Why are Men Shallow?

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Discus: College Confidential Café: 2004 Archive: Why are Men Shallow?
By Thinkingoutloud (Thinkingoutloud) on Wednesday, September 08, 2004 - 12:03 am: Edit

I read a post by Futurepres on the main discussion board asking for a list of colleges with "hot" girls. At least one female poster did not seem too impressed with the post. The conflict in that thread, however, raises a question I am not sure I have ever been able to figure out. If you did a survey of males, a vast majority of them would rank a female's physical appearance as the most important characterist when chosing a mate. Thus, I believe Futurepres' view represents the view of just about every male I know. I think it is fair to say that most men are shallow. The question is why. There is no logic to this preference. Compatibility should rest upon shared values and emotional compatibility. Most of the women I know consider a male's physical appearance (they call it being cute), but the weight they gave a male's physical appearance is not as great as the weight given by a male of a female's physical appearance. Thus, I would say woman are less shallow than men, but, again, I am not sure why. I would be interested in anyone's analysis of this question.

By Wrathofgod64 (Wrathofgod64) on Wednesday, September 08, 2004 - 12:47 am: Edit

if women were less shallow than men, all the nice guys would have gfs instead of the jerky jock guys.

yea guys do care about physical appearance. but alot of girls i know give the impression that they only care about wat's on the inside, but i know deep down they really care about physical appearance (based on the type of guys they date)

By Demonllama (Demonllama) on Wednesday, September 08, 2004 - 12:47 am: Edit

I'm a girl, but I think we're just as shallow as men. It really depends on the individual, not the gender. It's pointless to generalize all men or all women as being shallow and trying to figure out which gender is more shallow.

By Thermodude (Thermodude) on Wednesday, September 08, 2004 - 12:53 am: Edit

In my high school, the really good football players have no trouble getting girlfriends, even if they act like jerks sometimes.

By Welshie (Welshie) on Wednesday, September 08, 2004 - 12:58 am: Edit

There are many many people of both sexes that break that mold you tried to put us all in. The truth though is that physical appearance is always an integral part of attraction for no other reason than it initiates contact and communication. I can't just walk down the street and see someone and know they share my values or if we are emotionally compatible. I can, however, walk down the street and think that girl is attractive and initiate a conversation (assuming I have the necessary guts which, more often than not, I don't) and see if we do share values, etc. But even then, do you have to share values to be compatible? What happened to 'opposites attract?' Some of the people I bond most with are not Mormon, don't believe the same things I believe, etc. I'm not saying all my buddies and romantic relationships are with atheists or anything but I wouldn't even say sharing values is necessary for great bonds. Personally, I like a girl that's attractive, just as much as a girl likes an attractive guy, but I love a girl that I relate with. As an example, here in college, I have met many many attractive girls but the truth is none of them interest me, I couldn't tell you all of their names or what they plan on doing with their college life but I could tell you many things about one girl in particular. I meshed with her, I could relate to her, she laughed at my jokes, she is a allergic to bar soap and grass and she is attractive. That first, superficial, attraction led me to talk to her one morning and even more so later that night.

-Jesse, the chauvinist pig.

By Nj777 (Nj777) on Wednesday, September 08, 2004 - 01:03 am: Edit

"In my high school, the really good football players have no trouble getting girlfriends, even if they act like jerks sometimes. "--- not to mention the huge 300 pound linebackers with superhot blondes in my school...wtf is up with that?

By Joseancer (Joseancer) on Wednesday, September 08, 2004 - 01:12 am: Edit

I'd hope that my female-friends would place me outside of the category of "shallow" males that you speak of, but either way, I'd just like to include my two cents.

"The question is why. There is no logic to this preference. Compatibility should rest upon shared values and emotional compatibility."

The very notion that relationships should consist of "compatible" individuals seems to be quite "innovative" or fresh as far as the history of human social interaction goes. We are really only one of a few societies on earth that believe that our “partners” should be chosen in this way.

Perhaps our social norms just seem to go against the biological tendencies of the general male population, or humans as a whole, kind of like the way fidelity does. Of course, a man and a women should be faithful to each other, but unfortunately certain parts of our bodies (smirk) sometimes don’t tend to agree with that notion. Fortunately, it’s the ability to control our “appetitive desires” that in a sense, make us human.

