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I'm a senior who can't wait to go to college but I'm afraid my social life is going to be a downer. My problem has always been getting too serious too fast with girls. I tend to want to fall in love too quick. I hear that college girls just want to hook up for casual stuff and don't like long term relationships. If there are any girls reading this could you please explain what you like in guys? Are there any girls who like to get serious or am I weird?

By Roger (Roger) on Thursday, September 13, 2001 - 10:04 am: Edit

Ranman, let me first say I don't consider myself an expert on college romance - but I'll take a stab at your question anyway. From what I've observed on today's college campuses, there tends to be a mix: some people pair up into exclusive relationships, while others avoid commitments, have fewer dates, and more group activities. While this mix exists everywhere, individual campuses may vary significantly in the percentage of people involved in or seeking one-on-one relationships.

When you are looking at schools, this is definitely something you can ask your tour guide or overnight host, as well as any other student or very recent alum contacts you might make.

I think that coed dorms have had an effect on this behavior. By bringing male and female students into extended daily contact, there is less pressure to use dating and parties as a way to interact with the opposite sex. There is a lot of spontaneous interaction and activity - a group that decides to head out for pizza or a movie is likely to be a mixed but unpaired group of friends. I think this is a generally positive development - students get to interact casually with many members of the opposite sex without the pressure of deciding on a relationship. Even for the relationship-seeker, this is a net benefit, since he or she is exposed to many more potential partners.

Once on campus, you may find that your own style changes, and that you can enjoy non-serious relationships and group activities while you take your time looking for Ms. Right! Good luck!

By ranman on Thursday, September 13, 2001 - 05:24 pm: Edit

That makes me feel better. I would have thought that coed dorms create more pressure because guys and girls are so close all the time. I like the idea of just hanging with a group of friends. Maybe I'll find someone special. If I don't, no big deal. I think my concerns come from my parents who keep telling me what it was like when they went to college back in the old days. Back then everyone had to have a steady date. Thank you for making me feel better about this.

By McGruff on Saturday, December 01, 2001 - 04:40 pm: Edit

I read an article on the internet about how guys in frats and college bars are slipping the drug Ecstasy into women's drinks and then taking advantage of them. Is this common or have some isolated incidents become an urban legend?

By ThePrincipal on Monday, December 03, 2001 - 12:46 pm: Edit

McGruff, you may be thinking of Rohypnol, the so-called "date rape drug". Here's an article about Rohypnol.

I think there is certainly truth to this problem, but it has also achieved a kind of urban legend status in terms of how common it is. Every time an article appears about this topic, millions of mothers around the country dutifully clip it out and send it to their daughters in college. That isn't to say young women shouldn't be careful, of course.

By paul (31downtown) on Sunday, May 12, 2002 - 08:19 pm: Edit

This one is for ranman, hey don't worry about falling in love, college girls get pick, let me tell you it's all about the music. Wanna throw a party in your room? ya need the right tools. As a college jr, let me suggest a mixed tape..Never heard? Check out a new one..Meshell..get the goods here [Commercial URL deleted. Please don't spam our board. Thanks. The Moderators.]

By PierreDaballa on Thursday, August 01, 2002 - 06:50 pm: Edit

no he has a point, i did a project on ecstacy
and found that it has date rape like effects, its used too, just not as much as the date rape drug for this purpose

By Irritated by college men on Saturday, September 07, 2002 - 04:58 am: Edit

Actually, as a female sophomore in college, I find that most guys move way too fast - especially in the beginning. As a girl looking for a one on one relationship, I find this unfortable because it makes me wonder what they are really after. It's the 2nd week of school where I am located and I've been on 2 dates with guys I just met in class. Both of them seemed very intent on skipping any pretense of "getting to know you" chat and instead tried to move right into very serious touching and petting. Hint: Get to know the girl. If you don't talk to her then she knows you don't really like her for her, it's all physical. Believe me, she'll tell about 20 friends and then good luck dating anywhere near her social circle!

