Michigan or any other place, you still fiercely love her.

Don't try to minimize her disappointment by trying to get her to act like it doesn't really matter. Listen to her if she needs to vent. Allow her some space if that's what she needs. Believe in her. Love her.

By Lhm501 (Lhm501) on Monday, January 05, 2004 - 06:08 pm: Edit

Blossom, really great response. Can I come over for ice cream? You sound like such a great mom!

By Thedad (Thedad) on Monday, January 05, 2004 - 06:23 pm: Edit

Good responses from both Blossom & NSM. Good luck. Sympathies.

By Hautbois (Hautbois) on Monday, January 05, 2004 - 06:34 pm: Edit

Had to deal with this last year. I wanted to cry with my D because I felt so bad for her, but of course I saved my tears for times when I was not with her. I held her. I told her I was proud of all she had done. I told her that I knew it hurt and it really was rotten. I didn't say anything about "you'll get in somewhere you love" because that's not what she needed right then.

And I hurt like crazy for her.

She was fine much quicker than I had expected too. (And she's now VERY happy where in her university.)

Sorry you're going through this. It's painful. I know.

By Musicmom (Musicmom) on Monday, January 05, 2004 - 06:47 pm: Edit

Dancersmom-
You sound like such a caring mom that I know you will find those words, and hugs. Our son is auditioning for music performance and I fear he may have a similar day coming. High aspirations for such demanding programs.....these kids have a special mixture of drive and courage, I think.
When it gets to this level, it's hard to be the parent watching, isn't it?
It's amazing how fearless kids can be!
After the initial tears (and ice cream!), she'll find the focus to look at her other choices.
Best of luck to your family.

By Momcat (Momcat) on Monday, January 05, 2004 - 06:47 pm: Edit

I'm so sorry, Dancersmom. I'm glad you asked this question because I think the answers you've gotten are good advice that all of us can potentially use. I've tried to make sure my S understands the true Reach status of a few of the schools that he's applied to, but if he's denied I'm sure there will still be much disappointment, particularly to the one that he has the least chance of getting in.

It sounds like your D had a pretty good chance though, which probably makes it a harder denial to get over. Good luck to both of you.

By Coureur (Coureur) on Monday, January 05, 2004 - 07:57 pm: Edit

One thing I learned from my D's rejection from her EA school is to offer gentle sympathy but don't express much disappointment yourself.

My D got over it pretty quickly, but after a couple of days she said that the only thing that still made her feel bad was thinking that we felt bad. I guess she thought she had let us down and was worried about our sense of disappointment, when actually we were worried about her sense of disappointment.

By Soozievt (Soozievt) on Monday, January 05, 2004 - 08:09 pm: Edit

Sorry about your daughter's disappointing letter. You sound like a great mom and I know your heart dropped for her when you held it up to the light (I would have done the same!). I think the other posts said it all and were excellent. It basically is about acknowledging her very real disappointment (as a parent we hate seeing our kids have to go through it but everyone does at one time or another) and also how this rejection for admissions is not a commentary on her abilities/talent/self worth. It simply is that that school did not have room for her and she had a fine audition. I am sure your daughter knew going into it how extremely difficult the odds are in the most prestigious musical theater programs and so she knew this intellectually but still has to feel disappointed. I bet she will get over it. Just be there for her and then when she is ready to move on, go on to the next audition. The odds are tough but one of them should work out. She will move on and eventually get her successful outcome some place. Fingers crossed for her and kudos to you for being the supportive mom that you are!

Susan
(who will be going through the musical theater admissions with second daughter and the odds are worse than elite admissions!)

By Jmom (Jmom) on Tuesday, January 06, 2004 - 09:27 am: Edit

Dancersmom, I sympathize. My D got the rejection letter on the 28th of Dec from her first choice school. All the advice you've gotten here is spot on. I just wanted to add that it helped my D to have lots to do. She spent time with friends, we shopped, etc. It kept her from dwelling on it excessively after that first sad day. I'm happy to say that she, too, feels much better already and is starting to happily anticipate next fall at her second choice school.
It's so much harder to be the parent, than the student, IMO! Privately, I cried buckets.

