Is this break-up understood?

Click here to go to the NEW College Discussion Forum

Discus: College Confidential Café: 2004 Archive: Is this break-up understood?
By Ryanstrm (Ryanstrm) on Saturday, July 31, 2004 - 02:36 am: Edit

here's my story. please bear with me...

i know i'm in love with this girl but i probably won't ever see her again unless we end up at the same college by chance. she now lives halfway across the country but she said she'll find a way to contact me (she has my #, email, and address but i've got only her old email address). i don't know if she's just on vacation or something but she hasn't responded to any of the emails i've sent her (she might've changed her address...oh man) and i'm getting more and more worried that she forgot about us.

i can tell you upfront- what we've got is far from the typical high school relationship in the sense that our connection is stronger than most and makes us feel in a way that's hard to explain, really. it has lasted for about 6 months... until she had to go away but i really hope our connection is still there, even though we're 1,000 miles apart. i admit it's not really an official bf/gf relationship, only the dating kind... but still, we had so much to offer each other. i DO think i am in love with this girl, but the lack of communication between us is scaring me. is she not interested in me anymore? has she found someone else?

well, i asked my dad for advice and he said if she were really crazy about me, she would've found a way to contact me somehow. i'm starting to think that she didn't feel the same way about me all along...and my dad thinks it's understood that we've broken up.

Is it really over between us? she's a very attractive girl and i won't be surprised if someone else expressed interest in her but if she had me in the back of her mind while all this was going on, she would have shoved it aside. i know her and she's not the type who would cheat, but the question is did she find our connection strong enough in the first place, did she find it to be worth saving? maybe she didn't even need to cheat because she thought our relationship, because it wasn't an official bf/gf relationship, didn't even exist. i don't know... but i certainly hope i'm not deluding myself thinking she's in love with me also.

what do you smart CC forumers think? is this lack of communication between us a sign that it's officially over? is it really understood?

By Curiouskatie (Curiouskatie) on Saturday, July 31, 2004 - 10:44 am: Edit

Ryan, it's hard to say because I don't know the girl. Personally, if I like a guy, I will return his emails, calls etc. If I like someone, and I like talking to them and being with them, then I will seek them out. That is not to say I make the first move, but it seems like you've already done all you can in contacting her. Anything more would be creepy/stalkerish. I would say that the best thing to do is just sit tight and wait to see what happens. Maybe she is just on vacation, or really busy. If she continues to make no contact, then you should assume it's over. But give her some time before you decide that's what she intended.


PS just because she doesn't contact you does NOT mean she felt differently about you the whole time. it is quite possible she had the same feelings about you as you do about her. these things change with time and circumstance and you should not assume the whole thing was one-sided.

By Takiusproteus (Takiusproteus) on Saturday, July 31, 2004 - 11:57 am: Edit

You shoulda gotten her new address new # new email everything...


If a girl is in love with you, she'd call you every day. I don't mean to discourage you, but I think you might be deluding yourself -slightly- and should try to avoid investing too much attention and emotion into this.

Why was it never an official bf/gf thing anyway?

By Ryanstrm (Ryanstrm) on Saturday, July 31, 2004 - 04:10 pm: Edit

thanks guys. i guess i'll just sit here and wait.

have you ever felt like you lost someone you cherished so much- and felt trapped inside knowing that your fate together is controlled only by the other side? what can i do. i'm helplessly in love...

it wasn't an official bf/gf relationship but that was where it was heading, i could tell. we thought we needed more time to prepare for a long-term commitment. "bf/gf" is something we see as valuable, not just a word merely thrown around to justify that you are wanted by your significant other.

By Curiouskatie (Curiouskatie) on Saturday, July 31, 2004 - 04:33 pm: Edit

aww ryan i know exactly what you mean. good luck hun!

By Ryanstrm (Ryanstrm) on Sunday, August 01, 2004 - 05:49 pm: Edit

does anybody have good suggestions for a break-up song? maybe i can listen to some of them while i sift through our scrapbook.

By Poison_Ivy (Poison_Ivy) on Sunday, August 01, 2004 - 05:55 pm: Edit

with or without you - u2
the scientist - coldplay

i'm sorry but... she moved on..... i understand...

By Tongos (Tongos) on Sunday, August 01, 2004 - 06:52 pm: Edit

I can relate to how you feel.

