I need help... don't know what to do.

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Discus: College Confidential Café: 2004 Archive: I need help... don't know what to do.
By Mimi (Mimi) on Monday, September 06, 2004 - 01:10 am: Edit

I have this friend, "ex-best-friend", and I don't feel like we're even friends anymore. I decided that she wasted so much of my time and she isn't worth my time anymore. I have finally decided that I definitely don't want to hang out with her anymore because she makes me really unhappy and is inconsiderate of my feelings. But what will I do when I see her around or when she's in my classes? I don't know why, but she has a big impact on me. Every time she talks to me and I know I shouldn't, I keep hearing this evil little voice (like when you want to do something you know you're not supposed to) say, she's still your friend, it's okay, then I follow her again, and hang out with her again, and feel stupid again, and feel low self esteemed again. So should I just completely ignore her?? I don't really want to be that kind of a person though. ... I don't know what to do...

By Megofou (Megofou) on Monday, September 06, 2004 - 12:54 pm: Edit

I had this happen junior year of high school. I suddenly realized that the vast majority of my friends were sort of shallow and not the sort of person I'd like to hang around with.

I took the distant but there approach. Your friend didn't do anything big on purpose...as far as I know. Say hi when she says hi, recognize that you know each other, but don't jump at the chance to follow her out of your way down the hall or accept every invitation to do things after school.

By the end of my junior year I'd pretty much entirely stopped doing things with the friends in question. We'd go out for something to eat or whatever maybe once a month and talk about old times as a group, but not much more than that.

Warning: After this, I didn't really have many friends...which is okay because I'm one of those people who doesn't mind being alone a lot of the time. If you're going to be lonely and miserable, try meeting or paying attention to other people you know. Hard as it is to believe, new friendships can easily take off. If someone told me who my friends would be upon graduation when I was a freshman...I'd've laughed. All things are possible.

By Curiouskatie (Curiouskatie) on Monday, September 06, 2004 - 05:44 pm: Edit

this happened to me in 7th and 8th grade. i had one said friend who would only hang out with me when her other friends were busy. she was never exactly mean to me, and she told me that i was one of her best friends, but she didn't really care about me or what i was feeling. it was hard for me to see that her behaivor was not normal, nor did i deserve it. i was lucky enough to make great friends in 9th grade that i would die to be seperated from now, as a senior. all i can say is, you can be friendly with out being friends. look for someone else to hang out with who can treat you better. if you're sick of how catty girls can be, look to boys for easy, reliable friendships.

By Mimi (Mimi) on Monday, September 06, 2004 - 08:00 pm: Edit

Oh yeah... I just realized how better friends guys are. The problem is, all the guys at my school sucks! They're all either weirdos, freaks, losers or stuck up people. I'm not worried about having nobody to hang out with. I'm just worried about seeing her. It's weird. Every time I see her, I'm never myself, and I always say or do things I wouldn't do if she isn't there. I HATE THAT!!!

By Anglophile (Anglophile) on Tuesday, September 07, 2004 - 01:54 am: Edit

Mimi, I think most of us have had similar "friendships". Some people are black holes-- they distort and twist everything around them. Their mere presence changes the way you think and feel. And they drive you crazy! Ack--reliving high school years now... And I consider myself a very strong individual.

As difficult as it is (because this girl is probably somewhat pushy) avoid her. Become very busy with extra-curriculars, take up a new hobby (hey, you might make new friends), and join or start a club. This way you won't have time to hang with her, and you'll be improving your college resume.

I had a similar experience to Megafou. Near the end of high school I did some spring cleaning of old "friends". The number of friends went way down, but I appreciated the quality of the remaining friendships so much more.

By Megofou (Megofou) on Tuesday, September 07, 2004 - 08:44 am: Edit

"Oh yeah... I just realized how better friends guys are."

Yesssss. I'm not the only one! Since I arrived here about 6 days ago, I've managed to land in the middle of an awesome group of about 8 guys. The only girl I know even remotely well is my roommate...and we are by no means planning to be good friends. We get along well as roommates. That's it.

I love guys though. So much less b1tchiness and superficiality. I wouldn't mind if things stayed this way for quite awhile.

((On a side note, one of those guys is gay. That reeeally helps when I have guy issues. He can discuss them as well as any girl.))

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