By Ellemenope (Ellemenope) on Tuesday, January 06, 2004 - 09:36 am: Edit

One thing to consider is your daughter's mood on the day she is to open the letter. One mother told me that on the day the bad news letter came to the house for her daughter, her daughter was going through a minor crisis with her school friends (crying already, etc.) The mom kept that letter on ice for a couple of days until her daughter's outlook was better. No reason to add pain on top of misery. . .

By Dancersmom (Dancersmom) on Tuesday, January 06, 2004 - 12:35 pm: Edit

Everyone,
Thank you so much for all of your advice. I'm tardy in replying because daughter monoplized the computer yesterday evening. She had to complete a major project for her AP English class. I put in a call to her acting teacher/mentor while she was still at school yesterday. I asked him to give her a call after she got home from dance class. It turns out that she e-mailed him right after she opened the letter. He called back almost immediately to give her a pep talk. For my kid this was probably more helpful than anything I or my husband could have said to her. I heard quite a few giggles while she was on the phone. She told me that her teacher wanted to make sure that she was okay and that he knew how to cheer her up. I actually think I may be feeling worse than my daughter at this point!

Ellemenope: I agree that gauging the teenager's mood before giving them a rejection letter is a good idea. My husband and I had agreed that if our daughter got a bad news letter from Michigan right before Christmas we would withold it until after the holiday. We didn't want to spoil Christmas.

On a brighter note: D auditioned for her safety school on Dec. 5 and had her acceptance letter and scholarship offers from them on the 12th. At least we know she'll be going to school somewhere next year. Hopefully, her next 5 auditions will go well and she'll have some choices.

Thank you all for your thoughtful replies. I appreciate your kindness and your wisdom. You all sound like wonderful parents. I hope that your kids realize it (if not now, in 20 years or so).

By Soozievt (Soozievt) on Tuesday, January 06, 2004 - 12:45 pm: Edit

Dancersmom, I am glad that your daughter was able to get through this disappointment. It helps that she is in one school already. It is great that her acting mentor called and I bet that helped. She still has the rest of the auditions to go. Something will work out. The rejections are part of the process unfortunately. She took it well. So far, we have only had the one EA result which was deferral and my daughter also took it well, thankfully. I must say that I think I did too. I mean you never wish for your child to get disappointing news and that is the hard thing being a parent. Ya just want your kid to be happy and have pleasant experiences but they will grow as people by going through some of these less than wonderful moments in the end.

Susan

By Musicalthtrmom (Musicalthtrmom) on Tuesday, January 06, 2004 - 02:28 pm: Edit

Dancersmom...It's good to hear how well your daughter took the news from Michigan. Having visited there with my Junior Daughter, I know why it was her first choice. It's a good program. But there are a number of really good programs out there and I'm sure she'll land in one of them! Do you mind telling us the school to which she was recently accepted? The results were given to you from there quite quickly...that's great! I don't look forward to the agonizing waiting game!
What a great idea to have her mentor call her...I'll remember that for next year when I'm in your shoes! Good luck to your daughter...and you...in the coming audition process!

By Shennie (Shennie) on Tuesday, January 06, 2004 - 03:49 pm: Edit

My son is a music performance major, currently a sophmore. He was waitlisted at his first choice school (I believe it was a courtesy waitlist more than anything else) and he had been so sure that he was going to get in that he had been telling everyone that is where he was going. He was very angry when he got the letter and there was not much I or his father could do or say but to let the storm blow itself out. Fortunately, he got an acceptance letter with a nice scholarship the same day from his second choice school.

The storm abated quicker than I thought it might and he was able to let go and move on probably sooner than I was. Last night at the dinner table we were discussing school and he stated that he really was glad it worked out the way it did, that he felt he was working with a better teacher than he would be if he had been attending his #1 choice and was better off. Then he added with a slight grin, "But I would love to know who beat me out..."

By Thedad (Thedad) on Tuesday, January 06, 2004 - 04:01 pm: Edit

Dancersmom, I like the giggles on the phone.

Whether it was the rejection from Yale or not getting a ballet part, I know that my D is good shape when she's able to laugh about *something*. It's not that she's not disappointed but she's not mortally wounded.

Actually, I think my D may be a little too self-protective, chicken-and-egg: she won't let herself "want" too much until she's been accepted but for some things you *do* have to want that much.

