Please grade my SAT II Writing essay

Click here to go to the NEW College Discussion Forum

Discus: SAT/ACT Tests and Test Preparation: June 2004 Archive: Please grade my SAT II Writing essay
By Silmon77 (Silmon77) on Thursday, June 03, 2004 - 03:23 am: Edit

"The end always justifies the means."

The question of whether or not the end justifies the means has been long debated. What is more important, principles or the end result? By and large, the end does not justify the means.

In the war against terrorism, America and its allies face fanatical enemies who are loyal to the grave. Normal, nonviolent interrogation methods such as sleep deprivation are often not enough, especially against the higher-ranked terrorists. It is ver tempting to be brutal in order to save lives, However, in doing so we would be brought down to the level of our enemies. We would lose the moral advantage. No longer couuld we condemn harsh tactics used against our own troops, because we would be using them ourselves.

Another example is cheating. It is easy in many of my classes to cheat on tests. I would be able to relax and not worry about my grade. As long as I get an A and get accepted into a good college, that's all that matters, right? Wrong. I lose the ability to be proud when I cheat. At least when I work hard to succeed, I deserve to get a good grade. Afterwards, I can look back and say that I am smart, that I can work hard, that I have integrity. There is nothing like being an honest person: no guilty feelings, no fear of being discovered, no lies.

Without honor and morals, humans have nothing to to live for, nothing to be proud about. The end defines what we can do, but the means define who we are.

I know its not perfect (do I mention we/I too much?), but this is my first essay, and I want to know what I need to work on before Saturday. Any input is greatly appreciated!

By Conker (Conker) on Thursday, June 03, 2004 - 10:34 am: Edit

Your writing style is acceptable. There are few mechanical errors. Some sentences are phrased awkwardly, and the tone of your essay becomes too casual at times. In general, this is a solid piece of writing.

In the way of content, I see that you have used an example from current events, which is excellent, but it would be better if you could use an example from history or literature as well. For your example from personal experience, you should focus on experiences and not hypothetical situations. In general, the examples are decent, but they have not been developed thoroughly.

The structure is effective overall, but your introduction and thesis need to be improved. Great conclusion, though.

This essay would score around a 7-8 out of 12, in my opinion.

Report an offensive message on this page    E-mail this page to a friend
Posting is currently disabled in this topic. Contact your discussion moderator for more information.

Administrator's Control Panel -- Board Moderators Only
Administer Page