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Okay, my parents and I made an agreement 1 1/2 years ago that if I get 1500 or higher on my SAT I and 750 or higher on each of my SAT II's they would finance my education (the tuition part, I would earn the rest). I got 1550 on SAT I and 800, 800, and 780 on SAT II's. Well, 1 1/2 years later I got into a fight with my father. To make a long story short, he is no longer willing to support my going to college because I have 1 "B" through the first six weeks of the second semester of my senior year (although I still have a 4.3 GPA for the semester and it's not even over yet). The thing is my parents already claimed me as a dependent on their FAFSA and my family has a pretty high EFC so I hardly have any financial aid at all outside of the merit scholarships I have gotten. How am I going to pay for my college education at this point without my parents' help???

By Thedad (Thedad) on Tuesday, March 25, 2003 - 11:20 am: Edit

Whu boy.

It's really dumb of me to even hypothetically intervene between parent and child, most especially when I am grossly lacking in complete information, but the hell with it: your father needs to look at the big picture and see what an outstanding student you are. I have no idea--nor do I WANT to have any idea--about the fight with your father but punishments should be both proportional to relevant to, the "crime."

And if the only "crime" is that you got the one "B," then someone here needs a reality check...and it's not the student in this case.

Someone needs to ask your father: are you going to have your son be less than he could be simply because you can't control your own anger?

A little balance here: I laugh at the hyper-anxiety on this board along the lines of "I'll be a ruined dork if I don't get into HYPSM" and stuff like that. (Some of you will be ruined dorks even if you _do_ get into HYPSM, so cheer up.) But cutting off financial support that eliminates the possibility of attending most first-rate colleges, say, the Ivies plus 100 or so, is really a very destructive thing.

Good luck, NoCalGuy.

By Leebob (Leebob) on Tuesday, March 25, 2003 - 03:21 pm: Edit

Ever think of ROTC?

By Nocalguy (Nocalguy) on Tuesday, March 25, 2003 - 04:31 pm: Edit

Basically, he wanted me to discontinue my hobbies (I love to collect baseball cards, etc.) because he thought I wasn't "studying hard enough." I have a "B" essentially because I made stupid errors on two tests. I even showed him the tests, but my father doesn't believe in "stupid" errors. He thinks that those kinds of errors only show that I wasn't familiar with the material and that I wasn't prepared. I told him that I studied just as hard for those two tests as I did for my other ones, but he wouldn't believe me. That's when I got kind of mad. I felt betrayed that after attending school for 12 years and getting straight A's through most of those years by myself (I NEVER ask my parents for help on schoolwork) and getting those great SAT scores, that he felt he couldn't trust me to adequately prepare for a couple of second semester tests. So I told him that I am almost 18 and that he can't always set these childish restrictions on me ("if you don't do your HW, you can't play with little Billy"). So he got mad and said that if I didn't want him to meddle in my schoolwork, then he wouldn't do ANY meddling (as usual parents take your words to the extreme) and that he wouldn't help me with school at all (financially).

By Thedad (Thedad) on Tuesday, March 25, 2003 - 06:15 pm: Edit

NoCal, hope that he cools down after a week or two.
Personally, I'm of the school of give-and-take. Also there is a difference between "authoritarian" and "authoritative" that some parents haven't figured out.

Your father should ask himself what he wants to see his son as 20 years from now...the PAST, including the B's is done with...what paths does he want you to have open to you _now_? All while realizing that they're paths for you to walk, not him.

I'm sorry to ask, NoCal, I think you said before...are you Asian? Cultural values affecting father's outlook and all that.

By Nocalguy (Nocalguy) on Tuesday, March 25, 2003 - 11:10 pm: Edit

Yeah, I'm Asian (Chinese). I guess my parents are stereotypical Asian parents in a way.

By Thedad (Thedad) on Wednesday, March 26, 2003 - 12:36 am: Edit

Well, file this away: be different when you have kids of your own. You'll back into other mistakes without looking, of course...we all do. But try to keep from passing that attitude on.

I hope he cools down in 7-10 days and you can re-open the conversation. Unfortunately, I don't know your father and what the right tack to take with many parents might be completely wrong with him.

Good luck. I always mean this when I say it but most especially here.

By Icee (Icee) on Friday, March 28, 2003 - 02:19 pm: Edit

Hate to say this, but many Chinese fathers do not understand parenting at all. Chinese men care very much about their reputations, love to brag, and have bad tempers -- they _never_say_sorry_, becuase that'll make then "less manly." In this way, they can be very ignorant.

I know that this is a generalization that doesn't apply to the entire Chinese male population, but it does apply to a lot of those I know, esp. my very own Chinese dad.

Nocalguy, I'm sure you CAN'T "talk it over" with your dad, since most Asian parents do not show physical affection. They may be sorry, but they won't say sorry, ya know? Perhaps, you should speak to your mother about it?