By stressed out about relationships on Wednesday, October 16, 2002 - 01:11 pm: Edit

This is for irritated by college men. I know exactly how you feel. COllege guys are all the same. They all want to skip the small talk and go straight to the bed room. I always thought college was the time to start deciding on what you wanted in life and to start trying to make it on your own and to find someone you would want to spend the rest of your life with. But college guys are jerks and if you dont give it up you can forget about them ever looking at you again. Guys these days all act like 2 year olds who dont know anything about girls.

By college guys think with their packages on Sunday, November 10, 2002 - 04:50 am: Edit

stressed out about relationships: I completely agree with you. It seems like once guys hit the college scene, their main focus towards girls is to hit it as fast as they can. It's quite boggling to me...How can women differentiate between someone who's looking for a real relationship and someone who's looking for a quick physical fling? It's especially scary nowadays to even start getting into a relationship. College guys will do almost anything to get what they want...It's as if we college women have to put on a shield to block out all the hornballs. To all my fellow college women: good luck finding a real man.

By appalled college guy in defense on Monday, November 11, 2002 - 08:17 pm: Edit

i'm somewhat appalled by what people have said in here about guys. i was researching reasons why you hsould not live in the dorms and came across this slande. i am a guy, i've been with my girlfriend for 8 months, we met in the beginning of our second semester freshman year, i dated first semester but never just to get some, met my now current girlfriend, got to know each other, decided to try a relationship, and we're still committed. in our cirlce of friends, there are several similar situations. of other people i know on campus, it's much the same way. it's sad, and i know it's true that there are jerk-offs for guys in the world, and generally they give other guys a bad name and a stigma or stereotype, but they are in the few numbers. it's also sad how you judge us by those few. and maybe you should consider that maybe it's not the guy, it's you, maybe you're attracting the few jerk-offs with the way you present yourself, or by other gestures that you are unaware of. it's easy to point the finger. i'm sorry if you've had bad experiences, but don't count us as a whole for those few

By latenitedorm1212 on Wednesday, December 18, 2002 - 01:09 am: Edit

totally agree with above. as a guy in college i see alot of girls get into things they wouldn't have anticipated, and too many guys get too physical too fast, which always seems to lead to excesses of complications. definately keep your shields up, sister, since there's worse than just hornballs out there, obviously there are some decent fellas out there too, even if you have to wait. my solution? i'm more focussed on finding my soul than falling in love. love is so too rare. i would rather be a friend or just a nice guy than risk an STD, unwanted pregnancy, or the longtime guilt and heartache of a one nite whatever. i think sex is okay, just be sure its right, and do it with protection. and i totally agree its all about the music. an good answer for the 1st question, just be real with her, she'll feel you = as you sow,you reap = you get what's coming to you, so be good to her, if your not ready just chill, if she's not ready don't push it, mos def get to know her, she might not be your type ... which means you have to know how you are and know what your ideal girl is like too. ask people what makes them happy. what makes a couple stay together for the longest? why hold out if it isn't right? the answers are so many, the reality is only one. peace

By Chris Munier on Friday, January 03, 2003 - 08:39 pm: Edit

Why are you writing about something ridiculous as "college love" a day after the tragic events of September 11th????

By Bitz on Saturday, January 04, 2003 - 01:13 am: Edit

Chris, its time to move on. Life keeps going. As terrible as that day was for a lot of us, we can't let it control our futures.

By Bitz on Saturday, January 04, 2003 - 01:15 am: Edit

To add to that, if love (and this thread is truly about the power of love, not sex) is not worth discussing, then what is?

By Sonicbill1 (Sonicbill1) on Wednesday, January 08, 2003 - 10:08 pm: Edit

Screw having a relationship the first year of college. Concentrate on your schoolwork. And don't forget to have fun. Go to parties, get drunk, get high, and get laid. You can worry about a meaningful relationship after a few years and after college. Don't stress yourself out too much your first semester! Best wishes in college to everyone!

