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I'm looking for input from anybody who had trouble adjusting to college life. I'm a freshman, and its now December and I feel like something must be wrong with me. I KNOW plenty of people, but have no real friends here. I'm getting used to spending most of my time in my dorm room alone, but it still sucks-- sometimes I just break down and cry and wish I could go home (8 hrs away). This is not the first time I've been away from home for an extended period of time, and I've never had this problem before--- has anyone else experienced this? I don't supposed anything would be different at another school, but sometimes I think maybe my being at a small college with a pretty homogeneous student body can't be helping the matter. Any words of advice/consolement?? Thanks

By Ariesathena (Ariesathena) on Wednesday, December 03, 2003 - 07:10 pm: Edit

First of all, I'm sorry for you - that must be tough. Words of encouragement... sure, that's what we are here for.

As a freshman, I lived at school but close to home... for various reasons (really hard courses, possessive boyfriend) I wasn't able to make friends my freshman year. It was sad, in that I never talked to my (really sweet, wonderful) roomie about things, because I had trouble opening up to people I didn't know well. I just kept my friends from home. Well, sophomore year, I realized that I would have to make an effort to make friends. The first day I was there, I forced myself to talk to the girls across the hall who were moving in at the same time I was. (I was painfully shy, so it was tough.) Whenever they would invite me along to something, I went; I made an effort to talk to their friends, figuring that I would have to get along with somebody. My aunt had given me great advice which I dearly hope you will take: "There are 5,000 students at your school. Until you've met all 5,000 of them, don't think that there aren't any who won't be great friends for you."

Take that advice. Now, your school is probably smaller than my alma mater, but still, if there are 2,000 students on campus, meet them! To conclude my tale, I became excellent friends with the girls across the hall. I met their friends, and I'm great friends with some of them. In fact, I'm actually going to cut this short so I can leave work and hang out with one of those girls across the hall (I've graduated from college).

So, that's your consolement... I've been there, and managed to make friends and be incredibly happy. Your advice: the advice my aunt gave me. Take it. Get out of the dorm room. If you have a roommate, go along to social functions. Even if you don't get along that well, you might hit it off with some of his/her friends. Eat dinner with people. Don't be afraid to ask people in your classes for help, or ask if they want to study with you. Give it your best shot second semester; if that does not work out, then consider transferring to someplace larger and less homogeneous. However, you do have to meet pretty much all of your fellow students beforehand.

Good luck. Also, counsoling is available (free and confidential) at most schools. Look into it, as you might just need to talk to someone and not feel like you are burdening them or dumping on them.

By Boatboat (Boatboat) on Thursday, December 04, 2003 - 02:50 am: Edit

what college do u go to?

By College4u (College4u) on Thursday, December 04, 2003 - 03:36 pm: Edit

I've been exactly where you are. I went FAR away (Iowa)to go to school, and it was a complete culture shock for me (hard core NY'er). At 16 and a half years old, I wasn't at all ready to be on my own. Unfortunately, I went about doing something about it the wrong way.

I threw myself into partying (and drinking)and spending lots of money on people I meant nothing to. Losing that scholarship is probably the best thing that ever happened to me. (Don't tell my mom I said that!) It forced me to reevaluate who I was becoming, and how that related to who I wanted to be.

Don't do what I did. Ariesathena has the right of it. Just put yourself out there - join a club that interests you, take on some student leadership responsibilities, try intramural sports - these things enhance your college experience, make you open to new friendships, and make for good job interview convo.

Good luck!

By Algernon21 (Algernon21) on Saturday, December 13, 2003 - 07:11 pm: Edit

Hi there,

I know it can be tough socially at college. I'm a junior who just transfered to a new college, and I haven't really made any friends yet either, although I've met tons of people. The only advise I can give is to wait it out and make yourself available to people- don't hide in your room all day! at least you've got 3.5 years left to make and keep friends there, right!

By Dragonman (Dragonman) on Sunday, December 14, 2003 - 06:29 pm: Edit

im only in HS right now but...in my own experience, the only way to make friends and become closer to someone is just to talk... and talk... Don't worry about sounding like this or that or making yourself look dumb.. just say anything that comes to your mind. oh yea, also, say hi to anyone that you recognize no matter how little you actually know them.

By Plopfkop (Plopfkop) on Tuesday, December 16, 2003 - 04:13 pm: Edit

Yea, if I worried about sounding dumb I'd never open my mouth.