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I've been getting my ass kicked by rejections. So far I was rejected by Vassar, Tufts, UNC-CH, GWU (•••• that overpriced shithole; it rejected me and waitlisted my friend who got into better schools like BU, Hamilton, and Trinity), Geneseo (•••• them; I was rejected for not following the essay directions), PSU, and Georgetown. I have been accepted at Albany, Binghamton, Siena, UVM, and Hobart William Smith. And I have been waitlisted at Union and Lafayette.

I'm still waiting on Brown and Penn (although that won't happen), MWC (although I don't care that much; I spent about five minutes on the supplemental essay), and Hamilton.

My SAT I was an 1180, my SAT II average was in the low 600s, and my ACT was a 29. Because Hamilton has the optional testing policy, I checked the ACT/SAT box. And because they will disregard the lower score, my ACT puts me in range.

My unweighted GPA is about a 3.4, while my weighted GPA is about 3.9. My rank is 61/250. In ninth and tenth grade, I took a total of five honors classes, in addition to math and Spanish a year ahead. In eleventh, I took four AP classes (English Language, Env. Sci. US History, and European History), in addition to Honors Precalculus and Regents Chemistry. This year, I am taking four APs (English Lit. Pyschology, Biology, and Government), in addition to Honors Economics, Regents Calculus, and Sociology as an elective.

On my AP exams, I scored a 3 on Enviromental Science and English Language, a 4 on US History, and a 5 on European History.

I have decent ECs, with leadership in two areas: I was the JV Quiz Bowl captain in tenth grade and the historian for two years and the secretary for one year on my grade's student council.

I have good recommendations.

I have great essays, from what people tell me.

This is the one on why I want to go to Hamilton:

____As much as I like to believe I know everything about any subject, I have realized over the past two years I know only a tiny bit about very little. I can say why the First World War was so different from any war before it, what television comedy has won the most Emmys, and derive one equation from another. At the same time, I cannot define a vector, describe most classical music, or speak more than a few phrases in Spanish. The world offers so much to explore. I want a part of the action.

____I doubt a better field exists to study than history. Math is practical – balancing a checkbook is useful. Science is also helpful – people like being able to stay healthy and to live longer. English, of course, remains the passion of many – what better way to pass a few hours than being lost in another world, whether it is with Frodo and the Hobbits or a period and person described in nonfiction? History, however, remains a cut above everything else. It can be anything – from Julius Caesar to Henry Clay, from the conditions that allowed the Bubonic Plague to the scientific advancements creating a vaccine for Polio, from the society of Charles Dickens to the same world that fostered the development of Karl Marx, from the life of Harry Truman to learning how societal conditions influenced episodes of “I Love Lucy” and “All in the Family.” By understanding what happened in the past, I pop out of my shell – the confines of a merely being aware of the present. The world takes on a new significance.

____A popular expression from philosopher George Santayana claims, “Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it.” Well, that is true, but it does not cover all the bases. History can help us not only avoid the mistakes of the past but enhance the present as well as the future. The corollaries of the Civil Rights movements or President Woodrow Wilson’s Fourteen Points might seem banal to some. In reality, grasping the scope of various movements, issues, and events is essential for the modern world. To that end, I see no other aspiration in my academic life higher than earning a doctorate in history. In order to gain a more advanced, thorough understanding of this intricate field, attending a university with an exceptional program is essential.

____I am particularly fond of Hamilton’s structure and requirements. By consistently having open professors that foster conditions more conducive to learning, my abilities will develop much more than possible in a typical classroom setting. When I become a professor, I will understand the importance of personal student interaction. Additionally, Hamilton gears its majors towards being extensive. Having requisites for United States and European history will allow me to acquire a basic understanding. Courses designed to complement the fundamentals - like the class in pre-modern history or those dealing with Asia or Russia and the US, for instance – will then allow my knowledge to expand. With such a breadth in its history concentration, Hamilton will enable me to offer so much more as a professor. If one of my students can say something like, “Hey, Professor Jaklitsch, isn’t that situation in Germany similar to that time in Russia…” each year, I can leave my office each day with a content look on my face. Hamilton also demonstrates a clear respect for a broad education. I appreciate its strong emphasis on writing. With diversity in this requirement, my writing will continue to become concise and cogent. Because a large portion of earning a doctorate and teaching at the university level involves research and composition, Hamilton will provide me with a strong foundation in this area. As a professor, I can help my students if they have trouble expressing their ideas.

