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Please comment on my essay for the personal statement in the common app. Is it too generic?

THE RIVER

What is a dream? It is more than just a simple desire or goal. It is something for which one strives every day. It is an achievement that requires the whole of one’s might, mind, and strength to accomplish. For several years, my dream has been to attend one of America’s top colleges. This task is not an easy one. It requires much hard work and determination. There were many times, I must confess, when I felt my dream was impossible. Whenever I felt this way, though, I would listen to The River by Garth Brooks and it would give me the strength to continue my journey toward success.
In the song The River, a dream is compared to a long, winding river and a dreamer is compared to a vessel traveling along it. This comparison leads to several different life lessons. One of these is that one must endeavor fiercely to attain his or her dream. A “battle” must be fought each and every day in order to succeed. For me, this battle has been against idleness of mind, tension from pressure, and despair over my mistakes. Using the weapons of perseverance, confidence, and willpower, I have been able to come out the victor.
The River also expresses the truth that one must not put off the work required to achieve a dream until a later time. A dream is acquired in the here and now; there is no tomorrow. Recognizing this concept, I began preparing for college early. I resolved as a freshman to focus on my grades immediately and not wait until a later year to get serious about school. I chose early on to “dance the tide” and start my journey to my dream. This decision has proven most beneficial because I have no regrets about my high school career.
Nobody is perfect. Everyone makes mistakes—they are what make us human. What is important is how we respond to these “rough waters.” Whenever I take a “fall,” such as an argument with my parents, a poor grade on an assignment, or a bad day at gymnastics or cheerleading, I try to stand up, brush it off, and move on. Each mistake is a lesson for which I am grateful, for I can be sure I will never make that mistake again. If I have faith in myself, I can overcome any challenge.
Dreams are precious. They require attention and care. Success is only possible through hard work, time, and determination. My dream is a sum total of all the events thus far in my life: school, my extra-curricular activities, my religion, and my home life. Everything I have done has been in preparation for this time. I have set out on a mission—a mission to reach my dream. I will strive passionately to succeed. I will make my dreams a reality. I will “sail my vessel, ‘til the river runs dry.”

Here are the lyrics to the song:
You know a dream is like a river
Ever changin' as it flows
And a dreamer's just a vessel
That must follow where it goes
Trying to learn from what's behind you
And never knowing what's in store
Makes each day a constant battle
Just to stay between the shores.. and

I will sail my vessel
'Til the river runs dry
Like a bird upon the wind
These waters are my sky
I'll never reach my destination
If I never try
So I will sail my vessel
'Til the river runs dry

Too many times we stand aside
And let the waters slip away
'Til what we put off 'til tomorrow
Has now become today
So don't you sit upon the shoreline
And say you're satisfied
Choose to chance the rapids
And dare to dance the tide.. yes

I will sail my vessel
'Til the river runs dry
Like a bird upon the wind
These waters are my sky
I'll never reach my destination
If I never try
So I will sail my vessel
'Til the river runs dry

And there's bound to be rough waters
And I know I'll take some falls
But with the good Lord as my captain
I can make it through them all.. yes

I will sail my vessel
'Til the river runs dry
Like a bird upon the wind
These waters are my sky
I'll never reach my destination
If I never try
So I will sail my vessel
'Til the river runs dry

Yes, I will sail my vessel
'Til the river runs dry
'Til the river runs dry

By Flipchick1127 (Flipchick1127) on Sunday, October 03, 2004 - 05:50 pm: Edit

bump

By Marlgirl (Marlgirl) on Sunday, October 03, 2004 - 10:36 pm: Edit

Love the song, but the essay is... just... it doesn't excite me in any way. Your goal is to attend a top college. So what after that? You get in, you come to the college... then what? You refer to the song too much. It sounds like you're trying to be too... cute in the essay. I just don't think it works. What is something that is important to you? Something that is an essential part of who you are? An activity, a person, a feeling, an idea? What excites you? What do you want to do in life?

By Flipchick1127 (Flipchick1127) on Monday, October 04, 2004 - 07:27 pm: Edit

I am considering writing about my grandmother instead. She had alzheimers and lived with us for a while before she died. I was responsible for her for an hour or two each day and she required constant care. The focus of my essay would be how I responded to the changes I saw in her before her death. Would this be appropriate, or is it too common?

By Flipchick1127 (Flipchick1127) on Wednesday, October 06, 2004 - 04:14 pm: Edit

bump

By Jm2006 (Jm2006) on Thursday, October 07, 2004 - 05:55 pm: Edit

Stop trying to be so deep. I'm serious. When admissions officers read seventeen-year-olds' essays, they don't want meaningful philosophical metaphors. It's too damn pretentious.

By Zoso17 (Zoso17) on Thursday, October 07, 2004 - 06:50 pm: Edit

Jm2006 is dead on, you're 17 not 70 and able to reflect upon a long life with meaningful insight. Oh and the sob story is a bad idea, everyone does that or the melodramatic big game essay where "I learned that if you work hard enough that you can accomplish anything." Avoid these like the plague, they're cliche, you have to write something that makes you stand out.

By Interesteddad (Interesteddad) on Thursday, October 07, 2004 - 09:18 pm: Edit

>> Stop trying to be so deep.

Exactly. The main college essay shouldn't be about Garth Brooks...or your grandmother...or about some deep philosophic insight.

It should be about the one quality or experience or interest in your life that would be most likely to make an adcom stop and say, "you know, I like this kid...he or she would add something to our campus."

It could be about soccer, or tutoring grade school kids, or building a telescope, or learning how to play the guitar, or serving on student council, or loving math....whatever it is that would be at the top of the list when you write down a list of "stuff" about you.

I don't know you. What is the number one thing that you would tell me about yourself to give me an idea of who you are?

By Flipchick1127 (Flipchick1127) on Friday, October 08, 2004 - 04:21 pm: Edit

Thanks for your help. As for my favorite activity, it would have to be gymnastics. I have tried to stay away from this topic though because I'm already using it in my "most meaningful activity" short answer and in some applications expanding it to an entire essay. I'm also in cheerleading and I'm a class officer. What about my experiences building our class float? I guess I'm a little stuck.