By Dancersmom (Dancersmom) on Wednesday, January 07, 2004 - 03:17 pm: Edit

Thedad,
My D is self-protective in the same way as your D. I heard her telling her acting teacher that she had tried not to let herself hope too much that she'd get accepted at Michigan so that she wouldn't be too disappointed if she didn't get accepted. On the other hand she's been telling everyone for weeks how much she really wanted to go to that school. But, she didn't seem nearly as crestfallen as I would have expected.

I think I've been sadder than my D. (Parental Confession: When I was in high school and in college working on my BM and MM degrees the U. of Michigan had the reputation as being one of the top music schools in the country - they still do. Many people I went to school with went to Michigan for grad school. I had planned to apply there to work on my PhD. Economic realities stopped me. There were very few college teaching positions available in the late 70's and the salaries were very low. I was married and my husband and I decided that it didn't make economic sense for me to continue my education. I got my MOM degree instead and now work as a private music teacher. I still have some small lingering regrets about the road not taken. I still experience an occasional twinge of jealousy when I read about what some former music school classsmates are doing now. I usually snap back to my senses pretty quickly. But, Michigan for me represents what might have been. I have to remind myself that it's not good to mix up my past hopes and dreams with my kid's.)

My D has told both her acting teacher and her vocal coach that she felt very good about her audition and that she felt she got positive feedback from the auditors. She's concluded that, for whatever reason, she was not what the audition committee wanted this year. However, she still feels good about herself and knows that she did her best. She's said that she's taking the attitude that wherever she ends up will be where she needs to be next year. I'm pleased that she's able to put a positive spin on things. She has been through enough auditions that she's learned that not getting a role doesn't always, or even often, mean that you weren't good enough. One thing that may have kept her out is the fact that there are two students from our hometown in the program right now. One of them is from my daughter's high school. Even her H.S. counselor mentioned this factor to her. In a program that has only 50 students they don't want too many students from the same part of the country. I was grateful to the department chair for telling the students before they auditioned that they would turn down many talented students who could be very successful in their program simply because they didn't have room. It made me feel like they did care about the students' feelings. The chairman was trying to soften the blow that most of the kids would be receiving. I still wish things had turned out differently, but I'm pleased that my daughter is handling the disappointment in such a mature fashion.

By Aparent4 (Aparent4) on Wednesday, January 07, 2004 - 03:29 pm: Edit

Dancersmom, it's great you know some of the logic behind this decision and great that your d is able to hold onto her confidence about her audition. What a great life skill for a performing artist! It's so tough that from an early age they need to put themselves on the line and experience disappointment that really isn't about their own talent. Also wonderful to hear that her acting teacher was so supportive. It's so important for young people with dreams to know that there are adults "out there" in the field who respect their talents. You are such a thoughtful mom...I look forward to hearing the next step for your d.

By Soozievt (Soozievt) on Wednesday, January 07, 2004 - 03:43 pm: Edit

I agree with Aparent4 and look forward to hearing the next step in this process with your daughter. You also are correct that kids who do musical theater are used to the audition process and casting and rejection if not right for the part and it not always meaning they are not talented enough. It is really part of that field and so this likely is not the first time she experienced that feeling, though the stakes were higher this time. She has to know it is going to take a few auditions for one to come out in her favor. I like that the auditioners said what they did to the kids and I believe it was honest that they really do have too many talented kids for the slots and not getting in is not a commentary on the student's talent. Good luck on the rest of auditions. I do not recall if you mentioned which other programs she is trying out for. It interests me cause I will be in your shoes with my younger one who is going for that degree.
Susan

By Thedad (Thedad) on Wednesday, January 07, 2004 - 04:46 pm: Edit

Dancersmom, best of luck to your daughter the rest of the way...as others have said, what a terrific kid.

As for the road not taken, I think we all want better for our kids. My own road was both tortuous and torturous; I'm sure my D will encounter problems and diversions on her path but at least they'll be different.

Actually, I've found that having a child has had me recapitulate my own childhood at every step of the way, phase by phase.

By Dancersmom (Dancersmom) on Thursday, January 08, 2004 - 12:36 pm: Edit

Susan,
My daughter has been accepted at Point Park and has auditions at Florida State, Carnegie Mellon, Penn State, the University of Cincinnati (CCM), and the Boston Conservatory.

