|By Angelnikki1 (Angelnikki1) on Friday, October 01, 2004 - 09:10 am: Edit|
I'm finding it impossible to get positive feedback on this essay. All my friends and family can tell me is "it's good!" If anyone has a few extra minutes to give me an honest answer I would really appreciate it! Is it worthy of Columbia? Tell me exactly what you think, I WANT honest answers!
Also, it's about 670 words, so I need to cut it down. Any suggestions? Thanks!!
In the summertime, no comment is too silly to make, and no question is too eccentric to ask. I donít remember who posed the question, but I know it was while I was at the shore last summer. The familiar sound of the tramcars, the salty brine filling the air, and the hoards of sea gulls descending upon a single French fry or a scrap of bread accompanied my friends and me every day while we socialized on the boardwalk. Strange questions were asked and strange questions were answered. Yet I left the beach that year with one unanswered question: what are those plastic tips on the ends of my shoelaces called?
It seems silly, irrelevant, even insignificant, but that question really bothered me. I asked everyone from my 103-year-old great grandmother to an Irish electrician I met on the street. Everyone was surprised by the question; no one knew the answer. I searched on the Internet and looked on shoelace boxes. I even called Nike, but the woman must have thought it was a prank because she ended the call almost instantly. I couldnít find an answer, and for the rest of the summer, it was always in the back of my mind. After all, itís difficult to forget about something when youíre forced to look at it every day.
I pushed the question out of my mind as best as I could and directed my thoughts towards more important aspects of my life. As autumn ushered in the end of summer and the start of another school year, I was selected to write for the Reality panel, a section of the local newspaper written entirely by high school students. To introduce the new panelists, our editor asked that we each write a true confession.
Sitting in front of a blank computer screen, the blinking cursor silently screaming at me, I knew I wanted to leave readers with a scintillating first impression, I just didnít know how. As it had many times before, my mind wandered back to the one unanswered question that I knew had to have an answer: what are those plastic tips on the ends of my shoelaces called?
For a moment, my fingers hovered motionlessly above the keyboard. Did I dare write about something so trite? Could I really admit to having such an obsessive personality? Of course I could, I thought to myself as my fingers crashed down on the keys. The following Thursday, my confession was printed and sent to the doorsteps of just under 70,000 readers in Bucks County.
That same day in homeroom, I was handed a pass to report to the office. As I wandered down the hall towards the front of my school, I wondered what I might have done to warrant a visit with the administration. I found the schoolís secretary chatting enthusiastically on the phone and sat down in an orange plastic seat directly across from her. When she hung up, I handed her the pass, still wondering what it might be in reference to.
ďAre you the girl who writes for the paper?Ē she asked me. Before I answered she read my name on the pass and answered her own question. Then, she handed me the answer to mine on another blue slip of paper.
I smiled. It was so simple, so easy; my quest for knowledge was over as effortlessly as it had begun. After all the time I had spent contemplating the subject, the answer to my question appeared before my eyes when I least expected it. As I stood there staring incredulously at that little slip of paper, I realized that information is always worth seeking, no matter how impossible finding an answer might seem. It may have been silly, but had somehow become important to me. And now, if anyone ever asks me the name of those plastic tips on the ends of shoelaces, Iíll be able to tell them with ease: the word youíre looking for is Ďaglets.í
|By Godis (Godis) on Sunday, October 03, 2004 - 03:43 am: Edit|
erm... where are you going with this?
|By Yugekorb (Yugekorb) on Sunday, October 03, 2004 - 06:47 am: Edit|
yeah, I second godis. You seem to be a good writer, it flows easily, but is all that saying about you is that you're obsessive and you don't care if you are?
but maybe you'll get lucky and the adcom who reads this will be wondering what they're called and be grateful to finally know.
|By Star_Sail (Star_Sail) on Sunday, October 03, 2004 - 12:33 pm: Edit|
I thought it was really good actually--it kept me entertained all the way through. The personal statement prompt doesn't list anything in particular, so whatever you got works.
|By Godis (Godis) on Sunday, October 03, 2004 - 01:03 pm: Edit|
yeah, i mean, i enjoyed reading it, but it doesn't convey to the reader a sense of who you are. no matter how well written an essay might be, if it doesn't fulfill that requirement, the adcom won't like it.
|By Angelnikki1 (Angelnikki1) on Sunday, October 03, 2004 - 04:54 pm: Edit|
How do you explain to someone who you are, anyway? I don't know who I am...I don't know what that means...
