Click here to go to the NEW College Discussion Forum

I probably sound like a loser asking all of this, but:

1. I'm a very shy and conscientious person, so it's very difficult for me to meet new people. I'm always afraid of what the other person thinks and afraid of making a bad first impression. I'm not sure what to do about this except try to meet people, but I always seem to screw up somehow no matter how hard I try to not solely think about what the other person thinks about me while I'm meeting them...

2. I'm not too sure how I should study, since I never really studied in high school. What things should I do and not do in order to get better grades in all of my classes?

By Drusba (Drusba) on Friday, August 22, 2003 - 05:00 pm: Edit

1. About 3/4's of everybody has the same problem. Think about that and try to approach it from the others are just like me. Everybody in college wants to get to know others. It usually starts with a roommate and floor mates.

2. A list:

a. Go to all your classes. You won't know how hard that is until you have been there a few weeks and find out how difficult it gets to go to an early morning class after the night before. You won't have anybody telling you that you must get up and go to class.

b. Take good notes in class; train yourself to do it in outline form as the lecture is being given. Many times tests come right out of the lectures and the lectures often cover things not in the books.

c. Read all assigned material for comprehension. That's comprehension! Meaning if you read it once and have no idea what it is you just read, read it again ... and again. Highlight in the text important parts -- key terms, dates etc. Write out an outline of key points as you go.

d. Review prior notes and previously read material regularly -- about once a week to two weeks just go back and skim through everything that has gone before so you build recall.

e. Try to set aside at least two to three hours study time every day except possibly Friday night and Saturday (although then also when necessary). The key is don't let yourself get behind

f. If you are confused in class, ask for clarification; the likelihood is that most everyone else is also confused and that high priced professor's job is top make you understand. They are not gods and they don't always get or do it right.

g. Find classmates that want to discuss things from class jointly.

h. Before an exam go over those notes and important parts of previously read material again.

By South1985 (South1985) on Friday, August 22, 2003 - 06:37 pm: Edit

1.)Sounds familar. When i was younger I was too outgoing, then i had a phase in my life where i was real shy. Now i'm kind of shy but i just try and feel comfortable. Try to relax and be more calm, trust me the other person isnt going to think bad of you the first time you meet them(unless your just a prick). Are you nervous or uptight when you meet new people? The other person your meeting probably feels the same way, they just cover it up. But being yourself is always the best, no matter how stupid you look, if your being real then people will except you. Try and see if you have anything in common with the person, because you'll feel more comfortable that way. People have gone from totally shy to outgoing and charming. College is about change, so if you truly want to change then you most likely will.

2.)First of all, keep some type of little book to organize your day. Schedule time to study and do other things, if you have a time to do things and you follow them then things will get easiar

By Sluggbugg (Sluggbugg) on Saturday, August 23, 2003 - 12:54 pm: Edit

Cal, be yourself. Take a deep breath and relax and be your natural self. It's really okay. There's nothing wrong with being quiet and reserved. Actually, I think you'll do well in college, as long as you stay focused on your subjects, and try to make the most of your learning experience. Some people just take a while to warm up to new situations. You probably don't know this yet, but your gentle nature will be more of a draw than someone who dominates the room.

Be an observer, if that's what you feel comfortable doing, but use good manners. Smile when you pass someone. Say hello, even if you're just heading downstairs to do your laundry. If you're walking to class right next to somebody, don't act like you're invisible. Say something like, "Good morning." Practice a few simple habits of common courtesy, and you will make friends. There are other people just like you, and they are looking for friends, too. Be patient and give other shy people a chance to find you.

In everyday social situations, look up. Don't just drone around the dining hall schlepping your tray around! Everything that's interesting is happening above the neck level. When you make eye contact, it communicates two messages. It shows that you're interested in what someone is saying, and it says that you aren't threatened or afraid of something they might say in return.

You may have discussion groups with some of your classes. I know it sounds like pure torture, but don't hold back if you have something to add. You're in a room with other students who are there to learn, just like you. Know the material & go in prepared. (If you're not prepared, go anyway.) The goal of a discussion group is to generate new ideas. That's all, it's not about sizing up individuals.

To get good grades, do 3 things:

1. Go to class. It has a cumulative effect. Remember, your tuition has already paid for all of these sessions, so go to class --damnit! Well, okay...make it your goal to skip class only on days when you are totally ahead, and you really need a break. Once or twice a quarter shouldn't hurt, but it really depends on the class.

2. Keep up with the reading. To have more than a superficial understanding of a subject, you have to grasp the details. Going to class & taking notes will give you a partial understanding. The rest is in the reading, and in discussion groups.

