How to get over first love?

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Discus: College Confidential Café: 2004 Archive: How to get over first love?
By Delfin (Delfin) on Saturday, August 14, 2004 - 09:32 pm: Edit

I'm very hesistant to post this, as I used to snort at these sort of posts and always thought I was "above the drama." But I'm hurting now and just needed to vent and solicit some advice and kind words, etc...

Both my first love and I have always been the cynical type of people to never even like anyone else. But we "fell" last school year and we really love each other. The problem is that we're just finding out that we simply can't make a "relationship" work. (Maybe we're just too young and not ready? .. but that's beside the point)

We're still both very much in love, but things just aren't working out. In other words we're realizing the fact that we just aren't "meant to be."

I think we're in the midst of a breakup and it's tearing me up (just as much as him). No, I am not going crazy or wanting to suicide or something like that. I am going on with life, I just have this bad aching in my stomach and I find myself having to take several deep breaths.

Our relationship lasted for 9 months. This was my first real crush let alone first love as corny as that sounds. Part of me wishes it would have ended at the beginning of the summer instead of now. I didn't do much this summer except for work and get ready for college this fall. I could have definitely dealt with this heartbreak easier without having to worry about the stress of a first year in college.

Now college is starting in a couple of weeks and I'm dealing with that and my broken heart. (By the way, we're going to the same college.) I guess I should think that school will get my mind off of it. But I'm more scared that this will bother me in my studies. I have somewhat of a one-track focus and it's hard to concentrate when something of this magnitude is eating away at me.

Anyway, sorry for the long ramble. Someone said there are other fish in the ocean, but another relationship is not what I need/want. I don't connect well with other people and I just simply am not interested in "finding love" again.

I know that time is suppose to heal this, but if anyone could offer some advice/encouragement that would be great.

Listening to sappy music also helps. I've currently got "Maps" by the Yeah Yeah Yeahs on repeat which helps. If anyone else has some other song suggestions please feel free to respond.

Thank you.

By Stephenpmi (Stephenpmi) on Saturday, August 14, 2004 - 09:54 pm: Edit

Buy a few Dashboard Confessional cds.

By Zacdizzle (Zacdizzle) on Saturday, August 14, 2004 - 09:57 pm: Edit

Yea dude i know how you feel my first love in my life was a good girlfriend and we went out for 6 months. You might be gloomy for a month or so maybe less maybe more give or take. Trust me in about 5-6 months you wont want to think about her because you will be in love again or something good will happen with your life.

Trust me 1st relationships arent meant to be.

Learn from your mistakes and im sure you will find ms perfect in college.

My 2 cents

By Meth5400 (Meth5400) on Sunday, August 15, 2004 - 12:55 am: Edit

You don't GET OVER them-but in time you learn to accept life any be happy with other people-but no denying they will always stay in your heart

By Lame (Lame) on Sunday, August 15, 2004 - 02:47 am: Edit

Uh the poster is female.

Anyways, if you can find one, you can find another. Maybe after a bit of college, you'll both have grown to a state that you can manage a relationship from. Listen to happy music. Try new things, find what makes you happy aside from him.

By Haneen (Haneen) on Sunday, August 15, 2004 - 02:58 am: Edit


Theres no way u can get over someone u love, especially if it was ur first love . With time, ull see that ur feelings are changing , but for the mean time it will be hard. I know those tips may sound stupied but they will help u,
1- try not to spend time alone and be with ur friends and talk about it , talk to someone u trust about everything u feel, it will make u feel better by the end of the day.
2- workout , yes workout! it will help release the stress inside u .
3- think of positive things that happened to u, things that makes u proud of urself. Forget about any bad stuff that u ever went through.
4- It will take time for u to feel better, especially that hes going to the same college, which means ull be seeing him around and it will get (maybe ) difficult for u to watch him and knowing things are not as before.

5- last but not least, its not the end of the world, without pain love doesnt exist. ur still young, u have a whole different world waiting for u. U will realize with time that whats happening to u right now is just a difficult transition in ur life and ull be able to look back at it and smile about it. Everyone goes through such experiances and it makes us see things more clearly and even learn from it. Dont worry i will not mention anything about " finding another love" , cuz it will make it own way to u and find u and u will feel that lol..
I am sorry if that was too long to read, cheer up, i know its difficult, but trust me ull get over it with time . everything changes in college and ull be soo busy there that ull barely have time to think about it.

By Eyesclozedtight (Eyesclozedtight) on Sunday, August 15, 2004 - 03:58 am: Edit

ya i ended up breaking off my first love too. we dated for about a year and a half. from my experience, the first few weeks are the hardest. be careful of the rebound!!! i imagine it will be difficult for you guys to be at the same school, but i guess you'll have to roll with the punches. don't worry about still loving him. i'm pretty sure i'll still love my ex girlfriend for my whole life. how can you just stop loving someone like that? you can go on with life, but always leave a place for him in your heart. that's perfectly acceptable. best of luck.

as for my musical suggestions: copeland, death cab for cutie, the fire theft, the getup kids, and old weezer.

By Poison_Ivy (Poison_Ivy) on Sunday, August 15, 2004 - 12:17 pm: Edit

I have never been able to get over my first and only love. I was 13 (I'm almost 16 now) and I think about him, dream about me. It's even worse because he never loved me back. I still would to go up there, tell him the hell he gave me and tell him I still love him.

You will never get over it. It's better having loved than never had loved at all.

By Number9 (Number9) on Sunday, August 15, 2004 - 04:01 pm: Edit


Go ahead and mope around. Give it a month and a half and it'll wear off.

Completely natural.

Just don't mope so much that you start doing bad at school, work, etc.

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