My new UNC short essay (this can't be as terrible as the oth





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Discus: College Admissions: 2002 - 2003 Archive: March 2003 Archive: My new UNC short essay (this can't be as terrible as the oth
By Bigparoxysm (Bigparoxysm) on Thursday, February 20, 2003 - 07:50 pm: Edit

_____360 million. No, that is not the number of people that will live in the United States in 2050; that is the number of gallons of gasoline consumed each day. Unlike so many other countries around the world, the United States appears stagnant in its habits. Through home heating, through many industrial uses, and through automobiles, the United States consumes energy as if it were a bodily function. The current outlook for our nation remains grim, but it need not be that way.

_____By studying in Finland, I could learn more about its highly effective Motiva energy organization. Operating for many functions, this organization executes Finland’s National Climate Strategy, its Energy Conservation Programme, and its Action Plan. By promoting the improvement of project management services, developing market audits and analyses, and introducing energy-saving methods to influence consumers, Motiva works with – not against or without – other sectors. Instead of having the Ministry of the Environment and the Ministry of Trade and Industry work separately, Motiva brings them together to develop a residential scheme with both interests in mind. Because Motiva effectively correlates many areas of the nation, Finland continues to climb towards a healthier environmental status.

_____Instead the auto and oil industries fighting against the environmentalists for increased gas mileage laws, why not bring them together? Instead of merely putting out some inane advertisement, the government could educate the public on how to reduce their consumption habits. Although I wish to earn a doctorate in history, my social conscience refuses to die. If I were able to learn more about this tremendously successful program, perhaps I could bring attention to the Motiva system in this country. So many options are before us. We have the ability and resources to bring different areas of the nation together; not doing so is simply indefensible.

By Bigparoxysm (Bigparoxysm) on Friday, February 21, 2003 - 12:13 am: Edit

BUMP

By your local mayor on Friday, February 21, 2003 - 06:52 pm: Edit

ah, the joys of liberal educators.

By Bigparoxysm (Bigparoxysm) on Friday, February 21, 2003 - 11:47 pm: Edit

Excuse me?

Are you implying that I've been brainwashed or manipulated?

By notapro on Saturday, February 22, 2003 - 09:35 pm: Edit

What was the question? If you didn't already turn it in, I'd suggest you look at your sentence structure and try to vary it a bit.

By Bigparoxysm (Bigparoxysm) on Saturday, February 22, 2003 - 11:07 pm: Edit

The question asks us where we'd go if we had the $6,000 for a Burch grant and why.

This was the second copy I submitted. I called on Tuesday or Wednesday and was told UNC didn't process my application yet. I also sent a revised supplemental essay to Colby, but there were additional paragraphs.

I probably used complex sentences far too much, but this is a big improvement over my other version.

I hope I get accepted.

By your local mayor on Sunday, February 23, 2003 - 01:40 pm: Edit

yes, the UNC system plans to brainwash us all!!! MUHAHAHAHA!!!

By your local mayor on Sunday, February 23, 2003 - 01:42 pm: Edit

hey, why are you applying so late? regular decision ended on January 15. anyways, hope ya get in!

www.unc.edu/admissions

By Bigparoxysm (Bigparoxysm) on Sunday, February 23, 2003 - 01:59 pm: Edit

I am not applying so late. The deadline was extended until the 21st or 22nd, so that's when I applied.

I called them last week and asked them about my application. They said it hadn't been processed yet, so I sent an updated copy of my short response.

Thanks, I also hope I get in.

By good but problem on Sunday, February 23, 2003 - 02:08 pm: Edit

I think that your essay is good, but in my opinion, it has a very big problem. The problem is that it really does not say anything about you.

By Bigparoxysm (Bigparoxysm) on Sunday, February 23, 2003 - 04:51 pm: Edit

The required long essay specifically talks about me, as does the essay about my activity for which I would like to be remembered. I've also sent them extra essays.

I thought this one painted me as someone who was concerned about the environment.

By your local mayor on Sunday, February 23, 2003 - 05:49 pm: Edit

but are you actually concerned about the enviornment? just wondering...

By your local mayor on Sunday, February 23, 2003 - 05:52 pm: Edit

hehe, forget that i even asked...

By Bigparoxysm (Bigparoxysm) on Wednesday, February 26, 2003 - 03:07 pm: Edit

BUMP

By Bigparoxysm (Bigparoxysm) on Tuesday, March 18, 2003 - 03:19 pm: Edit

BUMP

By Dwaynehoover (Dwaynehoover) on Tuesday, March 18, 2003 - 10:39 pm: Edit

Two problems, it is not well-written...poor grammar and sentence structure. Also, besides telling me that you are an anti-consumptionist, what does your essay tell me?

By Bigparoxysm (Bigparoxysm) on Friday, March 21, 2003 - 10:48 am: Edit

What is wrong with the grammar and sentence structure?

By Josh (Josh) on Friday, March 21, 2003 - 06:52 pm: Edit

The first sentence of the last paragraph simply does not make sense. I'm pretty sure a word is missing.

By Bigparoxysm (Bigparoxysm) on Friday, March 21, 2003 - 09:17 pm: Edit

No, I know "360 million" is a fragment. A word is not missing.

By Bigparoxysm (Bigparoxysm) on Friday, March 21, 2003 - 10:17 pm: Edit

Josh, blah, you're right. There is an error in the first sentence of the last paragraph. ••••.

Oh well, there's nothing I can do now except wait for my rejection.


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