Ketchup is now a vegetable..

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Discus: College Confidential Café: 2004 Archive: Ketchup is now a vegetable..
By Kiwee (Kiwee) on Friday, August 13, 2004 - 08:30 pm: Edit

Well, according to the proper authorities (that meaning the brilliant people who dictate ways to defer mobs of angry parents from destructive activites in response to public school budget cuts), ketchup is now a vegetable. This is a shocking new development. First of all, it remains a scientific mystery that while the tomato is considered in all technicality to be a member of the fruit family, and yet when smashed and mixed with vinegar and spices, it becomes a vegetable. Scientists have been working round the clock to try to explain this fascinating chemical metamorphosis, as discovered, once again, by school board budget dictators. When asked about it, PTO president Martha Ringwald, mother of fourth grader Susie, stated "We, as directors of our children's education, children ARE the future, you know, believe that it has become absolutely imperitive that we find new ways to teach our children not only to avoid eating a healthy and balanced diet, so as to facilitate their social status in an increasingly overweight nation, but also to create elaborate lies and be able to offer no plausible explanation." Godspeed on your noble mission, Madame President.

We decided to do some further investigating to discover the substance behind these shcoking new findings. We discovered that 4 tablespoons of ketchup has the nutritional value of one whole tomato, which, again, brings up the amazing phenomenon that when this fascinating fruit is crushed it becomes a vegetable.

Another breaking development: fans of condiments such as relish, mustard, and mayonaise have gotten together to petition school boards across the nation to grant their favorite condiment the honor of sharing the coveted position of "vegetable" with ketchup. While PTO presidents like our friend Martha have had quite a job keeping these petitioners from beating down their doors, they remain confident that, in time, everyone will realize that no other condiment can share space on the pedestal. That is, unless Bush gets re elected and public schools are forced to enact more budget cuts.

And so, Godpseed, you daring nutritional pioneers. Perhaps next year, we can convince peopel that a crushed up carrot counts as fruit, or soybean patties are now part of the meat group!

Yes, people, I was extremely bored. But it was fun to write. Who do these people think they are fooling?

By Thunder77 (Thunder77) on Friday, August 13, 2004 - 08:35 pm: Edit

Frankly, I doubt that anyone eats the school vegetables, which are steammed and cooked with no added oil or salt. Most of them are thrown away by the students.

However, a better alternative would be to have a little salad cart in the lunchroom, where students can go and get as much vegetables as they want. This is how it works at my school.

By Recordingwater (Recordingwater) on Friday, August 13, 2004 - 09:48 pm: Edit

Haha. That was pretty funny.

By Alongfortheride (Alongfortheride) on Friday, August 13, 2004 - 10:23 pm: Edit

My kids have been trying to convince me of this for years.

By Emeraldkity4 (Emeraldkity4) on Friday, August 13, 2004 - 11:39 pm: Edit

Doesn't anyone remember when Reagan was trying to get ketchup declared a vegetable for school lunches?

By Craigk10 (Craigk10) on Friday, August 13, 2004 - 11:44 pm: Edit

I've heard about it.

By Kiwee (Kiwee) on Saturday, August 14, 2004 - 12:14 am: Edit

Salsa actually has vegetables in it at least... ketchup is made from a fruit. And vinegar. But still, last I checked, vegetables grew on plants.

By Justperfect (Justperfect) on Saturday, August 14, 2004 - 02:05 pm: Edit

maybe it has its own catagory, Veguit

By Poison_Ivy (Poison_Ivy) on Saturday, August 14, 2004 - 05:06 pm: Edit

LMAO.. I gave out the dorkiest, retardest laugh when hearing "veguit".

And I'm still laughing.

By Kiwee (Kiwee) on Monday, August 16, 2004 - 02:24 pm: Edit

Haha good one Justperfect! We should bring that up with these people. Oh and new info: apparently the Supreme Court declared the tomato an official vegetable, but biologists (or botanists, or whoever) still say it is a fruit. The debate continues....

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