Is my essay off topic please give advice

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Discus: SAT/ACT Tests and Test Preparation: June 2004 Archive: Is my essay off topic please give advice
By Leejwwc (Leejwwc) on Saturday, June 05, 2004 - 04:56 pm: Edit

Hi, I just took the SAT II Writing today and I feel I might have written off-topic. Can you please read my essay (I tried to rewrite it verbatim how I had it on the real test.) Thank you so much in advance.

"Intentions are more important than results" Support or refute this statement

Often, intentions to perform an action precede that action long before it takes place. It builds in the man's mind, consuming him with all its power until it affects everything about him- how he lives and how he breathes. However, the realities and consequences of an action often cannot live up to that dream, for the man has blown it up so large that it cannot fit into reality.
In Nineteen Eighty-Four, we see the quintessence of how "intentions are more important than results." Winston Smith lives in a world governed by perpetual fear- a place where freedom is condemned, ingenuity subdued, and homogeny the law. It is a place constantly under the watchful eye of "Big Brother"- where to think is to commit a crime against the state, and where thought is constantly being limited by "Newspeak". Winston realizes that this couldn't have been the way the world always was- a world where you are identified by a number in place of a name, a world where time does not exist due to the constant revision of history. In the end, Winston commits the ultimate crime against the socialist state- "thoughtcrime". Although he is eventually forced into compliance and made into a number among the masses again, it is from his intention of thought and rebellious actions that we see the importance of taking a stand against wrongs in our own society.
In conclusion, "intentions are more important than results". It is from the intentions of those who come before us, that future generations find the strength to take action.

By Leejwwc (Leejwwc) on Saturday, June 05, 2004 - 05:45 pm: Edit

bumb plz I really need ur opinion

By Paulhomework (Paulhomework) on Saturday, June 05, 2004 - 05:52 pm: Edit

Hmm, i didn't take the writing test today, so if that's the whole prompt, then i'd give you a 5 or 4.

I'm NO expert at this, but i think the problem with your essay is that you never explain the results of Smith's "thoughtcrime." Sure, he is subdued, but what about the the personal results? Also, i think your example is a little too general and you only use one.

I don't see any error in grammar. Organization is good. Vocab is satisfactory. So, most likely a 5.

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