|By cookie on Saturday, February 15, 2003 - 11:51 pm: Edit|
Auburn hair, huge freckles plastered on a pale, lovely face, starry gray eyes with a mischievous twinkle in them, a slim, tall girl about my height, almost five-nine, characterizes my favorite character in my favorite book, Anne of Green Gables. I was only in the third grade when I became “fixated” with the Anne series, I’ve been reading them ever since. She’s my heroine, my “sister.” She has captured the hearts of young girls and boys across the world since 1908, when her author, L.M. Montgomery decided to publish her story. I grew up with Anne, we both walked up the old creaky steps of Green Gables, hoping our new parents Matthew and Marilla would like us. We both met Matthew, who fell in love with us instantly. He was the one who picked us up from the train station at Prince Edward‘s Island. He was the one who tried to get his sister, Marilla, to love us too. She eventually succumbed to our wholesome charm, much to her chagrin. We both swam in the “Lake of the Shining Waters” in summer with our best friend, Diana Berry. We ran though “Lovers’ Lane,” after school with our really good friends, Ruby Gills and Jane Andrews. We both wanted to change our name to Cordelia, and ached for jet black hair down to our knees. We both studied hard, trying to get good grades so we can attend Queens College to pursue writing.
We both hated Gilbert Blythe for calling us “carrots” on our first day of school, so we slammed our wooden chalkboard slate across his head to teach him a lesson. But secretly, we adored him passionately, and decided to marry him after his second marriage proposal to us. We almost lost our friendship to Diana Berry, after accidentally getting her drunk at a tea party we threw in her favor. We could have married a handsome millionaire named Roy Gardener, who worshipped the ground we walked on. But Gilbert, with his curly brown hair mopped on his perfectly shaped head and big, almond-shaped hazel eyes staring at Anne and I like we were the most beautiful women he has even seen, won us over.
When I read “Anne,” I experience what she experiences. This is why Anne has influenced me so. While reading her books, I drift into another world. I drift into Anne’s world and see what she sees. While my friends were outside, I was reading her books, living through her various misadventures. I connect with her, we come together because we are so bold, so different from everyone else. We both not afraid to speak our minds. She has helped me grow into a stronger person because she, herself, is a very strong. Personally, I like strong people, fictional or not.
Anne, my sister, my friend, my closest confidante, has never been my enemy. She has made me laugh when I felt sad. All I had to do was “pick” her up and turn to my favorite chapter, read it, and all of my sorrows would leave me. She has made me become alive, giving me the strength to succeed and achieve my dreams. Because of her, I will become a “somebody” someday. Like the cool, breezy wind performing a ballet on the top of a cluster of trees, we dance together in the moonlight, Anne and I, akin to each other.
|By wolfsterx on Sunday, February 16, 2003 - 12:16 am: Edit|
To start off, what's the topic of the essay? The intro just sort of leaps onto you. There are some minor glitches in diction ("She's my heroine"), comprehension (You read Anne the person or the book?(Paragraph 3, sentence 1)) You might want to consider moving the third paragraph to the beginning, with some other revisions.
The first sentence seems almost a run-on.
Other than that, I think it's good.
|By dfg on Sunday, February 16, 2003 - 01:42 pm: Edit|
"I grew up with Anne, we both walked up the old creaky steps of Green Gables, hoping our new parents Matthew and Marilla would like us."
Run On Sentence!
"I grew up with Anne; we both walked up the old creaky steps of Green Gables, hoping our new parents Matthew and Marilla would like us."
|By Caught_Ya (Caught_Ya) on Sunday, February 16, 2003 - 02:35 pm: Edit|
I'm going to be completly honest and direct with you.. Do not send that essay to a college. I think your frist problem is the topic, what is it? The essay does not establish any postive insights about who you are. It is far too abstract to a point where it becomes boring. I'm sorry for the harsh criticism, I do think you are a decent write and should consider attempting a new essay
|By Cookie (Cookie) on Wednesday, March 19, 2003 - 07:37 pm: Edit|
Well that's why I just got accepted to Catholic University, Caught Ya.
|By Incognito (Incognito) on Wednesday, March 19, 2003 - 07:39 pm: Edit|
Congrats on being accepted. But dong be pissed w/Caught Ya, because he was providing you w/constructive criticism. No need for that last comment.....
|By Cookie (Cookie) on Wednesday, March 19, 2003 - 07:42 pm: Edit|
But he said it sucked. They take essays seriously, so i guess liked mine. i didn't mean to be arrogant.
|By Nocalguy (Nocalguy) on Wednesday, March 19, 2003 - 08:00 pm: Edit|
Well, you asked for opinions and caughtya gave you his. It also just shows that how well your essay is received depends a lot on the reader.
|By Mikus (Mikus) on Wednesday, March 19, 2003 - 08:05 pm: Edit|
Hrm... okay now I'm starting to understand why you got so much criticsm on your last post...