____Just as Hamilton can “rock” my world academically, I know it will shake up my outlook to only make it stronger. Without question, I need to become far less complacent in my views. Any sensible education agrees that a vigorous amount of debate fosters innovative, wiser ideas. I expect college to be a time when others throw different ideas at me from every direction. By resisting the urge to be obstinate, my mind will not become a vast wasteland – and my students will benefit. Because it encourages classroom discussion and assimilates thinkers from around the earth, Hamilton will help me avoid simply dismissing an idea as a professor without consideration. Stillness of mind is simply unacceptable.

____What better way to engross myself in history than to earn a doctorate? How else should I pass on my ardent passion than to converge with burgeoning young minds? The liberal arts curriculum at Hamilton College will offer me a sound footing for success in this endeavor.

And this is the essay that describes my favorite activity: (it might have a word or two changed, but this is what is saved on my computer)

Who knows what started the Thirty Years War or which two women won the Best Actress Oscar in 1968? Who can reveal how many collective nouns are in a sentence, or can solve a problem related to efficiency? The chances are that the members of my high school's Regional Quiz Bowl team know that information or can solve those problems. I have always felt that I had a flair for knowledge, both the meaningful and the trivial. I can recite lines verbatim from episodes of “Seinfeld,” “Friends,” or “The Simpsons,” but I can also pick the abolitionist out of a group of four guys or say what structure relates to in biology. Although the activity is not particularly important—my participation helped nobody—it was a tremendous experience to apply my knowledge. And even though the environment was competitive, my team members and I arrived with nonchalance. After going to classes throughout the day, it was surprising and relaxing to participate where people had a good time by relaying information but never become stressed. I never felt like ripping out my hair because I was unaware of an answer; the next question was just a few second away, awaiting my attempt for an answer. Indeed, this activity reinforced the idea that diligence and effort are paramount to the actual results. Simply put, I loved being a member.

And this is my personal essay:

____“Why don’t you like me?” As a camp counselor one summer, I asked a twelve-year-old female that very question. She claimed her dislike for me was simple: eight things about me annoyed her. I had braces, wore glasses, and had a natural but incongruous patch of blond in my brown hair; my “misshapen” head featured my “gigantic” nose. My haircut was bad; my voice was irritating. The worst part, she believed, was my name: Brian. A few years earlier, her remarks would have left me sulky for the rest of the day. Having matured, her comments instead elicited the best laugh I had all summer.

____Earlier in my life, I was the archetypal, insecure adolescent: pestering my mother to buy the latest fifty-dollar pair of jeans, needing to have others like me, and sometimes being too wrapped up in self-importance to care about anything else. What was occurring in the world was nowhere near as significant as whether I blended in with everyone. I cared about what others thought. I was ridiculous.

____I now like who I am. I slam doors when I am angry; I certainly am not next in line to receive a modeling contract for Calvin Klein underwear; and despite my best intentions, dirty socks remain beneath my bed. If an undernourished dog with three legs begs me for a quarter when I order pizza, I try to donate. Piecewise functions in calculus continue to haunt me in my sleep. While I will not receive canonization or a Nobel Prize any time soon, I try to be affable in my own way.

____I am uncertain when I stopped caring about what others thought. I did not have an epiphany while watching “The Simpsons” or reading. Yet, I now have the confidence to fall while walking with a dryer sheet hanging out of my back pocket but not worry that others might stare or laugh. The feeling is unbelievable.

____As comfortable as I am with myself, this sensation is not absolute. I still wish I could disappear when I experience something embarrassing. Earplugs are all I want when I hear my peers speak gleefully about standardized test scores, as though the world had declared peace or eradicated famine.

____As I matured, I realized that being imperfect allows for growth. Approaching a situation with the realization that I could very well blunder can set the stage for success. In Advanced Placement Biology, the class endures arduous assignments. Worried from the onset about the inordinate amount of material, my concerns only increased when I thought of others in the class. When I kept failing quizzes, I despaired. I religiously read my notes. I paid strict attention in class. I comprehended the teacher’s lectures. How could I fail when friends in the class did so well? After pouring my spinning head out on my teacher’s lab table, Mrs. Sullivan replied that I must stop comparing myself to my classmates. Only then could I can truly immerse myself in all aspects of life. Any pretensions or concerns would be lost. In any situation, I would develop and acquire something new and fresh. Narrowly focusing on competing with my peers only increases the possibility of failure.

