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OK, fellow parents... I need some help. My son has been accepted at a well regarded liberal arts college, and also at our top state university which is considered to be quite good. I'm not looking for "which is better" advice. In a perfect world, I'd probably lean toward the liberal arts college for its smaller classes and more intimate atmosphere.

Our dilemma really revolves around cost. We let our son apply to a range of schools, partly to see what kind of merit or other aid he might get. It's now down to the two schools above, and the difference between the schools is about $20,000 per year. (No great merit aid or grants, unfortunately.) We can probably swing the state school with a combination of current income and savings. The more expensive school will require loans, probably for almost the full difference in cost.

Our son really fell in love with the more expensive school (naturally!). My husband and I like it too, but we question the wisdom of paying the big tuition difference. We don't need close to a hundred thousand dollars in new debt, and I would worry a lot about our son graduating with that kind of debt.

I hate to flat-out say "you can't go there", but I don't quite know what else to do? Suggestions?

By Treasure....Madre on Thursday, April 04, 2002 - 02:28 pm: Edit

I hate to dodge a bullet but I honestly believe it depends on the schools. Sorry I couldn't be more committal.

By TaxiMom on Thursday, April 04, 2002 - 03:25 pm: Edit

Treasure, that's not the point - trying to figure out whether the exact schools are worth a difference of $20,000 a year. Does it matter if it they are Amherst and Michigan? Grinnell and Georgia? Davidson and Indiana? Can you conclude that some particular pair of schools might justify a $15,000 differential, but not a $20,000?

I'm looking for more general suggestions on how to deal with this issue. Right now, I'm debating a flat-out "we can't afford the more costly school" and "the difference will have to be in loans that you are responsible for yourself". Both of these seem a bit heavy-handed, but the extra $80,000 (or more, with inflation) has to come from somewhere.

By Momom (Momom) on Thursday, April 04, 2002 - 04:16 pm: Edit

When you are trying to figure out if schools might be worth the extra $20,000/yr. ask yourself several things. I am assuming that the quality of education is pretty equivalent at both schools. It is likely there will be a difference in the "college experience" at a small LAC vs. a large state u. Is that difference worth it one way or another? If you or your son think it is, also think about this...is it probable your son will be in a lucrative career after college, making it possible for him to take a good portion of the debt? If not, or you don't know what he is going to study, I'd advise you not to go into this debt--certainly not to expect him to.

As far as telling him--there is no good way to say it. Simply tell him that it is too expensive and that you're sure he will have a great experience at "public university".

By Treasure.....Madre on Thursday, April 04, 2002 - 04:23 pm: Edit

Obviously, I do think it makes a difference. Selecting a college has a undeniable subjective component, much as we might like to believe the decision should be totally rational. It's this subjective element that makes it hard to generalize and create blanket rules, sometimes specifics are needed.

I take your own remark about the $15,000.00 vs. $20,000.00 differential as recognition that this analysis is hard to quantify even though that is what you're asking readers to do.

It's very hard to advise someone whether an expense is worth the money when you know nothing about them, their values and their finances. But aside from all that, it's almost impossible when talking about and comparing two unknown products.

By AFL on Thursday, April 04, 2002 - 05:33 pm: Edit

What would King Solomon advise? Perhaps to let your son attend the pricey private school, but with the understanding that after a year there (and two would be far better), if he doesn't feel he's getting sufficient bang for the buck, then he would transfer to a less costly college.

Admittedly, some students can handle a "deal" like this one better than others, and only you can consider whether it might work for YOUR son. You also need to determine ahead of time who makes the final call. For instance, what happens if your son is having a great time but his academic record is less than great or he doesn't seem to be reaping any benefits that he couldn't find for less dough?

I've known a couple families who have not made such arrangements with their children but have sent them off to expensive colleges and gritted their teeth while paying the bills. The children, however, without any prompting, decided after several semesters that their parents' money was not well spent and switched to less costly schools. (Nice to have such mature kids, eh?)

Of course, I have also known parents who packed their kids off to the snazzy spots with great reservations (not unlike your own) and discovered before long that their scrimping was clearly worthwhile.