3. Do not procrastinate. Deal with homework immediately. At the end of the day, go back to your room, relax for an hour, and get started. Learn how to take short breaks. Find new places to study. Establish a routine.

An easy way to make friends:

1. Get a part-time job doing something you enjoy. In college, I met a lot of nice people through my work-study job. When you're working in an environment you enjoy with other people who have the same interests, it's easy to make friends. You'd be surprised how many new friends you'll make when you can afford concert tickets...

Good luck!

By Anama (Anama) on Monday, August 25, 2003 - 10:35 am: Edit

I agree with what everyone says above, especially the work-study idea. Maybe there are clubs or something else on campus you could join also?

And an idea on the second ques.You've already heard that you should go to class, take good notes whatever. But sometimes the teacher will talk so fast you have no idea what they are saying. So take as many notes as you possibly can. And then when you get study time after class rewrite them. Ive heard thats a great study technique for a lot of ppl I know. ALso you should try and get to know your proffesors if they have conference times etc, You never know how much of an effect that could have. Hope this helps!

By Rcfaille (Rcfaille) on Thursday, September 04, 2003 - 08:50 pm: Edit

I'm currenly a freshman, or "Knob" at The Citadel in Charleston, SC, however I'm originally from Boston. The military life here isn't exactly what I was looking for I came to discover. I really miss the city lifestyle and I was definitely looking into a transfer to NYU for the arts or designing programs. Right now I'm an electrical engineer major, but it just doesnt interest me. I'm a Northern city boy in a southern military school, I stick out. But, mainly I want to focus on arts and design and trends and NYU seems to be the place of choice. So I was wondering if anyone would get back to me or tell me what they think or even recommend any strategies for applying; it would be most appreciated. I can be reached at failler1@citadel.edu

By Magenta (Magenta) on Friday, September 05, 2003 - 12:53 pm: Edit

I've skimmed the previous posts and felt Drasba and Sluggbuggs especially good advice in general, but want to point out that taking notes and highlighting books and making outlines from texts, etc. might not be the best way to learn or best use of time for *all* learners and so to suggest to Calbus that you to try to find out which ways YOU learn best, as well as what the profs require. Our son can take good notes (I've seen him do it in a venture capital convention, where he even highlighting some materials), but as far as college goes, so far he has always found NOT taking notes to be the better way to go for him as he feels he processes information better when he is devoting his attention to listening and watching rather than splitting the attention between those things and writing. He has a mentor who said he hardly took notes at MIT when he went there and to just let our son do what feels best to him. The president of the university said the same (noting that so long as he was doing well on exams and homework, his methodology should be his own). Now he has a physics professor this year who makes a BIG deal out of notes being taken in class and he can see our son sitting front row and center never cracking open a notebook (he doesn't even bother to bring one anymore, like he did his first year and mostly scribbed drawings in it), so my guess is this could smack him in the face as the professor will be inclined to take off tons of points wherever he can just to teach my son a lesson, but the lesson our son will learn (I am guessing) is to teacher please by taking notes with professors who insist it necessary rather than to believe note taking is really crucial or even best for all people. Anyway, take notes if they indeed help you, but don't feel nobody succeeds who doesn't take notes.

The only suggestion not mentioned (far as I picked up skimming anyway) that comes to mind socially is to try to be helpful. There was a guy I thought a real bum in junior high who was very shy and I had just read him wrong - when he cleaned up all the paper cups at a party I had thrown in 9th grade that he had crashed, I realized what a nice guy he was and sat down and chatted with him and we are still friends over 25 years later. Had the guy not helped out like that, we likely would never have gotten to know each other. If you find you are good at a subject and can help others to understand the material, this is likely to be appreciated (just make sure people aren't hanging with you JUST for the free help or using you). If you are seated with a stranger in the cafeteria and see their glas is empty and you are about to refill your own, saying, "I'm about to get another soda - you want me to refill your glass while I'm up?" likely won't hurt.

Good luck to you both socially and academically!

By Bobbyh (Bobbyh) on Saturday, September 06, 2003 - 04:43 pm: Edit

I have a question...


I've never really met any new people in high school since we lived in a small town and that meant every one I knew from middle school went to the same high school. How do I meet people in college?

By Magenta (Magenta) on Saturday, September 06, 2003 - 08:58 pm: Edit

Bobbyh, I gave a bit of advice here above your post, and some other people have, too, I think. But to offer more...