____I try not to think of what my life will be like in twenty years. I might not drive the nicest car. My “misshapen” head, with its bad haircut and “gigantic nose,” will not adorn the cover of TIME. My attire might be plain, my tennis skills only middling. At least I recognize those issues are insignificant. Creating a faultless, meticulous image is futile; another problem will arise each day. Whatever happens, I will be okay. I like who I am. I will surely like whoever I become.

My interview went well. My interviewer went to my high school and knew some of my teachers, both from having them himself being friends with them. He knew my Quiz Bowl advisor from growing up with her and teaching at the same private military academy for a few years. He told me to ask her about the time she started screaming at some kid (she did go nuts once a year) and he walked in the room. (On a side note, it's a funny story. This kid was 15 at the time. Because he spent most of his time around guys, some of his habits were not appropriate for girls. It was a military academy, so he had to be properly dressed at all times. When he wanted to tuck in his shirt, he pulled down his pants to his ankles in the middle of class, with his red BVD's showing. She turned around and screamed at the top of her lungs because she was so shocked, and because all classes were in one long corridor, everybody heard it. That's how the tradition of her flipping out once a year started.) Anyway, he also praised my sister for all of the help she gave him, in both bringing her friends and organizing stuff, for a big event in my town. He said that if she ever needed a recommendation, especially for college, he should come to her. Although this may just be wishful thinking, I'm hoping that helped me. He also said that test scores were one of the last things they looked at, and instead, they placed a lot of emphasis on writing, both in the essays and in the writing sample.

__________________________________________________

So, does it look like I will get into Hamilton?

My friend from across the street got his acceptance yesterday, so I think I will get my decision tomorrow.

I just have to get into Hamilton.

By Kelly_Johnson (Kelly_Johnson) on Sunday, March 30, 2003 - 04:19 pm: Edit

I thought you were applying to Northwestern? I remembered your essays.

Looking at your stats, I am not surprised that you got rejected from the places that you did.

I do not think Hamilton will take you. Your scores are like 100 points off before you even fall into the range, and you are 200 points away from the average. You do not seem to have a hook, either. I am pretty sure if you got accepted you would have gotten it the same day as your friend. Sorry.

By Bigparoxysm (Bigparoxysm) on Sunday, March 30, 2003 - 04:38 pm: Edit

But my 29 is in range for Hamilton's ACT scores. And the bottom SAT Score is a 1200. Besides, the guy that interviewed me said that scores were one of the last thinks they viewed. Won't my ACT put me in contention?

I thought I was going to get into Vassar. I'm not sure what to think. Some people have gotten acceptances, while others have gotten rejections.

By Kelly_Johnson (Kelly_Johnson) on Sunday, March 30, 2003 - 04:46 pm: Edit

I have noticed that a lot of people on this site apply to schools that are way out of their league, no offense. My stats are better and I would never even consider applying to Tufts, and I ruled Vassar out because I thought it was too much of a reach.

Anyway, yes, the ACT score of 29 is pretty good, but the 1180 is still going to show. (That is why I am not taking the SAT) And about the interviewer, I would not take his word unless he is actually an employee of Hamilton. I do like your essays, but I think you applied to schools a bit out of your league, so to speak.

By Bigparoxysm (Bigparoxysm) on Sunday, March 30, 2003 - 04:50 pm: Edit

Well, he was an alumni interviewer, so I take his word to be the truth.

I have been told several times that colleges take the higher scores, regardless of what they are. When they report to US News, taking a lower score will hurt them. Hamilton will take my ACT score.

I shouldn't have applied to some schools, but I don't think Hamilton is one of them.

By Kelly_Johnson (Kelly_Johnson) on Sunday, March 30, 2003 - 04:52 pm: Edit

Anyway, I did not mean to be offensive or anything. I really do hope you get in. Good luck! Go take a look at my stats on another board and rip them apart. :-)

By Bigparoxysm (Bigparoxysm) on Sunday, March 30, 2003 - 04:59 pm: Edit

I just have to get in there. There's no way they cannot accept me.

And what other board?

By Kelly_Johnson (Kelly_Johnson) on Sunday, March 30, 2003 - 05:00 pm: Edit

The "What are my chances" board, under "Help!..."

By Cookie (Cookie) on Sunday, March 30, 2003 - 05:12 pm: Edit

Big- lol, about GWU. I got rejected too. My grades and SAT's weren't good enough. They accepted over 38%. They must think they're the
s h i t or something. Anyways, I hope you get into Hamilton.

By Bigparoxysm (Bigparoxysm) on Sunday, March 30, 2003 - 05:13 pm: Edit

Thanks, I just have to get in there. I don't know what I'll do if I don't. Say a prayer for me, Cookie.