-Jose Ancer

By Eyesclozedtight (Eyesclozedtight) on Wednesday, September 08, 2004 - 02:51 am: Edit

it's really quite simple...

guys have weiners.

By Jer728 (Jer728) on Wednesday, September 08, 2004 - 09:47 am: Edit

Another thing that is very important to us is what our friends think of our girlfriend; we are very proud to have one that is attractive.

By Poison_Ivy (Poison_Ivy) on Wednesday, September 08, 2004 - 10:56 am: Edit

I don't like weiners.

I'm just as shallow as guys.. I admit... I would pick so and so over Mr. NERD any day.

Was this thread inspired by my archived "Are You Swallow" thread...ah... the memories.

By Limon (Limon) on Wednesday, September 08, 2004 - 02:10 pm: Edit

I would say women are equally shallow. I have friends whose priority when walking into a room is to scan it quickly for all the hot guys. Hell, my mom will point out cute guys to me.

I sadly, was not blessed with this.

I can't test to the accuracy of this, but an 8th grade teacher once went around the room asking what men looked for in girls. She wrote all the features on the board - large breasts, thin, curvy waist, feminine face, good skin, etc. and explained how it was a matter of biological conditioning to select features that work well in a mate. Breasts - to feed, curvy waist - to bear children well, skin - indicative of good health, feminine features - relates to an article I read before where different cultures throughout history have always idealized the very feminine in a mate, to know a good mother, etc.
For women, it was much the same. They look for someone who'll protect them, whether through brawn or with their mind, and men who are most likely strong, healthy, virile and able to produce and guard offspring. That article I mentioned (sorry, I don't know what magazine, the author or the title), said that women didn't look for a very very male face (square bearded jaw, etc.) but for someone more feminine.

And then, in places like high school, it's a matter of desperation. I've known both girls and guys who cannot walk down the halls without someone attached to them.

By Megofou (Megofou) on Wednesday, September 08, 2004 - 02:57 pm: Edit

I agree that girls are just as shallow. If nothing else, they're more. High school taught me that. My week so far at college reinforced it to an extreme.

I've made a total of three female friends here. Outside of that...I just can't stand them long enough to last a whole conversation. I've been asked to go 'boy scouting' where the girls actually point at guys as they pass them on the street and rate them. Anything from 8 to 10 and the group tries to get his number.

I'm fairly certain several of the guys act this way as well because...look at them. First week and a lot of 'em have already chosen the 'hot' girl they're going to stalk for the quarter.

I can't claim to be 100% unshallow, because I'm sure there are other reasons one might call me such. But I'm happily exempt from the ohmygodletmehavethehottie syndrome.

By Gfjigi (Gfjigi) on Wednesday, September 08, 2004 - 04:53 pm: Edit

I think the difference is that while both can be shallow, girls are more likely to just have a fling with people on their "hot" list, and go steady with someone who has other characteristics of a good husband

By Ariesathena (Ariesathena) on Wednesday, September 08, 2004 - 06:30 pm: Edit

Random thing: would you all be willing to drop in your ages with your posts?

During high school, I think that a lot of girls went just for looks (or mostly for looks). That continued with some of them up through college, but it really dissipated by sophomore year. While a lot of my female friends will drool over someone who is attractive, it is far from a requirement in a boyfriend. Basically, attractiveness of a boyfriend is mostly just talk with them by now (we're all 23-24). Guys... still a different story. Often it's a security thing: the people who are more confident and more at peace with themselves tend to judge less on looks.

By Bacchanalian (Bacchanalian) on Wednesday, September 08, 2004 - 06:40 pm: Edit

^^^^ And as a result, they get better looking girls. Get it?

By Aim78 (Aim78) on Wednesday, September 08, 2004 - 07:14 pm: Edit

Girls are possibly more shallow than guys. Guys will talk to any girl (not necessarily flirting), girls are more picky. But this is such an overgeneralization because there are tons of exceptions. But in general, in high school, this is my observation.

By Megofou (Megofou) on Wednesday, September 08, 2004 - 08:05 pm: Edit

Eh. It's so hard to generalize. My post was just what I've witnessed so far here. But I have met a few non-superficial people of both genders that sort of ruin the whole theory. Though...I'm not complaining.

