Rate each other's SATII English essays!





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Discus: SAT/ACT Tests and Test Preparation: October 2003 Archive: Rate each other's SATII English essays!
By Jennyzsong (Jennyzsong) on Friday, October 31, 2003 - 12:46 pm: Edit

Let's read each other's essays and rate them.

Include the prompt.

Here's mine:

TOPIC: The russian poet Alexander Pushkin once wrote that "the most lasting social changes are those that result from gradual improvements rather than from violent upheaval."


It is naive to believe that important social changes can occur without some form of violence. Although this may sound terrible and pessimistic for our society as a whole, it is violence in the form of wars, riots, and strikes that has been able to change the course of the future, not diplomatic negotiation or silent protest. It has been this way throughout the history of mankind.

When studying journalism, for example, one becomes accustomed to the saying, "if it bleeds, it leads." This is an indication of our values as a society. The media is a very powerful tool, and in our world, if something happens far away, it doesn't exist unless it is covered by the media. Peaceful protests and strikes often do not get coverage, and no media means no attention, which in turn means no change.

In 1989, students at Tian An Men Square in China attempted to protest peacefully against the communist government with a hunger strike. The peaceful protest soon turned into a massacre, as the government had no qualms about shooting strikers down to end the protest. Hundereds of Chinese students were killed, yet no changed was achieved.

Perhaps the best example of a social change which resulted from violent means is the abolition of slavery through the American Civil War. Although it was one of the bloodiest times in American history, after the Americans in the North won the war, slavery in America became illegal. This marked the begnning of a huge social improvement in which African Americans slowly began to be considered equal to White Americans.

Although it would be pleasant to think that social improvements can take place without violence, history as well as current realities make it impossible. It is the stuff of poetry, not reality.


My friend rated me a 4. It's a little bit off topic. I tend to to that :(

By Ickyfoo (Ickyfoo) on Friday, October 31, 2003 - 01:22 pm: Edit

heh, from barrons?

By Justwannahelp (Justwannahelp) on Friday, October 31, 2003 - 01:25 pm: Edit

In 1989, students at Tian An Men Square in China attempted to protest peacefully against the communist government with a hunger strike. The peaceful protest soon turned into a massacre, as the government had no qualms about shooting strikers down to end the protest. Hundereds of Chinese students were killed, yet no changed was achieved. ----isn't this an example of "violent upheaval"? this example directly contradicts the rest of the essay's point.

By Jennyzsong (Jennyzsong) on Friday, October 31, 2003 - 01:25 pm: Edit

yup :p anybody else got one, come on... AND RATE PLEASE

By Jennyzsong (Jennyzsong) on Friday, October 31, 2003 - 01:27 pm: Edit

no, the students weren't the ones who were violent, they attempted to be peaceful.

i know it's not very clear :(

By Justice (Justice) on Friday, October 31, 2003 - 03:43 pm: Edit

Your writing is generally clear and you assert a point and stick to it. A major problem that will definitely prevent you from getting a 5 or a 6 on this essay is the evidence you choose to back up your statement. Your first example is almost worthless conjecturing from a baseless idiom. It signifies nothing and destroys the credibility that you created for yourself in your introduction. Your second and third paragraphs are actually introducing counter-points to your statement that anyone can see; the fact that you are nearsightedly looking at them will make the SAT II readers think you are a bit dense.


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