Everyone,
Thanks to all for your good thoughts.

By Soozievt (Soozievt) on Thursday, January 08, 2004 - 12:45 pm: Edit

Thanks Dancersmom, am enjoying reading about your process before going down that path with my musical theater kid. Do not even have a list of schools established yet but of course am aware of the programs out there (by name at least). Just curious if your daughter ever looked into NYU- Tisch, Emerson, Ithaca, Syracuse? If so, any reason she had to not be interested in those programs? Your daughter certainly applied to some great ones, all that I have heard of as well.
Susan
PS...is she currently working on a show? Is it insane to have that and these college auditions at same time? Wonder what that is like.

By Dancersmom (Dancersmom) on Thursday, January 08, 2004 - 03:13 pm: Edit

Susan,
I have been the research and application secretary for the college search process. I started researching in the fall of my daughter's junior year. I looked at NYU, both Steinhardt and Tisch. I had not formed much of an opinion other than the school is very expensive when my D announced that she didn't want to go to school in New York. (I have posted about this on the MT thread.) She made this announcement in Jan. 2003. I stopped looking at NYU at that point. D was pretty adamant about not wanting to go to school in NYC. Most of what I have learned about NYU I have learned from reading others' posts at the MT thread.

I did look into Ithaca and Syracuse. Both seemed to me to have well balanced programs, i.e., a fairly equal distribution of drama, music, and dance classes. I leaned toward Ithaca over Syracuse, but since I have not visited either school I couldn't really say which one has the better program. Early this past fall I was trying to pin my D down on what schools she would apply for. I wanted her to apply to at least one of the 2 schools. She got a bit huffy and said, "I've told you, I don't want to go to school in New York!" I tried explaining that going to school at either Syracuse or Ithaca would be nothing like going to school in NYC, but I got nowhere. D said that she felt like she was applying to enough schools without considering either of them. I still think that both of them have good programs.

I looked into Emerson around a year ago. I thought that the program looked a bit weak on paper. I knew that they required more liberal arts courses than my D would be happy with. She likes the idea of the conservatory approach. She wants as many courses as possible in drama, music, and dance. I want her to have some education outside of MT courses. I would be happy with 15 - 25% of the coursework outside of the major. I don't remember what the exact percentage of courses in the major is at Emerson, but it seems like it was pretty low compared to the other schools on our list. I e-mailed Emerson regarding how many levels of dance classes were available and to see if it was possible to get a curriculum guide for the MT major. A senior MT student e-mailed me back. He said that my questions had been referred to him by the MT department. I would have much preferred to get an answer from a faculty member. The student told me that most students who graduated from Emerson were not considered to be a finished product. They would need to get additional training in a graduate program or by taking classes on their own before they would be ready for Broadway. As you might imagine, I was very turned off by this reply. I expect my D to be ready for auditions in NYC when she finishes her bachelors degree. (I was also not given the requested curriculum guide or any information about the dance classes.) Emerson seemed to me to be a school for kids who really wanted a liberal arts degree with some theatre experience tossed in. Emerson was scratched from our list very early on. When my D was at Point Park in December for her audition I met a mom from Louisville. She was originally from the east coast and her son was auditioning as a transfer student. The school he wanted to transfer from was Emerson. She said that he had chosen to go to school in Boston because her family was form the area and her S had gotten a nice financial aid package. She said he was unhappy with the caliber of the program. He had no prior dance training and in his 1st semester at the school he was not getting any. She said he wouldn't have any dance classes during the 2nd semester either. She seemed very happy with what she and her S had seen at Point Park especially when she compared it with Emerson. She just reinforced my negative impression of Emerson. On the flip side, a dad and his son Scott who have posted on the MT thread (I can't remember their names - I'll try to look it up for you) were very impressed with Emerson. They wanted a school that offered a lot of liberal arts courses. Scott has enrolled there as a freshman. I don't think Emerson is right for my daughter, but as so many have said, there are different schools for different kids.

