Was this college essay a mistake or a boon to my cause?

Click here to go to the NEW College Discussion Forum

Discus: College Admissions: 2002 - 2003 Archive: March 2003 Archive: Was this college essay a mistake or a boon to my cause?
By Kib (Kib) on Sunday, February 16, 2003 - 10:03 pm: Edit

Can I have your honest opinions please? I took a risk here and am afraid that it may have been a mistake.

Maya was smirking and laughing her distinctive “hee hee he he heee.” “Look at this,” she said. I saw what she had been drawing--a rather inaccurate caricature of myself captioned, “Kib is a funny character.” I saw it coming. It's no surprise that Maya caricatured me knowing the fact that I tried, using toddler logic, to become the coolest and most talked about girl in school by giving away ancient coins.

I had this Ebay addiction not too long ago where I started buying ancient coins obsessively. I bought and I bought until my bank account dried to the sum of nine dollars and thirty-seven cents. In all, I collected about three hundred coins. When I realized I could buy no more, I became disheartened. What was I to do with all of these coins? “Ah! I know, I could win people's affections if I give them away!” Well, at least it SEEMED like a good idea at the time.

“Hey Kib, what do you have in your lunchbox?”

“Cookies, juice, and....ANCIENT ROMAN COINS! Here, have some.”

“These look like crushed pennies to me.”

“No no no. They're one hundred percent ancient and authentic. I mean, who would spend all that time to make each ‘fake coin’ different just to sell them for a buck a piece?”

"Uhhh...ok. Thanks... (puts in pocket). Can I have a cookie?"

Ok, that reaction was definitely what I wasn't hoping for. Instead of bursting forth with appreciation and an insatiable interest in these ancient relics, I get “Can I have some COOKIES?” How disappointing. That dialogue is along the lines of what usually happens when I attempt to become more lovable and appreciated for my eccentric passion for ancient coins.

Despite my failure to instantly become the coolest kid in school, I feel somewhat content. It worked out to my benefit that I now have an official hobby of collecting ancient coins and a reputation for being a “funny character.” For example, during one of my debate tournaments, I was counting the contents of my sack of ancient coins when a fellow debater noticed me. “Hey, come over here y'all! Look what this girl's got,” she shouted. A small crowd gathered around me and I found myself with a few new friends. Also, when I told my good friend Anna that I was thinking of writing about my failed aspiration of trying to buy instant and unconditional appreciation with ancient money for college, she exclaimed “Oh, that's so cute! You definitely should do it.” She paused. “Oh, by the way, I REALLY appreciated the coins you gave me for my birthday.”

By cookie on Sunday, February 16, 2003 - 10:31 pm: Edit

interesting, i liked it. i love cookies.

By ehhh on Sunday, February 16, 2003 - 11:27 pm: Edit

ehh its iffy

By wolfsterx on Sunday, February 16, 2003 - 11:28 pm: Edit

What is the topic of the essay? Is it suppose to talk about your coins or about "winning people's affection?"
Creating your own voice is fine, but lose the casual tone when talking to the reader ("I had this Ebay addiction..").
The last paragraph seems disjointed.
You might want to consider flowing the essay more.

Report an offensive message on this page    E-mail this page to a friend
Posting is currently disabled in this topic. Contact your discussion moderator for more information.

Administrator's Control Panel -- Board Moderators Only
Administer Page