By SmirnoffDude on Saturday, January 11, 2003 - 10:54 pm: Edit

all u girls are the same. You beg and moan about sensitivity and emotions in guys and then when one finally comes around, u complain that he is not like the other guys. I have had this problem and just wish girls would make up their minds and say what they really want. Do us all a favor ladies.

By Cru (Cru) on Sunday, January 12, 2003 - 06:32 am: Edit

As far as I know, most girls don't want sex from guys... Am I right? Just curious... Anyway, I don't think I'll be making any physical contacts with women in college. I'm actually scared and kind of shy... I don't want to mess up my family honor(yes, I'm asian) Plus, I want to be truthful to my future wife...

By Zenbunny007 on Monday, January 20, 2003 - 11:35 am: Edit

I am a senior male in high school. I have always only wanted a meaningfull relationship with girls. But in high school girls only seem to care about sex, good looks, and money. Most girls don't give guys a chance to be nice. So the only guys who can even get into relationships in high school are jerks. Those jerks learn that if you say the right things you can get anywhere with a girl. It is almost like girls bread themselves to get hurt. Most girls pass up the sweet guys and then complain that they can't have meaningfull relationships.

By Annastarlet (Annastarlet) on Tuesday, January 21, 2003 - 03:01 pm: Edit

I wouldn't say that all college girls are looking for a casual fling the same way that not all college guys are looking for one either. But I will be honest with you, college can sometimes feel like high school II.

When I went away to college I thought the same thing, that I'm going to find a man who wants more than sex, but I was pretty darn wrong. All the guys were trying to find the hottest girl to hook up with and had no manners. I met a few cool guys who were fun to hang out with, but no one was datable...especially since most of them were "not looking for a relationship" but just wanted to get laid by as many women as possible.

And some of these guys don't even try to be suave. I've had guys flat out ask for sex without beating around the bush. But I'd rather have it that way so I know who's trouble and who's not.

But a lot of people do find their "soul mate" in college. I mean not every guy is a slimy hornball looking for sex from the most Barbie looking girl in the dorm.

By You are the only one who has ever made me feel this way on Saturday, January 25, 2003 - 01:41 pm: Edit

Girls are rather stupid, shallow and emotional. All they are good for is something physical. Play Byronic Hero and you'll get laid within about a week or so. Read Cosmos, Sun Tzu and some Romantic era novels/poetry and you'll have it down packed.

By incognito on Saturday, January 25, 2003 - 11:59 pm: Edit

Why are all of you making these crazy generalizations??? Everyone different. A girl is not just a girl; a guy is not just a guy.

You cant just say every girl...this or every guy that... Guys and Girls dont fit into such nice, neat little fixed equations. Some want to get laid, some want passion, some want sensitivity, some dont want anything....

By mitgirl07 on Sunday, January 26, 2003 - 09:31 am: Edit

agreed

By mitwoman07 on Sunday, January 26, 2003 - 09:33 am: Edit

agreed...

By nyguy on Sunday, January 26, 2003 - 11:05 pm: Edit

stick a sock in your crotch and talk with a foreign accent. youll get laid every night

By Debdeb (Debdeb) on Tuesday, January 28, 2003 - 07:30 pm: Edit

When a guy is looking for a girlfriend, what qualities does he look for in a girl usually ??

By your local mayor on Wednesday, January 29, 2003 - 09:30 pm: Edit

honest, hot as hell, smart, etc.

By really! on Sunday, February 02, 2003 - 11:01 pm: Edit

genuine interest.

By really! on Sunday, February 02, 2003 - 11:01 pm: Edit

genuine interest.

By your local mayor on Monday, February 03, 2003 - 10:10 pm: Edit

not a hoe

By ShyGuy on Monday, February 03, 2003 - 10:19 pm: Edit

And be aggressive. C'mon, we shy guys need some lovin too! And believe me, as a shy guy who has no reason to lie on this anonymous forum, I have a lot to offer girls who are aggressive enough to instigate an evocation of my true personality. Oh yeah, and I'm hung like a racehorse! It's funny because it's true, LOL!