By Ryanstrm (Ryanstrm) on Monday, August 02, 2004 - 04:05 pm: Edit

hey thanks. taking long walks helps clear my head...and i already have the coldplay CD so i listened to that.

By Ethnix33 (Ethnix33) on Tuesday, August 03, 2004 - 12:42 am: Edit


I have a friend who's in a situation that sounds a lot like fact, so much like yours that I thought it was him writing this post. Different by a few details, kinda strange.

Then, I checked your info, and I thought I knew you, cause i know a Ryan S from my freshman yr bio class (i was at NHS, I transferred),'re at a private school.

My advice won't do crp for you short term, but you've just gotta wait it out. Either she'll come to you, or she won't. It would be nice if she came, but if she doesn't, summer's almost over and as far as I can tell, going into college w/ a girlfriend who you never see is one of the biggest mistakes you could make. Send me an email if you want, im good at saying what people don't realize they're thinking.

By Ilovefood (Ilovefood) on Tuesday, August 03, 2004 - 02:37 am: Edit

Some more songs:

"A Lonely September" by the Plain White Ts
"I Remember" by Damien Rice
"I Remember" by Stabbing Westward
"So Far Away" by Stabbing Westward
"What Do I Have To Do?" by Stabbing Westward
"Sunday Afternoon" - Lucky Boys Confusion
"South Union" and "Ordinary" - Lucky Boys Confusion (these songs go together - the first acts as an intro. to the second)
"Konstantine" by Something Corporate, with special attention to the verse with the line "...where the first star that you see might not be a star - I'm not your star. Isn't that what you said?...What you thought this song meant?"

These have worked for me, I hope they help at least a little. Good luck.

- Mike

By Ryanstrm (Ryanstrm) on Tuesday, August 03, 2004 - 02:54 am: Edit

ethnix, that's kind of strange that you knew a ryan s. from needham high school who now happens to be going through the same things i'm going through. fyi, i don't think it's me you're talking about since i've gone to a private school ever since freshman year. what differences in details could you point out? i'm curious to know . i would like to comment on how much of a coincidence this is, but maybe it's so common among high schoolers nowadays- who knows? but still...the fact that you knew someone from my hometown and then a girl moving halfway across the country, that's quite amazing.

hey mike, thanks for the songs. i will keep them in mind, although i'm sure i haven't heard of any of the bands you mentioned (but maybe i know their songs by tune but not by artist). i think it's appropriate for you to say that i've been living in a cave.

By 3togo (3togo) on Tuesday, August 03, 2004 - 01:16 pm: Edit

Hi - if you don't mind advice from a Dad ...

> thanks guys. i guess i'll just sit here and wait.

I wouldn't recommend waiting or giving up without knowing for sure. If you know her parents names you can use and hopefully find her snail-mail address. Write her a letter and ask her what's up (don't make the letter a downer but explain I haven't heard anything and would like to know what the deal is). Hopefully she will respond and provide some insight even if it not exactly what you would like to hear. Good luck!

By Ryanstrm (Ryanstrm) on Tuesday, August 03, 2004 - 03:51 pm: Edit

thanks, sir, for your advice. i'll see what address i can find, given the info i know about her family. i'm feeling hopeful about this.

By Just_Forget_Me (Just_Forget_Me) on Tuesday, August 03, 2004 - 07:45 pm: Edit

There is no better breakup music than Dashboard Confessional. I'd get The Places You Have Come to Fear the Most, and listen to it on repeat for an entire day.

"This Ruined Puzzle" seems to fit your situation really well. A quote, "You're gone, I get nothing, and you're off with barely a sigh, I never said goodbye."

By Tongos (Tongos) on Tuesday, August 03, 2004 - 07:48 pm: Edit

nice, dashboard is awesome, agreed.

By Appliedmath (Appliedmath) on Tuesday, August 03, 2004 - 07:52 pm: Edit

it's over man i'm sorry. i've been through it too. Be a man, breath the air and move on because there are plenty of other chicks you have't discovered yet.

By Coqui (Coqui) on Wednesday, August 04, 2004 - 12:42 am: Edit

dashboard sux

Report an offensive message on this page    E-mail this page to a friend
Posting is currently disabled in this topic. Contact your discussion moderator for more information.

Administrator's Control Panel -- Board Moderators Only
Administer Page