(Just turned 18 Arie)

By Futurepres (Futurepres) on Thursday, September 09, 2004 - 02:29 am: Edit

Glad to see my thread has inspired spin-offs. :)

As a 17 year old guy, I do believe we are more shallow than women. During Enlgish last year, a friend and I developed our "Top 5" of hot chicks in the class. I doubt any girls do that, but I could be wrong.

One thing that I find annoying is that college chicks don't try as hard to look hot as high school girls do (see, shallow). From what I've seen, college girls think sweats and sweatshirt will suffice. It makes it harder to decipher who has potential and who doesn't, and with the stress of classes, we need all the help we can get!!! (see, shallow)

By Anglophile (Anglophile) on Thursday, September 09, 2004 - 03:09 am: Edit

Aim78, I can tell you why girls won't talk to just any guy. It's not because we're shallow; we are afraid of attracting psycho stalkers. It's happened to me and a couple of friends: weird guys (who just start out talking to us) won't leave us alone! After we spend months awkwardly avoiding these uninvited suitors, we get gunshy and look suspiciously at everyone. Don't blame us, blame the pushy guys.

By Welshie (Welshie) on Thursday, September 09, 2004 - 01:14 pm: Edit

I'm 17 and to respond to Futurepres's last post, I say sweats and sweatshirts suffice just fine. Granted, the one girl I really have been attracted to this year didn't dress like that (she dressed mighty fine [ribbon around her neck, flower in her hair, etc.]) I think a girl can be plenty attractive in her pajamas. I know a buddy of mine in high school agreed that a true measure of a girl's beauty wasn't how she looked when she came to school all dolled up but rather, how she looked when she came to school late with no time to put on makeup. If you can walk into a class late, without the makeup most girls are fans of and still have that radiance... ZING! that is beauty my friends.

By Mom101 (Mom101) on Thursday, September 09, 2004 - 01:18 pm: Edit

Welshie, you will make many women very happy.

Men are biologically designed to be attracted by physical characteristics. No mystery.

By Elizabeth22 (Elizabeth22) on Thursday, September 09, 2004 - 03:28 pm: Edit

What a silly thread- girls are JUST as shallow as guys.

By Justice (Justice) on Thursday, September 09, 2004 - 07:51 pm: Edit

how is it shallow to care about attractiveness?

am i shallow to appreciate a Monet drawing on the wall over an inept adult doodler's?

am i shallow to appreciate a well-designed and aesthetically pleasing house?

Beauty is Truth. Truth is Beauty. Learn it, live it, love it. I'm sure we all have specific visions of beauty, and there's absolutely nothing wrong with a human being for caring about it--even if it is not PC.

By Justperfect (Justperfect) on Thursday, September 09, 2004 - 08:29 pm: Edit

"I'm just as shallow as guys.. I admit... I would pick so and so over Mr. NERD any day" yea but would you have the same choice 20 years from now lol,,and in case you did not know all men want is sex and their respect from others relies on that and so like all men including myself our goal is to have the most and with many partners and we dont care who we hurt, while on the other hand women just want that "special one" in their life and they pry wouldnt care if they only had sex once women want friends more than sex,that why i think marriage was created by womena and not men,

By Anglophile (Anglophile) on Thursday, September 09, 2004 - 09:46 pm: Edit

Ugh. Justperfect, you might want to change your screen name. I think I'll be homosexual now. Or join a convent. Thank goodness I know some truly decent men to make up for you.

By Aim78 (Aim78) on Thursday, September 09, 2004 - 09:50 pm: Edit

What the hell? That ain't true ladies. I want love...well, eventually. Sex is a bonus. But I'll take a loving wife over a romp partner any day.

By Anglophile (Anglophile) on Thursday, September 09, 2004 - 10:00 pm: Edit

Aim78, congratulations, you have redeemed your sex! LOL.

By Anglophile (Anglophile) on Thursday, September 09, 2004 - 10:01 pm: Edit

Or are you just saying that to increase your chances of getting some?

By Aim78 (Aim78) on Thursday, September 09, 2004 - 10:02 pm: Edit

Yes, I am deeply attracted to online text.

By Benjamin (Benjamin) on Thursday, September 09, 2004 - 10:11 pm: Edit

IMO, creating a topic called "Why are men so shallow" is, in itself, rather shallow.

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