If a person of the same sex said he/she has a crush on you..

Click here to go to the NEW College Discussion Forum

Discus: College Confidential Café: 2004 Archive: If a person of the same sex said he/she has a crush on you..
By Sarasiangirl (Sarasiangirl) on Wednesday, July 14, 2004 - 01:33 am: Edit

...how would you react? what if this person was a close friend of yours?

By Asianalto (Asianalto) on Wednesday, July 14, 2004 - 01:35 am: Edit

If it were a close friend (I'm talking like bosom buddy here) then I would, yes, be freaked out, but I would owe it to them to be honest and talk it out and try not to let it interfere with the close friendship.

By Demingy (Demingy) on Wednesday, July 14, 2004 - 01:38 am: Edit

Probably the same way that I'd react if a close friend of the opposite sex told me they had a crush on me. It has happened a couple of times and I was able to talk it out with one of them and remain friends. The other one got upset with me and said that he couldn't remain friends. I respected that even though it was hard to lose a close friend.

I was just honest about my feelings for them and talked frankly about whether we could remain friends without the crush getting in the way.

By Eyesclozedtight (Eyesclozedtight) on Wednesday, July 14, 2004 - 03:01 am: Edit

i'd be flattered.

By Mahras (Mahras) on Wednesday, July 14, 2004 - 03:35 am: Edit

Unless they are like my best bros, I would be cool with it. I wouldnt freak out, not talk to them etc. Hey its their nature and its attraction. As long as they understand I will be fine.

By Crazylicious (Crazylicious) on Wednesday, July 14, 2004 - 04:15 am: Edit

i concur with eyesclozedtight

By Smhop (Smhop) on Wednesday, July 14, 2004 - 11:49 am: Edit

I actually have this problem... not a "crush", just an "attraction"-- not a big deal, as eyesclozed said, its flattering.

By Zhou (Zhou) on Wednesday, July 14, 2004 - 12:03 pm: Edit

Well,I will basically act what I am supposed to act.And be myself.If the friend does not embarrass me,I am totally fine with that.Plus,I will be flattered,heehee.

By Gianscolere (Gianscolere) on Wednesday, July 14, 2004 - 03:05 pm: Edit

i'd be flattered and say thank you. then i would ask them which group they think they belong to: straight, gay/lesbian, bisexual, bicurious, transgendered/genderqueer, transsexual, intersexual, androgynous, asexual, questioning, or a combination of these if that's possible....and then ask them whom else they are attracted to and what they saw in me in the first place. if it were a really close friend of mine, i will try to make them feel better by saying that i don't believe in gender (and i don't) because i think it's the root of many problems and it confines us to things that could have otherwise been a part of our daily lives...and sorry because i myself feel helpless for having no control over my own attractions.

By Aim78 (Aim78) on Wednesday, July 14, 2004 - 06:41 pm: Edit

I'd react to it like it was a joke, and if they told me that they weren't kidding, I'd say, "Don't be stupid, of course you were," and give them a hard punch on the shoulder. Hopefully the insensitivity and the hard jab would get rid of any feelings they may have for me. It may sound inconsiderate but it is actually VERY considerate, because nothing could ever happen there.

By Scubasteve (Scubasteve) on Wednesday, July 14, 2004 - 07:00 pm: Edit

I'd flee for Cuba

By Geniusash (Geniusash) on Wednesday, July 14, 2004 - 07:08 pm: Edit

Scuba, you know there are tons of gays in cuba...

By Scubasteve (Scubasteve) on Wednesday, July 14, 2004 - 07:11 pm: Edit

maybe so but i bet castro has them castrated (no pun intended)

By Iamqueena (Iamqueena) on Wednesday, July 14, 2004 - 07:16 pm: Edit

well if it was one of my close friends I would be a little surprised (probably think about it too much) but... I would probably get over. if it was some random person I would be thinking "who are you? go away."

By Allena (Allena) on Wednesday, July 14, 2004 - 07:26 pm: Edit

Honestly if it was close friend I'd have some problems. It would become uncomfortable... However if any of you have ever dated a close friend, regardless of sex, the break up can make everything very uncomfortable.

By Lisasimpson (Lisasimpson) on Wednesday, July 14, 2004 - 08:40 pm: Edit

i'd probably freak out and dump them. gay people freak me out. i'm not just trying to be annoying, that just how i feel. homosexuality is definitely a sin.

By Chapter322 (Chapter322) on Wednesday, July 14, 2004 - 10:38 pm: Edit

And the debate begins...

