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i have a 14 year old son how would i prepare him to get ready for college

By Sally R. on Tuesday, November 05, 2002 - 01:18 pm: Edit

One good way to start is to take him to college campuses, but I don't mean to visit admission offices and sign up for a tour (though, in some spots--especially those with unique histories, like the University of Virginia--that might be fun, even for a 14-year-old).

Instead, spend time on the campuses near your home (or others you encounter while traveling) attending concerts, plays, exhibits, sport events, and other happenings (often free!) that might appeal to him. A stop in the Student Union or other campus hang-out is worthwhile as well. If your son has a particular academic interest, there may be spot on campus to whet his appetite. Obviously, a theater building with its maze of backstage wonders is a more appealing destination than an empty lecture hall where the English classes meet, but even those can seem "cool" to kids who are used to only their own high school. Many parents take for granted that their kids know what a college campus is all about, and often they have no clue.

Meanwhile, take a close look at the classes your child is taking and the extracurricular acitvities he is pursuing. If he is a good student (or at least has the potential to be one!) and you think he may have a shot at Ivy League (or other elite) institutions, then he should be positioning himself to elect the top classes available to him. Often, decisions made in 8th or 9th grade will affect the classes a student can take in 11th or 12th.

Similarly, you should be helping your son identify extracurricular pursuits that are meaningful to him. I never advise kids to do anything only because it "looks good" on college applications, but down the road, you'll find that admission officials especially sit up and take notice when applicants hold leadership positions and/or take part in uncommon pursuits, not just the yearbook or the soccer team or the glee club.

Above all, get him reading--not only the required stuff for school, but anything beyond it that will help expand his horizons and his vocabulary.

I think it's a great idea to introduce the concept of college to a 14-year-old but do be careful of turning him off by turning on the heat in the admissions pressure cooker. Depending on where you live and where he attends school, it may be starting to boil over already.

By hoping to help on Tuesday, November 05, 2002 - 05:10 pm: Edit

I agree with Sally above, but would add that one way you prepare your freshman is by informing yourself about the process; read these boards, pick up a couple of useful books, get the lay of the land. That way you don't need to talk explicitly about college with him at this stage, but you will have a good sense of how to help him choose courses and develop his interests so that he will be where he wants to be by the time he is a junior. Don't turn this into a worry -- my experience is that kids who may seem to not be doing much as freshmen turn out to be very accomplished a couple of years later! But otoh, I have known too many parents who, come senior year, were stunned at how ill-prepared their kids were to get into the colleges they thought they would be attending. So...*you* be informed, so that you can encourage him without pressuring him.

By dotmom on Tuesday, November 05, 2002 - 09:35 pm: Edit

I had a very difficult time getting my son to look at any of the college guide books. I think it's hard to get kids interested before the junior year. I just took my 14-year-old on a visit with my 16-year-old -- to a big Ivy and a couple of small LACs. (Had no choice...) Most of the time he was bored out of his mind. But if I'd taken him to a sporting event, or a concert -- that might have helped. All you need is to turn your kid onto one high quality place so they want to get the grades. Then they can figure out what they want later.

By boysmom on Wednesday, November 06, 2002 - 10:55 am: Edit

Another way to prepare kids for college (apart from the academics) is to GRADUALLY let go and allow them to make their own decisions. Kids will be confronted by a lot of choices in college they didn't have the freedom to explore in high school. They have to know how to go to a party where kids are drinking and either choose not to, or at least choose to do so in moderation. And, yes, the choice has to be theirs because you won't be there. They also have to choose ON THEIR OWN, to attend classes regularly, do homework, sleep when necessary, avoid the party scene in excess and generally decide what they want out of a college education. They should also know how to do laundry, clean up after themselves, and maybe even cook. They have to know how to budget, handle a check book and a credit card and know the value of things.

All these things they can get on their own once they get there, but life would be so much easier, if the college adjustment didn't include all these other things.