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My parents seem like they don't care. Well I just live with my mom and she helps by paying for my applications and mailing them. Other than that she doesn't seem concerned about my life after high school. I'm just "not allowed to go out of state". She doesn't know what my major is, nor does she asks. She gets mad when I have to take another test. She doesn't motivate me or anything. I know I'm not going to get a penny from her when it comes to tuition. My brother had to drop out of U of Chicago because he couldn't afford it anymore. It's very hard that I have to go through this process by myself.
Well, just wondering how much parents help their kids out during this time.

By Somedaysoon (Somedaysoon) on Sunday, January 04, 2004 - 09:30 pm: Edit

dude.

I'm doing this all alone too. Sure, we have to worry about tuition later on, but forget that right now. As long as you can afford to apply, do so wherever you think you'd be happy.

I know, at times, it's frustrating that your mom doesnt seem to care what you do, but f--- it. It's your life. If I were you, I'd apply out of state regardless of what your mom says. [not like she's paying for it.]

To sum things up, I think a little parental involvement is important, but if I had to chose, I'd much rather have a parent that's out of the process than one who insists on being part of each step.

It's repulsive really. I find it absolutely disgusting when parents follow kids to their interviews and come along on school tours. Oh, and then there are those irritating ones that ask ALL the questions at receptions FOR their kid.

I feel like, this whole process should really be done alone. It's time for you to discover who YOU are; what YOU want to do. Moreover, I feel that the kids who are dependent on their parents dont deserve to get in with all that assistance anyway. What, do they expect Mommy to come along to job interview later on, too?

there's my rant.

parents: go ahead and tell me how you're an integral part of this process, and how you deserve to know about you little kids' whereabouts and safety.

By Massdad (Massdad) on Sunday, January 04, 2004 - 10:31 pm: Edit

I can identify. (a few years ago, I'm now a parent...) When I applied to college, all my parents did was sign the application fee checks. College visits? My mom dropped me off at a freeway entrance to let me hitchhike (back when it was still done) to visit two out of state schools, one of which I attended. Discussion of schools, majors etc? Get real.

My older brother, OTOH, was guided/pushed through the whole process, and ended up going to a selective small engineering school, at dad's insistance, only to find out a few months later that he hated engineering, and transferred after his frosh year.

Money? My parents were willing to pay the cost of the local state U (pretty cheap back then). Any more was up to me. I won an ROTC scholarship, so I could go where I wanted.

So yea, I sympathise, especially the money part. But I would not trade places with my bro. Good luck.

By Momstheword (Momstheword) on Sunday, January 04, 2004 - 11:25 pm: Edit

USNA: There are some blessings in your situation, including a certain amount of freedom and opportunity to build strength and character, so keep that in mind. In addition, you might want to keep your eyes open for a knowledgeable, caring someone (parent of a friend? a relative) who might serve as a mentor for you.

By Thedad (Thedad) on Monday, January 05, 2004 - 12:15 am: Edit

Going to the interviews is declassé. Otoh, going on the tours together is extremely helpful...in our case, it was *three* sets of eyes and ears to compare notes.

One of the things that my D has said has been the most helpful in this process was asking *her* questions about her preferences that illuminated issues she hadn't thought about...and could be examined, particularly on college visits.

Learning to be an individual is important. Oddly enough, so is learning to work as part of a collaborative team in the adult sense, not the mickey-mouse stuff of group projects in high school.

Sorry you're so full of anger, SDS.

P.S. One of the reasons I'm as engaged as I am with my D's process is that I *did* do it all alone, including the means for paying for it all. There are better ways to build character, imo.

By Mstee (Mstee) on Monday, January 05, 2004 - 12:54 am: Edit

I would like to be more involved in my son's applications than I am. He won't let me see anything! Hope what has been sent out so far is okay. His dad did accompany him on tours to colleges in the midwest. Seems reasonable to me that the people who will be footing most of the bill be able to check out the colleges.