By Dadster on Thursday, April 04, 2002 - 09:02 pm: Edit

Taximom, I like AFL's advice a lot, but I think maybe what you are asking is, "How do I break the news to my son that without the hoped-for merit aid, his #1 choice may be out of our reach?"

There's a lot we don't know about your situation - are there three younger kids in the family with anticipated college costs, or are you applying a limit on expenses so that you won't have to delay getting your new Lexus? (My guess is you fall somewhere in between the extremes, othewise you wouldn't be facing this dilemma.) Your son's perception of your financial situation will help determine how well he accepts this news.

Here's my advice. First, if you are capable of doing the preferred LAC by stretching a bit, then I like AFL's idea of structuring some kind of a one-year deal. As the first year progresses, evaluate how valuable the LAC experience is and whether it meets your son's high expectations.

Second, I'd definitely structure some "sharing of the pain" in the deal - I don't think going the LAC route should be cost-free for your son, although I share your concern about gigantic loans for him. I'd establish what amount you can contribute - perhaps the state college tuition plus some number you are comfortable with. The balance will have to be done with loans for which your son is primarily responsible. It's tough to convince kids of the reality of loans, but make the effort. Leave the final decision up to him. He may decide it's not worth incurring the extra loan burden. Or, if he tries it and isn't thrilled, he'll be motivated to seek out the lower cost solution.

As AFL wisely points out, either or both of your perspectives may change if he spends some time in the actual environment.

Of course, if your financial situation prevents you from going beyond the state tuition without really major financial problems for your family, be honest. Explain the situation, and go through the numbers. Point out the enormous debt burden if he tries to do loans for the full added expense. (Mark Y has had some posts in the financial aid area which explain loans in no-nonsense terms.)

Good luck!

By California Mom (Calmom) on Friday, April 05, 2002 - 05:12 am: Edit

Taximom,
I've been in the same situation. My son is at a LAC, but it is his 2nd choice because the 1st choice college did not give him financial aid. Fortunately, the other college did - otherwise it would have been UC.

But my son knew all along -- in fact we used to joke that his college plan was "to apply to a bunch of great private colleges, and then go to Berkeley". Actually, he applied to a number of private colleges he wasn't particularly interested in attending, just to try to see the financial aid awards for comparison purposes and possibly to use as an aid to bargaining with a preferred college. Anyway, he knew all along we were playing the aid game, and as disappointed as he was with the lack of aid from his first choice, he was ready to move on.

The only problem is that my son really had no clue as to what was a good enough award. So basically, he would hand the financial aid awards to me, and I would tell him whether it was good enough or not. (With the first choice it was obvious - they offered no aid -- but other colleges offered larger grants, but he really didn't know what it meant in terms of my finances).

It's possible that this may also be the case with your son -- he might not really know what you feel you can afford. So the first step is probably to sit down with your son and have an honest and open communication about your finances.

You might be surprised. My son seemed like he was in love with his first choice college, too ... but once he made the decision not to go, he never again mentioned it. Note that I said, he made the decision -- I never told him he couldn't go, I simply said that I didn't have the extra money required, and if he still wanted to go we would have to look for outside sources for financing. I even suggested a local organization that might be a starting point for a scholarship, and suggested some other ideas for fundraising.

By Lee V on Friday, April 05, 2002 - 08:07 am: Edit

taximom - we're in the same school - aka boat!

we decided on the lac vs the state u. why? my wife and I believe for our son and it's different for everyone that a small lac will be where he will get the tlc he needs. our son thrives where he can really connect with teachers. we saw what happened in high school. can he get the same education or better at a state u - maybe and probably more so in certain areas. my wife and I are products of public universities so we are still strong advocates of such schools. it was a tough choice here since the difference in cost like you are facing is about $14K per year (net of grant $). we hope it's the right choice. good luck...is it possible to visit or talk to any current students from your area or from clubs that your son may join e.g. sports, religion, other...check with admissions

By Amomynon on Friday, April 05, 2002 - 03:12 pm: Edit

This is starting to boil down to the standard big school/small school conflict. Our friends faced a similar situation although money was no object. I thought they would go for the smaller private school for personal attention but they decided against it, feeling that a larger university would provide a wider choice of activities, friends and options in general. They'd heard the reports of small schools eventually becoming claustrophobic for some. The decision worked out well for them. It's a standard dilemma that many people without an initial preference face. There's no right or wrong answer, each side has its pros and cons and it just comes down to personal preference.

