|By Paulhomework (Paulhomework) on Friday, October 08, 2004 - 11:41 am: Edit|
I would greatly appreciate it if you guys comment and/or grade my essay. In return, I would grade yours, if you have any. Maybe this could continue like a chain, with a person both grading at least one essay and then posting his or her sample.
Topic: I have experienced various things that have made me feel worthwhile, but i have never felt better than when...
I could not sleep. Various thoughts had occupied my mind for the whole night. I was filled with anxiety. While I was dwelling on yet another possibility, the phone suddenly rang. I picked it up and an automated voice greeting said, "You have been accepted to the NODET program." I was conquered by ecstasy.
NODET stands for the National Organization for Developing Exceptional Talents. Before I immigrated to the United States three years ago, I was enrolled in this educational program in Tehran, Iran. Annually approximately 500,000 students apply and only 500 get accepted. Being admitted is considered a huge accomplishment in Iran. In order to get in, I had to practice for nine hours everyday starting from one month prior to the examination. I had to endure gruelling simulated exams. Udergoing a plethora of practice interviews also was part of my preparation. During the actual test, I was perhaps the most intense and focused I have been throughout my life. This all happened in the spring of 5th grade
Being admitted to NODET was extraordinary for me. It showed a great level of intelligence and knowledge; however, most importantly, it demonstrated my ability to set a goal, plan a schedule for reaching this goal, and continue an excrutiating schedule. Overall, it showed my maturity. I have experienced various things that have made me feel worthwhile, but i have never felt better than when I heared that voice message on the phone.
BTW give it a 1 out of 6 if you think that's what it deserves. Don't worry I won't feel bad.
|By Collegebound123 (Collegebound123) on Friday, October 08, 2004 - 01:32 pm: Edit|
It is a nice story -- clearly fits in with the prompt, organized. Only problem is that the sentences did not flow real well -- perhaps it had to do with the variety of tenses you used in the second paragraph. I would probably give it a 5.
|By Paulhomework (Paulhomework) on Friday, October 08, 2004 - 01:49 pm: Edit|
Thanks a lot Collegebound123,
I think you are right about sentencing not flowing really well. I read it again and I think I have used like five different tenses. A score of five IMO is very good btw, considering that i'm a terrible writer.
If anyone else needs help in essay grading, post it and I'll comment on it!
|By Pyewacket (Pyewacket) on Friday, October 08, 2004 - 06:03 pm: Edit|
Work on your spelling: heard not heared, excruciating not excrutiating.
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