By Kissy (Kissy) on Monday, January 05, 2004 - 08:40 am: Edit

Usna- As another one who also "did it alone",
I understand your feelings and frustrations. You most likely can't change your mother's level of engagement in the process, but there are things that *you* can do. Like Momstheword suggested, find an interested adult- teacher, counselor, parent of a friend, etc.- to serve as a mentor or confidante. Work, check out ROTC opportunities and such to make your educational goals a reality. As thedad said, it's not an easy character-building experience, but you'll earn an appreciation of education, hard work,
and watch your self-esteem grow in the process.
Remember, life is 10% the hand you're dealt and 90% how you play it. *Your* children will someday be the beneficiaries of your experiences. Good luck to you and hang in there!

By Kissy (Kissy) on Monday, January 05, 2004 - 08:40 am: Edit

Usna- As another one who also "did it alone",
I understand your feelings and frustrations. You most likely can't change your mother's level of engagement in the process, but there are things that *you* can do. Like Momstheword suggested, find an interested adult- teacher, counselor, parent of a friend, etc.- to serve as a mentor or confidante. Work, check out ROTC opportunities and such to make your educational goals a reality. As thedad said, it's not an easy character-building experience, but you'll earn an appreciation of education, hard work,
and watch your self-esteem grow in the process.
Remember, life is 10% the hand you're dealt and 90% how you play it. *Your* children will someday be the beneficiaries of your experiences. Good luck to you and hang in there!

By Aparent4 (Aparent4) on Monday, January 05, 2004 - 09:22 am: Edit

Usna, I think many parents (unlike those on these boards) don't realize that this process is really too much for a student to handle alone. I think it discriminates terribly against young people who don't have adults at home to help by reading essays, helping make a schedule of test dates and deadlines, or putting together extra's such as research papers or audios/videos of music, sports, or performing arts. I do know several parents who seem to boycott the whole process, especially where finances are not good, they are working too hard, and the whole college process seems like a dream.

Hope we can help you out here on these boards....

By Carolyn (Carolyn) on Monday, January 05, 2004 - 02:25 pm: Edit

I agree with Aparent: hope we can help you out here on these boards. Consider us "substitute parents." True, we can't go on campus tours with you, but we're all pretty willing to lend an ear and try to answer questions, etc.

By Marite (Marite) on Monday, January 05, 2004 - 02:36 pm: Edit

USna:

I'm sorry your mom is not more supportive. You are fortunate, however, to be living in a state, Illinois, with an excellent state university system. My husband and I spent 19 months at UIUC in the 1970s and really liked it there.
I,too, hope we can help you with different aspects of the process.

By Valpal (Valpal) on Monday, January 05, 2004 - 02:59 pm: Edit

"I do know several parents who seem to boycott the whole process, especially where finances are not good, they are working too hard, and the whole college process seems like a dream."

Sadly, I believe Aparent is right on the money. I know of several good students in my D's class, who are receiving absolutely no help at home (or school, for that matter) in the area of college applications. A couple of them are in the top 20 out of 437 students. They are hard workers with great ECs and high GPAs, but their parents seem to be completely clueless as to the importance of higher education. Either that, or they are somehow under the impression that colleges will track down their kids and offer them a full ride to their schools---no application or test scores necessary!

Just this past weekend, my D attended a blowout birthday bash (and I do mean, blowout---over-the-top decorations and food, presents from mom and dad, a hugh guest list, ect) of one such student. When my D asked her where she was applying to college, the birthday girl just shrugged and replied, "Good question." (!!!!) I was quite amazed. I suspect that because neither of her parents had ever attended college, but still managed to earn a somewhat decent combined income, they minimize the importance of college in the lives of their own children, and assume that they will do just find without it. It's really rather sad.