And by the way, where did you apply and what were your results?

By Kelly_Johnson (Kelly_Johnson) on Sunday, March 30, 2003 - 05:15 pm: Edit

Man, Cla_tech guy is annoying. Have either of you visited GWU? What was it like?

By Cara811888 (Cara811888) on Sunday, March 30, 2003 - 05:26 pm: Edit

Hey ur essays are really good! I really don't think that getting a 1180 is gonna put u like way out of the scene or something. And they`d take the better one of ur SAT or ACT right? And scores r not everything, even though most people on this board seem to put an abnormally high emphasis on it.I think u stand a chance, so smile and hope for the best! and ur essays r really interesting esp ur personal one..amusing..I felt like reading it instead of skimming through.

By Tenisghs (Tenisghs) on Sunday, March 30, 2003 - 05:46 pm: Edit

Let me reply...my ACT is a 24, yet I have been admitted to Northwestern, University of Michigan, George Washington, and Howard. I am pending on UPENN. My average on the SAT IIs is a 650.

Your Hamilton essay: What is your thesis? You are honestly running on a tangent. You name all these historical events that are not even mentioned in your introductory paragraph! Your whole essay is boring as you name all these events that are unnecessary. Just be brief about your interests. It's obivous you like history, but how do these events correlate to the school? What are you exactly saying, Bigparo?

Personal essay: Much better, but you still ran on a tangent. What is the reviewer suppose to learn from this? What does everything have to do with your introductory paragraph? Where is your thesis???

I can post my George Washington University essay if anyone wants to read it. It was less than 600 words.

By Cookie (Cookie) on Sunday, March 30, 2003 - 05:51 pm: Edit

Tenisghs, post it up!

By Tenisghs (Tenisghs) on Sunday, March 30, 2003 - 06:09 pm: Edit

ESSAY QUESTION: What motivated you to apply? Describe what contacts you have had with the University in order to obtain a complete profile of the GW experience. We have told you about the dynamic GW classroom, campus, and city relationship. Tell us how you will make use of these resources in meeting your educational goals. (The George Washington University)

So here is the checklist to answer the question:
What motivates me to apply...
Describe the contacts of the GW experience...
How will I make use of the resources...

Keep in mind, I've never seen the GW campus ever, but I've been to Washington D.C. twice to make a parallel. I used the pamphlets as an aid.
------------------------------------------------
There is the aphorism that a city person cannot comfortably move and live in the countryside. I am this type of person. The fact that the George Washington University (G.W.) is in one of the fastest-growing cities in the country, Washington D.C., makes it a great place for a college student with its heritage in history, politics, and entertainment. I will be a good addition to the George Washington University because of its international diversity and academic studies in an urban atmosphere.

I had dubious feelings about this school. I had contacted current students from the university and the Associate Director of Admissions, Rhonda Leshman, in an information session at my high school. The colorful pamphlets and the range of information encouraged me to find out more about life at the George Washington University. Her perspective as a college student at G.W. amazed me with anticipation and optimism. My family had plans to visit G.W., but the domestic terrorism in the Washington D.C. area in October discouraged my chances to tour the school. The more personal and insightful information I gathered about the school, the more I developed what absolutely attracted me to G.W. in the first place.

Although my intended major is undecided, I have interests in journalism and (art) history. I have an incredible interest in history and current events. When I heard about the CNN Crossfire station on the university campus, I wanted to engage in political debates immediately! I feel my political response, as an American citizen, is important since I have a strong stance on political issues like affirmative action. I have also developed an attraction to the fine arts. I attend plays and musicals with pleasure. If a child learns to appreciate the fine arts, they will widen their perspective of other cultures. The world is too diverse to be a homogenous group of values. The access to such opportunities at G.W. cannot be ignored.

Washington D.C. is a city full of culture, politics, and history. Politicians gather and conduct their sessions at the U.S. Capitol, the Smithsonian Institution's individual buildings narrate America's history, and different cultures from across the globe interact with one another as they learn about the nation's capital. I have visited the city twice and have enjoyed myself every time. Its location near great cities, like Philadelphia and New York City, motivates me more why it is great to be in Washington D.C.

I will contribute to the George Washington University community as a leader in excellence and cultural interaction. I will pursue my love in history and use the benefits Washington D.C. has to offer. My mother stresses me that the education I will receive at a college of your prestige will invaluably serve me. I hope that the George Washington University will accept me, and I will proudly take this opportunity to attend this magnificent university for my family and, most importantly, for myself.
------------------------------------------------
So here is the checklist again:
What motivates me to apply...
Describe the contacts of the GW experience...
How will I make use of the resources...