My D is just beginning rehearsals for "Once On This Island" at her school. She has a small feature. She was not considered for the part she really wanted, Timoune, because of her audition schedule. The show will be performed at the end of Feb. and rehearsals started this week. Thankfully, almost all of the rehearsals will be during the school day. I've wondered for 3 years now why her school chooses to schedule the MT class musical during the middle of college audition season every year. Each year many of the seniors have to bow out of the production completely because of their college auditions. D is attending a performing arts H.S. They should know better! We have restricted my D's performing this year. She did her school's major musical in the fall. The last performance was over before her 1st audition (the U.M. audition) in mid-November. D got lucky. Usually her school's major musical is performed the week of Thanksgiving. It was moved up this year to coincide with the Tall Stacks Festival in Cincinnati. (Tall Stacks was a riverboat festival.) We have restricted D's auditions this year. In some ways this has been a necessity. Most professional and community theatre companies frown on missing rehearsals. D would simply have to miss too many rehearsals getting to and from auditions. She will be working as the assistant movement director for a professional company in Cincinnati this spring. Rehearsals will start around the time that she finishes her final audition (the Boston Conservatory) at the end of February. D has really not had any problems preparing for her auditions this year. She started choosing material in June with the idea that she had to be ready to go in November. In our area there are not always lots of productions to choose from. D was required to be in her schools fall musical, so she couldn't audition for any show that would conflict. That wiped out most of the fall productions going on in the area. Any show that had rehearsals or performances during January and February were also eliminated. Being assistant movement director has wiped out several shows that D would have liked to do.

The one big disappointment this year was not getting to do a production of "The Jungle Book" with Cincinnati Childrens Theatre. It is going to have a lot of dance in it. Mark Morizumi is going to guest star as Mowgli and is going to choreograph the show. D auditioned for the show in mid-August. The production will run in mid-March. Childrens Theatre is one of those companies that auditions for their entire season all at one time. D could not attend any of the regular audition times because of her performance schedule at Paramount Kings Island. The director has worked with her before, so he allowed her to skip the initial audition and just come to the callback, which was when the dance portion of the auditions were being held. There were no parts for a girl her age in any show other than "Jungle Book". The director was interested in my D for the part of Bageera the panther. After she danced for him he turned to the other auditiors and said that he thought she'd make a wonderful panther. He said nothing to her other than she'd had a good audition. He definitely did not offer her the part. D was not surprised by this. That's pretty much standard operating procedure, but she thought she was going to be offered the role. Weeks went by and she didn't hear anything. She eventually remarked to me that she guessed that someone else must have gotten the part. She was a little disappointed, but was in one sense relieved. She thought that she was possibly going to have some overlap with the end of the rehearsal period and the performances of "Jungle Book" and the beginning of the rehearsals for "Yellow Boat", the show that she was assistant directing. She had been trying to pin down the "Yellow Boat" rehearsal schedule, but had been unable to do so because the director had just given birth to her 1st child and had pretty much dropped off of the face of the planet. As the weeks passed it seemed to be a non-issue because no offer had come from Childrens Theatre. I was a little annoyed that D had not even gotten a "sorry we can't use you" letter - other people that she knew had. On Nov. 13, 3 months after the "Jungle Book" audition, the phone rang. The Childrens Theatre director wanted to know if D could do a promo for their upcoming season the following Sunday. I'm thinking,hmm, he seems to be saying that D is going to be working with him this year, but he's never offered her a part. I told him that D couldn't do the promo because she had an audition scheduled with Paramount Kings Island that day. He seemed a little annoyed, but told me to have my D call him ASAP to get her contract signed. I thought the conversation was a little peculiar, but this director is known around town to be kind of strange. I've certainly found that to be the case in my daughter's previous dealings with him. D called him when she got home from school. He tells her that he had left a message on our answering machine weeks ago offering her the part and requesting that she attend a meeting. He was angry that she'd blown him off. Of course, he had not left a message on my machine. It is impossible to accidently erase a message that has not been played on my machine. We think he dialed a wrong number. D explained that she really wanted to do the show, but that she needed to check with the director of "The Yellow Boat" to see if she could work out any potential conflicts. She told him that since it had been such a long time since the audition and that she had not heard from him that she had gone ahead and made a committment to another company. I heard her tell him several times that she really wanted the part and that she would call him back within 24 hours to let him know if the "Yellow Boat" director could accomodate her. (We knew that all of the accomodating would have to come from the other director. The Childrens Theatre director will not bend for anyone.) D quickly worked things out. The "Yellow Boat" director said it would be easy to work the movement rehearsals around her Childrens Theatre rehearsal schedule. D called the Childrens Theatre director Thursday morning right before we left for her U.M. audition. His 1st contact with me had been Tuesday afternoon. He told D that he had panicked and hired someone else on Wednesday morning. He seemed a little embarassed. D, husband, and I were more than a little angry. In all of the shows she has done with this director she has never missed a single rehearsal, never been late, has never been anything but extremely professional. During the last show she did with him, she became his dance repetiteur. She had to help him remember his choreography from the revival of a show they had done together 4 years earlier. She had 1st done the show when she was just 11 years old. He choreographed the entire show, but she remembered the choreography better than he did even though he was using a video of the original production to help him. I'm angry that he believed that she had ignored his offer of a significant part in one of his shows - Bageera is actually a lead role. I'm also angry that he didn't have the courtesy to give her a day to try to adjust her schedule when he discovered that she had never received his message. But, that's pretty typical behavior for this guy. Many Cincinnati area performers have similar stories to tell about him. Hopefully, incidents like this will be good preparation for what is to come as my D pursues her career.