I'm too silly, hence my essay :p
|By Cb43087 (Cb43087) on Monday, October 04, 2004 - 01:14 pm: Edit|
how long does thing have to be? because mine is like 500 words. But i dont know what font to put on the application so that could be too little or too much. Can somebody explain to me how this works?
|By Silver_Wavez (Silver_Wavez) on Monday, October 04, 2004 - 03:13 pm: Edit|
hey there girly! since you commented on my essay I'll also comment on yours.
Initial impressions: I was entertained for sure!! At first I was thinking whether or not there were deeper meanings behind the shoe lace.. But actually I think the light hearted 'quirky' approach works.. I can get a sense of who you are from your essay - fun, spontaneous, definitely quirky, care-free, inquisitive, obssessive or is it just curious... Anyway those are some adjectives that popped into my head.
BTW, were you trying to subtly show your achievement of writing for the local paper? Because that weaves in nicely..
I think the length is about right as well..
|By Sleepdeprived (Sleepdeprived) on Wednesday, October 06, 2004 - 01:43 am: Edit|
love it. other ones i've read on this site sound so forced and pretentious. this is natural and quirky. love it.
|By Knightmare (Knightmare) on Wednesday, October 06, 2004 - 01:49 am: Edit|
I like your essay, but is it actually a true story? If you type "plastic ends of shoelaces" into google, at least the first dozen results all say 'aglets'...
|By Angelnikki1 (Angelnikki1) on Wednesday, October 06, 2004 - 05:39 pm: Edit|
it's true...except that I never really looked for the answer online/called nike, I just sort of asked everyone I knew because it was an annoying question...
|By Contessa (Contessa) on Wednesday, October 06, 2004 - 07:46 pm: Edit|
i had a similar problem with my essay and whether/not it answered the prompt. The columbia prompt is so wide-open and unlimited that its hard to really tell, but i think the way you can look at it is that they're asking you to "convey a sense of who you are". That doesn't mean explicitly state your facts or interests. Convey means show as well as tell. I think your essay SHOWS me a great deal about you - "the way you view the world... events great and small... everyday life." and in the end, the fact that you are sending it in means you believe it says something about you, which is a statement within itself.
I loved your essay; it was enjoyable, quirky, intelligent but full of personality, amusing, and clearly gave ME a sense of who you are (someone who i'd love to meet at columbia next fall). Let's not be trapped by uncertainty. If YOU THINK it answers the prompt, then that is enough... columbia makes it extensively clear that you should not feel limited while writing the essay. If u want to focus it a bit more, add in a few thoughts on why u needed to know the word so much, some insights into your psyche. But overall,
it's worthy of columbia.
|By Star_Sail (Star_Sail) on Wednesday, October 06, 2004 - 07:53 pm: Edit|
It's great to hear insight from a Columbia student.
I am having major second thoughts about my essay, and I am definitely applying ED.
Could you please read my essay in the "personal statement" section? thanx.
Please be totally honest if you can.
|By Editrix (Editrix) on Wednesday, October 06, 2004 - 09:21 pm: Edit|
I think you're an entertaining writer with a nice sense of style, but I'm worried this may be a little lightweight for Columbia. I had the same doubt that Knightmare had--is this true, or more of a gimmick?--and wasn't reassured that you'd made up the part about calling Nike and looking on the Internet (especially since I doubt that Nike would hang up on you, and as Knightmare points out, you could find the answer online very easily). Also, I have a vague sense I've read something quite similar somewhere else--possibly not about aglets, but about some common object that no one can name.
The essay has charm, but Columbia ED might also be looking for something with a bit more substance.
|By Chidimma (Chidimma) on Wednesday, October 06, 2004 - 09:58 pm: Edit|
it is entertaining. I liked it, your words flow well. I dont think it tells enough about you though. I have the same problem with my essay.... you shouldn't have a hard time with editing yours though. good job!
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