By Lonewolf (Lonewolf) on Thursday, February 06, 2003 - 06:25 pm: Edit

"College guys are all the same." How do you know this? Have you met EVERY college guy? Or are you making this assumption based upon a lot of guys just at your school? This assumption is SO far from the truth. However, I will concede to the fact that we do want to go fats. But you must understand that a great of the time, it has nothing to do with wanting sex or kissing on the first date. It is because a lot of us are trying to fit in with people and times. Peer pressure is not unheard of, or uncommon, on a lot of college campuses. We just want to fit in, to be a part of the "in crowd." For others, it is because we can be insecure about ourselves, so we need to be reassured that there is nothing wrong with us. It's just that some of us are reassured in ways that girls usually don't tend to think about. With this said, rest assured that not all college men are like that. I'm not, so don't judge me upon a select few.

By bill on Monday, February 10, 2003 - 07:50 pm: Edit

I'm a good looking guy that just graduated from college who loves to go out and have a great time. I'm in to working out all the time and hanging out with friends. I have a very good work ethic and know where I'm going in life. I had a serious relationship for about 7 months with a girl. She just turned 21 in october. Once she turned 21 things started to change. She began to act like she was too good for me. We were a very serious couple who talked about marriage quite frequently. We broke up in december. She began dating another guy within two weeks of our break up. They went out about three weeks and it was over. She said he was a jerk. I then heard she told somebody that she still had feelings for me but she was nervous to talk to me. So the person said call him up and talk to him. She never did call me. She told the same person that she didn't want to hurt me again that's why she didn't call me. Now I hear she is dating a new guy or the jerk. Can anybody give me advice on what to do? Should I keep doing what I'm doing by not calling her. Or should contact her. I feel I need to still be a challenge. Help??????

By guy on Monday, February 10, 2003 - 08:02 pm: Edit

Call her at some time when you know she's out of the house, and leave a message on her machine. That way, she'll know you're still interested, but she still has to take the initiative of calling you back (so you're still being a challenge). That's what I would do in your situation.

By Lonewolf (Lonewolf) on Wednesday, February 12, 2003 - 02:20 am: Edit

OK, please forgive me if you don't like what I'm about to say, but the girl is just not worth getting someone like you. You decided to make a commitment and she pulled out. She never called you again, although she "intended" to. I think she does NOT have any feelings for you. If she does, then she should take the initiative to actually show it, and not just talk about it behind your back. If she truly still had feelings for you, then she would not have started seeing an ••••••• just 2 weeks after you broke up. Unless she decides to be mature about an ADULT relationship, I think it would be best if you just get over her and move on. She is not worth your effort.

By Ryan on Wednesday, February 12, 2003 - 10:38 pm: Edit

Bill - Get over it and move on. She HAD feelings 'cause she broke up with her rebound and was insecure and lonely. Now she found another guy and going after her would be nothing but trouble.
Rest of the string - I think I speak for a good majority of guys out there who are looking for a good relationship and are willing to take it slow if the girl is quality...but along the way there are a lot of hoes and there is nothing wrong with getting a little tail while searching for miss right.
What a vast number of women don't realize is that "most" guys are jerks because the ones you want can do better than you and they know it(i.e. you are the tail on the way to the quality) and you don't want the ones who can't do better than you and would treat you good. It's a sick world but eventually I think most people end up with somebody that is just about there level.
Guys good luck getting some!
Women good luck figuring out who the jerks are!

By Virgin on Wednesday, February 19, 2003 - 12:13 am: Edit

are there any college guys or girls out there who are virgins and are waiting to get married first or someone who at least regretted having sex before marriage?Am i the only one?

