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Discus: College Admissions: 2002 - 2003 Archive: March 2003 Archive: HELP ME WITH MY ESSAY
By genie on Monday, February 24, 2003 - 12:33 pm: Edit

The Whispers

___She smiles as she gently fingers the knife. The cold, sharp blade feels reassuringly familiar to her touch. She runs her finger along it and watches as a fine thread of fresh red blood readily appears. The dull throbbing pain, to which she has become so accustomed to of late, seems to be the only source of reality, as she sits there, watching the sleeping form of Angela in front of her, rise and fall with each successive breath. She smiles sadistically as she realizes that these might be the poor girl’s last ones.
___“No. Wait till midnight,” the whispers order, reading her thoughts as they have always done. The quiet, yet frighteningly forceful voice resonates inside her head as she feels that light, heady feeling she always experiences when she readily complies with their orders.
___She leans against the wall in earnest anticipation of midnight. The darkness of the room envelops her, and the soft breeze coming from the window she has left open to make a quick getaway lifts her mood. The whispers go over the plan with her one last time, though she knows that it is unnecessary. She has had it memorized for a very long time. She smiles as she remembers how perfectly she has performed it so far. The feigned illness, which will serve as an ideal alibi, the sneaking past her father’s room, the cautious entry into Angela’s room, have been far from easy. But she has performed them flawlessly, relying wholly on the whispers’ instructions. One last, crucial step remains though – the actual murder. She won’t let them down.
___She looks at the sleeping form, so oblivious to the fate that awaits her. Before she can feel any form of pity for the girl, the whispers remind her. She flinches as the memories roll past. She would have never been bothered by any of the children if Angela hadn’t arrived. They had feared her and left her alone. This had suited her fine; she hadn’t wanted to talk to them or be talked to. It had all changed when Angela appeared. She was the one who first started the taunting. The other children, stimulated into action by Angela’s presence, had started to openly harassing her as well, reveling in what they saw as some sort of forbidden pleasure. This would serve as a warning to them. They would know not to mess with her.
___Although this awful period held distressing memories for her, there was one recollection she looked upon with delight. The whispers had started at this time. She still remembered the first time she had heard them, low and convincing. They had helped her cope with the jeering, teaching her to retaliate appropriately. She had dealt with enough hardship in her life to realize the importance of this. Her mother’s unexpected suicide, her father’s drinking binges and the death of the one and only person who understood her – her grandmother, had made her build a wall around herself. The whispers had coaxed her out of this shell and taught her that it was alright to hurt, and hurt others to lessen your pain. She loved this new attitude towards life.
___“Do it now,” the whispers command, jarring her out of her reverie. She is ready. She gets up and slowly walks towards the bed. She laughs inwardly. If only the other children could see her now. She raises the knife, holding it in midair, waiting for the realization that she is actually doing it, to sink it. It is then that she smells it. She can not recognize it, but she knows she has smelt it before. The strangely soft, flowery smell lingers in the air. The realization hits her. It is the smell of her mother. It is then, at that moment that she knows that she can not do it. She can not kill Angela.
___“Why?” the whispers demand. The full extent of what she was about to do hits her then. The whispers reason, coax, cajole but she knows it is of no use. She realizes now that the whispers are wrong, their reasoning twisted, their intentions evil. She feels as if she had been blind to this before. After all, Angela is her sister.

does it
a. sound corny?
b. make sense?
c. end too quickly?

im having trouble with the tenses esp the part where it goes into past tense... can u guys help pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeez... esp all those people who like correcting bad grammar in posts...

thanx a lot

By englishteacher on Monday, February 24, 2003 - 12:56 pm: Edit

What is the essay question -- is this a creative writing assignment or is it a memoir?

By genie on Monday, February 24, 2003 - 01:38 pm: Edit

actually the the title is supposed to b THE WHISPERS

thats all

its not for colleges... its actually this competition thing in my school...

is it wierd?

By asdf on Monday, February 24, 2003 - 04:35 pm: Edit

uh, just develop it more. It's corny and it ends too quickly, but you could fix that with more content.

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