|By Jnorsky18 (Jnorsky18) on Monday, October 04, 2004 - 09:03 pm: Edit|
Did you ever notice how when you look at something for a long time, stare at it, you begin to think, wonder and question. I realized that I have come up with the most interesting questions and answers about my interests and myself when I am just looking at things. I find myself starring into the mysterious night sky from time to time, sometimes on the hood of my car, sometimes looking up at it from the middle of the Caribbean Sea. I don’t do it for any reason in particular, mainly boredom I suppose, but that boredom ends end translating into thoughts, thoughts into ideas, and ideas become truths. I am whom I am when I sit under the stars and just gaze up at them. “Who am I? What do I want out of life?” are some questions I think to myself. In “reality” I say things that I believe to be true, but that are not true at all. To answer those two questions I find myself saying, “Oh me, I don’t care what I get out of life. I am just a calm, chill kid that likes sports.” All this is true, but the information I give people makes them perceive me as a free spirit that doesn’t care. The truth is I do care. I care about my future, I care about who I am, and I am not just a free spirit. I find that my answers when looking up at the stars are more like philosophies. I see that even though I act like a somewhat confident young man that doesn’t care on the outside, and that nothing really bothers me, things do bother me. Things I say don’t matter do matter to me do matter to me. At heart, I am just a scared teenager that is looking for a place to turn. Happiness, tranquility, friendship, opportunity are some of the answers that I come up with for the second question For me looking up into the sky on a clear summer night, while there is a slight, subtle breeze, that makes u curl up a little bit, is like looking into a mirror. In this mirror you can not see anything physical. You do not see your face, chest, eyes etc, you only see things in your mind. Mentally and even spiritually everything that you believe, or don’t want to believe is right in front of you, like a mirror in a bathroom. Everything you must see is staring you straight in the face from billions upon billions of light-years away. No truth can hide from the stars, just like no scar or blemish can hide from a mirror.
The essay is not done
Thanks for the insight
|By Sleepdeprived (Sleepdeprived) on Wednesday, October 06, 2004 - 01:21 am: Edit|
i like the main topic, makes me think that you are an insightful, thoughtful person.
|By Sophster (Sophster) on Wednesday, October 06, 2004 - 02:17 am: Edit|
very beautifully written, but try to separate into more paragraphs: it will be easier on the eyes
|By Jnorsky18 (Jnorsky18) on Wednesday, October 06, 2004 - 02:08 pm: Edit|
this is for brown, is this a good essay?
|By Lucifersam (Lucifersam) on Wednesday, October 06, 2004 - 03:35 pm: Edit|
I'm not sure what to say about the actual content of the essay but, if you're not aware, there are plenty of typos and grammatical errors, such as absence of question marks and such, that should definetly be fixed. I know you say it's not finished, but I just wanted to let you know in case you didn't notice them.
|By Encomium (Encomium) on Wednesday, October 06, 2004 - 04:59 pm: Edit|
I am whom I am when I sit under the stars and just gaze up at them.
that would be...
I am WHO I am
it's a predicate nominative, not an object
|By Celebrian23 (Celebrian23) on Wednesday, October 06, 2004 - 05:00 pm: Edit|
that boredom ends end translating into thoughts
-very awkward, change it around
-also, I like it, but it seemss a bit too "typical", (i mean that in the nicest of ways)
-it's very philosophical, and i'm not sure if it's meant to be that way, or if that's just the way it ended up,
|By Jm2006 (Jm2006) on Thursday, October 07, 2004 - 05:59 pm: Edit|
Are you kidding me. Did you actually ask "Who am I? What do I want out of life" in a college essay?What is this- a sappy teen flick movie monologue or an attempt to describe to these poor admissions officers about yourself?
Making random, passionless objective observations about the world around you isn't an essay- it's a lab report.
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