By Dumpy Joe on Wednesday, February 19, 2003 - 11:16 pm: Edit

I am a virgin, amd proud of it. Since I am a Christian, and actually try to live like one, I'm saving myself for marriage. It will be so much sweeter that way. You won't have thoughts of the other girls running through your head on your honey moon, and you're not giving your wife "used material." Plus there are all the preactial reasons for staying a virgin (STDs, kids, etc.)

By Ml41588 (Ml41588) on Wednesday, March 26, 2003 - 03:32 pm: Edit

I really don't want to admit it, being a girl, but that all guys want is sex can go for a lot of girls too. In high school I really wanted a steady boyfriend, but now that I'm in college (i got to columbia) im just so stressed that when i actually have some free time i just want to hook up with hot guys who want to take advantage of me. i know, i know, it sounds really shallow and awful, and in most ways it is, but I work hard all week long and when i get the chance, it feels good to have fun. I can worry about a real relationship/husband in a few years, for now i'm working my ass off and fooling around in my almost nonexistant free time.

By Yourlocalmayor (Yourlocalmayor) on Thursday, March 27, 2003 - 05:08 pm: Edit

you're a hoe, whore.

By Yourlocalmayor (Yourlocalmayor) on Thursday, March 27, 2003 - 05:09 pm: Edit

You might want to get a blood test too to make sure you don't have any STD's.

By Kalitiha (Kalitiha) on Thursday, March 27, 2003 - 11:15 pm: Edit

And yet, it's perfectly fine if a guy does it. And you guys claim to be so open-minded. I don't agree with what she does, but you don't have the right to call her a whore.

By Laurenp (Laurenp) on Thursday, March 27, 2003 - 11:28 pm: Edit

kalitha made a great point! an obviously intelligent, hardworking girl gets called a whore for admitting that she-gasp-likes to do what guys do all the time! its unbelievable!

By Internatmayor (Internatmayor) on Friday, March 28, 2003 - 06:30 am: Edit

hey, any advice for a college girl who's just noticed, she doesn't have much of a social life. On fridays, my mates take off for places and all I can do is either go to the library or go home

By Yourlocalmayor (Yourlocalmayor) on Friday, March 28, 2003 - 10:59 am: Edit

i know a hoe when i see one.

virgin til marriage, baby ;)

By Kalitiha (Kalitiha) on Friday, March 28, 2003 - 11:10 am: Edit

Well, I'm not in college yet, but I would recommend finding a party and getting a bit sloshed. Cuz your dorm or the library are not the place to find entertainment.


Hey, Yourlocalmayor: Man, I like I do, you make good posts...but you gotta quit judging people you don't know. And, a hoe is a gardening tool. A ho is a whore.


Oh, you know Incognito? click on his name, and it'a picture of an older man...really freaky looking.

By Ml41588 (Ml41588) on Friday, March 28, 2003 - 05:30 pm: Edit

Hey everyone. In response to a lot of the posts suggesting that I'm a whore and/or gardening tool (if you're going to call me a ho at least spell it correctly), you really don't know much about me. A girl who does what guys do all the time, and not even to such extents, should be treated with respect. Yes, I am looking to have fun, however I know what is alright and what is not, unlike many guys. Thank you to kalitha and Laurenp for sensing the obvious; I am intelligent enough to go to Columbia and that you cannot pick apart my life by one post that I wrote. I think that seeing the common, yet not always told side of "what girls look for in a guy" is an awakening for many who think that the girl is always the submissive one.

By Bigd (Bigd) on Friday, March 28, 2003 - 09:46 pm: Edit

should guys always be honest? the reason i ask this is because recently i went back to collage and i am in my early 30's but i look between 22-25. and i have a lot of younger women flirt with me but when they find out my real age, and if they ask i tell the truth because i dont believe in misleading them, they don't wont even give me a chance. do any of you think i should just lie to them till they get to know me and realize im not after "one thing" ?

