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Which essay has more potential do you think?

Sometimes if we are very lucky, we can get as much meaning out of the vivid retelling of someone else’s experience than what we would have gotten, had we encountered the incident ourselves. Such has been the case for me; spending many hours in a convent, peacefully immersed in simplicity, listening to countless stories from the vantage point of women who have lived their lives without any ulterior motives, I have gained precious insight into my own life as well as the world around me.

B

The person whom I have come to admire most in life is my great aunt Marcella. Living a meager existence off of monthly social security checks in her sparse two-room apartment, Marcella defies conventional success. She takes what would be a problematic situation and resolves it with her simple practicality. What I find truly admirable is my aunt’s “carpe diem” outlook on life. She taught to me, at a young age, a lesson that takes most eternity to learn: make the most of what you’ve got and don’t spend your whole life trying to become someone that you’re not.

Keep in mind, this is just the intro.

By Glowingamy (Glowingamy) on Monday, October 04, 2004 - 10:29 pm: Edit

I prefer B, but that is personal

By Peach395 (Peach395) on Tuesday, October 05, 2004 - 08:20 am: Edit

The first one sounds like you're trying too hard to use a topic to impress the admissions dudes. It just sounds kinda phony to me. The second one is much better because it's very personal for you, and it will be more genuine as a result. Just be careful how you write it so it doesn't end up sounding trite.

btw it's "spartan" not "sparse". :-)

By Hollywall (Hollywall) on Tuesday, October 05, 2004 - 06:54 pm: Edit

thanks for the tips, anyone else??