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Is envy generally a positive force or negative force, in your view? (From Barron's)

People are the only species that do more things than they need to maintain their lives. They may save money to buy expensive cars or a marvelous mansion. This ambition is not necessarily a bad thing. it makes human beings strong and many be the reason people the rule world.
In every place in the world, desires exist regardless of their magnitutde. But those dreams, big or small, serve to motivate people and fortify their will unlike animals that live by only their instincts. In the Great Gatsby, Fitzgerald shows that envy is the source of power to human beings. Gatsby was only able to obtain the upper class life after rigorous labor and attempts to succeed because he felt obligated to achieve the same status of affluent people to continue his love with Daisy. In the end, the blind jealousy that had driven Gatsby up to the social ladder marked his downfall.
History also proves the pros and cons of envy. Many wars are sparked by hate and jealousy. Hilter, severely discontent with Germany's state, started his notorious rebellion across Europe because he wanted more for his countrymen. It may have been true that Germany was in a miserable position economically and socially, but so were other nations due to the first World War. To strive forward, the merciless dictator saw no choice but to steal and overtake the property and resources of other suffering countries. Again his violent approach which spurred from disatisfaction failed.
Envy is only healthy at adequate levels. Too much greed will break the moral values of human beings which are never invulnerable. Without it though, the world would not know the meaning of success or a dream. The drive to be better and have more helped people reach the technology and level of education today. Competition is beneficial as long as people are wary of what they want and how much they want.

That is exactly as it appears on my paper and I dropped my pencil after exactly 20 minutes.

Any comments? What score would I likely get?

Self-Evaluation: I don't think my introduction, body, and conclusion connect as well as I would like. But I usually improvise as I go. How can I solve this problem?