I know of others who were under the impression that, because they have little financial resources to devote to college costs, there is no way for their children to attend college. I had to explain to them that there were avenues available that could make college a reality for their children. Many of them knew squat about the various forms of financial aid or scholarship opportunities. Additionally, I think that many of them are too encumbered with working two jobs and other household responsibilities to help their children think through higher education options. There's a mindset that says that college is for "other people", not "their sort of people". These are just the kind of students who could benefit the most from AA, but unfortunately, many of them don't even enter the application process.

By Carolyn (Carolyn) on Monday, January 05, 2004 - 03:19 pm: Edit

Valpal - interesting post. I agree with you in that I think some families just don't place a high priority on higher education, or really education in general, to be honest. These families can be found everywhere, in every economic strata.

By Thedad (Thedad) on Monday, January 05, 2004 - 03:28 pm: Edit

Valpal, that is so sad. Getting that message across that college is "not just for other people" is so important.

By Momstheword (Momstheword) on Monday, January 05, 2004 - 03:28 pm: Edit

Agreed: There are better ways to build character and I feel for kids going it alone re: apps. especially these days. I was just pointing out that when you're stuck without parental support, you might as well at least consider the bright side so you don't get bogged down feeling dejected and angry. You need your energy to get creative and seek advice, encouragement, etc., from other sources.

By Aravis (Aravis) on Monday, January 05, 2004 - 03:55 pm: Edit

I'm applying to Simon Rock college of Bard(SRC), an early college. There's no application fee either and the school pays for the PSAT. My mom is saying that I only get to go if I get a full scholarship though. She hasn't even seen the application. The only thing that I gave my mom to do is the parent/guardian supplement. She HAS looked at the school website but I'm not sure if that's a good thing. She says she doesn't like the school 'cause of the buildings(?), the school is too small and she wants me to lead a normal life. *ponders* I can't say my education has been a normal one so far. Besides I LIKE being different. I've been an anamoly at most every school I've attended.
TheDad: For SRC a parent recc. is required. That's the one thing my mom is doing.

By Kissy (Kissy) on Tuesday, January 06, 2004 - 11:24 am: Edit

I think that lack of parental interest or support isn't a new problem. But in the increasingly competitive world of college admissions, it can be a handicap, causing real hardship. I find it inspiring to see the CC parents reaching out to the kids needing help and guidance. That in itself is a more valuable resource than any college guidebook or GC.

By Northstarmom (Northstarmom) on Tuesday, January 06, 2004 - 11:30 am: Edit

I think that even when some parents are college educated and have time, they simply don't realize that college is a major decision, and virtually no students are capable of doing a good job of selecting a college completely on their own.

I think that a lot of parents erroneously think that once kids are teens, parents should just let them make their own decisions without giving any emotional support or guidance. A big part of parents' responsibilities for teens is helping teens learn the skills to take charge of their lives in a thoughtful, responsible way.

Even teens who are very organized, responsible, etc. will lack the wisdom to recognize important factors in the college selection process. That's where parents come in.

Even parents can inadvertently overlook important factors. An example is the many parents who simply assume that all public colleges are terrible and all private colleges are excellent, and the parents who assume that all public colleges are cheap and all private colleges are unaffordable.

That's why it pays for parents to be involved in the process, and for parents and students to actively seek information about the college application process, not blindly rely on GCs, gut feelings or rumors.

By Usna_Reject (Usna_Reject) on Tuesday, January 06, 2004 - 07:42 pm: Edit

Thanks people who can relate and parents.
Somedaysoon, honestly I love your bluntness. Inside I feel the same way, but then again I'm just in envy of other students. I guess to me they seem spoiled but I don't want to be a negative person. I'm trying so hard to get in the Naval Academy even though I feel helpless. What upsets me is my mom brags to everyone that I'm trying to get in, yet she had the nerve to say I don't have a chance and women shouldn't be in the military (not in a concerned parent kind of way). Anyways we're going to a financial aid program tomorrow at my school. It's a start.