Did I answer the question? YES
Did I follow the checklist requirements? YES
Did I have a thesis? YES
Did I have body paragraphs that support my thesis or introductory paragraph? YES
Did I express myself CLEARLY and THOUGHTFULLY? YES
Did I have a conclusion? YES

All the school checked was to see if you could answer the question in outline form.
This essay is less than 600 words.

There you go. I have been admitted to GWU.

By Bigparoxysm (Bigparoxysm) on Sunday, March 30, 2003 - 06:22 pm: Edit

"Your Hamilton essay: What is your thesis? You are honestly running on a tangent. You name all these historical events that are not even mentioned in your introductory paragraph! Your whole essay is boring as you name all these events that are unnecessary. Just be brief about your interests. It's obivous you like history, but how do these events correlate to the school? What are you exactly saying, Bigparo?

Personal essay: Much better, but you still ran on a tangent. What is the reviewer suppose to learn from this? What does everything have to do with your introductory paragraph? Where is your thesis???"

The personal essay is better than the "Why Hamilton?" essay, but I felt they both had their strengths.

Other people have told me it flows well, going from how I like to learn, to why I like history, and to why I need to go to a particular college (I used a few of the same parts for other colleges, most changing the ends). I meant to convey that studying at Hamilton would be a natural conclusion if one loved history. I thought it did that.

As for the personal essay, I've had this read by several people, and they all understood it. My English teacher didn't say it lacked a thesis, so I'm going to go with what she said over you. The personal essay, though, was meant to convey that I am confortable with who I am. By the way, this is not the same sort of essay where you need an introduction, three bodies, and a conclusion.

By Bigparoxysm (Bigparoxysm) on Sunday, March 30, 2003 - 06:23 pm: Edit

"Hey ur essays are really good! I really don't think that getting a 1180 is gonna put u like way out of the scene or something. And they`d take the better one of ur SAT or ACT right? And scores r not everything, even though most people on this board seem to put an abnormally high emphasis on it.I think u stand a chance, so smile and hope for the best! and ur essays r really interesting esp ur personal one..amusing..I felt like reading it instead of skimming through."

Thanks, I hope everything works out for you as well. I just have to get into Hamilton.

By Tenisghs (Tenisghs) on Sunday, March 30, 2003 - 06:41 pm: Edit

As for the personal essay, I've had this read by several people, and they all understood it. My English teacher didn't say it lacked a thesis, so I'm going to go with what she said over you. The personal essay, though, was meant to convey that I am confortable with who I am. By the way, this is not the same sort of essay where you need an introduction, three bodies, and a conclusion.

-----------------------------------------------
I am the type of person who likes organization. It's easier to read and understand that person's point of view. My GWU paper flowed, too, since the school already assigned what they were looking for originally.

I didn't grade your essay base on a history project. Most English essays involve CLARITY and organization. I thought you lacked in organization as I read your Personal essay in depth. I didn't see any parallels between the beginning and conclusion of the paper. The conclusion is where you are creative! Your Hamilton paper sent me into different directions that were too disorganized for my taste. History is a broad subject, and to name all these different events didn't tell ME YOUR real interests. That frustrated me.

Anyways, good luck with Hamilton. I just know I've been accepted to my five out of six schools. Penn will be my last and sixth acceptance...hopefully that will be the case...

By Bigparoxysm (Bigparoxysm) on Sunday, March 30, 2003 - 07:03 pm: Edit

Uh, that GWU essay isn't perfect. It panders to the admissions people in a few spots and doesn't really talk about you in a few spots.

By Tenisghs (Tenisghs) on Sunday, March 30, 2003 - 07:32 pm: Edit

Hey, I answered the question. Unlike most colleges, GWU gave applying students the outline format to answer. I simply did that. I'm accepted at GWU.

By Magicman (Magicman) on Sunday, March 30, 2003 - 07:56 pm: Edit

Tenisghs... just curious - what are your other stats besides a 24 ACT.

By Bigparoxysm (Bigparoxysm) on Sunday, March 30, 2003 - 07:59 pm: Edit

I never, ever saw an outline for GWU.

By Tenisghs (Tenisghs) on Sunday, March 30, 2003 - 08:13 pm: Edit

Bigparo, the outline was the question. ESSAY QUESTION: What motivated you to apply? Describe what contacts you have had with the University in order to obtain a complete profile of the GW experience. We have told you about the dynamic GW classroom, campus, and city relationship. Tell us how you will make use of these resources in meeting your educational goals. (The George Washington University)

The school already told you what they wanted to see in your essay! Many schools are not as explicit as above!