By Kalitiha (Kalitiha) on Friday, March 28, 2003 - 11:57 pm: Edit

No, you need to tell the women your real age if they ask and not deliberately mislead them if they don't. The age difference that you are talking about could very well be 12 or more years, and it's creepy to let a woman think you are only 2 or 3 years older when you are 12.

By Bigd (Bigd) on Saturday, March 29, 2003 - 04:14 pm: Edit

hey kalitiha,since by nature i am honest and thus always do tell the truth, but do you think age really makes a difference?

By Cara811888 (Cara811888) on Saturday, March 29, 2003 - 04:35 pm: Edit

guess it depends on the woman..I suppose its an individual thing.

By Kalitiha (Kalitiha) on Sunday, March 30, 2003 - 12:46 pm: Edit

Bigd: Yes, I really think that age makes a difference. I'm 18 now, but about 8 months ago when I was still 17, this 23 year old guy hit on me. He was nice, and I wasn't threatened by him, but I was kind of freaked out. 6 years was just too much of a difference for me--though when I'm 25 a 6 year difference won't matter at all. It should be a general rule that you shouldn't date somebody you've ever been old enough to babysit (ie: a 12 year old watching a baby, etc). I don't know, it might just be my personal preference and not matter to women in college but I think that 12 years is such a substantial difference that you should be honest.

As a side note, my dad told my mom he was only 6 years older than her when he was actually 12, and she didn't find out the difference until they were married. She was pissed, and with good reason. Your age is such a basic part of you that any relationship formed based on lies about the most fundamental of facts is bound to have a shaky foundation.

You don't have to tell them right away, it might be a good idea to form a good friendship before they know, but definitely don't lie or prevaricate when asked.

By Thedad (Thedad) on Sunday, March 30, 2003 - 01:08 pm: Edit

There comes a point where a 12-year-difference is trivial. Not that most people reading this list can imagine or happily visualize that point.

I do think that it's very bad to base a relationship on a lie. The truth probably cost me some at different junctures but I think untruth would have ultimately cost more. Moreover, while I have more than my share of flaws, being honest is too much a part of my own self image: the question is, when the tapestry of your life is finished, what do you want it to look like?

By Invisableguy (Invisableguy) on Tuesday, March 23, 2004 - 07:51 pm: Edit

Here is a question I have. Im currently a freshman in college and I don't really feal like i fit in. Like I have friends but I sort of avoid them when they are drinking. Also I don't goto clubs or anything like. Anyway there is this girl that I would like to get to know but I can't bring myself to talk to her. I don't look terrible but at the same time its like I don't stand out. All I do is study or play video games or very rarely hang out with my friends. Like this may sound like a dumb question but how could i change that. Like i still want to avoid the drinking and stuff but is it even possible this girl doesnt do crap like that or am I just hopeless.

Lol putting in that in writing points out what a LOSER I am .

By Drakeman (Drakeman) on Wednesday, April 21, 2004 - 03:08 am: Edit

I would say that these days the differences between males and females is becoming more narrow. My advice is to take things at a steady pace. Everyone moves at their own pace and should never be forced to do otherwise. Some girls move very fast and that's not really such a bad thing, go with the flow and enjoy. Others require more time and actually appreciate nice guys (those are rare). Just be yourself, but don't hesitate to turn on the charm once in a while. Oh yeah, be confident in all that you do and the ladies will have no choice but to admire you. Good luck!

By Fmhstud83 (Fmhstud83) on Saturday, May 01, 2004 - 08:42 pm: Edit

Invisable guy, the first thing you need to do is change your self image. Girls will find you much more attractive if you have confidence in yourself. First of all, get rid of your CC screen name; it's terrible. Right when people see your screen name they notice that you have no confidence in yourself. If you want to have fun without the drinking, I suggest you get involved in extracurricular activitites. This way you will meet more people and increase your opportunites to socialize and become more confident. Next, quit calling yourself a loser. Nobody feels sorry for you. Email me if you want to know some awesome websites and books that have helped me. Good luck man!