By Xiggi (Xiggi) on Thursday, January 08, 2004 - 04:10 pm: Edit

The key to a new car works as a charm to overcome deception.

By Soozievt (Soozievt) on Friday, January 09, 2004 - 12:18 am: Edit

Dancersmom...thanks for the wonderful post. Wow, you had lots to relate. I have not even looked into musical college programs yet for my younger daughter, but just know OF them from older friends of hers who attend. She has a former roomie now at Emerson and one who just got in for next year. I would say that the more talented ones of her friends are at Tisch. Though your daughter does not want NYC, my younger one does! She is enamored with NYC and it is the most opposite extreme from where we live. She has been there countless times. My other D would not consider college in NYC at all. You are right that Ithaca or Syracuse would not feel like you were in NY at all! They are nowhere near NYC! Two of the best musical theater girls from our high school in recent years ended up in the Ithaca program.

Speaking of Once on This Island, my daughter has been in that show twice. She has played the lead, Ti Moune at her summer theater program. Prior to that, when she was just ten, she was asked to be in a college theater production of that musical in the role of Little Ti Moune. She never even auditioned. The musical theater dept. head had seen her on stage in a show in that city and called and asked her to do the child role in their production. It was such a wonderful experience to be part of a college show when she was ten. The older kids took her in and treated her as one of them. She comes across as older than she is anyway. The musical was new to me at the time but I love it. The music is GREAT. So, now she has done it twice. I also saw a youth production of that musical in the Caribean and it was interesting to see youth in the West Indies do a show set in that setting.

Your audition experience for the Jungle Book production sounds terribly twisted. Really a shame. I agree that in this field (likely in most fields), they will come in contact with directors and situations like this that are unreal. It is upsetting but almost part of the field to run into some directors like that. You almost have to be thick skinned to go through this field with the constant auditioning (cannot take personally) and sometimes politics.

Your daughter sounds very talented and I am sure she will find a place in a program! Like your daughter, mine has a lot of dance background. My D does not go to a performing arts high school. No such thing exists in Vermont. She is jealous of friends who go to places like LaGuardia in NYC or Walnut Hill in Boston. Your daughter gets alot of her arts classes during the daytime and my daughter has to get them after hours (other than music, band, jazz band, chorus which are during school). While she wishes she went away to some performing arts high school, actually she gets all that same training but it just makes for very long days seven days per week. She is involved every single afternoon and night in the arts and all day Saturday (sometimes Sundays too). So she still does all that. And she will be going away for her seventh summer again this year to an intensive theater program in NY state. so, she gets to do plenty in the field. We have even less productions in our area to audition for than you do cause of not being in a city here. She is always in a show year round though.