By Bigparoxysm (Bigparoxysm) on Sunday, March 30, 2003 - 08:45 pm: Edit

I didn't think that was an outline. I thought my essay fulfilled that prompt. Who knows if it did. Oh well, •••• GWU.

I want to go to Hamilton so bad, it hurts!

By Jumbo (Jumbo) on Sunday, March 30, 2003 - 10:41 pm: Edit

"Did I answer the question? YES
Did I follow the checklist requirements? YES
Did I have a thesis? YES
Did I have body paragraphs that support my thesis or introductory paragraph? YES
Did I express myself CLEARLY and THOUGHTFULLY? YES
Did I have a conclusion? YES

All the school checked was to see if you could answer the question in outline form.
This essay is less than 600 words.

There you go. I have been admitted to GWU. "

Tenisghs, the tone of voice comes across rather pretentious and snappy towards someone asking for help, don't you think?

By Tenisghs (Tenisghs) on Sunday, March 30, 2003 - 11:26 pm: Edit

Not at all. In fact, I did help him. Maybe he can analyze what he did wrong. I just wish him good luck with Hamilton.

By Bigparoxysm (Bigparoxysm) on Monday, March 31, 2003 - 12:14 am: Edit

I didn't do anything wrong. You just didn't get my essays. The thesis in the personal statement, for instance, was in the conclusion.

By Tenisghs (Tenisghs) on Monday, March 31, 2003 - 12:27 am: Edit

The thesis in the personal statement, for instance, was in the conclusion.
------------------------------------------------
Hmm, no wonder. I can appreciate the fact that your English teacher loved your essay, but most college admissinos officers, who review hundreds of applications every year, prefer the "thesis in the first paragraph" method. Such creativity can cost you.

By Cara811888 (Cara811888) on Monday, March 31, 2003 - 12:44 am: Edit

The thesis in the personal statement, for instance, was in the conclusion

Thats quite alright because the intro and body were interesting anyway..so its not like we had to drag on and on to find out what he was getting at. And if u didn't notice..in most of the paras..he mentioned something about what he was like before or how he felt and then how he reacts to a similar situation now. U get the drift and I`m sure that "most college admissinos officers, who review hundreds of applications every year" will get it too. Unless ur a brilliant writer,the "thesis in the first paragraph" method is rather dull and boring..creativity never hurts! All the best bigparoxym! I really hope u get in..u really want so thats half the battle..

By Maverick (Maverick) on Monday, March 31, 2003 - 02:42 am: Edit

when will hamilton's decision come out? BTW, i am an int'l applicant abroad.

By Bigparoxysm (Bigparoxysm) on Monday, March 31, 2003 - 10:03 am: Edit

(I'm in one of my study halls right now)

"Hmm, no wonder. I can appreciate the fact that your English teacher loved your essay, but most college admissinos officers, who review hundreds of applications every year, prefer the "thesis in the first paragraph" method. Such creativity can cost you."

I disagree. The purpose of your introduction is to capture the reader's attention. Say what you will about my essay as a whole, but nobody else will start theirs with someone giving them eight reasons for dislike. As you said, they read thousands of them, so some that stands out in their minds will help. In fact, I've been told by several people that if they don't like the introduction, they will not pay as much attention to the rest of the essay, or that they will only read the introduction and skim through the rest.

It's not perfect, but several other sources with degrees have told me it's good stuff, so I will take their advice. My English teacher, for instance, has given help to people with essays and these people have gotten into schools like MIT, Bryn Mawr, Barnard, and JHU in this year alone.

By Cookie (Cookie) on Monday, March 31, 2003 - 12:05 pm: Edit

The essay was "good times", Tenisghs. You gave them what they wanted. But you don't have to come off so arrogant. I'm glad you got into GWU, but don't show off like that. It's a good essay, but not very personal. You knew what to write to get in. Well done, in a sense.

By Tenisghs (Tenisghs) on Monday, March 31, 2003 - 01:43 pm: Edit

When I did my Northwestern ESSAY, I simply answered the question. However, Northwestern had five short answer questions where I became VERY personal. That’s where I showed my creativity.