Caught Ya even apologized for his 'harsh' criticism... which from my point of view, was more constructive then anything else. If you want people to give you honest opinions, I think you should be less defensive about your writing.
I think you should re-read his reply. "Sucks" never came into play here =P
|By Crammer (Crammer) on Wednesday, March 19, 2003 - 08:39 pm: Edit|
It bothers me that so many people come onto this site claiming to be asking for a critique of their writing or their resume when all they are really after is compliments. If you really want help, then recognize it when it's given to you.
It's great that you got into Catholic University, but obviously you didn't really want help with your essay because you sent it a while ago. You simply wanted to hear people tell you it's a good essay.
I agree with Caught Ya. On this site we're used to people striving for Ivy League schools and while that essay may have been able to get you into Catholic University, I believe it would have hurt your chances at getting into a top school. There are diction problems and it doesn't reveal anything special about you. It's a very common essay that admissions people have probably read a million times. The essay is the opportunity to establish yourself as a unique applicant and I don't think this one was very effective with that.
There is my constructive criticism, and although you asked for it, I highly doubt that you wanted to hear any of this.
|By Cookie (Cookie) on Wednesday, March 19, 2003 - 08:43 pm: Edit|
Well, that's your opinion.
|By Kalitiha (Kalitiha) on Wednesday, March 19, 2003 - 09:39 pm: Edit|
I don't even know what Catholic University is, and I don't much care. Are you the same person that wrote the Nigerian essay? I liked that essay; this essay has no point. You like the book, you summarize it, and you picture yourself within it......so what? Everybody else is right when they say it is bland and that it lacks personal insight. Unless you too are an orphan, and "Anne of Green Gables" gave you hope of finding a good family or a better life, etc. I don't see its relevance to the person you are. I love Anne Rice novels, but that doesn't mean that I identify with a vampire, and it would be pretty boring if I summarized "Pandora" almost verbatim.
I'm also not sure why you bothered to post this essay because: 1) You already got into college, it doesn't really matter what people think, and 2) You don't want anyone's opinion, you just want compliments.
|By Wesdillingham (Wesdillingham) on Wednesday, March 19, 2003 - 10:09 pm: Edit|
honestly i dont really know what a good paper for admission to college sounds like, but i will tell you this;
- it tells me nothing about you
- It is boring because it is impossible to figure out
- its just bizzare
- this isnt english class
- you do however have a talent for writing
|By Hildegard (Hildegard) on Wednesday, March 19, 2003 - 10:47 pm: Edit|
I'm actually pissed at everyone who wrote a comment after cookie.
Why on earth are you questioning his reasons for posting that essay? This is a college admissions website, and he posted a 'college admissions' essay. Who cares if he already sent it? Maybe he never really heard anyone criticize that essay HONESTLY, and he wanted to know what impact it has on people. Who cares if he sent it already???
If you think that because he sent it already, it is a waste of time to even read it, why do you even bother to read it, let alone ANSWER to tell him that he shouldn't have posted in the first place?
Quite frankly, to me, it is useful to see other essays. Whether good, bad, late, early, winning essays, etc. It is just a way to give you an idea of what prospective students are currently writing about.
To those who can't stop complaining: If you think it's a waste of time to post an essay that has been sent, it is more of a waste for you to read it, reply and berate the poster.
If others enjoy it, what's your problem. I like to read essays, no matter what their status is, and if the essays are admissions essays, they belong in here. Get a grip!
|By Incognito (Incognito) on Wednesday, March 19, 2003 - 10:48 pm: Edit|
A few things:
First off: I noticed that I wrote "dong" in my post above instead of "don't"...stupid typos!...(*bows head in shame*)
To Hildegard :
Cookie is a she. Also, the essay is being criticzed HONESTLY (and in my opinion) fairly as well. Also, I think that the essay may have been posted before she knew that she got accepted (although that's just an assumption I'm making). To defend myself as well as the others here, I just thought that it was wrong when cookie replied to Caught Ya like that (although Caught Ya and I do have a history of ill will toward eachother...but that's irrelevent for now), after he gave his honest opinion. What he wrote, as I said before, was just constructive criticism. I dont know where cookie's remark came from...
|By Nocalguy (Nocalguy) on Wednesday, March 19, 2003 - 11:21 pm: Edit|
I agree. Cookie asked for opinions on her essay and people gave their opinion. I know this has been said a couple of times before, but CLEARLY she was not looking for criticism.
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