By Joan (Jyber209) on Friday, April 05, 2002 - 04:39 pm: Edit

I am dealing with this same situation with my daughter. She was accepted at her first choice LAC and also was given a scholarship and honors program offer at a good state school.

We are visiting the state school this weekend but think daughter will prefer her dream LAC. Difference in cost (because of no aid at LAC but a scholarship at state) is $25,000/year!

We are leaving the decision with the daughter who understands that she will be graduating with loans from LAC vs. finishing with money left in her college fund from state school. This way SHE knows that she has to decide FOR HERSELF how much she is willing to pay up for her preferred school.

For what it's worth, I do feel that some kids are hardy marigolds and will bloom in any soil, while others are more sensitive hothouse flowers that need more specialized environments to flourish. Thus the decision has to be individualized. I can see how my daughter would be ideally situated at the LAC she favors.

My husband and I also do plan to have her understand that if she goes the LAC route, we expect her to make the most of that choice. And if her grades do not indicate that she is doing so, we will have her take a year off after freshman year to re=evaluate.

She has also come up with an idea of her own - to use her AP credits towards doing the LAC in three years rather than four. She would need just one more course, which she could take locally over the summer.

So this is our plan.

By Dadster on Friday, April 05, 2002 - 04:56 pm: Edit

Joan: This way SHE knows that she has to decide FOR HERSELF how much she is willing to pay up for her preferred school.

I think this is really important, Joan. If she understands that her decision has important financial consequences, she'll not make it as lightly as she might if you were writing the checks.

The option of eliminating a year is a good idea that could save an enormous sum, too. Not all kids have this option, but probably many kids don't even consider it.

I like the way you are approaching this, Joan, good luck!

By Amomynon on Friday, April 05, 2002 - 05:53 pm: Edit

It would be a wonderful money-saver if the LAC awards her AP credits, many of the top schools won't. Good luck.

By Dadster on Saturday, April 06, 2002 - 09:47 am: Edit

Amomynon has a good point, Joan - I assume you have checked with the college about what credits will be accepted - either HS courses taken for college credit, or APs. Some elite colleges are quite sticky about these. Sometimes, the courses will be accepted for placement purposes but not for credit toward graduation. Other schools, though, are more liberal and will accept course credits that meet their criteria.

By California Mom (Calmom) on Saturday, April 06, 2002 - 04:44 pm: Edit

My son's college will accept AP credits, but it is discretionary and they cannot be used to fill distribution requirements. His college also has a rule that they do not award AP credits until after Freshman year -- I think that's probably to prevent kids from applying for sophomore standing their first year.

So, I'm just adding to the chorus of people suggesting that you need to find out exactly what the school's policies are. For a variety of reasons, many of the private colleges don't like the idea of AP being used as a short-cut through college, so they have limits on the way the units can be applied.

By Joan (Jyber209) on Sunday, April 07, 2002 - 10:10 pm: Edit

Thank you for your responses.

Yes, daughter had e-mailed the registrar re the AP question. This college accepts AP scores of "4" or "5" only towards an accelerated program. Yes, you can only apply to have the credits count towards your degree after the first semester, but they did indicate that hers would all be accepted at that point. The max she can get is one year's credit, which is all she would want anyway. I think lthis is the way she'll go.

By TaxiMom on Monday, April 08, 2002 - 09:35 am: Edit

Hey, everyone, thanks for your suggestions. We are evaluating what we can contribute to either school situation, and are going to present our son with all the facts. If he goes the more expensive route, he'll be incurring more debt, but we can probably arrive at some kind of compromise.

This forum has been really helpful. Nothing but positive, useful feedback! I wish I had known about this place when we were looking at colleges and going through the application process. Thanks!

By Roger (Roger) on Friday, April 12, 2002 - 06:59 pm: Edit

Thanks for the kind comments, TM, and good luck with your school decision process!