I just came from the opening of my daughter's show tonight. Come to think of it, I am not sure she ever could have done this show if in a performing arts high school (not sure on that though). This show was totally conceived by her. She came up with the entire score. It is a musical revue of contemporary Broadway music....20 production numbers. She secured all the music, made librettos, cast ten other kids in it who share her passion, chose who sings what (there are solos, duets, small group and whole ensemble songs though each child is featured in the show), musical directed it, choreographed it, directed it, performs in it, was in charge of securing lighting, costumes, sets, sound, hired band members, did publicity, fundraising, designing the program, etc. It has been a huge undertaking with NO adult help whatsoever. The show is entirely student run. It really was a wonderful production, very entertaining, much talent, and they were all so much having a blast and into it. The audience received it well and we are looking forward to the bigger audiences on the weekend nights. It is being filmed by local TV tomorrow night. All the funds raised by ticket sales are going to the Amercian Cancer Society (which my daughter chose cause my dad died during the rehearsal period and she felt many have been touched by cancer in the community). Her bio dedicates her performance to her grandfather who took her to her first Broadway show. After the dress rehearsal she told me that she is so grateful that the cast made her dream/vision come true. And I think she liked this end of doing a show...directing/choreographing, etc.....and I said, well, it is so hard to make it as a performer and you should still go for your dreams, but you know you can aways someday do this end of theater too. She has choreographed before but this was the whole shebang. The other kids in the show (all older than herself) seem so happy with this opportunity she created for them cause they are in charge of themselves without adults, can sing sophisticated music, all get to solo and shine, and have so gelled as a group, though they all will be in the school musical after this is done anyway. My D said it is going to be hard to get used to having adults run the next production! Anyway, I have just photographed the entire show. It has been an intensive week. But you know what that is like! She also has auditions for All States in one week for voice but also is trying out for the All State Scholarship as a classical vocalist and another State Scholarship as a jazz vocalist. Have no idea how all this will come together as the week has been taken over by this other production and we have midterms next week too. But I hear ya how hard it will be when you gotta travel to the college auditions as well. I wonder how that will all shake out.

Good luck to your D on the auditions. My D knows a girl who is a freshman at CCM and knows a boy admitted for this year but who chose to go elsewhere. Both are quite talented. She sees her fellow summer theater buds getting into these places and I think she hopes or thinks she can follow in their footsteps. Let's hope so!

Also maybe your daughter can do some summer stock in your area cause her auditions will be done by then.
Susan

By Musicalthtrmom (Musicalthtrmom) on Friday, January 09, 2004 - 11:02 am: Edit

In response to questions regarding the musical theater programs at Syracuse and Emerson, I have a bit of input. My junior Daughter and I visited both of these programs during the summer...so school wasn't in session...but we did have meetings at both locations so we did come out with some information. We went into the Syracuse visit very excited about the program but curious about the music training part of the program. We came out believing it is indeed a strong MT program, but lacking in the music department. We had a tour of the drama facility which includes the equity theater there in Syracuse (a CLEAR plus for the program). Our exposure to the dance program was only the information (and it wa negligible) given to us by our tourguide...a MT student. He just wasn't a dancer. While he told us he was pleased with the vocal training he was getting (and he came into the program feeling like he was a singer first, an actor second, and a dancer third...he now feels like he is more of an actor)we were not impressed with the music department. One example: my daughter asked if she came back during the school year if she would be able to sit in on a music class or a voice lesson. The music department spokesperson told us that was not done very often...."these people pay a lot of money to go to school here and take these classes." We were shocked that that was her response. It didn't endear us to the program. Because my daughter wants a strong MUSIC program at the school she attends for MT, Syracuse has been taken off the radar as a first pick.

I would have to say Emerson is the same way. I think their acting program is strong from our visits with a guidance representative and a MT major. Dance would be second (though the MT major said she takes dance elsewhere within the consortium Emerson is part of). And music would be third. Emerson looks like a better school academically than some others we have looked at and that's important to me (not my daughter necessarily) but my daughter has worked hard and has good grades and I'd like to see her at a "good" school. Emerson also has an honors program that MT majors can be admitted to and it includes half scholarship if my memory serves me correctly. That's appealing.

I think that's all I can impart from our short visits....but we felt they were helpful in honing in on the two aforementioned programs for us. Keep in mind..these are just impressions of OUR visits...yours might be different!