By Magoo (Magoo) on Wednesday, July 14, 2004 - 10:41 pm: Edit


By Invisible (Invisible) on Thursday, July 15, 2004 - 12:05 am: Edit

How about this...what if someone older hits on you? I mean OLLLDER. Well, some janitor guy at work asked me out today...he mentioned he's 45 (my dad is only 40...) and married, but apparently getting a divorce soon...mmmm, yea, I'm 18 and a working-intern so he's not really supposed to...what do you guys think I should do?? Any advice from an unbiased audience?

By Invisible (Invisible) on Thursday, July 15, 2004 - 12:07 am: Edit

Oh, let me make this clear...I DO NOT WANT TO DATE HIM. EWWW. So my question would be...should I tell my boss WHO he is? I told her someone old hit on me, but I told her I'd rather not say who. You think I should tell her who it was?

By Magoo (Magoo) on Thursday, July 15, 2004 - 12:13 am: Edit

well, if he persists you should definately tell him not interested...please lets just forget about it...if u feel harrased definately take it up with the manager or HR deptartment...im sure u will face this for years to come...don't go crazy and break the windshield of his car...or bottle in your emotions, its ok to feel awkward just remember that u are in a place of busines, and he really has no business hitting on 18 yr interns (he probably hopes u are naive)...just tell him no thank, hope he goes away its an internship you'll forget about him 5 years from now.

hope that helped

By Geniusash (Geniusash) on Thursday, July 15, 2004 - 12:21 am: Edit

Do speak up if you feel threatened. About a year ago I was totally harassed at work. This older guy (late 20s, I was 16) mauled me in the cooler. It happened a couple times, I would just kind of run away. I really wish I would have told someone, because it made my work enviornment really uncomfortable and it wasn't fair, he made me cry.

By Invisible (Invisible) on Thursday, July 15, 2004 - 12:29 am: Edit

Aww I'm sorry about that Geniusash. But I will definitely speak up if he tries anything again and thanks Magoo. Yes, your reply did help.

By Geniusash (Geniusash) on Thursday, July 15, 2004 - 12:30 am: Edit

Yeah, I quit that job...

By Invisible (Invisible) on Thursday, July 15, 2004 - 12:40 am: Edit

Wow...ick, hopefully I won't have to go what you've been through.

By Sarasiangirl (Sarasiangirl) on Thursday, July 15, 2004 - 01:15 am: Edit

oh my god. sympathies to both of you but...

please stay on topic.

i'm amazed at how open both of you are about this. if this happened to me, i would certainly not have an easy time talking about it in a public forum. i applaud both of you for seeking advice but maybe this is more appropriate for the confessions thread...actually, it merits a new thread. thank you =).

mods...please delete thread as you see appropriate.

By Aim78 (Aim78) on Thursday, July 15, 2004 - 01:17 am: Edit

Sorry babe, freedom of speech and all.

By Magoo (Magoo) on Thursday, July 15, 2004 - 01:59 am: Edit

ugh...i really need to proof read my posts, that last one was pretty bad...but i hope u got the info out of it.

By Lame (Lame) on Thursday, July 15, 2004 - 04:51 am: Edit

Alright, here it is. The ultimate guide to kicking weirdo arse. You know what a chignon is? Good. Find some POINTY chopsticks (Japanese ones usually are most pointy). Sharpen to a better point if necessary (go for wooden ones). When you see him, pretend you're fixing your hair, pull it out, and poke him in the eye. Then knee him in the groin, and when he moves down (instinctively), kick his face. For bonus points, poison the chopstick.
/totally not feasible but a pretty cool idea.

By Lisasimpson (Lisasimpson) on Thursday, July 15, 2004 - 07:47 am: Edit

sue him.

too bad he couldn't be a good will hunting style janitor (read: matt damon).

By Sarasiangirl (Sarasiangirl) on Thursday, July 15, 2004 - 02:03 pm: Edit

alright, i'll try to help out.

invisible, what were you wearing when you "got hit on" and geniusash when you got "mauled"?

invisible, he told you that he was married and getting a divorce? was that his strategy? that wasn't too clever.

the simplest answer i could think of is say no politely. don't say "you're a weirdo"- that would provoke him. just say no, i don't think this is appropriate,sorry. if he persists, then that would be called harrassment (as this applies to all workplace relationships regardless of age) because you clearly said "no" the first time.

