PLEASE--Rate my Essay !

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Discus: SAT/ACT Tests and Test Preparation: June 2004 Archive: PLEASE--Rate my Essay !
By Emmittsmith (Emmittsmith) on Friday, June 04, 2004 - 08:53 pm: Edit

Hi, this is from the real SAT IIs:

"It takes great passion to bring about change"

On a warm summer afternoon in the late 1770's American patriot Samuel Adams declared ardently "give me libery or give me death". Like most of his countrymen at the time, Sam Adams was furious at King James, for the king was unjustly taxing American colonists, and ruling oppressively. With great passion, American's united to revolt against the tyrant and to declare America independent.

One of the well known acts o rebellion was that of the Boston Tea Party. British Tea ships were in port at Boston Harbor, and at the time, tea was usuriously taxed by the English rown. American patriots stormed one of these ships on an April night in 1787, and defiantly tossed thousands of pounds worth of tea into the Atlantic. Consequently, the British government repealed the tea tax.

In the wake of the Tea Party, tensions between English troops and colonists remained heated, and finally exploded in what is now known as the Boston Massacre. Massachusetts citizens were harrassing British troops at a military outpost; colonists had been throwing rocks and snowballs at the soldiers. Several freightened British troops fired their rifles into the crowd of belligerent protesters. A few Bostonians were killed, while others were injured. Samuel Adams, in response, made a cartoon that called for independence and depicted the English as murderers and sent it in pamphlet form to the other colonies. Soon after, the thirteen colonies declared inpdenendence, and fought to perserve that change.

The United States is founded by passionate men, such as Sam Adams, all of whom fought in their own ways for American independence. Whether it was through sabotaging English wares, or through prpaganda, American patriots were dilligent in their pursuit of change.

I understan that there may be some historical inaccuracies here, but I was told that is OK on the writing SAT.

Any criticism would be appreciatied.

Thanks and good luck tomorrow.

By Encomium (Encomium) on Friday, June 04, 2004 - 09:05 pm: Edit

I have a question, you kind of turned this essay into one about the American revolution, is that okay?

By Altf4 (Altf4) on Friday, June 04, 2004 - 10:14 pm: Edit

i would say it's ok, to go off on a tangent


u still answer the prompt/prove it what not.

By Conker (Conker) on Friday, June 04, 2004 - 10:25 pm: Edit

They are not supposed to grade you on historical inaccuracies, but it does not reflect well on the content of the essay when your opening sentence contains a major blunder. It was Patrick Henry who said, "Give me liberty, or give me death." You need more varied examples. Not only have you focused exclusively on history, you are examining only the American Revolution. This does not prove the original thesis, "There has ALWAYS been great passion for change."

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