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Please give me your honest opinion of my essay.

Thanks!

P.S. To help you understand my situation better, I'm a 27yr old going to college for the first time.

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The day I became a parent was one of the scariest days of my life. My heart leapt into my throat and I knew that I was about to take on the most challenging task I could ever face. Merriam-Webster defines the word parent as "one that begets or brings forth offspring". Yet after only a few short months, I came to realize that a parent's role is not quite as limited as its definition. However, there is one thing that makes myself unique from other parents -- I am also the sister.

My brother David, nine years my junior, has always been like a son to me. As a result of growing up in an abusive home, I became extremely protective of him despite my own youth. Verbal, and often times physical, assaults between out parents were a common occurrence. By the age of eight, I had become quite adept at tuning them out. Nevertheless, after David was born I became fiercely determined to protect him from the torment I endured throughout my years of living in this environment.

I can vividly recall one evening when the noise of our parents fighting in the living room stirred me from my sleep. Concerned for my brother, only four years old at the time, I crept into his room to check on him and found him lying motionless in bed. The only indication that he was awake was the tears streaming down his face. That night, I held him close, comforting him with words I can still recall, and I did not leave his side until the yelling had ceased and he had fallen back to sleep. Though painful, the memory of that night has always held a special place in my heart.

In the summer of 2000, my brother came to live with me at our mother's request. He had become an incorrigible fifteen year old whose incessant drinking and violent outbursts had finally pushed our mother over the edge. Of course, I had no idea what I was doing or how I would raise a fifteen year old. Hence, the first few months were rough for both of us. While he missed his friends, now over a thousand miles away, and his star status as a championship wrestler for his former school, I missed the independent and carefree lifestyle other twenty-something's were able to enjoy. However, after several months, and many family-counseling sessions, life began to improve. David's grades were on the incline, he had quit abusing drugs and alcohol, and he began to come to terms with his anger. I, on the other hand, had developed a tremendous amount of patience, as well as learned how to be a good role model.

Raising my brother was indeed a challenging task, but it was also the most rewarding opportunity of my life. It has instilled in me a deepened sense of responsibility that many people my age do not possess, as well as the confidence and resolve to chart the course of my own existence. Today, I am determined to exceed even my own expectations, and I am certain that my life experience can only aid me in my pursuit of a career in law. Returning to school to pursue this dream is one challenge that I am more than ready to face -- and ultimately surpass.

By Cookie (Cookie) on Monday, March 24, 2003 - 03:42 pm: Edit

It's wonderful. I really liked it. I hope you succeed in life.

By Kamryn75 (Kamryn75) on Wednesday, March 26, 2003 - 08:23 am: Edit

bump

By Justwannahelp (Justwannahelp) on Wednesday, March 26, 2003 - 10:02 pm: Edit

i thought it was very good, too, but your commentary/analysis is kind of weak/boring. you give this very honest snapshot of your life before raising your brother, and then u switch to raising him as a 15 year old, and some of your honesty is lost. i think u should include a small anecdote about raisng ur bro later in life, and be honest.

By Impact (Impact) on Wednesday, March 26, 2003 - 10:57 pm: Edit

I think it is great. You might want to include some specific ways in which you, instead of the counseling helped your brother. With these kind of special experiences, "hooks" can be made.

Good luck, and hope you go where you want to go.

By Rosarosaef (Rosarosaef) on Wednesday, March 26, 2003 - 11:23 pm: Edit

you write well. one thing: and maybe it's just me, but at the end of your first paragraph, your strong statement left me with the temporary impression that you were writing about incest... that you had been raped by your father, and thus were simultaneously both mother and sister. you proceed to talk about an abusive home and assaults, leaving the ambiguity floating in my mind. at some point, i realize that's not the case. but for a good chunk of the essay, i'm not sure. go back and read it with this in mind, and see if you don't agree. it's easy enough to clarify with a few words... even a simple disclaimer ("No, I wasn't raped by my father. It's just that my brother David, nine years...") otherwise, good stuff. good luck.

By Kamryn75 (Kamryn75) on Thursday, March 27, 2003 - 08:35 am: Edit

I would have liked to include more about what it was like to raise him, but the word limit was 500 words and I had already gone over that. I felt that I had to bring up the most important stuff that made an impression on me. And the part in the beginning about being the mother and sister - that was actually a hook to make you wonder what I meant. It was meant to draw you into the essay. Once you start reading more, though, you realize what really took place.

Now that I have read other essays, I wish I would have added more about my experiences raising my brother since it seems that many of the essays that worked well went way over the word limit.

By Rosarosaef (Rosarosaef) on Thursday, March 27, 2003 - 05:33 pm: Edit

as i said, "maybe it's just me". as long as you were aware of the power of your words and were comfortable with it, then that's fine. what's much more important is your expression and control of language, both first rate.