By Dancersmom (Dancersmom) on Friday, January 09, 2004 - 01:01 pm: Edit

Musicalthtrmom,
Thanks for your input regarding Emerson and Syracuse. Since I have not visited either school I consider information from those who have very valuable.

Soozievt,

Good luck to your daughter with her All State vocal auditions. I hope she wins a scholarship. I remember reading one of your earlier posts about your daughter's show. I am so impressed! What a wonderful thing she has created! I can hardly imagine taking on such an ambitious project at her age.

Tell her not to be too jealous of kids who go to performing arts high schools. In my D's case, she actually does all of her real arts training outside of her school. Her MT teacher has a degree in flute! She's actually a producer, not a director or even an acting teacher. My D is endlessly frustrated by the class. She's in the class because every student at the school must have a major in order to attend. Hers is MT so she's required to take the class. She started out as a dance major, but had a serious falling out with the dance dept. her 1st year at the school (9th grade). She became the dance faculty's scapegoat in their frustration over being forced to share some of their dancers with the theatre department for the school's major musical. Eventually there was a 2 hour conference with the principal and the dance faculty. The faculty did not deny their harassment of my daughter. D changed her major to MT the next year. She had gone into the school as a dance major, but had made it very clear that her career goal was MT. That's probably why she became the scapegoat instead of one of the other dancers. Anyway, the dance dept. problems lead to my D's return to dance classes after school at CCM prep. The school has no tap or jazz classes for high school students, so those also have to be done after school. D had a private voice teacher that she liked when she enrolled at the school, so we elected not to have her study with one of the school's private teachers. Because of scheduling difficulties, she was unable to schedule a chorus class or a music theory class. She auditioned for the drama department every year and was accepted , but was unable to fit a drama class into her schedule until this year. Therefore, she has done all of her acting training at CCM prep. She did an intensive 2 year certificate program her freshman and sophomore years. She took 5 hours of acting, movement, and voice classes every Saturday for those two years. The prep dept. modelled the program on CCM's 1st year acting program. D graduated from the program at the end of her sophomore year. She was chosen to perform a 35 minute one-woman show for the graduation showcase. She's been taking scene study classes and advanced combat classes as a follow-up to the program. In June she became one of the few H.S. students in the nation to become certified by the Society of American Fight Directors in rapier and dagger. She's had some wonderful teachers in dance, drama, and voice, but none of them have been at her H.S. She goes to the school primarily for social reasons. We've seen some good training in some depts. at the school - the ballet dept.'s training is excellent (it's just that I can't stand the way they treated my kid) - but the MT, vocal, and drama depts. are nothing to write home about. The training D has received outside the school has been far superior to anything she could have gotten within the school. I'm sure S..i has told you about her impressions of the place. Your D certainly has nothing to feel jealous about regarding my D's H.S.

Good luck to her with her college search. I'm sure she's going to end up with lots of schools clamoring for her. Good luck to your older daughter too. I hope she ends up in a good place this fall.

By Chinaman (Chinaman) on Friday, January 09, 2004 - 01:10 pm: Edit

Dancermom

Rejections are part of life. It is a maturity process. If somebody get rejected from a school does not mean that he/she is not capable.

I know a story of a boy who got rejected by Harvard and wound up going to Darmouth. Well he took rejcetion seriously and then got over it. He got accepted to Harvrad Medical school but he decided to go to Cornell MD. Phd. program. The reason cornell medical offered him full ride.

Moral of the story take rejection and learn and try to improve. If it does not work, does not mean it is the end of life.

By Intheory (Intheory) on Saturday, July 17, 2004 - 08:16 pm: Edit

the old idea that rejection makes you stronger and better is definately true, but very hard to hear during the time soon after the rejection...i know that when something like that happens (even if not often) to me, there is certainly a period where there seems to be no tomorrow, and no amount of "this won't matter in 10 years" will help

i very much agree with a previous poster who said that, though you should acknowledge your child's disappointment, avoid showing your own. Don't act like you could care less, but don't indulge yourself in "if only"s, even if she does- i know i would want my mother to be the optimist of the situation (considering i'm a pesimist). The only time i really know that something is bad and cannot be fixed is when my parents appear as disturbed as i am.

but in the end, you know your daughter best...you've seen her have bad times and you know the "cycle" she goes through...be consious of that