By Geniusash (Geniusash) on Thursday, July 15, 2004 - 02:31 pm: Edit

I was wearing my Target uniform and my apron and my name tag. (Yes, I know aprons are so hot some guys can't resist, give me a break (If I know where you're going with this))

By Sarasiangirl (Sarasiangirl) on Thursday, July 15, 2004 - 02:54 pm: Edit

geniusash, i agree with lisasimpson. you should have sued him...did you just let it go? i know of several people who were abused when they were younger and it certainly did a lot of damage to their emotional being. they developed all kinds of phobias...for instance, before treatment, she always got freaked out about the thought of working in general, she completely lost interest in boys (or in other cases, she became more promiscuous), etc. she sought treatment, the guy was put to justice, and now she's living a happy life. but of course that stigma can't always be erased completely. i extend my sympathies to you...it must have been very painful what you went through. how did you deal with it? how were you able to cope? he mauled you in a cooler? put his ass in JAIL where he belongs. how the heck did he manage to do this at target? sue target as well if not enough security protection was put into place. at what time of day?

By Geniusash (Geniusash) on Thursday, July 15, 2004 - 03:02 pm: Edit

You know, it wasn't really that tramatic...just uncomortable. He didn't rape me or anything, just got WAY too touchy-feely. I suppose i didn't want to create dichotomy in the workplace, also, I felt sorry for him...which may sound weird, but it's true. Plus, I knew that if he did anything worse I could surely beat him up (I am strong, he is not. In fact, I was the one who always had to move the watermelons...while he stuck to the lettuce )). I don't think it's caused me any trama, I don't carry baggage. It was something that only happened a couple times, and was totally beyond my control.

PS: Sorry for the hijacked post, but I think we can carry on 2 conversations at once

By Scubasteve (Scubasteve) on Thursday, July 15, 2004 - 03:23 pm: Edit

"geniusash, i agree with lisasimpson. you should have sued him"

He works at Target how much do you expect to sue him for? People are so quick to say "oh sue him"... do any of you realize the costs endured in "suing" someone?

By Geniusash (Geniusash) on Thursday, July 15, 2004 - 03:34 pm: Edit

exactly scuba. and the time...

By Invisible (Invisible) on Thursday, July 15, 2004 - 10:28 pm: Edit

Well, in answer to Sarasiangirl I was wearing a lab coat and jeans. And just to add, it was a smelly lab coat that is full of bacteria... I work at Kaiser (the labs, not the hospitals), btw. And oh, he came up to me again today and asked if I wanted to go see a movie. Two of my guy friends (also interns) were with me, so they told him to back off. But I'm happy he did that in front of them cause now I have witnesses. And now those two guys escort me everywhere and visit my department every couple of hours, heh. Hey it was their idea. And oh yea, now that I had witnesses and it was his second time approaching me, I told a security guard. I don't know what he plans on doing. And thanks everyone for the replies but blah, suing is too complicated.

By Sarasiangirl (Sarasiangirl) on Thursday, July 15, 2004 - 10:50 pm: Edit

so this guy is really out there, "hitting on you" even when others are around... what was he thinking? clearly, he doesn't think there's anything with what he's doing despite your effort to turn him away. if you haven't already, tell him that not only are you not interested but that you are also feeling uncomfortable around him. for your own protection, i suggest that you learn to protect yourself just in case he approaches you with nobody else around. please don't simply rely on your two guy friends and the security guard to rescue you each and every time.

By Invisible (Invisible) on Friday, July 16, 2004 - 01:56 am: Edit

Well, I do sometimes box recreationally. But now that you mention that, my gym has this new defense class I might want to check out...hmmm, thanks for the suggestion. And yes, I've realized that I can't always depend on others to be there for me.

By Mrbesch (Mrbesch) on Friday, July 16, 2004 - 01:16 pm: Edit

I'd be like "sweet, you're gay! more chicks for me! Go convince more straight guys to turn gay, that makes the odds even better for me!"

I don't understand how straight guys can be upset by guys being gay. It's awesome! The more gay guys there are, the more chicks availiable for the straight guys! I strongly support homosexual guys. The more of them, the better the odds for me with chicks.

By Mrbesch (Mrbesch) on Friday, July 16, 2004 - 01:16 pm: Edit

sorry, double post.

Report an offensive message on this page    E-mail this page to a friend
Posting is currently disabled in this topic. Contact your discussion moderator for more information.

Administrator's Control Panel -- Board Moderators Only
Administer Page