Be observant and put things together. When I was in college, my brother had noticed someone doing Rubik's Cube (this dates me, I know) consistently in under 40 seconds at a football game I missed (I used to make most of them) and he was so impressed (and my brother isn't often impressed) that he told me about it when he saw me after the game. That night, I went to a party at a dorm and saw a guy doing Rubik's Cube really fast...I went over to him and said, "Let me guess, you were doing that at the football game today, too, right?" This guy and I became such good friends his friends called me "the wife" (and when I was in grad school some years later, he proposed, ironically, but I turned him down so never did become the wife, though we are still in touch today...he recently married someone he claimed reminded him of me, but that's another story).

Once you meet one person, you will likely meet others just from being with that one person, even if they don't introduce you. And being nice and complimentary can help to start a conversation. For example, when I was hanging out in a lounge at the above guy's dorm, this other guy walks in and says, "Wow, you look gorgeous in that dress" (which I didn't - I couldn't look gorgeous in anything other than maybe a paper bag with a photo of some model on it, and even then I'd need a body bag too, but that's another story). Even though I thought the guy too much, we went out and had a good time (not sexually, I was not loose) and to this day (we are talking about 20 years later) are still friends.

Now I'm outgoing, and so I met some people in ways which are not typical, but I'll share some that come to mind anyway in case you care to think about perhaps doing these things (which I actually wasn't doing to make friends, but just being who I am). Our college had a really good cartoonist...the cartoons were not only clever, but brought out emotions of joy, whatever and I looked the guy up in the directory and called him to tell him to have a good holiday and to thank him for making my first semester just that much more enjoyable. He wanted to meet me in person and so we met. You guessed it - still friends today. Now my college friends have mostly moved to distances that don't allow for us getting together and having dinner all the time or anything, but we stay in touch and get together from time to time.

I had posted somewhere else today about a Halloween costume I wore after getting married, but actually one I wore in college also got people talking to me, though I don't recall making any lasting friendships from it, but it was a conversation starter for certain. I dressed in a white sundress that looked much like a wedding dress (same dress the other guy thought looked great on me) and added a white lace scarf sort of thing as a veil and went as the stood up bride. Made for a very entertaining evening. You could go as a stood up groom, or carry a ball and chain and say you broke loose at the last minute or something.

The weirdest way I met someone during my college years was at a wake, not something you can arrange nor something I think usually helpful here, but just goes to show you never know just how you will get to meet someone. It was a 16 year old friend who died (I was 17 at the time and the 16 year old died rapelling and had the summer prior saved my life in a rock climb), and I knew that my own mother would be in that same funeral home shortly (she was at the end of a battle with cancer). I was a total mess and don't even remember meeting this guy at the funeral home, but he tells me we were introduced there by the deceased older brother (who I actually was crazy about since age 13, but that's yet another story). A few days after the funeral, the guy came up to me, noted where we met, and started chatting with me. We dated for years (he was another one who wanted marriage and I was quite opposed to it for myself, but also felt sure that married, we would not make a happy couple) and this is one guy who stayed friends with me for awhile after I married, but once he married, I never heard from him again till I emailed him sometime in the past year just to see how he was doing. But again, the point is just that you never know when you'll meet someone, even at times when you are anything BUT observant and making connections.

So now let me try to think of just a few more ways for you, thinking about how my son has met people.

If you are not stage phobic and have something to offer on an open mike night, do that. Our son plays improvisations on keyboard and some musician came up to him and asked him if he'd like to come to his dorm and jam with his friends. So letting people know your own interests can perhaps introduce you to people with similar interests. Joining groups on campus (be they sports teams, SGA, honors societies, clubs for your major or a hobby, whatever) will help even more, I suspect.

Work on campus. Our son doesn't do this, but met one of his friends when she was working in the bookstore and he was buying books (actually, they first met at homecoming, but he didn't remember meeting her there until she reminded him). She later took a job at the college gym and has noted that she meets tons of people there.

Volunteer with some fellow students. Often, you'll be going to locations off campus to do the volunteer work and will carpool and get to chat with people before you even officially start working. And even if you don't meet anyone, you'll feel good about having helped some other people. Our son had a blast reading Dr. Suess to inner city youth (he even wore a Cat in the Hat hat) and then helping them to paint wooden toys the group had brought.

Then of course there is the obvious stuff like asking people for their contact information to study or asking people if they want to go to some concert or art exhibit or whatever that you suspect they might enjoy (like music majors will usually dig attending music concerts of various sorts and art majors will be more likely to want to go to some new art exhibit, but don't limit yourself to such obvious "connections" here).

Okay, too long an answer again, so I'll end here. As I have said to others, good luck to you!