As for Big's personal essay, I am not against creativity. I can be a very creative person. However, many college admissions officers read hundreds of essays, and MOST TEACHERS/READERS prefer the thesis in the first paragraph. The first paragraph should summarize your paper. You can yell at me all you want. There should be a thesis or thesis statement in the FIRST and LAST paragraphs. If I had written my thesis in the last paragraph of my essay, my English teacher would kill me.

By Tenisghs (Tenisghs) on Monday, March 31, 2003 - 01:50 pm: Edit

Let me elaborate:
The first paragraph should outline your paper. You have a thesis that explains the topic (main idea) of the essay.

The last paragraph summarizes your thesis and the rest of the pape (note: not everything but the main ideas). This is also the section where you become creative and personal.

If you don't provide a thesis in the first paragraph and mention it ONLY at the end of the paper, you are jeopardizing yourself to the reader, who will be frustrated with such disorganization.

As for your teacher, BIG, not everyone shares your writing style. Everyone has different writing styles. You may not like mine. I like to be clear and organized. I usually share my creativity in the first and last paragraphs, not in my body paragraphs. My body paragraphs are where I explain and provide examples to support my thesis. The conclusion is where I woo the reader with whatever I want to express personally.

By Nymom (Nymom) on Monday, March 31, 2003 - 01:57 pm: Edit

As someone who has taught persuasive writing (specifically, brief writing in law school), I agree with Tenisghs. When you have a message to get across to a busy reader, put it up front. Tenisghs, you have had good training!

By Bigparoxysm (Bigparoxysm) on Monday, March 31, 2003 - 04:45 pm: Edit

"If I had written my thesis in the last paragraph of my essay, my English teacher would kill me."

There's nothing wrong with putting my thesis in the last paragraph. On an AP timed writing, it's not a good idea because the reader is expecting you to be upfront. But for other essays, it's fine to have it at the end. I learned that last year, in AP English Language, with someone that has a degree. All of the people that read the essay understood my point. In addition, my English teacher never complained about a lack of a thesis. I'll take her advice over a fellow student's advice.

"As someone who has taught persuasive writing (specifically, brief writing in law school), I agree with Tenisghs. When you have a message to get across to a busy reader, put it up front. Tenisghs, you have had good training!"

Writing a brief for court and writing a personal essay are not the same type of writing. You should know that.

By Bigparoxysm (Bigparoxysm) on Monday, March 31, 2003 - 04:49 pm: Edit

"If you don't provide a thesis in the first paragraph and mention it ONLY at the end of the paper, you are jeopardizing yourself to the reader, who will be frustrated with such disorganization.

As for your teacher, BIG, not everyone shares your writing style. Everyone has different writing styles. You may not like mine. I like to be clear and organized."

It's not a matter of lack of organization. How you continue to fail to see this is beyond me.
I also like to be clear and organized. I was just that in this essay, but I did it in a different way. In addition, the creativity wasn't really in the bodies, but rather in the conclusion and introduction.

By Tenisghs (Tenisghs) on Monday, March 31, 2003 - 05:07 pm: Edit

There's nothing wrong with putting my thesis in the last paragraph. On an AP timed writing, it's not a good idea because the reader is expecting you to be upfront.
==========================
And what makes you expect the college admission officers are not the same? They also have other essays to review, and they will appreciate theses in the first paragraph. This is not a creative writing contest. Officers are looking for students who can thoroughly express themselves with proper grammar and writing organization (it's a plus if you know MLA style). While the essay is not the bulk of your admissions decision, it can definitely sway if you use good English writing skills.

By Bigparoxysm (Bigparoxysm) on Monday, March 31, 2003 - 05:33 pm: Edit

"Officers are looking for students who can thoroughly express themselves with proper grammar and writing organization (it's a plus if you know MLA style). While the essay is not the bulk of your admissions decision, it can definitely sway if you use good English writing skills."

You're not making the least bit of sense. I never said this essay was supposed to be modeled like one in a creative writing contest. I merely said that it had to make the reader want to continue reading. And everyone that has read my essay said that they weren't bored with it, that they want to continue reading.

Why would I consult the MLA guide? This essay isn't supposed to be like a research paper; it doesn't have to follow the traditional rules of a formal paper. And no matter what you think of my organizational skills, the essay doesn't suffer from poor grammar.

By Nymom (Nymom) on Monday, March 31, 2003 - 05:49 pm: Edit

So, did you get into Hamilton?

By Magicman (Magicman) on Monday, March 31, 2003 - 06:04 pm: Edit

You guys are insane/ everyone does things differently - some things work - some don't - not worth 40 posts about...

Tenisghs: what are your extracurrics?

