|By Angelnikki1 (Angelnikki1) on Sunday, October 03, 2004 - 12:57 am: Edit|
I hope to send this essay to Brown as a regular decision applicant. Opinions/advice? I need to cut it down a bit more, any ideas?
In the summertime, no comment is too silly to make, and no question is too eccentric to ask. I donít remember who posed the question, but I know it was while I was at the shore last summer. The familiar sound of the tramcars, the salty brine filling the air, and the hoards of sea gulls descending upon a single French fry flood my memories of the boardwalk. Strange questions were asked and strange questions were answered. Yet I left the beach that year with one unanswered question: what are those plastic tips on the ends of my shoelaces called?
It seems silly, irrelevant, even insignificant, but that question really bothered me. I asked everyone from my 85-year-old grandmother to an Irish electrician I met on the street. Everyone was surprised by the question; no one knew the answer. I searched on the Internet and looked on shoelace boxes. I even called Nike, but the woman must have thought it was a prank because she ended the call almost instantly. I couldnít find an answer, and for the rest of the summer, it was always in the back of my mind. After all, itís difficult to forget about something when youíre forced to look at it each day.
I made every effort to push the question out of my mind and redirect my thoughts. As autumn ushered in the end of summer and the start of a new school year, I was selected to write for the ďRealityĒ panel, a section of the local newspaper written entirely by high school students. To introduce the new panelists, our editor asked that we each write a true confession.
Sitting in front of a blank computer screen, the blinking cursor silently screaming at me, I knew I wanted to leave readers with a memorable first impression, I just didnít know how. As it had many times before, my mind wandered back to my unanswered question: what are those plastic tips on my shoelaces called?
I paused for just a moment. Did I dare write about something so trite? Could I really admit to having such an obsessive personality? Of course I could. The following Thursday, my confession was printed and sent to the doorsteps of just under 70,000 readers in Bucks County.
That same day in homeroom, I was handed a pass to report directly to the office. Finding my schoolís secretary chatting on the phone, I put the blue slip of paper on her desk and took a seat.
ďAre you the girl who writes for the paper?Ē she asked me as she hung up the phone. Before I answered she read my name on the pass and answered her own question. Then, she handed me the answer to mine on another blue slip of paper.
I smiled. It was so simple, so easy; my quest for knowledge was over as effortlessly as it had begun. After all the time I spent contemplating the subject, the answer to my question appeared when I least expected it. As I stood there staring incredulously at that slip of paper, I realized that information is always worth seeking, no matter how impossible finding an answer might seem. It may have been silly, but finding that word had somehow become important to me. And now, if anyone ever asks me the name of those plastic tips on the ends of shoelaces, Iíll answer with ease: the word youíre looking for is Ďaglets.í
|By Ralkas (Ralkas) on Sunday, October 03, 2004 - 10:02 am: Edit|
What a great essay. I like everything . . . keep the length, this essay is just overall awesome.
|By Angelnikki1 (Angelnikki1) on Sunday, October 03, 2004 - 10:42 am: Edit|
I would love to keep it just like this, but 77 of these words have to go for me to cap it at the 500 word limit.
I'm glad you like it, though!
|By Ralkas (Ralkas) on Sunday, October 03, 2004 - 02:07 pm: Edit|
They really won't care about 77 words over the limit . . . as long as its no more than 100-150 words over 500 they really won't mind
|By Angelnikki1 (Angelnikki1) on Sunday, October 03, 2004 - 04:51 pm: Edit|
Does that go for the common app as well? I thought it would be cut off and they just wouldn't get the end of the essay...
|By Iiquidblue (Iiquidblue) on Sunday, October 03, 2004 - 05:36 pm: Edit|
You didn't reveal anything about yourself, and it sounds too unnatural. Write as you would speak.
The phrase "quest for knowledge" would make me put you in the reject pile.
|By Wo4567 (Wo4567) on Monday, October 04, 2004 - 01:43 am: Edit|
that's crap Iiquid blue. that is an excellent essay. the only difference between someone who writes that essay and gets into college and someone who writes that essay and gets into brown is the introspection. it is most certainly a brown-worthy topic. put some soul or at the very least some amusement at yourself in it. to make it worthy of brown you have to be able to make a commentary on yourself based on your essay. calling it a "trite" topic does not suffice.
(btw i go to Brown. i happen to really enjoy the phrase "quest for knowledge". it's quirky.)
|By Beckygirl383 (Beckygirl383) on Monday, October 04, 2004 - 05:40 am: Edit|
of COURSE she revealed something about herself. angelnikki, it's quite apparent from this essay that you're intellectually curious and you value knowledge for what it's worth to you, not what it's worth to other people. imo, this is the mark of a really, truly, totally interesting person. good luck with brown rd! I'm applying rd, too (provided I'm not accepted ea anywhere...)
|By Angelnikki1 (Angelnikki1) on Monday, October 04, 2004 - 05:07 pm: Edit|
Thanks for all the comments! I think the topic is A LITTLE risky but if they don't like the essay then they probably won't like me...i like to be original when I'm given the option...
Does anyone have an suggestions about cutting down a few more words?
|By Burutzagiuribe (Burutzagiuribe) on Tuesday, October 05, 2004 - 01:02 am: Edit|
actually, iiquid and wo45 are both right. the essay is quirky, interesting, and it does reveal some things about the OP. BUT it DOES sound trite, cliched, and very impersonal in parts. i found the entire first paragraph pretty much worthless.
do NOT describe your surroundings. this isn't poetry or creative writing (although it could be...in a certain sense). you need to pare down this essay to its core: what parts reveal things about yourself? we know you're creative and you don't give up on a pursuit, but what else? did you learn anything other than "aglets"?
just go deeper with this essay and you'll be fine.
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