By Bigparoxysm (Bigparoxysm) on Monday, March 31, 2003 - 06:29 pm: Edit

Nymom, I didn't get anything from Hamilton today.

By Tenisghs (Tenisghs) on Monday, March 31, 2003 - 06:33 pm: Edit

I'm done with my rant. So, did you get into Hamilton, too?

By Magicman (Magicman) on Monday, March 31, 2003 - 06:37 pm: Edit

TENISGHS!!! eee ive asked like 3 times... what are your EC's?

By Tenisghs (Tenisghs) on Monday, March 31, 2003 - 06:44 pm: Edit

I'm done with my rant. So, did you get into Hamilton, too?

By Tenisghs (Tenisghs) on Monday, March 31, 2003 - 06:49 pm: Edit

I have a resume of my school-related and extracurricular activities saved on my disk. Here is the summarized view: My interests are history and art. I've done community service that INVOLVED art and history, student newspaper, school tour guide, more community service teaching middle school children and aiding senior citizens, and a club librarian coodinator. I also did required ECs like tennis and volleyball. I didn't overexceed my list with ECs. I involved myself in areas that pertained mainly to my interests and talents.

By Gabriel (Gabriel) on Thursday, April 03, 2003 - 09:53 am: Edit

Did anyone hear from Hamilton yet?

By Tenisghs (Tenisghs) on Thursday, April 03, 2003 - 12:21 pm: Edit

Yeah, Bigparo, did you get accepted?

By Gabriel (Gabriel) on Thursday, April 03, 2003 - 12:28 pm: Edit

Did anyone get this application for pre-freshman science research from Hamilton? They say they send it to "prospective members of class of 2007".

By Bigparoxysm (Bigparoxysm) on Thursday, April 03, 2003 - 06:31 pm: Edit

"Did anyone hear from Hamilton yet?"
"Yeah, Bigparo, did you get accepted?"

I haven't heard yet, but when I called yesterday (3.2.03), I was told that the college has had many problems with mailings this year. In fact, even some people that live close to campus haven't received anything. So I'm not freaking out that much. I'm confident in my chances.

"Did anyone get this application for pre-freshman science research from Hamilton? They say they send it to "prospective members of class of 2007"."

No, it was sent out to all people that applied, at least according to the admissions office. I received it, so I sent an e-mail to the school inquiring. This is the response:

Dear Brian,
The letter you received about the summer research opportunities was mailed to all students who have applied to Hamilton, and does not imply an admissions decision. I'm sorry we didn't make this clear in the letter. The Admissions Office will make their decisions by the end of March and we hope to then follow quickly with a decision on the Summer Fellowship--hence our haste in mailing to all applicants.

As to the summer research opportunity, we expect to have over a hundred applicants for the fellowships. Last year we received 65 applications and selected nine students for the research opportunity. If you are interested, by all means return the application to me. My guess is that the selection committee will give preference to students who have completed advanced placement work in the sciences, if available at their high schools, and students who seem to have a strong interest in science. We won't eliminate anyone because they intend to major in the social sciences or humanities.

You might be interested to know that fellowships are available for students in non-science majors who want to explore a research idea in collaboration with a Hamilton professor. These Emerson grants are awarded to students who have done at least one year of academic work at Hamilton.

I'm happy to know of your interest in Hamilton and in the sciences. Best of luck with the important decisions you'll make in the next few months, and I hope we'll meet sometime in the future.

Sincerely,
Leslie B. North

By Jonnytothel (Jonnytothel) on Thursday, April 03, 2003 - 07:24 pm: Edit

I got accepted to Hamilton about a week ago. I think you have a shot man, gotta shoot high! Even if you don't get in remember you can always transfer somewhere. Good luck

OH yeah, everyone gets that science program...don't be decieved!

By Psiknight (Psiknight) on Friday, April 04, 2003 - 07:26 pm: Edit

Tenisghs, I think you came off pretty darned arrogant...

No one else here has mentioned it, but to knock you slightly from that ivory tower...AA played a huge part in you being accepted to both UMich (hell you get tangible BONUS POINTS for being an URM) and Northwestern (your ACT was so far out of range it's not funny). Your essay wasn't that great, but it wasn't bad. Your ECs surely didn't set you apart from the kids with 1400+ SATs and 750+ SAT IIs that were waitlisted and/or rejected.

Before you get all pissy, I'll say I got into an elite institution so I'm not writing this due to my being spurned. I just don't think it fair for you to come here and act high and mighty when you had an advantage, some might say a grossly unfair one, over most applicants.